


Gotham City Diet

by traumaesistenziale



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Zombies, Alvarez/Zsasz (mentioned), Bickering, Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Smut, Horror, Jim Gordon/Leslie Thompkins (mentioned) - Freeform, M/M, Mutual Pining, Old Married Couple Dynamic, Post 5x11, Santa Clarita Diet AU, Season/Series 05, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne (mentioned) - Freeform, Slow Burn, Undead, Undead Oswald Cobblepot, Undead Selina Kyle, Undead Victor Zsasz, Zombies, alternative universe, horror and humor, pre 5x12, santa clarita diet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-03-10 03:50:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 122,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18930688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traumaesistenziale/pseuds/traumaesistenziale
Summary: Santa Clarita Diet AU. Oswald eats some peculiar clams. He is dead, then he isn't, then he craves human flesh. Edward decides to stick around to help him. Together, they explore the pros and cons of the life of an undead person... If this wasn't complicated enough, they are also forced explore their complex feelings for one another. And they get to hide their new activities from Jim - like, you know, stashing bodies in freezers to snack on later, and such."«Ed... what happened?»Oh, thank God, he wasn't dead.«You... you died.»Except he was, or he had been, Ed was sure of this.Edward let go of Oswald, allowing him to sit up in a more comfortable position, and he studied him. He wasn't even pale anymore. Had he dreamed it all up? Was this some kind of trick? An hallucination?«What? No, I didn't, I'm fine.» Oswald grumbled, beginning to stand up and having to grab onto the desk to avoid slipping on his own vomit.«No, you did. You died. Oswald, what the fuck!?» Ed wasn't kidding around anymore. If this really was a trick of some kind, a prank, or part of a bigger plan to fuck with his mind, it wasn't funny and he wasn't enjoying it at all."





	1. In what world is "oops" an appropriate response to cannibalism?!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sad that Santa Clarita Diet got cancelled... can we get a moment of silence for another amazing show taken away from us too soon by Netflix.
> 
> *cradling SCD like a body in my arms* Damn you Netflix... *sobs and shakes fist into the air* damn you to hell!!
> 
> Anyway, I've been thinking about this AU for a while now, and i finally got around to finding a plot. I got most of the story figured out already, so unless something changes, assume I will be updating relatively regularly, whatever that means lmao
> 
> I don't know how many chapters this is gonna be yet, though, so. Also, some of the tags don't pertain to this first chapter yet, but they'll make sense soon enough, worry not ;)
> 
> My main problem was that i had too many ideas to make sense of all of them, until i narrowed it down into what you are gonna read, so, yeah. I guess that's always a good problem to have (except when it isn't, because i had to discard some of those ideas and even if i liked all of them equally, i'm still sad)!
> 
> This... is so much fun to write. I hope it's gonna be fun for you to read as well (i sure am out here having a blast) LMAO
> 
> Edit: by the way, as the fanfic goes on, expect some Izombie influences too. Since SCD was taken from us so soon (RIP), i had to get my inspiration somewhere! From about halfway on i just start making stuff up as i go, once i ran out of SCD canon lol
> 
> Enjoy! :D

Oswald started eating without hesitation, one of his underlings who had served him the dish still standing there, looking anxiously at him.

Penguin looked up at him, pausing for a moment, giving him a look with a raised eyebrow as if to ask what the hell he was still doing there, so the man simply decided it was the right time to scram and quickly got out of the room.

Feeling a nudge against his leg, he looked down and he heard a whine from Edward the dog. He smiled sweetly at the bulldog.

«Sorry, buddy, no clams for you. I'll get you some steak later.»

The dog couldn't understand him, and even if he had, he probably would have continued whining anyway until his owner would feed him something. Still, Oswald remained convinced that clams with tomato sauce weren't a food good for a dog, they were slightly spicy too. He just didn't want to upset Edward's tummy just to satiate his gluttony. So he resumed eating, ignoring the small creature at his feet.

He couldn't know this, but the reason his henchman was so nervous, was because it hadn't been easy to procure those clams. Yet, eager to appease their boss and his random whims, his people had done their best to find some for him, mostly for fear of receiving a bullet to the head for disappointing him. Oswald could be a little bit of... what was the term? A spoiled little bitch? Well, they would never say it to his face, of course. Bullet to the head and all, remember? But that's certainly what some had called him, at least in their heads, or under their breath, among themselves.

Still, Oswald had gotten what he had asked for and he was satisfied.

 

Crawling in the ventilation shaft wasn't fun, or comfortable, but at least it was practical – Ed thought to himself. If he wanted to find Oswald alone, and he didn't want to be stopped or captured, this was the best way to safely reach him.

It had been a shock – _ha ha_ – to recover that memory, but even if it was just a fragment, blurred and confused, it was all he had to grab on to and he wouldn't let go of it, or the certainty that it finally granted him, that there was indeed something wrong with his brain – well, more than usual – and that Oswald was somehow responsible for it.

“ _I will fix you.”_

Oswald's voice resonated like echo in his head, and he couldn't shake off the feeling that while it would be satisfying to finally have some answers and maybe even get his problem solved, it would be painful to face this man again. In fact, Edward was already in pain, just at the thought of it. He just wished for all of this to be over, he couldn't wait to wake up from this awful nightmare he had been living ever since he had started waking up in strange places with no clue how he'd gotten there.

Oswald walked into the room and to his desk, pausing for a moment when his eyes fell on a grate that had been removed from the wall. It was clear someone must have used it to crawl their way inside. He approached it, looking around for signs of an intruder, but before he could do much, said intruder appeared before him.

It shocked him to see Ed. He looked rather disheveled, he had dark circles under his eyes, his clothes and hair were a mess and he looked just so tired. And angry. And he was pointing a gun at him. Oswald backed away, raising his hands, still trying to figure out the meaning of all of this.

Had it not been for the presence of the gun between them, this could have been a happy occasion. He hadn't seen his friend ever since... well, since he had found him laying in a pool of his own blood, nearly dying from a stab wound. He was glad to see he was alive, and, uh, he wouldn't have said “well”. He really didn't look okay at all. Oswald wondered what must have happened to him, and why exactly Ed was feeling that pointing a gun at him was necessary or even something that made sense to do.

«What did you do to me, Oswald?»

This was the moment of truth for Edward, but Oswald was just confused.

«What are you talking about?»

«Oh, please. You did something to me. You... _You_ are the reason I killed those people! How could you? You have made me into some murderous puppet! For weeks I've been waking up in strange places, not knowing how I got there, or what I did. Driving myself mad, thinking I'd gone mad... And now I know that I was all your doing.»

Edward sounded completely devastated by this. All of which was news to Oswald, of course. He felt his stomach turn.

«Of everything that you've ever put me through, this... this is the most cruel.»

Oswald could tell how much pain Edward was in, but as much as he wished he could help him, he genuinely knew nothing about any of this. His stomach continued twisting uncomfortably. Seriously, something was wrong with his stomach.

«Ed... I don't know what you are talking about. I did not make you do anything.»

Before Edward could open his mouth to answer, Oswald opened his, but what came out wasn't words at all.

Ed stepped back and watched horrified as Oswald vomited all over the floor. That was gross. Ew.

He waited for a second, just to make sure the other was done. He didn't look like he was fine.

«Are you okay?» Ed just had to ask. Oswald's health was the last of his concerns right now, he had more important things to think about, such as making him pay for what he had done to him, but this was... unexpected, to say the least.

Oswald nodded, straightening his back and trying to clean his mouth with the back of his gloved hand. He had no idea where that had come from. He had been fine until a few minutes ago.

«I'm fine. As I was saying, I didn't do anything.»

Since Oswald seemed set on ignoring what had just happened, Ed decided to do the same and get the conversation back on track.

«Then, what is “I will fix you”? What did that mean?» Edward grabbed Oswald by the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer, menacingly.

Oswald was forced to step on his own vomit – gross – and he almost slipped, ending up even closer to Ed than either of them were expecting. Edward ignored this and continued.

«You didn't _fix_ me, you _broke_ me!»

Oswald felt confused at first, then he raised his hands defensively, his eyebrows shooting up as he finally started to understand what Ed was referencing.

«W-wa-wait! No, I-I said that to you the night the bridges blew!»

«You think I wouldn't remember?»

«No, Ed... I saved your life, that's it!» Oswald sounded frustrated. Now it was Edward's turn to be confused.

«What are you talking about?»

«You had been stabbed, I paid Hugo Strange to save your life...» Oswald gasped and snapped his fingers, «I bet he did something to you while he was patching you up!»

Ed fixed his glasses nervously. This was entirely new information to him. He had to ask himself it it made sense. It certainly didn't fit with the picture he had created in his mind, of Oswald being the evil mastermind behind all of his misfortunes.

«You paid Hugo Strange to save me? Why?!»

He saw Oswald assuming an almost resigned expression.

«What was I supposed to do, let you die? After Butch, you are my only friend-»

«You shot Butch!»

Oswald rolled his eyes and raised his voice.

«Which is why _I needed you_!»

He grunted and stomped away, turning his back to Ed. He walked to a table next to the window, dropping his head down and taking the time to collect himself. He let out a long sigh before turning back to face Ed, making sure he wasn't gonna cry.

«Edward Nygma. If I wanted you to suffer, I would never do it in some backhanded way. If you and I are ever at odds again, you will know without a doubt that I am your enemy.»

As he said this, he walked up to Ed, until the gun was pressed against his chest, but he didn't look away from his eyes. He couldn't be sure Ed wouldn't just shoot him, but he had to believe he wouldn't.

«I promise you that. _As a friend_.» he finished with a shaky breath, his lower lip visibly trembling.

Ed hesitated, staring at him for some long seconds, studying his expression. He seemed so sincere, it almost shook Ed to his core to see Oswald looking like he was about to cry. If he was faking it, then– then there was being a good actor, and then there was _this_. It _had to_ be sincere. Eventually, he grunted in frustration and lowered his gun.

«Unless... I might have killed you Oswald.» he scolded him.

If what Oswald was saying was true, and Ed really wanted to believe it was, then he had almost killed his only friend.

«And if that day comes, I swear to you that I will stare at you in the eyes as I stab you in the heart.»

He saw Oswald smile.

«Look at the bright side. If Hugo Strange did do something to you, it means you are not responsible for Haven.»

Oswald was right. He wasn't responsible, he was just a victim, a puppet. And he didn't appreciate being anyone's puppet. He had to find Strange and make him pay, but first, he would make him fix him – for real, this time.

«Where is he?»

Before Oswald could answer, the walls trembled, and one of his henchmen rushed through the door.

«Sir, the GCPD and the army have blown the gates.»

Oswald frowned. This was the last thing he needed right now.

«Stay here. You'll be safe.» he said, brushing his hands against Ed's upper arms in a comforting way, gently pushing him back, towards the ventilation tunnel.

Edward understood and he went into hiding. Their conversation wasn't over. He couldn't just leave now. He had to have faith that Oswald wouldn't betray him, and so he just hid and waited.

 

Edward almost couldn't believe it. From his hiding spot, he could still follow what what happening in the room and he heard Oswald lie to Jim's face, deny his involvement with Ed, and threaten Jim if he didn't leave both of them alone.

When the police finally left, Ed crawled out. Oswald was already running to him, ready to offer a hand and help him out, until they were both standing.

Oswald offered a genuine smile and Ed had to fight the instinct to smile back. He knew, deep down, that Oswald was telling the truth, but part of him was still clinging to the possibility that it was all a lie, some elaborate plan to dig him even deeper into this hole he was sinking into.

And yet, after all the uncertainty and doubting everything for weeks – even and especially himself – Oswald represented the first fragment of stability he had encountered in who knows how long.

«So, where do we find Strange?» he asked again, attempting to resume their previous conversation.

But suddenly, he barely had the time to realize something was wrong, judging by Oswald'd face, and the other turned away from him and proceeded to projectile-vomit all over the floor.

Ed grimaced. He was only grossed out at first – the smell just wasn't great – but then his expression slowly turned into an increasingly horrified one as he realized that that amount of vomit wasn't normal. There was definitely something wrong with Oswald, of this he was certain by now. He would have wanted to step closer and try to help him, bur frankly, he didn't know how to do that without stepping into a puddle of vomit, and he didn't want to risk slipping and falling in it. Besides, he doubted there was actually something he could have done, and yet, his growing concern beckoned him to circle the ever-growing puddle – now more of a small pond – to try to look at Oswald in the face and discern his state.

He didn't really get the time to do that, because before he could reach around, Oswald suddenly collapsed to the floor.

Edward stopped in his tracks, hesitating.

«Oswald?»

He wasn't exactly looking forward to having to walk into the gross puddle, but he started to realize that Oswald wasn't moving and he had possibly passed out. He couldn't help it, he had to go check up on him, so he took a deep breath. He failed this first attempt, gagging at the smell, but he tried again and he quickly but carefully walked all the way to Oswald's side, kneeling next to him.

He looked excessively pale. Ed started to get worried. He looked at his chest and his eyes widened when he thought he had noticed that it wasn't moving. This couldn't be right, his eyes were certainly deceiving him. Thanks to his panicked state he overcame his disgust and grabbed Oswald's shoulders, pulling him closer, and he tried pressing two fingers against his neck to feel his heartbeat. He expected to find it very weak, he wasn't expecting not to find it at all. He told himself not to panic – although he wasn't particularly successful in following his own advice – and he lowered his head, getting closer to Oswald's face, in an attempt to feel anything, even the slightest amount of breath coming out of him, but he felt nothing. He placed his hear on his chest, pressing harder than should have been necessary, but still nothing. He leaned back and he looked at Oswald's face, seeing it growing paler by the second, his lips already starting to turn some shade of purple.

None of this was right. It couldn't be. He was dreaming, or rather, living a nightmare within the nightmare.

He shook Oswald's shoulders.

«Oswald... Oswald! Help! Help!» he shouted, but no one answered.

He just didn't know what else to do. Who could help him, now?

If Oswald was really dead, then, there wasn't much to do. If he'd known where the hell that asshole scientist was, he would have thought about bringing him to Strange to try to fix him, but he didn't trust that man at all, even if that had been the case.

So this was it, then.

It couldn't be. It had been just about half an hour earlier that he had come in there aiming a gun at him, ready to shoot him if need be, and now, there he was, silently crying over his only friend's dead body.

He delicately stroked Oswald's cheek, turning his head towards him to get a better look at him. Ed was sitting on the floor, back resting against the desk, cradling Oswald's body in his arms, not knowing what else to do.

His only friend.

He had nobody know. He begun to deeply regret how their last encounter had gone now. He regretted accusing him of doing something so horrible to him. Sure, they had eventually made up and formed a new alliance, but they hadn't even gotten to enjoy this new moment of peace between them. It just didn't seem fair.

After all the times he had tried to kill the man in his arms, he was now completely heartbroken to see him actually dead. _Dead_. Oswald was dead. It still didn't feel true. What had he even died of? What was the deal with all that vomit?

He felt something move in his hold and it took him a second longer to realize that that was Oswald wiggling in his arms.

«Oswald?»

He didn't answer, simply coughed.

Ed forced him to turn to him and he took his face in between his hands, eyes still watery and if possible now filling up with even more tears, a shocked smile slowly creeping up on his lips, as he watched the other man's confused blue eyes staring back at him, brow lightly furrowed.

«Ed... what happened?»

Oh, thank God, _he wasn't dead_.

«You... you died.»

Except _he was_ , or he had been, Ed was sure of this.

Edward let go of Oswald, allowing him to sit up in a more comfortable position, and he studied him. He wasn't even pale anymore. Had he dreamed it all up? Was this some kind of trick? An hallucination?

«What? No, I didn't, I'm fine.» Oswald grumbled, beginning to stand up and having to grab onto the desk to avoid slipping on his own vomit.

«No, you did. You died. Oswald, what the fuck!?» Ed wasn't kidding around anymore. If this really was a trick of some kind, a prank, or part of a bigger plan to fuck with his mind, it wasn't funny and he wasn't enjoying it at all.

Ed stood up, following the other. Oswald was still inspecting the mess on the floor.

«Did I do that? Ew.»

“Ew”. That was all he had to say? Edward was about to fucking lose it. He clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth.

«What kind of game are you playing? What is this?»

Oswald looked at him wide-eyed, like he had just said the most absurd thing ever.

«Excuse me? I have clearly been so sick that I've passed out, but I'm fine now. In fact, better than fine. That's all there is to it.»

Ed frowned. Oswald tried walking a bit and while his limp was still evident, a smile formed on his face.

«My leg doesn't even hurt anymore!»

He exclaimed, turning to Ed with a large smile. Apparently, while his leg had already healed wrong long ago and there was no way to fix that now, so it would stay that way, now the pain that usually went with it had disappeared, to Oswald's immense joy and surprise.

«What does this mean? Oswald, I swear to you, you were dead. You had no pulse, no heartbeat.»

Oswald rolled his eyes at him.

«Don't be so dramatic, I'm sure you simply missed-»

«I didn't miss it, it just wasn't there!» Ed was getting more upset, not even angrier, but just... so frustrated. None of this made sense.

First, he found out Hugo Strange did something to his brain, now Oswald had seemingly died and then came back to life. This was definitely a lot for one day.

Ed knew he was right and he was going to prove it.

He grabbed Oswald by his arm and pulled him closer, leaning down and pressing his hear against the other's chest when his heart was.

Oswald let him do this, mostly because he was too taken aback to react, and besides, when had it been the last time Ed had been so physically close to him in a not-murderous situation? He couldn't exactly complain. Unless this was actually a murderous situation, in which case he would have been even more confused.

Ed waited. Some long seconds went by and they were in complete silence.

«Ed-»

«Shh!»

He needed silence to hear. And yet, the silence was exactly the problem.

He pulled back, grasp still firm on Oswald's upper arms, and he looked at him in the eyes with a furrowed brow.

«No heartbeat.»

«Excuse me?» Oswald almost laughed. What the hell was Ed talking about? Of course he had a heartbeat.

«Ed... you are tired. You've been going through a lot.» Oswald tried to comfort him, but he shook his head.

«No. No, you died and then you came back. You puked the equivalent of your weight and you-... you puked... what is that?»

Ed's eyes fell on a small red object lying on the floor. Oswald's gaze followed his and found it too. Ed walked up to it, taking out a handkerchief out of his pocket to pick it up.

He studied the object. It looked like some kind of... small, red, fleshy... ball? Jesus Christ-

«Is this an organ?!» he turned around to look at Oswald, almost sounding accusatory as if using that tone made sense. Oswald shrugged, raising his eyebrows.

«Let me see.»

He got closer and inspected the red ball, then frowned.

«That came out of me? Ew! What is it? Is it really an organ? My God, Ed, did I just puke out an organ? Am I going to die!?»

Oswald's mounting concern in his voice was accompanied with a hand grasping at Ed's shoulder.

«No, of course not. I don't know what is it, but it's not an organ. I can't recognize it as anything. It's just... I have no idea what it is. But it did come out of you, and no, I don't think you are going to die, because in case you missed it-» Ed turned to Oswald, raising his voice, «- _you have already died and then you came back!_ »

He sounded upset. Reasonably so, but Oswald still didn't get what there was to be so upset about. He still didn't believe this whole came-back-to-life thing, but he had to admit, the presence of the red ball thingy was indeed problematic, and he should probably see a doctor for that. Even though he felt perfectly fine, in fact, better than he remembered feeling in years.

«Well, if it can make you happy, I can see a doctor.»

«Yes. Good. Please, see a doctor.»

They seemed to have come to an agreement, so Oswald hurried to find a practitioner so they could move on with their lives and never discuss this ever again. He was fine, he was sure he was fine! He wasn't really worried.

 

While they waited for Oswald's henchmen to procure a doctor to bring there to visit him, they went back to discussing other matters, such as where to find Strange and what they'd do to him once they found him.

In the meantime, they had also resolved to place the red ball thing under ice, to keep it preserved until a doctor could take a look at it and figure out what it really was.

Suddenly, Oswald's stomach grumbled loudly. Ed shot him a look, but Oswald awkwardly looked away, trying to act like it hadn't happened.

«Like I was saying. If he's still hiding where he was last time I saw him-»

Oswald cut himself off when his stomach grumbled again.

«Are you, by any chance, hungry?» Ed asked sarcastically, but failing to sound amused.

«Maybe so. Aren't you? I ordered food half an hour ago, where the hell is it?» Oswald complained, glancing at the door in the hopes that it would just open, ushering in his meal.

A while later, the doors did actually open, one of his henchmen pushing in a small cart with two plates on it.

«Ah, finally!»

Oswald sat in his chair, gesturing to Ed to take a chair and sit as well, so they could enjoy this meal together. Ed couldn't exactly refuse. He wasn't sure when the last time he had eaten a decent meal was, and now he was offered a nice steak with a side of mashed potatoes, which smelled way too good to resist anyway. So he followed.

Edward begun eating casually, but he noticed that right after his first bite, Oswald made a strange face.

He watched him spit out the mouthful into a napkin and make a disgusted face.

«This is disgusting!»

Edward really didn't know what he was talking about. It was delicious, as far as he was concerned.

None of Oswald's men still present in the room looked even barely surprised by that reaction, which made Edward think that this was a normal occurrence and he rolled his eyes at the thought. Oswald could be a real dick when he wanted to be. To his surprise, he saw Oswald take the plate and place it on the floor, for the dog to eat. Oh, great, wasting excellent food on his canine namesake. He would have scolded Oswald, but he decided not to start an argument right now, not while he was busy eating. He just wanted to fill up his stomach in peace.

Oswald stood up and Ed looked up at him with an interrogative look.

«I'm going to the kitchen to see if I can find anything _edible_.»

Ed shook his head as Oswald walked away, feeling bad for whoever was currently working in the kitchen, already knowing they would have to deal with one of Oswald's signature tantrums.

 

When Oswald walked into the kitchen, he found the cook and a couple other people in there. He yelled at them to make then leave, then he looked around the kitchen. He walked over to the stove, finding a pan with some meat still in it. He smiled and tried smelling it, but the smell alone was enough to make his stomach turn and his smile dropped. Maybe his stomach simply still hadn't settled after being sick earlier – he thought.

Regardless, he was very hungry and he needed to eat something, anything.

He opened the large fridge and his eyes fell on a container of raw meat. It looked like a good cut too, he could be it would taste delicious if properly seasoned, cooked and-... he took it in his hands, getting a whiff of the smell. Why did it smell so good even before cooking it?

Actually, it smelled even better. This one was the first smell that didn't make his stomach turn, which was surprising, but his stomach was beginning to hurt and he really needed to eat and... fuck it, he would just eat it raw.

 

It had been several minutes, Ed had finished his meal already, and he'd started to worry about what Oswald could have been doing in the kitchen. He hadn't heard from him in a while, so, since he had nothing better to do anyway, he decided to go check up on him.

He walked into the kitchen and the first thing he saw was Oswald standing in front of the fridge, chewing a mouthful of raw beef and humming loudly.

«What are you doing?»

Oswald was startled by this question, only now noticing his presence, and he quickly put down the meat back in its container and closed the fridge, walking to the sink to wash his hands.

«What do you mean?» he tried asking nonchalantly, as if he hadn't been aware that his behavior had been odd.

«What do I mean? You were eating raw meat out of the fridge. What's going on? Are you okay?»

To his surprise, Edward actually sounded concerned and when he turned around he found that he had walked closer to him. He fixated on the slight crinkle of worry in his brow and he couldn't help but think how cute he looked when he was this serious. He shook away that though and he cleared his throat, as if that would do anything other than make him look more awkward.

«Yeah. I'm perfectly fine. That meat is the only food that won't upset my stomach today, so...»

Edward frowned even deeper.

«Steak upsets your stomach and raw meat doesn't? I'm not sure that's... supposed to happen. We'll have to remember to ask the doctor about that too.»

«Yeah. Right. Sure, we'll ask about that.»

 

«What do you mean I don't have a heartbeat? Of course I do.»

The doctor hesitated.

«Mr Cobblepot, I insists, you should come with me to the hospital. Even with the limited resources we have right now, there we'll still have more chances to figure out what's wrong with you-»

«Nothing is wrong with me!» Oswald shouted, terrifying the poor man who backed away with the stethoscope still in hand.

Ed pushed the doctor out of the way and he took the tool from his hand, putting it on and exchanging a look with Oswald. The latter almost protested, but seeing the serious look on Ed's face he consented and with a roll of his eyes he let him approach.

Ed placed the end of the tool on Oswald's chest, staying still and quiet for a few moment, and then sighed, already beginning to be more jaded than he should have probably been about this whole situation, but he was very tired and he was just resigned to this being his new reality at this point.

«No heartbeat?» Oswald asked, almost sarcastically.

«Nope.» Ed replied, popping the p.

«Gimme here.» Oswald said, forcibly taking the stethoscope from Ed and trying to listen to his own heart. His expression changed from a tired and frustrated one to one of surprise and then growing concern, a frown forming on his face, as he looked up at Ed and then at the doctor.

«What the hell?»

«As I've been trying to tell you, Mr Cobblepot-»

«What's wrong with him?» Ed snapped, turning to the doctor and interrupting him.

«Well, to be frank, I don't have the slightest clue. I've never seen something like this... and this is Gotham, for God's sake. I'm aware of people coming back to life before, but as far as I know, they all still had a heartbeat... maybe a blood sample could help me-»

Oswald waved his hand tiredly, making the doctor trail off.

«Sure, take all the blood you need.» he said, stretching one arm out.

Ed moved aside, and they both let the doctor do his work, taking a sterilized syringe from his bag along with what he needed and turning to Oswald again.

He cleaned the skin with disinfectant and then proceeded to puncture it and start extracting the blood, except, to the surprise of all three, what came out of Oswald was something far different from blood.

For one thing, it was darker, almost black. And secondly it was much thicker, way too dense to be normal blood, in fact, from the doctor's expression it was clear he had been wondering how the hell Oswald could still be alive, having that crap running through his veins.

«M-mr Cobblepot...»

The doctor trailed off. Oswald tried not to sound too freaked out when he spoke. Ed swallowed, watching a few drops of the black substance ooze out of the puncture wound as the doctor took out the needle.

«When will I know the results?»

«Well, I have to go back to the hospital and I really would suggest you come along-»

«Do you really? Can't we procure everything you need, so you'd be able to do the tests right here?»

Oswald asked, sitting up. The doctor instinctively took a step back.

«I would much rather go back to... to the... uh...»

Oswald approached the doctor with a look on his face that would have been hard to describe, but Ed would have called predatory. He just had no idea yet, how right he was.

«You want to make me some kind of lab rat to figure out what's happening to me? Are you gonna lock me up and connect me to a series of machines and puncture me with needles, force me to lay there, useless, while you do experiments on me!?»

«Oswald, I'm sure that's now what-»

«Quiet, Edward.»

Edward immediately shut up. He shot his friend an offended look, but still, he obeyed, unable to do much else. Sure, Oswald could be menacing when he wanted to be. He could get violent, and he was clever, he had all the reasons to be scary at times, but this was something different, something he didn't think he'd ever seen before.

«Well?» Oswald pressed.

«I-... that's not my intention, I just want to find out... I just want to help.» the doctor tried to defend himself.

«You want to help? Then do what I say, or _just die_.»

Before the doctor could actually have any chance to choose, or before Ed could do anything to stop what happened next, a large splash of blood landed on Ed's face, some of it getting on his glasses too.

Still, even with dirty glasses, he was pretty sure he knew what he was seeing, even if he struggled to believe it.

Oswald had quite literally jumped onto the poor doctor, getting a hold of him and biting into his neck, ripping off flesh and spraying blood everywhere.

The doctor almost immediately lost his footing, helplessly falling to the floor, bringing down Oswald with him, who didn't even flinch, and instead he went in and took another bite, while the doctor gargled and chocked on his own blood, thrashing around a bit, before going perfectly still.

Seemingly not yet happy with this, Oswald ripped the poor man's shirt open and then, just as easily, he ripped his torso open and he pulled out what looked like one of his lungs, and then proceeded to take a big bite into it like it was an apple.

Ed's eyes had gone as big as they could manage to get, his mouth hanged open, and he had taken a step back, ending up cornered between that nightmarish scene and the desk behind him.

After a moment, Oswald pulled back, apparently satisfied, and cleaned his mouth with his sleeve. Uselessly, because when he turned back to Ed, his entire lower face was still covered in blood, dripping down his neck, and his clothes too were completely drenched.

He saw Ed's expression and he finally came back to his senses.

«Uh oh...» was all he managed to say, realizing what had just happened.

He saw Ed's expression and he stood up, wanting to comfort him, but Ed flinched backwards, so Oswald stopped and sighed.

«Ed...?»

Ed closed his eyes, raising one hand to halt him, and took a deep breath. He had seen some things during his career at the GCPD. He had seen things in general, but this... this was entirely something else. There were simply no words.

«You... you just-...» Ed paused, taking another deep breath, pacing himself, then looked straight at Oswald.

«Oswald... Did you just eat this man's internal organs?»

Oswald looked sheepish for a moment, awkwardly looking down at the ever growing pool of blood on the floor.

«Oops?» he tried supplying with a shrug.

«“Oops”!? I'm sorry, but in what world is “oops” an appropriate response to _cannibalism_!?»

Oswald walked towards Ed, who now looked more angry and frustrated than terrified or disgusted, which, as far as Oswald was concerned, was definitely an improvement.

«I'm sorry, okay? I was so hungry and then I got _angry_ , and he smelled delicious, and-»

«He smelled delicious?» Ed asked, incredulous. He crossed his arms, «Oswald... do I smell delicious too?»

Oswald was taken aback and almost looked offended, frowning and and tilting his head.

«Ed, I would never eat you. You are my friend.»

Ed's eyebrows shot up. It never got old, hearing those kind of words coming from him, but still, no matter how heartwarming it could have been, this wasn't the moment for such feelings. They had a mess to clean up.

Ed sighed and shook his shoulders, looking down at the mangled body on the floor.

«We aren't getting another doctor, not if you are going to eat that one too. But how else are we supposed to get answers? You just ate somebody, this isn't looking good.»

«But I feel fine! Look at me!» Oswald exclaimed, opening his arms.

Ed stared at him coldly for a moment. Oswald looked down and he realized he was in fact still drenched in the blood of the guy he had just killed by ripping his throat open.

«Ah...» he lowered his arms, «Well, I do feel fine, though. I don't need a doctor. Let's just drop this, okay?»

Ed shook his head, resignedly.

«Fine. Let's get rid of this, then.»

«Uh...»

Ed looked up at him, raising an eyebrow.

«What?»

«Actually... can we keep him? I'm gonna get hungry again at some point, and, well...»

Ed's eyes went wide with understanding, while his shoulders dropped in resignation.

«Oh.»

 


	2. A whole new man.

Ed watched the other man's face, seeing actual concern – finally, a somewhat logical reaction from Oswald to this situation was much appreciated.

He dropped the plastic bag filled with meat that he was holding and he stood up, walking over to him. Oswald had been pacing back and forth, and now he was just standing there, anxiously biting the fingernail of his thumb.

«Are you one hundred percent sure that the beef-»

«It's disgusting, I can't even stand the smell of it.»

«But you ate it before.» Ed commented, doing nothing to help the other's anxiety.

«Exactly. That was _before_. I'm not sure I can really eat anything else now.»

Oswald was looking down at the body of the doctor that Ed was currently working to cut into smaller pieces to store in plastic bags. They were still trying to decide where they would store him... _it_. Damn it, it sounded too strange to call that “it”, but saying “him” was somehow worse, it just served to remember Ed that _that_ used to be a person – he thought to himself, shaking away the thought and focusing on Oswald.

«Ed, what am I going to do?»

Oswald finally spoke, after a long silence, his eyebrows knitted in a torn expression, and, strangely enough, resembling some kind of puppy or other cute little animal that you would want to hug and protect, and- nope. Not going there. Ed was busy packaging human meat for his friend to eat, and he was still recovering from seeing him ripping a man open with his bare teeth and hands – the psychological repercussions of which he wasn't sure he would ever be done actually recovering from – so no, there was no time for thoughts like that one.

He cleared his throat, walking closer to him.

Oswald's eyes got wider and looked filled with hope and questions, and wow, they were so blue-- alright. What the hell was happening?

Ed had to be honest with himself. Despite how utterly terrifying that scene had been and how utterly deadly he knew Oswald could be, he was also able to see his vulnerability, and his instinct to protect him had kicked in against any and all better judgement. Also, he was still coping with the new discovery that his friend – and he could really call him his friend now – had actually saved his life, not because he expected something in exchange for it, but because he wanted to. He couldn't help but feel like he should reciprocate the favor now that Oswald needed it.

And he surely, truly, did need it. Who else would have stayed by his side after seeing what Edward had seen?

«It's going to be alright. We will fix this.»

Edward reached out and, wrapping his arms around Oswald's shoulders, he pulled him into a hug, placing one hand on the back of his neck and gently pressing his head against his own shoulder, while drawing soothing circles on his back with the other. Oswald seemed to hesitate for a second, then he let himself go, putting his arms around Ed's waist and letting himself be comforted.

«What if there is no fixing this? Or rather, fixing _me_? I ate somebody, I'm a monster.»

Oswald had been slowly overcoming the high that came from the murder and he was now coming to terms with what had happened and the real implications of it. He wasn't sure why, but the only thing he could bear to eat was human flesh now, and this much was a fact. Another fact was that killing, and subsequently eating, had awoken something else in him.

Ed wasn't sure why, but it really hurt to hear him say those words. He wanted to reassure him that no, of course he wasn't a monster, but was he allowed to tell a lie that big? He wasn't sure what he thought about this either, to be honest, and he wished he had all the answers, but the truth was that he had none.

«Shh...»

Since he didn't know what else to say, that's all that came out of Ed's mouth. He tried to soothe the other by continuing to softly stroke circles into his back, holding him as close a possible, letting him nuzzle his neck, and... wait a minute. Why was Oswald nuzzling his neck? He suddenly pulled away just a bit to look at him in the eyes.

«What are you doing?» he asked with a very serious frown.

«Nothing.» Oswald had answered too nonchalantly to sound even remotely believable. Why so defensive? What was he up to?

«Were you going to bite me?» Ed asked, gaining a series of empty blinks from the other.

«What? Of course not.» the other replied, imitating his frown.

«Well, then, what were you doing with my neck?»

At this question, he saw Oswald's eyes get wider for just a second, before he averted his gaze and he bit his lip.

«Nothing.» he muttered, quieter than Ed was expecting.

«Oswald.» Ed had no time for these games. He needed him to be honest if they were going to be in this together. And especially if Oswald was ever tempted to take even a little nibble, he would rather know in advance, thank you very much.

«It's nothing, really! It's just that, killing the doctor like that, and then getting to eat him, it got me... well, it left me feeling kind of...»

Edward watched the other apparently struggling to find the right word, while still set on avoiding Ed's gaze. Ed begun to grow impatient. So he decided to supply some options.

«Upset? Shocked?»

«T-»

«Tired?»

«-urned on.»

They said at the same time. Oswald finally looked at him. Ed just stared, taking a moment longer to process what he had just heard and raise his eyebrows.

«Excuse me?» Ed moved away a little, placing his hands on Oswald's shoulders and putting a bit of distance between them. Mostly so he could look at him in the eyes more comfortably, but also because he was made sort of uncomfortable by that revelation. Well, he wasn't sure if “uncomfortable” was the right word for it, but he surely wasn't comfortable either.

«I know. Weird, right? It feels like I have all this energy inside of me that I don't know what to do with, and I just want to-»

«Okay, okay. I get it, no need to get crass.» Ed cut him off. Oswald shot him a vaguely annoyed, yet somewhat amused look.

«I was going to say, “let it out”. To move. To use it.» Oswald corrected him.

Edward slowly nodded.

«Oh. I thought you were going to say...»

Suddenly his mouth felt really dry. Wow, had it gotten warm in there, or what? The collar of his shirt started to feel a bit too tight too.

Oswald raised an eyebrow, clearly entertained by his reaction. Then he raised both of his eyebrows, looking up and pouting slightly, as if he had been thinking about it, and then his eyes were back on him.

«Well, _that_ too, to be fair.»

Ed took a deep breath and a step back.

«Alright.»

He said, and he turned back to the good old doctor. He'd never been so happy to be staring at an old dude's dead body.

Oswald rolled his feet in place, unsure what to do.

«Do you... need help?» he eventually asked. Edward sighed.

«Yeah, well, it wouldn't hurt if you got down here and gave me a hand.»

Oswald's mouth formed a round shape and he quickly walked over.

«Sure, here.»

Ed looked up and he blinked twice when he realized Oswald was actually offering him a literal hand, as in one of the doctor's severed up hands. Ed's shoulders dropped and he made a face which he hoped would communicate how unfunny that joke had been.

Oswald in response chuckled a little and then looked at the hand in his, well, in his hands, and the proceeded to take a big bite out of it, ripping the entire thumb off. Edward stared, still not used to this.

«Crunchy.» Oswald commented, before Ed could reach out and take the hand from him, throwing it into one of the bags with a wince.

«You know, I thought I asked you to help.» Ed scolded him.

«Oh, sorry.» Oswald apologized, realizing that he hadn't been really doing much of anything besides goofing around. He couldn't help it, he was just in a good mood.

«Unless...» Ed paused, stopping what he was doing and looking at Oswald, «Unless this too, somehow turns you on.»

He was half joking, but he also half wasn't. He raised one eyebrow and shot the other a look, waiting for a response.

Oswald laughed. Ed wasn't sure what was so funny, since he was actually pretty serious he'd decided, but he let himself laugh a little too, cracking a smile for the first time since this had all begun several hours earlier. Then laughter slowly died down and there was a short silence before Oswald spoke again.

«Well, it sort of does.» he admitted.

Ed once again out of the blue dropped the bag in his hands and shot an annoyed look at Oswald, as if to say, “seriously?”.

«What?» Oswald snapped back, defensively, «You wanted me to help, you can't complain.»

«Well, I am cutting up the corpse of a man _you_ killed, trying to store it for later for _you_ to eat, so really, you can't complain either!»

Oswald remained silent for a moment.

«Touché.» he mumbled.

After this, he actually tried to be useful, grabbing a saw and helping Ed cut up the rest of the doctor, then placing all the pieces in the rest of the bags, and finally cleaning up after putting the meat in the refrigerator.

Yep, the kitchen's refrigerator. They had sent everyone else away and they wouldn't be back until the next night, so they had a whole day ahead of them to figure this out, but they really couldn't keep the doctor there for too long.

Buying a whole new refrigerator to hide somewhere else other than city hall it was, then.

 

Later, after Ed had left to go fetch the little stuff he had from his previous hiding place, Oswald found himself walking to his desk again, admiring the now completely clean floor and smiling to himself.

He noticed his bulldog was trying to get his attention so he followed him and he reached the entrance of his vault, surprised to find it opened.

When he stepped inside, he had a rather unpleasant encounter with a thief who tricked him and managed to steal a large diamond from his collection of riches that he had been stealing from all over Gotham.

He wasn't pleased with this, at all. Nobody got to steal from Penguin and live. This somehow led him to cooperate with Selina Kyle to catch the thief, since they apparently knew each other, who he caught, and shot in the head, but he also somehow let himself be tricked into agreeing to work with Selina to escape Gotham, and in exchange for her help, he should pay her a percentage of his treasure.

That sure had been a lot, and he couldn't wait to go home to Edward and share they crazy day he'd had, but never as much as he'd been dying to snap that little brat's neck. She was clever, he had to give her that, but she was starting to get on his nerves.

She was highly disrespectful, on a level that he wasn't used to being treated with anymore, but at least she was very useful. Or at least she seemed to be, at first. She told him about the tunnel under the river that Jeremiah Valeska had been digging and they were planning to use that to escape the city.

Of course, Oswald wasn't going to just leave like this. He needed to tell Edward and get him to come with, and also he had his treasure to carry down there somehow. It seemed like a kind of nearly impossible feat, but, oh, wasn't he just the luckiest little bird? It turned out the tunnel had been blown up by Jeremiah himself and it was now impassable. Just great. Also, it turned out that Pennyworth had just barely escaped from said tunnel, and informed Selina that Jeremiah had kidnapped Bruce or something. Either way, now Selina was willing to give everything up to run to the rescue, and this greatly upset Oswald.

This wasn't the plan. Nothing had gone according to the plan, actually.

He grabbed Selina by her arm, letting her know with just a look that leaving now wouldn't be such a good idea for her.

She wasn't happy about that, and she retaliated by attacking him.

Alfred tried to yell at him to stop trying to beat up a child, but he was too beaten up himself to intervene, so the scuffle continued uninterrupted, until somehow Oswald got his teeth on Selina's arm, biting down into it and causing her to scream in pain. Immediately after, she hit him straight in the face, forcing him to let go and fall backward.

The little brat used this chance to finally run away, and by the time Oswald sat back up, looking disappointed, a bit of blood dripping down his chin, he found himself alone with a rather grumpy butler yelling insults at him for acting like a complete jackass and, whatever the hell was that, biting a child? What was he, a bloody animal? Yada yada, who had got time to listen to him.

Oswald got up and he walked away, completely ignoring the other man.

 

In the meantime, Edward wasn't exactly having the time of his life either.

It turned out that Gordon had found him and his hiding place, and despite his best efforts to escape, he found himself stumbling into an even worse fate.

Professor Strange got his hands on him, cut his head open, and started fiddling with the chip that he had apparently planted in his brain, the same one that had apparently gotten damaged when those crazy fucks from the day before had tried to electrocute him. He just couldn't catch a break, could he?

Luckily enough for Ed, Jim arrived to the rescue. Less fortunately, it turned out that Jim's military friend, Eduardo or what was his name, was the one who had been controlling Edward and making him do things against his will, by using the chip. So yeah, wasn't that fun?

Suddenly, completely unable to control the situation, merely a sleeping passenger in his own body, Ed was sprinting after Jim to kill him, under the soldier's orders.

Eventually, the chip got deactivated again, and then Ed was brought along so they could have Lucius Fox remove it from his brain.

 

Finally, when all of this was done, going back into the arms of his best friend and recently-turned-cannibal was almost a relief.

As soon as Oswald saw him, actually, as soon as they both saw each other, it was clear to both that the other hadn't had a great day while they were apart. But still, Oswald in particular felt worried about his friend.

«What happened?» he asked anxiously.

Ed shook his head tiredly.

«It's all over. I had a chip in my brain that Strange put there, but it's gone now. I'm free.»

Oswald didn't even wait for him to finish and ran up to him, wrapping his arms around him. Ed was so tired. He felt like a truck had ran him over. Like, five times. But he still found the strength to hug back, and wouldn't you know it, this actually made him feel a bit better.

He let himself relax, releasing some of the tension that had been accumulating in his shoulders, and before he knew it, he let out a sob. He gasped, surprising himself, but he couldn't help it anymore at this point.

Oswald heard that and he pulled back just enough to see his face, and he reached for his cheek with one hand, stroking it softly, then gently wiping away a tear from under his eye, and looking at him with such genuine concern that Ed couldn't help but feel a little warmth form in his chest at the sight of that, and he let himself smile and he closed his eyes, letting himself be hugged again, and this time he squeezed even harder.

It felt good to be somewhere he could call home.

«I have always loved Gotham, but this is no longer a city. It has become a prison.» Oswald suddenly spoke.

They pulled apart, while still standing comfortably in each other's space. Edward looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to finish his thought.

«I think it's time we escape.»

 

Not a lot happened from then on. Except of course, since they had decided that building a submarine would be the next best solution to escape Gotham, they had been threatened at gunpoint by Barbara, who had been revealed to be pregnant, and then she had decided to join them.

Other than that, Oswald had been pretty happy to continue eating the good old doctor from the freezer, one piece at a time, while Ed had been busy building said submarine.

Although, there wasn't a lot of the doctor left, so Oswald had to get crafty and come up with something else.

He was pretty proud of himself when he waltzed in Edward's workshop, followed by a big tough guy who he had paid to be their “bodyguard” to make him come along.

He had been pre-announced by the sound of Ed's alarm system, mostly comprised of a bunch of bells, and Ed had taken his gun, which he was now pointing at the door. He only lowered it when he realized it was Oswald.

«You were due two hours ago.» Ed scolded him as soon as he walked in. Oswald's smile didn't falter.

«Yes, I was. But I had to get us _lunch_.» he said with a complicit wink, nodding in the direction of the man who had followed him in, who was holding a small bag coming from some restaurant.

Ed's eyes quickly shifted from him to the big guy, then to him again. He was sincerely annoyed by Oswald's seemingly cheery mood. Still, even though he made an unconvinced face, he granted him a weak nod.

«Alright, just don't make a mess. And wait until you are in the other room, I don't want you getting... your “lunch” all over my work.»

Oswald was about to comment on Edward's tone, wondering if he was upset about something, when Ed spoke again.

«Do you know what _this_ is?» Ed gesticulated at the room, causing Oswald to look around, confused for a moment, until he understood what Edward meant. «Our _secret_ plan to get off this island.»

«Relax. Dale is completely trustworthy.»

Oswald tried to reassure him. It didn't seem to work, and somehow Ed looked even more upset.

«How do you know you can trust him if you just met him?»

«Because... he's mute. And dumb as a post. Look, I know you are paranoid about “people watching us”-»

«Someone _is_ watching us!» Ed interrupted him, raising his voice, then he added in a lower voice, «Why do you think I installed this alarm system?»

Oswald glanced up at the set of bells hanging over the door and he let out a laugh.

«And as safe as I feel with your jingle-bell contraption in place, I went out and procured us some muscle. You are welcome!»

Edward scowled. He got closer and lowered his voice, quickly glancing at Dale.

«I thought... you know, “lunch”?»

Oswald chuckled briefly, waving a hand and shoving Ed away with a smile.

«He can be useful in more than one way.»

Ed sighed, then walked back to his work. This interaction had left both of them kind of upset, even thought to be honest, Edward had been from the start, but now even Oswald's good mood seemed to have been ruined.

«At least you are doing something.» Ed mumbled to himself, Oswald still completely oblivious.

«Ahh... So, how's my S.S. Gertrude coming along?» Oswald asked, picking up small model of the submarine and playing with it a little.

« _Our_ submarine is coming along just fine, thank you. I'm working on the sonar... which turns out is far more complex than anticipated...»

Oswald put down the model and picked up a small magnifying lens, which he inappropriately used to look at his fingernails, ignoring what Ed was trying to convey.

«I am confident you'll figure it out.»

«Of course I will figure it out. Because I figure everything out.» Ed turned around and started to walk closer to the other while he spoke, «The navigation system, the oxygen exchange... I will figure everything out, _because I'm the only one working!_ » Ed shouted in his face, rudely grabbing the lens out of his hands and slamming it on the table.

« _This_... was supposed to be a partnership.» he added, gesticulating between the two of them.

«It is! I already did my part by stealing everything valuable in Gotham, all of which you get half-»

«No! Your goons stole it, and then you killed them.»

In that moment, the bells jingled again. Both of them stopped and looked around.

«Were you expecting someone?»

Edward scoffed at that stupid question.

«Who would I be expecting, Oswald? I told you someone's watching us!»

«Dale, go do what I pay you for.» Oswald ordered. Dale didn't move and just stared sort of emptily at them. «Protect us!»

Ed took the gun and pointed it at the door. Finally Dale moved and he did the same thing. Then, Penn appeared at the door, and Oswald stretched out his arm to halt the other two.

«Wait! Penn?»

He couldn't believe his eyes.

«Hello? Mr Cobblepot?» Penn sounded uncertain as he timidly walked in, holding a bulky suitcase in one hand.

«Are you really...? I don't believe it, you are alive!» Oswald exclaimed, overjoyed by this surprising turn of events.

«Indeed, sir, I- I am...»

«But you were shot, I was there! This whole time I thought you were dead, but you are alive!» he laughed, then paused, changing attitude, as he realized something else «You are only coming to me _now_!?»

Penn put one hand forward, trying to defend himself.

«I'm so terribly sorry Mr Cobblepot, I wanted to come see you right away, but... _he_ wouldn't let me. After we saw what you did to that doctor... _he_ said it was too dangerous.»

Oswald's eyebrows shot up, then came back down into a deep frown, accompanied by a confused smile. So, it turned out Ed had been right all along, there really had been someone following them. He wondered how much Penn knew about his “condition”, but most of all he kept wondering:

«He? He, who!?»

Penn put down his suitcase, opened it, and slowly and carefully begun extracting something.

«Mr Cobblepot, this... is... Mr Scarface.» he said, presenting the dummy he was referring to.

Oz looked behind his shoulder at Ed, looking for some kind of confirmation that he was seeing this shit too. Ed frowned slightly. He didn't like this at all.

«Wonderful.» he commented sarcastically.

«Penn... Arnold-»

«It's Arthur.» Penn corrected him.

«...You are holding a doll.»

«It's not a doll. It's a dummy.» his employee corrected him again.

Oswald looked away for a second, raising eyebrows in disbelief.

«Oh, this is great.» Ed added, not even smiling this time, «I'm going back to work, excuse me.»

«You are saying... _he_ made you come here?»

Oswald wasn't sure he was following. In fact, he was definitely lost. Either he was misunderstanding Penn's words, or Penn had lost his mind. Maybe getting shot hadn't been exactly good for his mental health. Or maybe he was already like this before, who was to know at that point?

«Mr Scarface is very persuasive.»

Oswald laughed at that sentence. He was trying very hard to take this seriously, but this was just ridiculous.

«Persuasive?»

«He made me tell him about your...» Penn paused, glancing cautiously at Ed, then whispered «- _treasure_.»

Ed stopped working and looked back at Penn with a frown. He didn't like how his tone implied that somehow Penn was worthy of being in on the plan and Ed wasn't. Who did he think he was? Also, the situation in general wasn't the greatest. Whether the dummy had actually any sort of bearing into Penn's decisions didn't matter. Penn still sounded unhinged to him, and Ed wished he would leave right now.

«Penn...» Oswald reached forward and put one hand on his shoulder, «I think you need a rest. And perhaps a psychiatrist. Then, we can discuss you resuming your former duties.»

Ed definitely didn't like that either. What was this talk of getting Penn back into their thing? He meant the plan, of course, the was no other “thing”. This was a matter of principle. It just wasn't professional. They had already gotten Barbara into this, wasn't that enough? How many more people did they need? And what did they exactly need Penn for, anyway? No, Ed wasn't jealous, he was being perfectly rational. He shook his head and tried to focus back on his work.

«Obviously I won't pay you for the time you were gone-»

«Shut your pie-hole!» a much gruffer voice suddenly shouted.

Oswald smiled oddly, equal part incredulous and offended. You could say Ed was rather alarmed by this and he turned to look at the scene again.

«This is the one you were telling me about? Who thinks he is in charge? – Yes, sir, that's Mr Cobblepot...»

Oswald and Edward watched as Penn continued interacting with the dummy as if it were a completely separate and autonomous entity. It wasn't clear to either of them where the fiction of this ended and where Penn's actual conviction begun.

Ed walked closer to Oswald, grabbing him by the arm to get his attention.

«Oswald, if you don't make him leave, I will.»

Oswald nodded distractedly, still focused on that awful dummy.

«No-one's going anywhere... Penn, show these two we are serious.» the dummy ordered, to which Penn responded, «Forgive me...»

Then, Penn pulled out gun and immediately shot Dale.

Oswald was shocked and he watched helplessly at his lunch as he fell to the floor.

«Now let's talk turkey, turkeys.»

«Wait!» Ed interjected, gaining everyone's attention.

Oswald shot him a concerned look, but Ed tried to ignore him and remained focused on Penn.

«You saw what happened to that doctor, right? Because you've been spying on us?»

Penn straightened his back at that accusation, and the dummy's face turned to face Ed directly. Ed had to admit, that was kind of creepy and it was getting old pretty fast. He raised his hands defensively.

«No judgement! All I mean is, I bet you wonder what the meaning of that was. It must have been scary. Don't you want to know what really happened?»

Penn seemingly hesitated, but then Scarface spoke for him.

«Cut the crap and spit it out!»

Ed nodded.

«Of course. Well, you see, Oswald seems to have contracted some kind of... “condition” which... brought him back from the dead and now he can only eat human flesh. But he is impervious to injury.»

«So you are saying... Mr Cobblepot is a zombie now?» Penn asked in his meek voice.

Oswald rolled his eyes.

«I prefer “undead”, actua-»

«Hey, shut it! No-one's talking to you.» Scarface interrupted, gaining a scowl from Oswald.

«Yes, well, semantics aside... yes. Exactly. And that's why shooting him would do neither of us any good. He can't die and he can't feel pain, so there's really no point-»

«Let's test this-» Scarface begun.

«No!» Ed shouted, prompting all heads to turn to him, to Oswald's gratitude, who was sure they were going to shoot him right that second.

«I have a better idea. Look at this.» Ed turned around to pick up the small submarine model and showing it to Penn.

«We are building a submarine that's gonna take us away from Gotham. There's room for one- uh, for _two_ more, on board...»

He saw Penn's eyes go wide, the he turned to his dummy and the dummy turned to him, and they both walked to a corner of the room, quietly discussing the matter.

Oswald leaned close to Edward and whispered.

«I can't believe you told him about me, _and_ about the sub, and that you are playing along with his psychosis!»

Edward continued observing Penn and his dummy, frowning slightly, already trying to predict what their next move would be.

«I saw he was gonna kill you, I bought us time.»

Oswald turned to him, even if Ed didn't look back, and he felt genuinely grateful for what Ed did. That Ed would care so much about him, that meant a lot.

Oswald realized that Edward really didn't need him to complete this plan. Ed was right. He wasn't doing anything useful. Everything he could do, he had already done. Ed was perfectly capable and smart enough to build the sub basically on his own, and if Oswald had died, then, Ed could only have to gain from that, since then he could get both parts of the treasure. Without even mentioning that he wouldn't have to deal with his newly acquired flesh-eating habits. Of course, he knew Ed wouldn't kill him for it, and neither would he let him die, and that's what he was grateful for, and that's why in that moment he felt above anything else the urge to let him know.

Really, the urge to kiss him, but he restrained himself. Before he could say anything, Ed spoke.

«I have an idea. If you can just keep him busy and wait for the signal...»

«Wait, what's the signal?»

Before Ed could answer, Scarface shut them up, letting Penn speak instead.

«So, Mr Scarface and I have discussed our options. And the submarine sounds like a good plan.»

Ed smiled at that, relieved that his plan was working, buying them even more time.

«And since we'll need the sly one. He can keep sucking air.»

Ed realized the implication of those words and his smile dropped. Without even realizing, he reached for Oswald's hand and squeezed it.

«But Penguin ain't so lucky.»

Oswald squeezed back out of pure instinct. He gasped, then he and Edward looked at each other.

«Do it, Penn. Ventilate that mook!» Scarface ordered.

«I'm so sorry Mr Cobblepot...»

Oswald was suddenly very scared and yet still incredulous that all of this was happening.

Despite what Ed had said, he wasn't so sure how impervious he was to what kind of injuries. If he really wanted to agree with them and call himself a zombie, then it would have been reasonable to assume that only a blow to his head could kill him, but he wasn't so sure about that either and he wasn't eager to find out.

«I wish things would have turned out differently.» Penn continued.

Oswald had to do something. He remembered Ed's words about buying more time.

«Arthur... I want you to listen to what I'm saying. You accuse _me_ of manipulating you, but what about him? I never asked you to kill anybody.»

«That is true...»

He felt relieved when Penn agreed, even if Scarface complained.

«Now think of everything that went through together. Sofia Falcone, getting cut off from the mainland... starving!»

«You mean Penn was starving, fighting for scraps while your dog ate steak!» Scarface took over again.

This wouldn't do. Oswald was losing points to that stupid doll, or, dummy – ugh, whatever.

«That's a good point... Mr Scarface... If we became like Mr Cobblepot, we wouldn't have to starve anymore. There might be a scarcity of food... but there isn't a scarcity of people.»

This comment from Penn prompted Scarface to turn to him and let out some horrifying sound that was probably meant to be a laugh.

«Now we are talking!»

«But how do we accomplish this?» Penn asked, unclear who he was talking to, but the dummy answered nonetheless.

«Well he's gotta bite us of course! He's a zombie, isn't he?»

Oswald's eyes went wide. He hadn't even considered that this might be a possibility. He hadn't tested this theory yet. Also, he wasn't sure he wanted to, anyway. He didn't want Penn to become like him... or did he? Maybe having someone else who could understand would be nice... But, no. That wasn't fair to Edward, was it? He was trying his best to be supportive, he had to give him that.

«That won't be necessary. We can all start a new life away from Gotham! You won't be starving anymore!»

«Oh... he has a point too...» Penn mumbled, sounding conflicted now.

Oswald chose to use this chance to try to regain the upper hand.

«I...» he hesitated, trying to find the best possible next thing to say, and he had to choose wisely, «...welcomed you into my home! And yes, I was not a good friend, to you, or _anyone_ -»

To Ed's surprise, Oswald looked at him when he said that. He couldn't help but take note of how honest he sounded, but he couldn't let himself be distracted.

«It's why I'm alone. But I saw you for what you are and I value that. That must be worth something!»

«You are a liar, and a thief! All you do is take – _take take!_ » the voice suddenly switched from the dummy's to Penn's, «And you never give anything. You worked me to the bone. Forced me to be your puppet! But no more.» he paused, walking closer with the gun still pointed at Oswald, «Do you hear me? – No more.»

Ed was quick enough and he managed to activate the signal.

Oswald recognized it and he attacked Penn. They ended up on the floor and in the scuffle, Penn overpower him for a moment, until he managed to redirect the gun at Scarface, then he shouted and he shot the puppet without hesitation. Its head exploded into a hundred pieces and Penn looked like some kind of spell had just broken.

«Mr Cobblepot... you freed me!»

Penn dropped gun. Oswald smiled, finally feeling safe, and finally seeing his long time employee being back to his old self.

«How can I ever thank you-»

Out of the blue, a gunshot resonated in the small room. Penn fell to the floor and Oswald blinked in horror, blood splattered all over his face. He looked up and he saw the gun in Ed's hand.

«Why did you do that!? He wasn't a threat, the dummy was the threat-»

«Oswald!» Ed interrupted him, putting one hand out to halt him, «I accept you for the person that you are. Just as you accept me for the cold logician that I am. That's why this friendship is great.».

He paused. A small smile started to form on Oswald's face, which Ed took note of and then continued.

«And as friends, I think we can both agree that that lunatic _had_ to be stopped.»

Oswald couldn't help but let out a short laugh. Ed's smile suddenly looked a whole lot less confident for a moment. He was confused by Oswald's reaction, and he wasn't liking this long pause either, dreading what he might say next. After all, he had just shot someone who Oswald considered a friend of some sort.

«Perhaps, Edward, we really are meant for each other.»

At those words, and especially watching Oswald start laughing so openly, Ed couldn't help but laugh too.

Whatever this meant, he was grateful to attest that the other wasn't angry at him, and those words he said... they stayed with him. He would have felt awkward, maybe dissimulate or change the subject, or joke about it, or literally anything else, but he was just too relieved that they had both survived, to worry about that now.

«I'm sorry, I hope I don't sound too insensitive, but look at the bright side. Now you got twice as much to eat!»

Edward commented, while helping Oswald on his feet. Oswald's brow crinkled and Ed wondered if he had said the wrong thing – he was just seeing things pragmatically, it would have been a pity to waste all that meat, and yet – but then Oswald glanced down at both bodies now on the floor and he smiled, while still holding the hand that had helped him stand up.

Ed had to admit it to himself, that smile was truly beautiful. It was just a matter of fact, he meant nothing by this.

Then, Oswald's stomach grumbled and Ed huffed out a laugh at Oswald's lost-puppy expression.

«Hungry?»

«I'm starving.» Oswald admitted, rolling his eyes and smiling.

«Well, you got a lot to choose from. Be my guest.» Ed said, gesturing to the “buffet” laying on the floor.

Oswald took him seriously and he turned around, starting to study the two bodies, then he went and kneeled next to Penn, turning him around and looking at his face. His eyes were still open. Ed felt suddenly bad about this, wondering how the other must have felt. Oswald passed one hand over them, closing them gently.

«Rest in peace, my friend. You didn't die for nothing.» he said, and then, as if it was no big deal, he turned his head around, looking for the bullet hole.

Edward watched with some kind of fucked up fascination, trying to figure out what his friend was doing.

He watched as Oswald's eyes sparked up when he found the hole, then he watched him put one finger in it as if that head were a bowling ball, and then, with a loud cracking sound, he pulled hard enough to crack the skull open like a big egg and he let out a delighted giggle, inhaling deeply and humming.

«I never had brains before. Is this a bit too cliché?» he asked, before easily scooping the entire thing out and bringing it to his face to give it a nibble, while blood dripped down his wrist, wetting his sleeve.

Ed felt his stomach turn while he watched Oswald start to dig in, but then he focused on the sleeve and he found himself thinking about how they should do something about this, like, maybe find some plastic suits that Oswald could wear when he does this, so he would stop ruining one suit after the other – then Ed had to stop himself, realizing just how pragmatic his mind was getting about this subject. He was already getting way too comfortable with the whole cannibalism thing. But then he saw the sweet, blood-soaked smile that Oswald granted him and he couldn't help but smile back.

He realized, with his extreme surprise, that he was getting hungry too – after all he had spent several hours working non-stop without considering his needs, so yes, he did need to eat or he would pass out.

So he scanned the room, looking for the lunch that Oswald had brought him and when he spotted it on a table he walked across the room to get it. He sat on a chair and he opened the package, finding some pasta dish inside. He didn't hesitate to start digging into it and he basically didn't stop until he was done – damn, he was really hungrier than he had realized – then, he raised his eyes and he met Oswald's.

He was looking at him from the other side of the room, still holding up that same smile as before. There was so much fondness in it.

Oswald watched Edward eat, from his spot on the floor, next to Penn's body, and he couldn't stop thinking about how lucky he was to have a friend like that.

A friend that he very much wanted to kiss.

Ed gave him an interrogative look, putting down his empty box, and standing up sort of instinctively when he saw Oswald stand up and start walking towards him.

Oswald's mouth was still all plastered in red, and so were his hands.

Ed could have avoided noticing these things, but they were still a bit distracting, no matter how disturbingly used to this he had gotten. And especially, it became harder to ignore when Oswald got dangerously close to him and he licked some of the blood off his lips. It took Ed a moment too long to realize, but – oh, dear. Oswald really was leaning in for a kiss, wasn't he?

Ed turned his head away and he gently placed his hands on Oswald's chest, keeping him at distance.

When he glanced back, he could see how disappointed he looked. Damn those puppy eyes... but he wouldn't let himself be persuaded. This wasn't how he had imagined this would go – not that he had been spending time imagining what it would be like to kiss Oswald. Well, maybe the thought had grazed his consciousness once or twice, but that was it.

«Right. I forgot the effect that this has on you.» he commented with a hint of humor in his voice.

«It's not that. I just want to kiss you.» Oswald clarified.

Ed turned back to him, relaxing a little bit and lowering his hands, allowing him to step closer again, but he didn't removed them completely, just in case.

«It's not?» he asked. He actually wanted to know, he hoped he didn't sound sarcastic.

He watched Oswald shrug.

«Well... Okay, so maybe it's a bit of that too, but I don't see how that's relevant.» he replied with a smile.

It might not seem relevant to Oswald, but it made a world of difference to Edward. He felt his heart sink and he swallowed. Okay, so maybe Oswald actually wanted to kiss him. Or maybe, possibly more likely, it had everything to do with this strange horniness that pervaded him every time he did something murder-related.

Edward was serious about this one thing. He didn't want to be Oswald's play-thing. If they were to kiss, it would have to mean something. What that something was supposed to be, Ed wasn't yet sure either, but he decided to stand his ground.

Oswald playfully reached for the collar of his overall and fiddled with it a little bit. Oh, Lordy, was this... was he flirting? Was that a flirty look he was giving him? Nope. No way, nope. Edward wasn't about to fall for this.

He pushed Oswald back.

Oswald would have lied if he'd said that didn't hurt. Ed kept rejecting him, and he wasn't exactly sure why. Every time he thought the message he had received was clear, it turned out he was mistaken. After everything Edward had done for him, he was sure it would be safe to assume that there were some feelings lying in there, but apparently he was once again reading too much into extremely confusing signals. Nevertheless, he stepped back, respecting Edward's boundaries.

Edward felt bad. Why was he feeling bad? He wasn't doing anything wrong by rejecting him, he didn't owe him nothing of the sort, that would have been ridiculous, and honestly, kind of fucked up.

Still, he couldn't help but feel like he had hurt the other's feeling and he couldn't bear that thought, so he cleared his throat and tried to justifying himself.

«I'm sorry but... I literally just watched you eat a brain. You still have blood all over your face. This... isn't gonna happen.»

Oswald's mouth assumed a round shape and he suddenly seemed to become self-conscious about the blood, trying to scrub it off with his sleeve, but not really getting great results since the sleeve itself was pretty much drenched by then.

Oswald gave him an interrogative look, as if to ask him if now it was any better. This made Ed smile and he fondly shook his head. He grabbed the other's arm and he led him to the bathroom.

There, he opened the tap and he dampened a handkerchief he had extracted from one of his pockets, reaching for his face.

«Here.» he said, starting to gently rub off the blood.

Oswald didn't flinch and his eyes remained fixed on his the whole time. He tried to ignore this, avoiding them, by focusing on his work, which, unfortunately, due to the nature of said work, caused him to be staring at Oswald's lips for a full minute instead. Which... frankly wasn't any better for his mental state.

Only now he realized the implications of this. He had literally just finished saying that the only reason he wasn't kissing him was because he had blood on his face, and now he was personally making sure to remove said blood from his lips, and he was almost done too, at that.

Suddenly, Ed panicked and he handed the cloth to Oswald, who gave him a concerned look.

«Sorry, gotta get back to work. Submarine isn't gonna built itself.»

That was the lamest excuse he could have found. _Stupid stupid stupid_ – he kept repeating to himself as he quickly walked away and went back to work, hoping he would be able to focus, or even better, hoping that focusing on his work would help him distract himself from the thought of kissing Oswald.

Oswald watched Ed walk out the bathroom, water still running, bloodied handkerchief still in hand.

He blinked a few times, trying to discern what had just happened, but he figured Ed was the kind of person who couldn't rest until the work was done – an admirable quality. That was actually one of the reasons he loved Edward-... wait.

He loved Edward? ...Oh. Oh, that made sense.

This should have been obvious by now, with his unbearable attraction to the other man and with how much he cared about him, but he simply hadn't said it out loud to himself yet. Not since... well, since a long time ago, so he had just sort of assumed that wasn't a thing anymore.

But it was very much still a thing. A thing he would have to deal with. And Edward kept refusing to kiss him and he seemed to get uncomfortable every time such subject came up.

He realized he had been unfair to Edward, pulling him into this mess, and now trying to force him to feel feelings he clearly didn't feel or get into a type or relationship he clearly didn't want to be in.

Oswald had just admitted for the first time that same afternoon, how much of a bad friend he had been to Edward. So, now he felt more resolute than ever to do better. He was going to show Edward that he had changed, that he was able to be mature about this and he wouldn't make the same mistakes he'd made in the past, such as letting jealousy get the better of him.

He guessed that having died and then come back technically counted as being reborn, so he could actually say this quite literally: he was a whole new man.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I straight up don't know what the hell Scarface says most of the time. He says words i don't know and i think i got some of the dialogue wrong?? Not that it has to be exactly the same, this is fanfiction after all, but still, i tried and i did my best but-- lmao
> 
> Anyway. That's it...? All i have to say about this one :) hope you liked it as much as i had fun writing it :D


	3. What else are friends for?

 

When the alarm bells jingled that morning, Ed didn't even flinch, or grab his gun, or let go of his work, let alone turn to check the door. He already knew who it was.

Ever since that day when Penn had showed up with his terrifying dummy – it had been a little over a week – every day Oswald would come in like clockwork, bringing food or some beverage and his good mood with him.

And just as Edward was expecting, in came Oswald, bringing coffee, a pack of cookies, and a small plastic bag filled with... ugh, human fingers. That last part was definitely less cute, but Ed wasn't even bothered by this anymore.

He looked up and offered a polite smile, accepting the coffee that the other handed him before setting the snacks on the table.

«Thank you.» he said, taking a sip, before putting it down and resuming his work.

After a moment, he realized Oswald was still there, just sort of hovering around him, trying to peek behind his shoulder and observe his work.

Edward put down his tools and frowned slightly.

He wasn't upset by this, or bothered, or even annoyed, it was just a lot, having him always around. He found himself thinking that he liked it better when he was never there, at least he could get more work done and more efficiently.

Don't get him wrong, he appreciated it, and sure, once in a while Oswald was actually useful, but most of the time he was just sort of... there.

He looked so happy to be there, though, so Edward hadn't had the heart yet to tell him that his presence wasn't really needed. Yes, he had been the one to complain that the other wasn't doing anything, but at this stage of the project there wasn't much to do for him anyway, so Ed guessed he just wanted Oswald to be a bit more involved, more present. Well, but that's what he had gotten, wasn't it? So he should have been happy.

Except, no, he really couldn't be. Having Oswald around was distracting and detrimental to his mental state above anything else.

As far as Oswald was concerned, just being able to hang out with Edward was enough, but he wasn't there to “hang out”, he was there to help.

He had been set on proving himself useful ever since that day when Ed had pointed out this shortcoming of his to him. He wasn't sure what Ed was doing most of the time, after all, Ed was the scientific mind of the two, but he still tried his damned best to keep up, and if anything, he just wanted to be ready, in case Ed actually ever needed him for anything. It's not like he had anything else to do, anyway.

He just stood there and quietly observed the other work. Edward got so silent and he looked so serious, with his slightly crinkled brow and tightly pressed lips, when he was focused. Oswald refrained from sighing too loud, not wanting to distract the other.

Edward could feel Oswald's eyes on him, but he tried to ignore them, so he frowned ever so slightly, and he clenched his jaw, in the hopes of appearing extra-focused, so maybe the other wouldn't notice how actually distracted he was.

When Oswald sighed, out of nowhere, Ed's mind once again spaced out, and he accidentally dropped the tiny tools he was working with, doing rather delicate work.

«Argh!» he let out a frustrated sound, clenching his fists and shaking them in the air for a second before dropping them and throwing his head back, resignedly.

Oswald watched him with a bit of concern, daring to step closer.

«Do you need help?» he asked, eager to be useful.

Edward sighed and looked at him.

«Yes, actually. Help me move this over there.» he said, pointing with his thumb at the table on the opposite side of the room.

Oswald's eyes sparked up at that offer and he was quick to straighten his back and clap his hands in delight. Edward watched his reaction and thought to himself that it was so rare to see such childlike joy in an adult man that age, and yet, Oswald still managed to surprised him with these little flashes of vivacity. He let his lips form a small smile, but he looked away for a second, trying not to let the other see.

«Be careful, it's heavy.» he warned.

Oswald nodded and he immediately begun to take off his jacket. Edward looked on, thinking to himself that this was absolutely ridiculous. He had already ruined at least two perfectly good suits by drenching them in blood, and he was worried about what? _Sweating_ in this one? He refrained from commenting on this, not wanting to bring Oswald's attention to this detail, or to the fact that he was investing so much mental energy into the thought of him removing his jacket – something completely normal that he was absolutely allowed to do and Ed wasn't gonna stop him.

«Oof!» Oswald huffed out when they started lifting the contraption, realizing that Ed was right, and it was indeed pretty heavy. Not impossible to carry, especially for two people, but still.

They moved a bit to the side, then as they approached a stool, Ed nodded in its direction and Oswald nodded back in agreement. They momentarily placed it on the small surface. They exchanged a look, Oswald wanting to make sure Ed was still holding it in place so it couldn't fall, while he proceeded to roll up his sleeves and the undo the first button of his shirt. He then looked back at Ed, nodding to let him know he was ready again, but Ed was unresponsive for a moment longer.

Edward swallowed and the forced himself to nod and together they lifted again and after a few steps they were able to reach their destination and complete the task. He looked away, coughing into his hand, and he stretched his arms a little.

«Thanks.» he muttered.

«You are welcome.» Oswald replied triumphantly, and yet, he couldn't help but feel like there was something wrong with Edward, something bothering him, perhaps.

He got curious and he stepped closer, trying to get a look at his face.

Ed noticed him and when he turned he found him right in front of him, much closer than he had been expecting. He felt himself start to sweat and fought the urge to undo a couple buttons of his overall. Instead, he nervously fixed his glasses, just to have something to do with his hands.

«Is something wrong?»

Oswald couldn't help but notice the drop of sweat rolling down Edward's temple. He assumed it must have been from the effort. He had gotten pretty tired too.

«No. Well... actually, I have to ask. What's with this new attitude of yours?»

Oswald blinked uselessly at him.

«My attitude?»

Edward took a deep breath and walked around the other, so that he was now behind him and he didn't have to look directly at him.

«I have to wonder if you are trying to sabotage me, or something. You do realize, that without my complete devotion to this work, the submarine will never get built, right?» he turned around after a moment of silence, wondering why the other wasn't answering.

He met Oswald's eyes. They were moving all over the place as he tried to piece together the meaning of his words as a confused frown formed on his face.

«If I have inconvenienced you or offended you in any way, I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention.»

Oswald sounded really honest. And he was too. He thought he had been doing something good, but now it turned out that he was mistaken again. He cursed himself to never being able to do the right thing. What was he supposed to do to get Edward to appreciate his efforts?

«You...» Ed paused, starting to gesticulate, but then dropping his hands, unsure how to convey the concept, «Your presence here is distracting at best, and it gets in the way of my work, so.»

«Oh. Well... I'm sorry about that.»

He saw Oswald lower his face and he looked actually hurt. God, what had he done now? Ed already felt bad.

«I'm just trying to help. You said I should be doing that more, remember? I just want- I guess what I'm saying is- I want to... I'm _trying_ to be a better friend. For you.»

Edward's shoulders dropped and his mouth hanged open in surprise.

«Because you are such a good friend, and I haven't been one, historically. So I want to make it up to you. You are always there for me, and you stayed by my side despite everything, and-... I'm so thankful to you for that. I just wish to repay you.»

Edward suddenly found control of his face again and finally closed his mouth, although his eyes were still wide.

He also suddenly felt like if there was an award for biggest asshole on earth, he had earned that title. Man, talk about fucking up. He felt horrible. He attempted a smile, trying to comfort Oswald.

«Don't be ridiculous, you saved my life. If anything, I'm the one who's in debt. Which I'm already trying to repay, so try not to do me any more favors in the meantime, or I'll never be done.»

His attempt at humor failed spectacularly, as his words felt like a blade stabbing Oswald's chest side to side.

Of course – Oswald pondered bitterly – Edward was only sticking around to repay his debt. How could he have been so stupid to think otherwise? After everything that had happened between them, Ed already would have had enough reasons not to want anything to do with him, but now he was also undead and he needed to feed on human flesh to live. Edward had been so kind not to make this weight on him, trying not to make him feel like a monster, going along with it as if everything was fine, but it wasn't really fine with him, how could it be? Clearly, Edward looked forward not to have to see him again, and if he hadn't left him or betrayed him yet, was only out of a sense of duty towards him for having saved his life.

Oswald bit his lip, looking down at his own shoes. Edward's brow furrowed when he noticed this reaction, which wasn't the one he was expecting. He was confused and concerned and he was about to open his mouth to ask Oswald what was wrong, but the other spoke first.

«You don't have to feel like you owe me. In fact, you don't owe me anything at all, and as soon as we are out of Gotham, you can go on your own merry way, and you won't need to deal with me anymore. I will understand if you choose to do so.»

Oswald's smile looked bitter, almost like it hurt, and Ed could tell that his eyes were getting watery. This was wrong. This conversation was going in a direction Edward didn't like, and frankly, didn't quite understand either. He was finally beginning to get what Oswald meant, but he couldn't figure out how he had reached that conclusion.

«Do you ant me to leave?» he asked. He thought this would be the right way to bring the conversation back on the right track, but right after the question had left his lips, he regretted it, starting to fear the answer he would get.

Oswald stared at him, seemingly trying to understand Edward's ulterior motive or perhaps the answer he wished to hear. In the end, he decided to be honest.

«No. I really don't.»

Ed couldn't help but smile, nervously letting out a relieved breath in the form of a short laugh.

Oswald seemed confused by it at first, but Ed's smile was contagious and before Oswald could fully understand, his lips were also beginning to stretch into a smile.

«Good. Because I don't intend to.»

At those words, Oswald's smile widened. That made Edward's chest warm up and tighten at the same time, but in a pleasant way. Before he knew it, Oswald's hands were on his shoulders and he looked so happy, by the way he was looking at him, like he could have cried. Ed allowed him to get closer, realizing that this was what his friend needed right now, and he even went as far as brushing his upper arms with his hands, letting them linger there for just a moment longer even if there was no reason to do so, but simply because he felt like it.

Then, while lost in those blue eyes, he suddenly found himself again and he realized that Oswald had gotten closer than he was before, and so he felt a rush of panic grip his stomach and he took a step back, forcing Oswald's hands to fall back by his side.

Edward tried to alleviate the tension by clearing his throat and he looked away.

Oswald continued watching him with curious eyes, longing for what he knew he could never have, and cursing himself for almost overstepping Ed's boundaries again.

«Why don't we take a break?»

That had really come out of nowhere and Oswald was shocked to hear it, especially coming from Ed, of all people.

He let himself smile, chuckling amusedly and raising an eyebrow.

«A break?»

Ed straightened his back and nodded, forcing a smile.

«Yes, why not?»

«Because... you are Edward Nygma, and I've never heard you spontaneously decide to take a _break_ from your current project, ever?»

He sounded highly amused still, and Ed could tell he was mocking him, but he decided to play along, and fake himself offended for the sake of banter.

«Well, you are Oswald Cobblepot, a man not known for his patience, and yet you've been nothing but patient with me lately, so... Care for a break? Or not? I'll get back to work if you don't make up your mind.»

Oswald shot him a look as if to tell him that he knew what game they were playing and he was glad that Ed had decided to play too.

«Of course. What did you have in mind?»

Edward smiled.

«How about we go on a little “hunting trip”?» he asked with a wink.

Oswald's eyes went wide and he bit his lip to contain the excitement before the largest smile could spread on his lips.

«That would be delightful.»

 

Oswald wasn't quick enough. They had lured, then cornered, this lowlife in a remote alley so he'd have to way to escape except fighting them, and it's not like they hadn't been expecting him to do just that, especially after Oswald ferociously attacked him. Still, it came as kind of a surprise how much he was able to hold them off, especially now that Ed had seen a blade penetrate Oswald's abdomen like it was butter.

Oswald paused, more alarmed than anything. Edward's breath died in his throat, and he was barely able to let any sound out, besides calling his friend's name. Everything was still for a moment. Even the lowlife stopped, watching in confusion as he realized that the man he had just stabbed hadn't even flinched, and then Oswald's expression went from one of surprise, then briefly to one of relief, and then to one of annoyance, as he finally looked up from the wound and at the criminal.

«What the fuck are you?!» the man asked, scrambling backwards, realizing just now that something was very, very wrong.

Edward watched Oswald continue as if nothing had happened, and he was finally able to breath again, immensely relieved that the other was apparently fine.

Oswald let a large mischievous grin stretch on his lips, expression that was made even more terrifying when accompanied by his slow walk towards his victim, like a predator ready to pounce, and the fact that he easily pulled out the knife from his gut without even reacting, dropping it and letting the metal clatter against the concrete, while the lowlife walked backwards until his back hit a wall, eyes wide with terror.

Next thing Edward new, there was just a lot of blood. They really needed to find a less messy way of doing this. At least, the plastic overall he had procured for Oswald was doing its job at protecting his clothes, although it wasn't able to protect him from getting stabbed.

After they were done with the hunting part, Edward drove their van next to the entrance to the alley so they'd be able to inconspicuously load the body on board, then they drove off.

 

Later, after the meat was dealt with and properly stored in their large freezer, they found themselves in Edward's workshop, Oswald tiredly limping into the room, a worried Edward anxiously following him.

«Let me see.» he ordered.

Oswald looked surprised, but he immediately understood and he obeyed, unbuttoning his vest and shirt and pulling up his undershirt. All three were stained with that black gooey substance that now replaced Oswald's blood. They both frowned at that sight, then Oswald let out a sigh.

«Well that awkward plastic thing was for nothing, I still ruined another suit. Damn it. I don't even know if this shit can be washed away, but I doubt it.» he commented tiredly.

Edward shot him a glare for a second, just mildly upset that _that_ 's what the other was concerned about, as if Ed hadn't felt his heart stop when he'd seen the other get stabbed, but then his expression softened, reassured to certify that the other was perfectly fine, despite that nasty wound.

It was a very clear cut, and there was no blood. Just some black goo had come out, but then the “bleeding” had apparently stopped on its own, thankfully. Still, it wasn't a great sight. He let out a sigh as well, and he begun to work to clean up the wound.

He'd brought everything he needed into the room, including a bowl with water and disinfectant – even though he wasn't sure the latter was truly necessary anymore – and he kneeled down, to get a better visual of the cut. He used a dampened cloth to gently rub off the goo, anxiously glancing up from time to time to study the other's reactions. He knew he wasn't hurting him, since the other didn't really seem to feel pain anymore, or not the same way that people do, but he still couldn't help but worry.

Oswald was standing there, holding his undershirt up with one hand, watching Edward dutifully clean up his wound, and he instinctively bit his lower lip. The other looked so serious, so focused – he had no doubt that he had to be worried about him, which warmed his heart – but the sight of Edward kneeling before him was beginning to cause some other kind of reaction in him too. He told himself to be cool about it. He wouldn't want to make the other uncomfortable. He knew this wasn't that kind of situation and it would have been highly disrespectful to imply otherwise, especially when Ed was being so diligent helping him out, and yet, he couldn't help himself but reach out and caress his face.

Edward yelped, clearly not expecting the contact and being surprised by it. He looked up at the other man, confused, but he didn't pull away. It was a gentle, very tender touch, and it's not like he could truly complain about it. After getting scared like that – seeing his friend get hurt and all, even if he turned out to be fine – he could use some comfort. He blinked helplessly at the other, mouth opening just slightly, as if words wanted to come out, but then they didn't.

He saw Oswald lick his lip, brow crinkling ever so slightly as if in concentration, as if he'd been studying his face, and suddenly Edward felt his face and ears burn and he had to stand up and put some distance between them, avoiding the other's gaze all of sudden. He coughed awkwardly, walking to the table to pick up a needle and a very thin, almost transparent thread, before turning to the other again.

«Stay still now.» he said, grabbing a chair and pulling it closer, sitting in it, while the other stood before him, uncertain on what to do. This would be a way more comfortable position for the delicate work he was about to do, rather than kneeling. Also, way less awkward – and way less ambiguous too.

He hesitated when he first had to pierce the skin. He was no stranger to this kind of work, but he was more used to do this on dead bodies than on living ones – although, he had to suppose, the difference was minimal at this point, considering how Oswald didn't seem to feel pain anyway, and considering the unusual lack of blood – it was actually freakishly similar to sewing up a corpse, and Ed would have been freaked out by this, but at this point he was more than used to things way worse than this, so it didn't really bother him that much.

Oswald watched the other work, trying to stay as still as possible. It didn't really hurt, he could barely feel it. It was more like a slight tickle than anything else, pretty easy to ignore, but the part that was harder to ignore was the presence of the other's hands on him. He would have lied if he'd said he wasn't at least partly enjoying this process, or at least this part of it. He even considered he should get hurt more often if that meant Edward would be this close to him again, but then, that was probably not a good idea. He wasn't even sure how or if his body would even heal in the state that it was now, and he didn't want to become a human colander.

Several minutes later, Edward grabbed the scissors and cut the thread, putting away the tools and taking one last look before allowing Oswald to lower his stained undershirt. He passed his hand over the cut. He had done the best job he could, and frankly it wasn't bad, he was quite proud. It was barely visible, especially at a distance, although to the touch the unevenness of the skin was apparent, as he had way to attest, passing his fingers over it a few times, just to get the feel for it and try to decide if the job was actually well done or not. After a moment, he realized he'd been staring at and delicately stroking Oswald's stomach for a few seconds too long, and before even catching the other's eyes and let it down on him how awkward this was, he averted his gaze and gestured to the other to let him know he could cover himself up now.

Oswald pulled down the undershirt, but he didn't look away from Edward's face, wondering what he could have been thinking in that moment. He thought the other was blushing just a little bit, but he convinced himself it had to be a trick of the light. Then, he looked at the state of his clothes, and he sighed, while the other stood up and put away the chair, before looking back at him and examining his clothes as well. He needed to be more careful, that much was sure. But they had already gotten better at this since they had started, only a handful of months prior, so, while it was definitely a process, they were on the right path.

«Thank you.» he suddenly said, realizing he hadn't said anything of the sort yet, and deciding it was definitely appropriate to do so.

Edward offered a small smile, fixing his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

«What else are friends for?»

Oswald smiled back, almost hesitantly. Right, friends. Of course. He had to remind himself once again that that's what they were, and all they would ever be.

 

About a month went by with no particular incidents to speak of. Their additional freezer, still kept in a secondary location like the rest of their secrets, was full, and Oswald was happy.

The disappearance of the lowlife they had brought back had caused no problems yet – he surely wouldn't be missed. The positive thing about Gotham being a mess right now, was that it was constant war, people died all the time, so nobody would bat an eye if some gang member randomly disappeared. Certainly not the police.

Oswald and Ed sat across from one another at the table. Oswald watched Ed eat his dinner, comprised of roasted chicken with green beans which smelled revolting, but he was sure it tasted delicious to regular human tastebuds, and in the meantime, he ate someone's calves, chopped up in small cubes to look like some kind of odd salad.

He picked at his bowl, glancing up at Edward and considering when the right time to tell him would be.

He had just heard the news that Jim Gordon and Lee Thompkins had gotten married at the precinct the day before. It hadn't been that big of a shock for him, although it had gotten him thinking about a bunch of things, but he knew this news would probably be harder on Edward. Lee still was his ex, after all.

As for Oswald, he was fine with it. His relationship with Jim had always been a strange one, but he had always known it would never go anywhere. It's always a weird position to be in, that kind of “we almost dated but not quite” kind of relationship, plus, adding a series of moments where they almost killed one another, all the times Jim got him arrested or tried to, didn't make it simpler. But there had been good times too, like all the times they had worked together after the same goal. In the end, though, things wouldn't have worked out, and maybe he was even glad they had never actually been involved romantically, because he got the feeling that that would have complicated things even more.

Which brought him back to how he was afraid Ed would react. There was no point in waiting any longer, he decided he should just tell him.

«I've heard that Jim and Lee got married.»

Ed stopped eating for a moment, glanced at him, looked back at his plate and stared for a while, then he resumed eating.

Oswald eyed him nervously, trying to understand what this reaction meant. He didn't want to appear jealous, and yet, at the same time, a lack of reaction was just as worrying to him. It surely wasn't what he had been expecting.

«Are you alright?» Oswald asked, growing more concerned the longer the other continued to eat in silence.

Ed nodded distractedly.

Learning this news was a lot to take in, but at the same time, he figured that made sense. In a way, he had always known that's where that would end. It was part of the reason things hadn't worked between them. Sure, they were extremely different people, and their relationship had been based on using each other, but at the base of all that, was the fact that Lee could have never truly loved him because in her heart there was only room for one man, and that was Jim Gordon.

He wasn't resentful, or even sad, at this point. He couldn't with one hundred percent certainty say that he was over his feelings for Lee. Some of those feelings would always remain, and he would always care for her on some level, but at the same time, those feelings had already mutated. There was really no fervent passion anymore, no possessive instincts, he was ready to let her go.

Besides, it was only fair. He had to admit, Lee and Jim had gone through a lot, and it felt right that they would end up together in the end, like they had earned it. They had gone through different phases where Lee had hated Jim, they had fought and hurt each other. Jim had killed her husband, she had infected him with the Tetch virus, they had almost had a baby together once, and they would have if Ed hadn't framed Jim and sent him to jail.

Despite all of this, they had always found each other in the end. They simply gravitated towards one another, and nothing could truly keep them separate, or only for so long, before they would inevitably be reunited again, against all odds. In a way, they reminded him of Oswald and himself.

They too had done it all. They had been friends, allies, enemies, rivals, but somehow, no matter how much they had hated each other at certain point, they always found themselves on the same side again, either reluctantly, like in the past, or enthusiastically, like at the moment. They had found a way to trust each other and care for each other again, despite all the hurt and the betrayal.

Just like Lee and Jim, they were two people who had had their serious differences in the past, who were so different, and yet one way or another they always found their way to one another, as if their fates were intertwined.

Edward suddenly felt his own face burn, and he had to wonder if his blush was visible. He coughed awkwardly, almost chocking on his dinner, and he took a sip of water to dissimulate.

He had only just realized he had been comparing himself and his friend to a literal newly married couple, as if it were nothing.

He had to wonder why that comparison hadn't felt odd at all to draw and the only answer he could find, was one that he had been trying to deny to himself for months now, but he figured he couldn't anymore, at this point.

He prided himself in being a man of logic and reason, and if something was as obvious as this, only a real fool would have denied it, and yet, part of him still struggled to accept it.

If their paths really were that similar to those of his ex and her new husband's, then he found himself wondering, and frankly wishing, that they would end the same way too.

Suddenly the room felt warmer and the air seemed to escape his lungs without consent. He almost felt dizzy at this realization.

Oswald watched him curiously.

«Ed? Are you sure you are fine? If you need to talk-»

Ed's eyes met Oswald's and for some reason, he was already seeing him differently, now that he knew what he knew about how he felt towards that man.

«I just need some air.»

He managed to say that and he stood up, quickly attempting to leave the room, but he felt something tug at his arm, and when he turned around, he found Oswald had reached him, and he was looking at him with obvious concern.

«Are you sure? I understand if it's a lot to digest, you two have history.»

Ed paused for a moment, thinking about how that statement still perfectly applied to the two of them. Realizing his real feelings was definitely a lot to digest, and yes, they had history, which was why everything was even more complicated. He shook his head, both as a response to Oswald, and to shake those thoughts away. Air. He really needed air.

«Yeah, just give me a moment to adjust. I'll be fine, I promise.»

He forced a smile, but it must have been a convincing one, because he saw the other relax and eventually let go of him and nod.

Edward walked outside and he stopped, leaning against a wall, closing his eyes and letting his head rest on the bricks.

He should have know this from the start, it was so obvious looking back now. Just consider the relief he had felt when he'd realized that Oswald wasn't the one responsible for all the awful things that had been happing to him, and then realizing that he had been the one who saved him, instead. Knowing for certain that he had no reason to hate him, because he didn't want to, and knowing that he could trust him. Then, when he had thought that Oswald was gone forever, holding his body in his arms, tears in his eyes, thinking he would never see him again. Once again, the relief when Oswald woke up. How quick he had been to accept that his friend needed to feed on human flesh, and the lengths he had gone to accommodate him, reassure him, and help him through this, just consider all that he was willing to put up with just to be by his side.

But that wasn't all, because he had noticed the way Oswald had been acting around him recently, basically ever since he had gone through his “change”, and that inexplicably hurt. Oswald himself had admitted that ever since he had become undead, killing people, eating them, and such activities turned him on. That must have been why, Ed reasoned. Every time Oswald would start to act all flirty around him, it was because he had that impulse, and he knew by now that Oswald had become entirely driven by impulses, like he'd lost most of his inhibitions, and when he wanted something, he wouldn't stop until he had it. Edward swallowed, chocking up at that choice of phrasing. That implied that Oswald “wanted” him – _oh, dear_.  
He still want sure if that's what _he_ wanted, though. He didn't want their relationship to be purely, well, purely carnal. What would that even make them, friends with benefits? He cringed at that term. Nope. Not at all what he had in mind for the two of them. But there was no way that Oswald felt the same way, right? Before the night the bridges blew, before Oswald found him and saved him, they hadn't left each other in the best of terms. Edward had betrayed him again, clearly showing he preferred to side with Lee than with him. Oswald had said at some point that even though trust is hard to find in Gotham, he trusted Edward. And Edward had proven he'd been wrong to do so, by breaking that trust. Clearly Oswald had forgiven him, since he had then proceeded to save him anyway, and, well, there they were now. But he still wasn't sure what that really meant. It was so frustrating, he sighed to relieve some of that tension.

Edward Nygma could as well have been the most intelligent man in Gotham, but even that didn't make him impervious to doing something so fucking stupid, such as _falling in love with his best friend_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one started as a shorter, more introspective one, but then i found out i had more stuff to say than i originally thought lmao, it's still more introspective, tho. A lot of talk, a lot of feelings, and not a lot of action. Still, i like this one too, tbh.


	4. You look like a pirate.

Things that Edward had been handling surprisingly well: being in love with Oswald and not letting it show, dealing with the bodies stored in the freezer and Oswald randomly snacking on fingers in front of him.

Things that could have been handled better, and that certainly did not help Edward's blood pressure: Barbara stealing the pressure regulator valve from them, seeing Lee for the first time since the stabbing (for the record, she stabbed him first), Oswald pointing a gun at a yet-to-be-born baby, the entire hospital being under attack by some overpowered freak... did he miss anything? Oh, right, Oswald deciding he didn't want to leave, after all.

Edward stopped in his tracks, turned around and stared down at Oswald, from his elevated position on the stairs that led into the submarine.

He couldn't believe his ears. He couldn't possibly have heard that right. After the lengths they had gone to ensure their safe escape from Gotham, after the length they had gone to keep Oswald well fed and _alive_ , now Oswald wanted to stay? And for what, to risk getting himself killed in a pointless battle?

He saw the other turn around and start to walk away and he felt panic taking over him. He couldn't let him walk away. This made no sense. He rushed to catch up with his friend and he stepped in his way to stop him.

«Oswald! Where are you going!?»

Oswald looked at him and it costed him more than Ed could ever imagine, because this was painful. And he knew it was probably just as painful for Ed too, but he had no choice. He would never demand of Ed to stay by his side, after all, this isn't what he had signed up for, it wouldn't have been fair. Which was why looking at him in the eyes, knowing that nothing the other could say would convince him to go, hurt him so deeply.

«This is my city, and I'm gonna be damned if I let those bastards take it.» he forced himself to say.

It had taken him far too long to realize this, but he knew now that he couldn't abandon this city. It was true what he had said earlier. If he'd left, his heart would have remained here.

Now, though, that phrase had another layer of meaning, since Edward seemed so adamant on leaving.

«I cannot let you do this.»

Edward didn't want to leave without him, but he didn't want to stay either. He would have done anything to change his mind, but he had been aware for a while, that Oswald tended to be driven by his impulses and if this was what he had set his heart on, there was close to nothing that could stop him.

Oswald couldn't understand how Ed could accept defeat so easily. Perhaps he was just tired of fighting, perhaps he was just scared.

«You of all people should wanna stop those monsters. They forced you to destroy Haven, to murder hundreds of innocent civilians, you are just gonna let them get away with it?»

Edward's chest ached at the memory of those facts. He wasn't happy about it. Even though he knew it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help but feel responsible. Although, he knew he couldn't change the past.

«I was kinda planning on it, yeah.»

Oswald inhaled sharply and straightened his back.

«Very well. I'm gonna follow my heart.»

Oswald begun to walk away, Ed turning to watch him.

«Oswald!» he called him, and Oswald couldn't help but notice the note of anger in his voice, «You've been down this road before. Following your heart has never worked out for you.»

Oswald turned again to face him. To his surprise, despite what he had sounded like, he didn't look angry at all. He just looked sad. Hurt. Oswald forced himself to keep a tough facade and he walked up in his face, staring at him from that now close distance with a slight frown.

«Perhaps. But perhaps you could learn something if you listened to _this_... Instead of _this_.» he said, pointing first at his heart, and then at his head. Then, he took a pause and looked down.

«I'm gonna miss you, Edward.»

Edward's heart sank when he heard those words. He tried to remain calm and he looked straight ahead, trying to avoid looking at the other in the eyes because he knew that the other would have noticed he was doing his best not to cry.

«I'm gonna miss you too, Oswald.»

Oswald suddenly looked up at him.

He had been talking to the dog, not to him, but Edward sounded so sincere, he didn't have the heart to correct him. His eyes fell on the dog again, who was laying nearby, and he approached him, taking his leash.

«Come on, good boy! Go with the man in green...» he paused, handing the leash to the other man, «You'll be safe.»

Edward took it from his hands and he felt his own lip tremble. He knew how much Oswald cared about that dog, and it should have made him feel good about himself that he would trust him so much to keep him safe, but in reality it only hurt more, because it became even clearer that this was a goodbye.

Oswald started to walk away again, this time really struggling not to cry.

«Oswald! How are you going to deal with your _needs_ if you are alone?» this was Ed's last attempt to reach him.

Oswald inhaled sharply, he paused and he only partially turned around.

«I will manage.» he offered almost bitterly, with an half smile, before turning again and continuing on his way.

«Oswald... If you walk off this dock I'm taking the submarine. And the treasure!»

But Oswald didn't stop.

In a matter of minutes, Edward found himself alone at the dock, only his canine namesake to keep him company. He continued staring in the distance, sniffling, trying to cope with the idea of not having Oswald in his life anymore, and then, suddenly the tears couldn't be held back anymore, and he started crying silently. He heard a whine and he looked down to his feet, offering a small smile at the creature's pathetic expression.

«You are gonna miss him too, uh?»

But this wasn't a matter of missing him, it was a matter of not being sure if he could even continue living without him. It was a matter of not wanting to, and resenting the idea of having to in the first place. He resented Oswald for walking away, but he couldn't blame him. He knew Oswald, and he knew how passionate he could get, and that he couldn't be persuaded. He should have known from the start, and he should have immediately agreed to stay with him. It had been foolish even to pretend that he could do otherwise.

He had asked Oswald how he was going to deal without him, but the truth was he probably was the one who truly needed the other the most. He had gotten used to having him around, taking care of him, making sure he had every need met. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do now that he was alone, and the thought of this new type of existence terrified him.

 

Oswald was still recovering from having to say goodbye to Edward, but somehow he had reached the GCPD and he hadn't broken down crying yet.

Before he could do or say anything to announce his presence to Jim, who was standing with his back to him, the other man greeted him.

«Oswald. Come in.»

He was surprised by this, but not that much.

«Still have those eyes in the back of your head, don't you?» he said, walking in.

«No... you just have a remarkably recognizable odor.» Jim casually said, opening a bottle of liquor.

Oswald kind of rolled his eyes at that remark. Good old Jim Gordon, as charming as always.

«Part dandy, part snake. After all these years, it hasn't changed.» the other paused, «Drink?» he offered.

«No, thank you. Dulls the senses.»

Jim smiled but there was no humor or joy in it.

«That's what I was going for.» he said as he sat down, «Surprised you're still here. Figured you'd be long gone by now. That storm, you warned me about for so long? It's finally here.» he said and he took a sip from the drink he'd just poured himself.

Oswald took a deep breath, preparing for what he had to say. He'd been thinking about it on the way there, but seeing Jim helped fit all the thoughts together, somehow, as some odd form of nostalgia pervaded him.

«We've shared some turbulent times, you and I.» he said as he took a sit, getting comfortable.

«That, we have.» Jim offered him a bitter, yet possibly nostalgic smile.

«When you spared my life on that pier, that day, banished me from Gotham... that was the most lost I've ever been. Because I was away from this city, you see.» Oswald let out a short chuckle.

He saw Jim get serious and he continued.

«It's part of me. You know what I'm talking about because it's part of you too. Sure, I could escape – with money, I might add – but then what? Stand on the shores of the mainland, watch the army burn it to the ground? Then watch tasteless industrialists and fat politicians rebuild it?» he let out yet another short chuckle, just a bit more bitter this time, and he shook his head, «No. My life is edged on the walls of every ally and dirty warehouse here. My blood lives in its broken concrete.»

Suddenly, he stood up.

«I'm staying to fight. For my legacy.»

«Hey.» in that moment Harvey entered the office, looking rather troubled, «The army just busted through the GCPD check-point, they reached the barricades. Bane's leading them.»

«How many men?» Jim asked.

«Six, seven hundred?»

Oswald let out a shaky breath. That didn't sound good at all.

«Still wanna fight?» Jim asked him sarcastically, noticing his reaction.

Oswald didn't have time for sass. He was seriously concerned about their odds right now. Not that he had changed his mind or anything, but, you know. Always better to know in advance how many chances of survival they actually had.

«How many do we have?» he asked Harvey.

«Maybe thirty?»

Oswald laughed in disbelief. Nope, that did not sound good at all.

«Thirty-one.» spoke a voice that Oswald recognized immediately, turning to the door to face the source of it.

Oswald looked shocked to see Edward there, but above all, ecstatic.

«Takes two to pilot that submarine, Oswald. Dog can't do it.»

That was a lie, Edward knew it as he spoke it, but he hoped nobody else could tell.

Oswald gasped in relief. He should have had more faith and he should have known Edward wouldn't have left without him. He would have ran to him and hugged him, but there were other people and he didn't feel like showing that kind of affection in public, especially not in front of the detectives. Not that he cared what they thought about it – they could mind their own business, thank you very much – but exactly because he didn't want people getting their noses in his business. His relationship with Edward was already complicated as it was, or at least his feelings were.

«Agreed on that blood and concrete thing. Kinda like this city the way it is.» Edward told yet another lie. He didn't care about this city, or the people in it, he never had. There was only one reason he was still there, and that reason was currently standing before him with sparkles in his eyes.

«Shall we? I believe time is of the essence.» he added.

This really changed nothing, thirty-one still wasn't enough, but at least now they were together, regardless of what would happen next.

«Gentlemen.» Jim nodded encouragingly.

Oswald briefly glanced at him with a smile.

«Remind me to talk to you about that full pardon.»

They shared a look, Jim half-smiled but Oswald wasn't entirely able to interpret the meaning, then, just as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone. Oswald's smile didn't even falter and instead it widened when he turned to face Edward. He had never been so happy to see his best friend, the man he loved.

They walked out of the room, but Oswald slowed his pace a little, letting Jim and Harvey get a bit further ahead. Edward noticed and he stayed behind, at his side, giving him an expectant look, as if he'd known the other wanted to say something. He was right, of course.

«Not because I doubted you, but-»

«You didn't expect me to show up?» Ed completed the sentence for him with a small smile, gaining a mildly annoyed, but mostly apologetic look from the other.

«Well... I wouldn't have blamed you if you hadn't. I've told you before, you aren't obligated to stick with me.» Oswald rolled his eyes, not in annoyance, at least not at Ed, but more because or the redundancy of his own words, and out of nervousness.

Edward halted and grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop too and turn to face him. Oswald looked at him with raised eyebrows and wide eyes, clearly surprised by that gesture, but when he saw Ed's face he noticed how serious he looked and he anxiously swallowed out of instinct.

«And I've told _you_ before that I _want_ to be by your side.»

As if only now realizing the depth and the implications of such a statement, Ed back-pedaled a little, letting go of Oswald and averting his gaze. Oswald didn't. He continued looking into his eyes even as the other looked away, still looking for something else.

«Besides, haven't I promised you that we'd find a way to fix you? I can't leave you until we have done that, at least. Plus, I know you said you'd manage without me... but I'm not so sure. With your temper? You'd get caught in a week.» Edward smirked, gaining an open-mouthed half-frown and half-smile from the other. An expression that probably wanted to look offended, but was simply too amused to be believable.

«I see. Well, thank you. And fuck you for your luck of faith, I'm sure I'd last at least three weeks.»

They remained in silence for a moment, smiles threatening to burst into something more, until Edward gave in first and started laughing, quickly infecting the other, and they finally relaxed.

Edward meant what he said. He really wished to help fix Oswald, however and whatever that meant, and he really hoped that would be a possibility soon. After all, Oswald too had “fixed” him when he had been bleeding to death, by paying Hugo Strange to patch him up.

Oswald smiled and laughed and it was a completely honest reaction, as well as an accurate representation of his current emotions, and yet, when they continued walking, as soon as he was sure that Ed wasn't looking at him anymore, his smile dropped and he got a whole lot more serious.

He was really grateful that Ed was there and definitely glad to hear how much he wanted to be there to help him, but hearing the words he'd used he couldn't help but feel a bit hurt. He knew Ed hadn't meant them like that, but he didn't like the implication that there was something wrong with him, something to “fix”.

He knew of course, that what he had been doing – hunting down people to eat – wasn't morally sound by any stretch of imagination, and that if anyone else had found out about it they would have put him down like a rabid animal. But he also couldn't help but feel like he had a right to be who he was, even if who he was happened to be an undead flesh-eating criminal. In all honesty, he'd had some time to think about his current condition and he had found numerous improvements to his previous state. He felt much better, both physically and in general, mentally, emotionally. He had a lot more energy – like, a ton – and he had a more positive outlook on things. He was stronger, he had more stamina, and he felt way more confident than he'd ever felt in his life.

He didn't like to talk about this, usually, but he had at least to admit to himself, that he had never thought of himself as particularly attractive. Sure, it might come as a surprise, considering how much he clearly cared about his looks, even only based on how much time and resources he poured into looking the way he looked – styling his hair a certain way, only wearing the finest bespoken suits, and so on – but all of that was a facade to masquerade the fact that he'd always been deeply insecure.

He had grown fond of some of his physical features, and he now completely owned his Penguin persona, wonky walk and all, but none of this detracted from the fact that he simply couldn't see himself as attractive, at least not in the most conventional sense. He was an acquired taste, so to speak. Not only that, but, partly because of this, he used to be quite insecure when it came to interpersonal relationships too. Sure, keeping his subjects obedient and the other gang bosses and criminals at bay came easy to him, but when friendships were involved, and even more so when something other than friendship was involved, he simply was like a fish out of the water. Or, maybe like a penguin out of the water, for a more fitting analogy. Since penguins are some of the fastest and most agile swimmers, but once they get on land they are slow and they look just plain silly, and all they do really is flop around, bump into each other awkwardly, and slip onto the ice. And that was Oswald. He did his best, but he always second guessed each move, and he never knew who to truly trust.

But now? Now all of that was gone. Now he knew what he wanted, even if he still couldn't mange to get it sometimes, but he knew his worth, and he knew that if he really wanted to, he could win, eventually – except when it came to making a certain someone kiss him, that had proved to be a challenge, but he had already decided that forcing his hand wasn't the right course of action, so that was out of the question.

So, no, he wasn't exactly eager to be “fixed”. He liked the way he was now, and he liked that being this way had made Edward get closer to him again. Somehow, Edward seemed convinced that Oswald needed him and he wouldn't leave his side – which wasn't too far off, actually. He definitely needed Ed, but for reasons other than helping him kill people efficiently, he needed him to be a presence in his life, one way or another.

He watched Ed get his weapon ready as they settled behind the barricade. No, he couldn't tell him all of this. Not yet, at least. If Ed believed that Oswald needed to be fixed, and if that was the reason that he was sticking around, then he was willing to at least pretend that they both shared this common goal, for as long as he could manage, as long as it would keep Edward by his side.

 

Trying to understand what had just happened didn't come easy to Edward, as he sat there, still shaking, Oswald's body slumped protectively over him. Then, Oswald pulled back and he let out a pained sound, falling backwards. Ed suddenly found the ability to move and think again, and the reality of what was really going on around them came rushing back.

There was a grenade. He'd seen it, and yet he couldn't move, he'd simply stared at it. That had been when Oswald had leaped over him to shield him, and a fragment of said grenade had apparently hit him, but there was too much of a black mess on his face right now to tell how bad the injury actually was.

Oswald was rushed away and offered a cloth to hold onto his eye.

«Oswald, I'm so sorry, I saw the grenade and I froze, I'm sor-»

«Shhh!» Oswald shushed him with a smile, «It's the least I could do.»

Edward swallowed. Was it? He couldn't think of anything he wouldn't have done for the other, and he was sure that in his place he would have done the same, but this didn't change the fact that Oswald didn't have to do this. He couldn't know what would have happened. What if his body had been irreparably damaged? What if the shard had hit his brain and killed him? Edward couldn't bear the thought of losing him like that, and that retroactive fear was overwhelming. He could help but feel responsible. If only he'd moved out of the way on his own, it he hadn't been paralyzed in a state of panic... Oswald would still have his eye.

Oswald didn't seem too agitated, probably because he couldn't feel the pain, but even then, it wasn't clear if he had fully realized what the situation was, maybe exactly because of the lack of pain.

«But tell me... does it look bad?» he asked, removing the cloth.

Edward had to fight the urge to puke. Now that the wound had been cleaned up a little, the situation was a bit more clear. His entire eye was gone. In its place was a hole, dark and oozing black goo. It wasn't exactly the best sight, and Edward felt even worse upon seeing it, both in terms of guilt, and in terms of his stomach turning.

Still, he knew how vain Oswald could be, and he didn't want to freak him out making him believe he was disfigured, so he tried to put on a brave face and dismiss his concerns.

«No, it's just a scratc-... it looks fine.» he said and he immediately saw Oswald relax a little.

He caught sight of someone walking their way and he quickly took Oswald's arm by the elbow and urged him to cover up until they had walked past them. They couldn't have people noticing Oswald's thick black blood and start questioning them on his health. They were supposed to be stealthy about that. Which made Edward wonder, how were they going to fix this one? Since Oswald's body didn't tend to heal itself like a normal body would, this wound would be a bit harder to patch up than the last. Maybe, all considered, walking straight into an active war-zone hadn't been the best of their ideas.

He led Oswald to a quiet, more isolated place, stopping by the medical bay to pick up some supplies, then they walked into an empty room, and locked the door behind them. Edward gestured to him to remove the cloth, and he started to work to clean up first, then he would patch it up as best as he could.

He used another dampened cloth to wash away all the black stuff sticking to his face and luckily, as he was glad to certify, the oozing had once again stopped on its own. So maybe there was some healing still happening, or at the very least some coagulation. Now that the wound was entirely clean, in a way it was even worse. Now he could actually see inside, where the eye was supposed to be. Ed grimaced, not really liking any of this. He started to think about how they would need to find someone to give them an eye for Oswald. He had to consider different possibilities, and he realized that probably a transplant wouldn't even work, would it? If Oswald's body wasn't entirely human anymore, would it even accept a human part? What if the healing process wasn't as active as he wished it to be, then the eye would certainly be rejected, or even rot before it could take root inside his skull. All of those options were disgusting and horrifying, so Ed started to consider the idea of getting him a glass eye for the time being. Sure, he wouldn't be able to see through it, but at least it would be aesthetically pleasing – which he was sure Oswald would appreciate – and it wouldn't rot or get damaged. Anyway, there would be time for this later, for now, he was satisfied enough to have momentarily fixed it by creating a temporary eye-patch for Oswald to wear.

«Be honest with me, how stupid do I look?» Oswald asked once Ed had taken a step back, letting him know that he was done.

«You look like a pirate.»

He saw Oswald roll his one good eye at him and this made him smile, despite the circumstances.

«In a good way or in a bad way?» Oswald inquired, the corners of his lips tugging into a little smirk.

Edward resisted the urge to roll his own eyes and he shook his head instead.

«In whichever way you wanna interpret that.» he commented.

«So... the good way?» Oswald asked, amused but at the same time sounding just a little bit uncertain.

Edward caught that hint of insecurity, and once again not wanting to make him feel bad about his own image, he decided to try to cheer him up, so he answered as honestly as he could, with a wink and a smile.

«In the best way.»

 

Once the battle had been won – and thank God they had all survived and Gotham hadn't been turned into a pile of ashes – they met again with Jim, who studied Oswald's eye situation curiously, with a hint of concern.

«Are you going to be alright?»

Edward appreciated his concern, but at the same time, he couldn't help but feel just a smidgen of jealousy. As if Jim really cared about Oswald – he thought to himself – but maybe he was being too harsh and letting his feelings speak for him. All considered, Jim really sounded at least a little bit worried.

«You know me. I'm always alright in the end.» Oswald answered with a self-satisfied smirk. Jim nodded in response, his expression hard to read.

Then a crinkle formed in Jim's brow, they both noticed, and Ed panicked a little when he saw Jim get closer to Oswald to study his face. Oswald simply froze in place, unsure of what was even going on.

«What the...» Jim muttered, focusing on one specific spot on Oswald's face.

That's when Ed followed his gaze and he realized that a drop of black blood had spilled from under the eye-patch, and ran down to his cheekbone.

He quickly grabbed Oswald's shoulders, turning him towards himself, and attempted to clean up his face with his sleeve before Jim could take a better look. Oswald apparently must have realized what was happening now and he shot Ed a grateful look.

«What's wrong with him? That doesn't look like blood.» Jim commented, leaning back and locking eyes with Ed, who had defensively stepped in front of Oswald to further obscure the view.

«He has... developed a very rare coagulation disease. Yes.» he paused, trying to figure if the lie was good enough, and he saw Jim's eyebrows shoot up as he instinctively took a step back, so he added, «It's entirely congenital. It's not infectious, don't worry. It's not deadly either, just makes life harder. They are still working on a cure.» he quickly supplied, sincerely hoping he hadn't spoken too fast to be believable, but luckily Jim nodded and he seemed to buy it.

Both Edward and Oswald let out a subtle sigh of relief when Jim changed the subject, but that feeling didn't last long.

«Anyway... you two shouldn't stick around, now that we are going to reconnect with the mainland, there's going to be even more police and army people around...» it sounded like a warning of some kind, but Oswald couldn't understand the meaning.

He let out an incredulous chuckle, which didn't sound amused at all.

«Excuse me? And why wouldn't we, pray tell?»

Jim inhaled deeply, frowning and averting his gaze for a moment, his hands on his hips, as if he couldn't believe he had to say this, and as if he didn't want anybody else to hear this conversation.

«Because you are criminals.»

Oswald's mouth formed a round shape and he stared at him with an increasingly deep frown, in shock at that statement.

«What about that pardon!?» he asked, raising his voice. Ed tensed up, ready to act in case things escalated too quickly. Oswald took a step towards Jim, pointing a finger at him.

«I never promised anything about that. You mentioned it, remember?» Jim murmured.

Ed could tell that Oswald was fuming at that point. Even with his short stature, even staring up at Jim, clenching his fists and stomping his feet in place, he still managed to look menacing. Ed's eyes went wide with worry, as he realized that Oswald was beginning to lose his temper.

« _We_ just fought your war, _we_ are heroes! You have no right-»

«You have also committed innumerable crimes through the years, and as a detective I have every right-»

«Like hell you do, Jim! Fuck you!» at this point Ed stepped in, halting Oswald by placing one hand on his chest, gently pushing him away, but this still didn't stop him from continuing shouting angrily at the detective, «This isn't the end of this, do you hear me, Jim!? You'll hear from me again! I will teach you to stab me in the fucking back, you asshole!»

Before Oswald could say or do anything worse, Edward stepped in front of him, hand still on his chest, pushing him further backwards and forcing him to meet eyes with him, trying to communicate to him with a single look that it was time to stand down and to leave. Oswald bared his teeth in sheer anger, but then he seemed to calm down, not without effort, and he straightened his back. Ed finally allowed himself to relax a little and he dropped his hand.

«We should go.» he said. Oswald reluctantly gave him a nod of agreement and the both started walking away.

Jim had seemed way too relaxed during that exchange, probably because he was too used to Oswald's tantrums to react accordingly, but he really had no idea the danger he had been in just now and Edward thought to himself that he should have been grateful to him, because he had just saved his life. Then again, he had really mainly saved Oswald's life and his own too, because if he had attacked Jim right then and there, they would have been caught in a hail of bullets before they could get the chance to take the next breath, with all the police still surrounding them. This thought stressed him out, so he quickened his pace, inadvertently forcing Oswald to speed up too to keep up with his longer strides.

 

It had been a shock to find out that their submarine was gone, and with it, all of their treasure. After what Jim had said, Edward had been counting on that to get the hell out of there, considering that since Gotham was now safe, maybe he could have a chance to finally convince Oswald to leave, but now that chance was gone for good.

And with that, so was Edward the dog, and Oswald couldn't have been more upset about it. Ed had had to physically restrain him from jumping into the harbor and trying to look for him, explaining the obvious and convincing him that that would have been pointless.

Now, still not even nearly over their loss, they waited around, unsure what to do next. They had taken into hiding back at Oswald's mansion, now that the city was slowly starting to go back to normal, and certain parts weren't off limits anymore.

That had been a shock too, seeing how it had been trashed during this time, but at least it was still standing.

«Back to square one. Common criminals.» Edward muttered.

«We saved this city from certain damnation, but do we see any credit for our loyalty? Our selfless bravery? Of course not!»

Oswald sounded upset, and rightfully so.

«I don't want their thanks, or their  _respect_. You know what I felt standing shoulder to shoulder with those...  _people_ _ _,__  out there? Nothing. I feel absolutely  _ _nothing__  for those drab, boring, people. That was  _me_  once. Minimum wage, at a thankless job, at the GCPD – Yes, sir. No, sir. Thank you so much, sir. Picking up scraps from my masters' floor... shy, awkward... pathetic...  _Ed_.»

Edward paused, pondering over this. It was true, he had never cared. He knew this the moment he had decided to stay, that it had never been for the good of the city, or its people, or out of a sense of duty.

He had only stayed because of Oswald. If the other hadn't decided to stay, he would have left, they would have left together, and he would have never looked back. But now, he was forced to face the reality of the facts, and it was that they really were back at square one. Well, maybe not entirely. They still had themselves, and that had always been enough, but more than that, now they had each other, which would be even more than enough. He flashed a quick smile to himself at the thought.

«Common criminals, never again.»

He paused again, stepping in front of the mirror and observing his image. In front of him, a tall man in a green suit and bowler hat, a man with intellect far superior to most in that disgusting city.

«I've shown this city who I truly am once before, and will do it again. They will  _bow_  to the Riddler. And they won't get up until  _I_  permit them to!»

Oswald watched him from his seat, and he hadn't commented until now, wanting to hear what Ed had to say, but now his words had really spoken to him, so he had to voice his feelings.

«Yes! You're right. Our accomplishments, erased. Our brilliant minds, underrated. If they had let me run this city the way I wanted to, we would not be in ruins now! I had the men, the money, the guns-»

« _Gordon_  took them.» Ed raised his voice, turning to look at Oswald in the eyes, «Why? Because he still sees you as Fish Mooney's umbrella boy, and he  _always_  will.»

Oswald's eyes went wide with recognition. That was the truth, wasn't it? It had always been. It was why things could have never have gone anywhere between him and Jim, and why no matter what he did, Jim would always treat him the same way, and never afford him the respect he deserved. Jim didn't really see him for who he was, he didn't recognize him or his potential, not the way that Edward did.

And now, Jim had gone and disrespected them even further by denying them their status as heroes, by stripping them of the worth of their efforts, refusing to acknowledge who Penguin really was and had always been. King of Gotham, ruler, protector. This city was his, that's why he had gone to such length to protect it, and now that Jim didn't need, or he didn't think he'd need, his help anymore, he was ready to discard him. Jim was ready to try to take Gotham away from him.

«Yes...» he muttered under his breath, in awe at Edward for showing him things so clearly.

«I only came back to help save this city so that I could take it for myself.»

Oswald's awed expression dropped when he heard those words.

«For... yourself?» he asked, incredulous, gaining a suddenly sheepish look from Ed, as if he'd just realized what he'd just said.

Edward didn't want Oswald to know how he really felt. He could tell him the truth, that he only cared about Gotham because Oswald did, but in his attempt to distance himself from this concept, he had perhaps now overstepped some boundaries, and risked upsetting Oswald, so he had to think fast and fix it.

« _Our_ selves, is what I meant. It's _our_ city... right?»

He watched Oswald, waiting for a reaction, and he was immensely relieved when he saw him finally smile and nod.

«Of course.»

That answer was a good sign.

«We are stronger together. No one can stop us.» Oswald added.

Edward knew this to be true. They were both clever and resourceful individuals, and they had both proven time and time again what they were capable of on their own, so, with their joined efforts, he had no doubt that they could make this city theirs, it would be as easy as pie.  
Still, he didn't want to sound too eager. He had gone to great lengths to hide his true feelings, so he couldn't give in now, by doing something as over the top as proclaiming how much it meant for him to be working with the other, or how deeply he believed in their friendship, or something like that. No, he needed to keep it low-key.

«Yes... _probably_.»

He would have slapped himself if he could. That was maybe too much in the opposite direction, he thought, but he couldn't take it back now. He took a deep breath, hesitating to face Oswald, fearing his reaction, but luckily, the other didn't seem to have paid that much attention to his last word, maybe because he had said it too quietly.

«Let's make a pact, then. Here and now. We will take what we want, from whom we want, and we will suffer no fools.» Oswald said, standing up and walking closer.

«Together.» Ed added, in an attempt to fix his last mistake. He was relieved when the other's smile widened.

«Shall we shake on that?» he asked, offering a hand. Oswald huffed out a light chuckle.

«Please. Ed, We are  _ _brothers__. A hug?»

Edward blinked at that choice of words, too taken aback to respond right away.

Oswald's smile didn't falter, but he was screaming internally at his own words. Brothers? Seriously? Well, he was trying to reinforce the boundaries of their relationship, so he thought that would help, and yet, judging by Ed's expression he didn't seem to have liked that, and now Oswald couldn't stop beating himself up over this. He couldn't help but wonder if that meant anything, or if he was just reading too much in a subtle surprised frown.

«A hug it is.» Ed finally answered when he found his voice again.

Next thing he knew, Oswald's arms where wrapped around his shoulders, and now that the other couldn't see his face anymore, Ed let himself go, letting his eyes get wide and rolling them at himself for his consistent fuck-ups, then, he really started thinking.

Whatever this meant, this was a lot, that was for sure. Even when he had decided to stay, even if he had no actual intention to use it, the idea that the submarine was still an option had been in the back of his mind. Now, that was gone, so he was stuck here. And he was stuck with Oswald. No, that sounded wrong. He had gotten himself into this situation entirely willingly, so he couldn't really resent the other. Still, he couldn't help but feel a little bit trapped, especially now that he was literally encased in a tight hold. Dealing with all that came with Oswald's condition was stressful, and he wasn't sure if he could do it, or if he'd make it out alive. What if they'd gotten caught? What if one day Oswald got too hungry and snapped at him? What if Oswald got hurt too seriously and he couldn't patch him up anymore?

Those were a lot of interrogatives to be concerned about, and maybe he should just have left himself relax and enjoy being held in the arms of the man he loved, but... then there was that. He really was in love, and that was why he couldn't leave.

The thought crossed his mind for just a second, that right now Oswald was really vulnerable and he had his guard down. He had a knife hiding in the back of his belt, and he could have easily taken it out without the other noticing. Maybe, if he'd killed him now, he could put an end to all of this. This man was a cannibal, for God's sake! This wasn't simply about him, or his feelings, no matter how much he claimed not to care about this city, any normal person would have seen this as a service to society. Hell, any normal person would have had a problem with all of this from the start, and wouldn't have let it go as far as he had. But he wasn't “a normal person”, was he? And neither was Oswald, even before his change. Nothing about their relationship had ever been normal, from the very beginning.

So no, he shook that awful thought from his mind, vowing to never dig it up again. He could never hurt Oswald. He tightened the grip on the other just a little bit, but that was enough to let a deep sigh escape the other man.

Oswald felt Ed hug him tighter and he couldn't help but smile, sighing in relief, and doing the same.

He would have never wanted to let him go, but after what had to have been about a minute, the other started to pull away a little, and so he let go, but they still stood very close to each other, as if neither of them were really looking forward to being separated again. This thought made Oswald smile, but then immediately after, the same thought was what made said smile falter, because he realized he was probably once again reading too much into it.

Edward noticed that imperceptible change in expression and he frowned interrogatively at the other, who in response just picked his smile right up and nonchalantly shook his head.

He had no idea what was going on in Oswald's mind, but then again, he had no idea what was going on with Oswald at all. They had been too busy trying to get out of there, and then too busy staying to fight, that he hadn't had any time to truly look into this, and he still had made no progress in figuring out what the hell the deal was with what he kept referring to as Oswald's “condition”. This was the greatest mystery he had ever encountered, and his brain being made the way it was made, he knew he wouldn't be able to rest until he'd figure it out.

Then, his mind was taken off this train of thought, when he heard a loud grumble and he saw Oswald look embarrassed. A smile broke on his lips.

«Somebody is hungry.» he commented, then frowned.

«Shit. Our freezer is across the city.» he commented thoughtfully.

«Doesn't matter, it was empty anyway.» Oswald shrugged, making Ed's eyebrows shoot up.

«What?! Why didn't you say so sooner?» Ed asked, quite frankly upset about this. Well, it was inconvenient, for sure.

«There was a lot going on already, I didn't want to get us distracted.»

Edward's frown deepened and Oswald started looking apologetic and rather sheepish.

«Your needs come first, Oswald.» Ed scolded him.

Oswald looked surprised by that statement, but he quickly recovered and he gave him an amused smirk along with a raised eyebrow. Edward found himself stumbling on his own thoughts before he could even try to correct himself, realizing the unfortunate implications of what he'd said.

«I- I mean your _hunger_. Your hunger comes first.»

«Oh...» Oswald murmured, faking himself disappointed, but then chuckled immediately after, betraying his facade, to Ed's immense relief.

They still hadn't really moved out of each other's space, and in fact, they seemed to have grown quite comfortable being that close. Only now Ed really realized it, when he noticed the way Oswald's chin almost brushed against his chest when he suddenly looked down.

«You know, you don't need to react like that every time... I just like to joke around, but I know how you feel. I wouldn't force you to do anything you don't want to do.»

Ed wondered where this seriousness had come from all of sudden, both in the topic and in the way Oswald has posed it.

«I... I know, I-... wait. What do you mean, you know how I feel?»

Ed felt his chest tighten and his mouth get dry out of nowhere. Oswald still avoided his gaze, which made him somewhat more uncomfortable than if he hadn't, because he couldn't help but feel like the other was hiding something, and possibly even sensing some kind of misunderstanding he couldn't possibly imagine.

Oswald continued looking down at his own shoes, forehead almost brushing against Ed's chest from that short distance. He had really gotten himself into a pickle with that one, hadn't he? But there was no way back now, even if he still meant to avoid revealing his own real feelings as much as he could.

«Yeah, well. I know you don't-...» his words got caught in his throat, so he started over, «I've tried to kiss you before, but you've never... I mean, it's fine that you don't want to. We are both adults, I can be mature about this.»

He still hadn't looked up. Ed frowned, trying to understand the meaning of this. This wasn't news to him, although hearing it out loud was something entirely different than extrapolating it from context, so he wasn't sure what the other wanted him to say. He didn't want to tell him how he felt, that would be too embarrassing, but he had to say something to justify himself. He couldn't just leave him hanging like this.

«If it can make you feel better, it's not because of a lack of attraction.»

Alright. In what world was that supposed to make things better!? He was so pissed at himself, he would have taken his own brain out of his skull and punched it, but the breath got figuratively sucker-punched out of him when Oswald finally looked up and met his eyes.

There was so much going on in there, Ed wasn't even sure where to start. He thought he saw hope, confusions, relief, a little bit of hurt, maybe? Who was to tell, maybe he was simply reading too much into that wonderful blue eye that kept staring at him so intensely, and, holy shit. Ed cleared his throat in an attempt to regain any sort of control, but he was too far gone.

«You find me attractive?» Oswald asked for conformation. This was the moment to fix this before it got out of hand.

«Yes.» What? No, he wasn't supposed to say that. What the hell was happening? Damn it.

Oswald's lips formed an unsure smile – that gorgeous smile he loved so much – and Ed felt the floor miss from under his feet.

Then, a frown formed on the other's face and his mouth hanged open in confusion for a moment.

«So wait... why don't you want me then? I always assumed that I must have been making you uncomfortable because you didn't... but if you do, then... I don't understand.»

And now Edward was really swimming in shit. How was he supposed to get out of this now? What sort of answer could he give that wouldn't give away how he really felt?

«I...» what was he even supposed to say? «I-...» he couldn't tell Oswald how he felt, not when it was so clear that all Oswald wanted was something physical and nothing more.

Maybe that was the answer.

Before he could finish that thought, the leaned in, closing the already very short distance between them, putting one hand behind the other's head to angle it better, while the other's hands reached for the collar of his jacket, and their lips pressed together with way more force than he had anticipated.

There, now at least he didn't need to talk anymore – way less chances to say the wrong thing, if he wasn't talking at all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is actually longer than any of the previous chapters so far... i don't even know anymore. I wasn't expecting this. I thought it was gonna end so many times, but i just kept going lmao
> 
> Also... you thought, huh??? You really thought lmao and instead the chapter was over. I'm evil, i know. If you look under your chairs you'll find tomatoes to throw at me ;)


	5. I thought I was the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has the sexy times in it. That's right. I was mean to cut off the last one like that, so i hope with this one you'll forgive me lmao

Oswald's hands moved to the back of his head, pulling him down and closer at the same time.

Edward wasn't even sure how he'd gotten himself in that situation, but now there he was, being kissed the hell out of by the man he loved, and yet still couldn't say it.

Before he really had time to realize what was happening, two hands had already traveled to unbutton his suit jacket and found their way under it. Edward responded by doing the same for the other, one jacket slipping off one's shoulders and dropping to floor, quickly followed by the other right after.

Oswald's hands almost immediately begun to unbutton the other's shirt, undoing his tie first, their lips parting only long enough for him to glance at his work when he realized he'd missed a button, breaths mixing together, then quickly resuming their kiss, until Oswald finally pulled Ed's shirt open.

Edward gasped when the other touched his skin directly, finding his fingers were colder than he'd been expecting, unsure if that was because of Oswald's unusually cold body temperature, or because of his own temperature slowly raising.

Either way, he gasped again when two of Oswald's fingertips bushed against one of his nipples. Oswald smiled against his lips, interrupting the kiss just for a moment, and Ed opened his eyes, meeting the other's, and finding that the other was looking at him with a grin, and such intensity in his one blue eye that it was immediately clear to Ed how irremediably lost he was. He was too far gone, he wasn't going to back out now – not that he wanted to, anyway.

He blinked helplessly while the other brushed his chin with one finger, pushing so delicately that the pressure was imperceptible, and yet it forced Ed to tilt his head back a little, leaving more room for Oswald to lick and kiss his neck, making him let out a shaky breath, especially when one hand went to cup his half-erect cock.

He had no idea Oswald would be this enterprising, and he wasn't sure if he had always been like this or if this was part of the confidence he seemed to have gained ever since his change.

A moment later, he felt a bit of cold where the other had left a small trail of spit on his neck, when Oswald suddenly left his neck alone. Ed looked down at him to see what was happening and he saw the other get down on his knees. _Oh, god._ He swallowed reflexively, anticipating what was coming next.

Oswald quickly worked to undo the other's pants, then to get his erection out of the restriction of clothes altogether, until finally he could take it in his hand, and he stroke it a bit, glancing up at the other to study his reactions. The smile still hadn't left Oswald's lips, and it only widened when he first touched the tip of the other's cock with his tongue, causing the other to shiver involuntarily.

He then licked the length, until he was satisfied with how frustrated the other was getting, then he wrapped his lips around the tip and started sucking.

Now, this was weird. He had had quite a lot of flesh in his mouth recently, but this felt different. Tasted different? He wasn't exactly sure, but still, it was different. He thought this to himself, curious to learn more about this new sensation, and curious about the other's reactions, and he pushed deeper, until the tip of his nose almost brushed against Ed's pubes. He unexpectedly let out a deep moan, surprising even himself. _Huh._ Well, he wasn't expecting this to be so pleasurable. After all, he wasn't even the one being blown, and his dick was entirely untouched, and yet, there he was, moaning again, when one of Edward's hands went to the back of his head, intertwining fingers with his dark hair, subtly pushing him closer.

He could hear him moan too, and this only encouraged him more, as he started bobbing his head back and forth a bit, taking up a certain rhythm.

Edward couldn't resist but push a little. He tried not to do so too much, though, he didn't want to risk hurting the other. He for some reason had always assumed the other to be a virgin. Nothing mean behind it, he had just gotten this impression from him, but now he was starting to wonder if he had been wrong, because this didn't feel like someone sucking dick for the first time. Jesus, no, it really didn't.

He had been slightly concerned when he had seen the other first wrap his beautiful lips around his cock, and that was to say, that concern hadn't really left him, but it was much harder to listen to that tiny rational voice now that pleasure was way louder in his mind. Although, somewhere in the back, he could still hear it, very faintly, repeating over and over under its breath, “please don't bite me, please don't bite me, please don't bite me”.

Oswald could hear this tiny voice in the back of his own mind, urging him quietly, “take a bite!”, but he refused to listen to it. “No, this isn't that, stop it. I can't hurt Ed.”, he told himself.

Although, at some point, he decided it wasn't worth risking it, no matter how much he was enjoying this. After all, he was really starving.

He pulled back, taking a big gulp of air, and he cleaned his wet lips with the back of his hand. The other gasped at the sudden lack of contact and looked down at him with a mildly curious look.

Oswald picked back up his smile and he stood up. Now he was the only one still almost entirely clothed, while the other was naked, except for his pants still hanging around his ankles, but not for long, because Oswald grabbed him by the back of the neck and he started walking backwards, thus forcing him to quickly remove his shoes with his feet and step out of his pants and underwear, before he could trip on them.

Edward felt like hypnotized. He just couldn't look away from that face, beckoning him to follow, as the other imperceptibly raised one eyebrow at him.

He realized the other was still fully clothed, except for the jacket, so he quickly started to unbutton his vest and then his shirt, while the other let out a soft amused chuckle. Quickly enough, both items reached the floor, and by the time they reached the armchair, his pants were undone too and they easily slipped down his legs, before Oswald sat down.

Ed stood there for a moment longer, just staring in awe at the figure before him, but he recovered fast enough. He got on his knees and he helped Oswald by untying his shoes and removing those, and then his pants and underwear. When he looked up again, Oswald was comfortably spread on the armchair, cheek resting on one closed hand, elbow on the armrest, giving him an amused look.

Once again, Edward found himself speechless and he forced himself to try to swallow the lump in his throat. He couldn't remember ever seeing a man so beautiful. This wasn't his first time with a man, he had had some experiences many years prior, but somehow this felt like it was the first time all over again. He felt awkward, almost intimidated, and he didn't know what to do, so he just stared for a while longer, taking in the view.

Then, the other leaned forward, and so did he. Oswald's hands gently cupping his face, while Ed reached for the other, trying to touch every inch of his skin that he could get his hands on. Oswald seemed to notice this sudden surge of passion from him – or desperation, a matter of points of view, honestly – and he chuckled briefly into their kiss, which suddenly, surprisingly enough, became much slower and more tender, and when they pulled apart, Oswald gently caressed his cheeks, before leaning back and settling better into the armchair. He beckoned him with a gesture of his finger, and Edward diligently followed.

He raised one knee, beginning to stand up, but he found the other's hands on his shoulders, so he gave him an interrogative look and he was met with a smug little smirk.

«Nuh-uh.» helpfully supplied the other, nodding down towards his own crotch, and Ed, following that gesture and glancing down at the other's erection, understood what he wanted. Well, who was he to say no, honestly? Their entire relationship was based on endlessly repaying favors to each other in a loop. This wasn't any different.

So he scooted a bit closer, the other slightly tensing up in anticipation, and he took the cock in his hand, stroking a little at first, then he paused, considering it appropriate to remove his glassed first. He took them off and he handed them to Oswald, who helpfully placed them on a nearby small table.

Edward begun at the base, moving his tongue all the way up and then down again a few times, then he put only the tip in his mouth, not exactly sucking yet, but teasing with his lips and his tongue. He enjoyed the way the other squirmed under his touch, and it gave him the right incentive to continue, finally taking it in his mouth and sucking.

Oswald rested his hands on the armrests, digging his fingernails into them, watching the other's head go up and down rhythmically, while soft moans escaped his own smiling lips.

He resisted the urge to thrust his hips upwards, but it took a considerable amount of will-power to keep still, because what Ed was doing really didn't help his ability to maintain control at all.

Which was why, after a while, he ended up tugging at the other's hair, getting his attention and letting him know he wanted him to stop.

Ed pulled back, a thin thread or spit still hanging in between his lips and the cock they were just on, lips parted in a surprised expression.

«Come here...» Oswald invited him, and Edward stood up climbed on the armchair, putting his knees at Oswald's sides.

He reached for his neck, delicately brushing his hand from his jaw down to his clavicle and stopping there, and he leaned in for another kiss. Oswald didn't waste time, and he immediately reached for the other's erection, making him gasp and then smile.

Ed pulled back enough to to able to look at him in his eyes – well, his one good eye. Even if his vision was blurry because he didn't have his glasses on anymore, the other looked beautiful to him. Still, he thought it appropriate to put them back on now, because he'd rather see a clean picture. He wasn't at risk of dropping them anymore, although they did get fogged up pretty quickly once they were back on his nose.

Once he was done with his glasses, he moved one hand to the masturbate the other, imitating his movements, making him groan.

Watching Oswald's different expressions change as he melted into his touch, every once in a while squirming in his seat, watching the slight crinkle of his brow, the lightly parted lips, it made him realize what he had been depriving himself of all this time, and he suddenly wondered why he'd been doing that in the first place, and if had been really worth it. He knew the reason, but right now he refused to think about it, trying to avoid ruining the moment with unnecessary tortuous thoughts.

Suddenly, he felt the other's hand on his own and he looked down to see what the other was doing. He was surprised to see the he had taken both of their erections in one hand and he was stroking them together. Ed let out a particularly loud moan at that new unexpected sensation. He grounded himself by grabbing into the armrests.

After that point, it didn't take long for him to be completely undone. Their foreheads were pressed together, he tried to help the other by wrapping one hand around the other's and stroking in sync. He could feel it, he wasn't going to resists much longer, it was all too much, and then, right in that moment, the other pulled him into a deep kiss.

He moaned into his lips, while he came over Oswald's stomach.

He took a few moments to recover, pulling back from the kiss and resting his forehead against the other's again, taking deep breaths with his eyes closed. When he opened them, he found that the other was watching him with a curious eye and an pleased smile. He looked down and saw that the other hadn't come yet, so he decided he should do something about that, and he resumed stroking him, causing him to bite his lip.

With his other hand, he caressed his cheek, the other leaning into the touch and giving him a look that was so full of fondness it was almost overwhelming. Ed averted his gaze, trying to focus on the movement of his hand, and trying not to think about the implications of what they were doing. There would be time for regrets later.

Now, he decided to get a bit of distance from that prying eye, and he crawled backwards, getting off the armchair and onto the floor. He removed his glassed again, placing them on the floor next to him, careful not to let the lenses touch the surface for fear of scratching them. Then, he gently opened the other's legs to get a better angle, and he resumed his previous work. He closed his eyes and he focused entirely on this, the sensation of Oswald's cock in his mouth, the body under him squirming at his touch, nothing more.

It became clear after a while, that the other wasn't even close. Edward didn't want to complain, but his jaw was beginning to get sore, so he had to pull back, while never stopping moving his hand up and down, and he met the other's gaze, giving him an inquiring look.

«What?» the other asked in a curious tone.

«Nothing, it's just-... Are you... are you anywhere close to the orgasm, by chance?»

The other gave him another look, a bit more confused this time, then it turned into a more entertained expression.

«Why? Are you tired?» he asked that in a bit of a mocking tone, using the voice you would use to talk to a child, but he could tell there was no mean intent behind it, he was just teasing, and the question was legitimate.

Edward frowned. He had to wonder if he had been doing something wrong. Not because he wanted to start questioning his technique, but there had to be an explanation to this. It had been going on for too long, so, how the hell was the other still going?

«Take a rest.» said the other, suddenly, leaning down to place on hand on his cheek and kissing him gently.

Edward didn't mean to get offended, but he couldn't help but feel judged. Even though the other most definitely wasn't judging him at all, but he still felt responsible. Seriously, was he doing it wrong? He would have assumed he knew how to suck a dick, nobody had ever complained, but who knows? Maybe they had been simply too kind or too awkward to point it out to him. Now he was starting to question everything he had ever done, quickly spiraling into pointless questions and self-doubt, but the other pulled him out of it.

«Ed?»

He looked up, meeting the other's gaze.

Oswald saw something in the other's face that made him wonder if he was alright. He looked lost for a moment, and Oswald thought that wasn't an appropriate expression to have in a moment like this, so there had to be something going on.

«What's wrong?» he eventually asked, stroking the other's cheek in a reassuring manner.

He watched Edward sigh and stare at his still hard cock for a moment before looking up at his face again.

«Am I bad at this?» the other asked, grabbing his glasses from the floor and putting them back on.

«What? No, you are doing great, what makes you think that?»

So was that the problem? Ed was having doubts about his skills? Oswald was genuinely surprised, but he was relieved that at least the other was fine.

«Well...» Ed paused, then gesticulated towards his dick, and Oswald was confused for a moment.

«What about it?» Oswald asked.

That gained him a scoff and an half-glare from the other, before he shook his head and he blinked, as if trying to put order in his thoughts.

«I have to ask. Has it always been like this? I mean, it's... don't get me wrong, it's great, I'm just curious. Is it possible that your change has given you more... stamina, I suppose?»

Edward watched Oswald's eyebrows shoot up and his mouth hang open. He clearly hadn't thought about this connection before. Good, so they were both just as confused by all of this.

«That might actually make sense. I will admit, this is in fact unusual. I didn't use to last this long when I... when I... well...»

Oswald suddenly became sheepish, averting his gaze. It took Edward a moment longer to figure out what he was implying.

“Oh.” he thought to himself, but avoided saying it, not wanting to make the other more embarrassed than he already was.

Edward had to tell himself to focus on the matter at hand now, because suddenly his mind started traveling, apparently enjoying the idea of the other touching himself, and struggling to avoid picturing it. He had to wonder, had he ever thought of Edward while-- nope. Not now, that's for another time, perhaps.

«I see. Well, if this is the case, then, this is just yet another thing to get used to, I guess.»

What he meant was getting used to the idea of it. Or for Oswald to get used to this new aspect of this body, to go along with all the other new things he'd had to get used to. He hadn't even thought about the implications of what he had just said, until after he'd said it.

He felt his face burn all of sudden. He went wide-eyed and he parted his lips, mouthing wordlessly for a second too long before finding something coherent to say to justify what he had just said, but it was too late, because the other was already smirking at him, leaning a little closer too.

«You think you could get used to this?» Oswald asked.

The cheeky little shit, he knew exactly what he was doing, Ed could tell. How the hell did this keep happening, for fuck's sake. Edward resisted the urge to face-palm and he opened his mouth again, having to close it and then open it before words actually came out.

«I should... we should...» he mumbled, reaching for Oswald's cock and starting stroking it again, thinking it had been too long since anyone had paid any attention to it, not that Oswald seemed to mind, for some reason.

The other gasped and then relaxed into the armchair – shutting the fuck up, finally, for the good of Ed's mental health.

It's not that he wanted to avoid the topic at all costs... but, yeah, no, that was definitely it. He hadn't been ready for this to happen so suddenly. Not that he was complaining, because that would have been really hypocritical of him. He had been a completely willing participant and he had a good time too, that wasn't the point. The point, Ed supposed, was that he didn't know if he was ready for this to become a thing. He hadn't really thought about it at first, when Oswald had begun to undress him, he just went along with it, not thinking about the ramifications into the future that this would cause.

Would it be weirder if they let it be just a one time thing? Ed felt like that would have made things awkward. And yet, was he ready to continue having sex with a man he clearly was in love with, knowing that as far as the other was concerned, it was just that, just sex? No, he wasn't.

After a while, Oswald's breath had become increasingly faster and irregular, and his body was shaking at uneven intervals, while his hips pushed upwards into Ed's hand, until he came. Edward took a deep breath, starting to think maybe they should have timed this for scientific purposes, because holy shit.

Anyway, now he had cum all over his hand and he was feeling flustered again. He needed to get cleaned up, and get dressed, and get out of there before, for one thing, his dick could get erect again, because, well, that had been something to witness, and secondly, before Oswald could say something that could completely crush Ed's heart, even if involuntarily.

So he stood up and he quickly walked in the direction of the closest bathroom with the intention to lock himself inside.

Oswald was still feeling happy and he was completely relaxed in the armchair, tired smile on his face, when he saw the other abruptly stand up and walk away.

«Where are you going?» he asked, curious and honestly surprised.

«Shower.» was all the other said before disappearing into the next room.

Oswald, who had leaned forward to watch the other walk away, let himself fall back and he sighed.

He wasn't sure why, but he had this feeling that Ed was upset for some reason, he just couldn't figure out why. He looked down at himself and he saw his was still a mess too, and decided that a shower actually didn't sound too bad.

So he got up and he walked to the bathroom he knew Ed was in, because he could see the light seep into the corridor from under the door. He smiled and tried to open the door but he found it locked. He frowned in disappointment, and he got closer to the door, resting one ear against it. He could hear the water run. He sighed to himself and set to go to another bathroom, the mansion had many, anyway.

Edward froze when he heard the handle being shaken, but he relaxed a moment later when he realized he had locked the door and Oswald couldn't come in. He didn't mean to be rude, leaving without an explanation, or even locking him outside. He understood that the other wanted to ask him to shower together, but he wasn't ready to face him again just yet. He needed some time alone to think, and the hot water washing over his body was already doing miracles to help him relax.

Although, he quickly realized, there wasn't a lot to think about. They needed to talk about this and Ed had to worry about preserving himself and his feelings first.

 

Later, once he was done showering and doing all of his thinking, Ed walked back into the room, looking for Oswald. He couldn't find him there, so he walked to Oswald's bedroom.

He knocked on the door.

«Come in.» said the voice from inside, so Ed followed.

He stood at the door, watching as Oswald finished getting dressed.

«Are you still hungry?» Edward asked.

Oswald turned to face him and smiled.

«I'm so hungry I could eat a full bus.» he paused, «The people inside, I mean.»

Edward resisted the urge to roll his eyes at that pointless clarification and he offered a small smile.

«Then we should get going. I'll go start the van, you put on the suit.»

Oswald nodded and he watched Ed walk out, before walking to the closet and picking out the plastic suit.

 

They had selected yet another shady lowlife who, they had reason to believe, no one would be looking for. Oswald was actually impressed. Edward had created some sort of list, or like a chart, of names of people they could target next, and he basically had it all planned out. That would make things easier than doing this randomly, and if they were careful enough, it should make things more efficient too and reduce the odds of getting caught, as long as they did everything by the book.

Predictably, Oswald had to chase this one too, ending up in a dark, damp alley. He was getting tired of this, and they really needed to find a better way, but he was very hungry and kinda tired, and honestly bored, so at this point he just wanted this to be over with.

Right when the criminal was cornered and Oswald was ready to attack, already anticipating how juicy this one would be, a very precise shot hit the man through the face from the side, killing him instantly.

Oswald opened his mouth in shock, staring as the man fell to the ground. Edward got out of the van and approached, about to ask what happened.

«What the hell was that?» Oswald asked first.

Ed reached him and he was about to walk up to the body to examine it, when a door to the nearby building swung open.

«What are you guys doing out here?»

Both men froze and stared at the man who had just walked out, gun still in hand.

«Zsasz?» Oswald asked, still speechless.

«Cobblepot?» Zsasz mocked, imitating his tone and walking closer to the body.

Oswald took a step back and Ed instinctively put one arm in front of him as if to protect him.

The two watched as Zsasz crouched next to the body, studying the hole that the bullet had gone in through, before picking up the body and loading it on his shoulder.

The two men stared in disbelief.

«Wait! Where are you taking that? I mean, _him_.» Oswald asked, stretching one arm forward.

«Oh, this? It's a job. I was asked to deliver the body as proof, so... gotta go now. Bye!»

Oswald blinked helplessly for a moment, still not entirely over the shock of what had just happened. He was so close, his dinner was right there and he was so hungry... they didn't have the time to track down another target right now, he needed to eat. _Now_.

«W-wait! Can't you just take a picture?» he asked nervously. Zsasz turned towards him, surprised by the question.

«Do I look like I'm equipped to take pictures?» he was about to leave again, but this time Ed stopped him.

«Wait!» he shouted.

Zsasz rolled his eyes and turned to them again, hand still on the handle of the door, ready to leave as soon as possible.

«Who would order a hit on this guy, anyway? He's so low in the chain, I barely think anyone knows he exists. No family, last affiliation was his last gang who ditched him.»

«Exactly. Well, they changed their minds and decided they want no loose ends.»

That explanation still didn't convince Edward. He and Oswald exchanged a look, Oswald too starting to understand what Ed was insinuating. Zsasz was lying, but why?

«What do you really need him for?» Ed asked, taking a step forward.

Zsasz's expression changed and he looked a whole lot more serious all of sudden. Oswald didn't like that, he got a bad feeling about this, so he stepped front of Ed protectively, staring the assassin down.

«Alright, you caught me. I lied. I don't have to explain anything to you, especially not after you tried to get me publicly executed, so leave me alone now, or I will make you.» he said, raising his gun and pointing it at Oswald.

«Can't we reach an agreement? What do you need? I'm sure I can-»

«I need this guy. Unless you wanna... replace him. Or join him.» Zsasz shrugged.

«Well, I regret to inform you that I need that guy too, so, if you don't mind... please? I'll pay you.»

Oswald was starting to get desperate. He could smell a bit of blood dripping from the hole in that lowlife's head and it smelled to tasty – he just needed to eat, he would have taken anything, a hand, his spleen, a butt-cheek, honestly.

Zsasz was beginning to realize too how desperate Oswald sounded and he was about to ask what his deal was when he heard a loud sound coming from... Cobblepot's stomach? He lowered his gun, frown deepening in confusion for a moment. The two men and the assassin looked at each other, until Zsasz's expression changed, softening as he raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

«Wait a second...»

He eyed the other two curiously, a hesitant smile slowly forming on his face.

«What do you plan on doing with this?»

Oswald and Ed quickly shared a look, both confused by Zsasz's sudden change of demeanor, but still wary about this whole situation.

«Uh... a proper funeral? We want to pay respects?» Oswald supplied, sounding more as if he was asking then answering.

Zsasz's expression fell and he looked disappointed by their reactions.

«Are you sure? For a moment I though you were gonna eat him.» he joked. He was joking, right?

Oswald laughed nervously, followed by Edward.

«What? Eat another human being? Don't be silly, that's... that's...» his stomach betrayed him, growling again.

«Ugh, please, I'm starving!» he launched himself forward, and surprisingly Zsasz offered the body to him, and Oswald grabbed it, falling to his knees while cradling it. He grabbed one arm, pulling up the sleeve first, and took a big bite out of it.

Ed watched, terrified, realizing another person was standing right there, watching, and he panicked internally about how this wasn't good at all, but then he noticed something odd. Zsasz was smiling and he didn't look even surprised, more like entertained. Ed frowned.

«You are undead.» it wasn't even a question, he was sure now.

Oswald paused and looked up, arm reduced to the bone still in his hand, and he shifted his eye from the one who had just spoken to the accused and then vice versa a few times, frowning slightly, until he connected the dots and he realized Ed was right.

«You are! You are, aren't you?» he asked the assassin.

Zsasz shrugged, then kneeled down and grabbed the other arm of the deceased and bit off a finger, chewing it for a long time and swallowing it before talking.

«Yeah.»

Oswald's eyes went wide and when he looked back up at Ed he looked ecstatic about this discovery.

«I thought I was the only one. How many more is there?» Zsasz asked.

Oswald shrugged, cleaning his mouth with the back of his hand.

«Only the two of us, as far as I know. But I thought I was alone until tonight, so, who knows at this point.»

Edward finally let out a deep sigh of relief. Things were about to get a lot more complicated, he just had this feeling, and yet, for now, a crisis had just been avoided, so he could be at least happy about that.

 

About an hour later, they were at their secret hide-out, showing Zsasz where they kept their freezer, and explaining their tactics and their process, Zsasz nodding and exposing his, while Edward watched the exchange nervously. He wasn't really happy about sharing all of this information with the hit-man, but Oswald was so ecstatic about having someone to share this experience with, that he didn't feel like ruining this for him, and so he let him do and say whatever. It was a new situation for all three of them, so really, neither of them could really be sure what the consequences of this would be.

When it came to Zsasz, he too looked rather excited, as he listed all of his favorite parts to eat, and has he explained that he had found the perfect spot to shoot his victims in the head so that they would die instantly, but without damaging the brain.

«Oh, I know what you mean. I had brains with a bullet in it before... yikes. I had nothing else to compare it with at the time, but in retrospect, yeah, it completely changes the flavor.»

What the fuck were they even saying right now? Edward couldn't believe this, it was unreal. Zsasz nodded and laughed and patted Oswald on the shoulder. Alright, enough with that.

Edward cleared his throat, getting the other two's attention.

«So, how long have you been undead?»

He watched Zsasz do a few mental calculations.

«Oh, about a year. A year and a month, I think.»

Oswald's eyes went wide and he shot Edward a look. Ed's brow furrowed slightly in concentration.

«Me too! What were the chances?» Oswald sounded excited.

Edward's brain was still processing, running through the information at his disposal and trying to piece it together.

«I don't think it's a coincidence at all. Did you puke? Die, and then come back?»

Zsasz snapped his fingers and pointed at Ed.

«Yes! That was so weird... I still can't believe I died.» the other laughed casually, gaining a nod and a laugh from Oswald too.

«I didn't think much of it at the time, not until I tasted flesh for the first time, then I was like... uh oh!» Zsasz laughed, «I had just eaten these weird clams, honestly I just assumed they weren't fresh.»

«You _died_ and you thought the clams weren't fresh?» Edward remarked sarcastically.

«Wait... I ate clams too that day!»

Everyone's eyes were suddenly on Oswald. Edward raised his eyebrows at this revelation.

«That's the only connection... it might be a coincidence, but I doubt it. Tell me about these clams.»

Zsasz waved a hand at him dismissively.

«They were weird, they had red shells... but they tasted good.»

Edward's eyes went wide and he shot Oswald an accusatory glare.

«Those clams were red and you still ate them? Didn't it hit you that there might be something wrong with them? Since when do clams have red shells!?»

Oswald raised his hands defensively.

«They had marinara sauce on them! I thought it was just that. Also, like Zsasz said, they tasted good.»

Edward rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration. Maybe he should be relieved that his friend now fed on flesh. He probably ate less weird shit now than before, he thought to himself.

«Sure, whatever. Where did those clams come from?»

Oswald shrugged.

«No idea, my goons got them for me...» he paused, then frowned, «Those assholes could have gotten me sick!»

«Right. Because salmonella would have been the worse case scenario.»

«Well, I don't think-» Oswald begun defending himself, but Zsasz interrupted.

«I got them at Japopo's. It was one of the few restaurants that hadn't closed yet back then. I don't think they still have them on the menu. I don't even know if that place is still up, to be honest.»

Edward and Oswald both went silent, thinking about this.

Oswald still subtly glared at Edward. He didn't like his insinuation, and as soon as they would be alone, they really needed to have a chat about the way Ed talked about his condition. Sure, as far as Ed was concerned, Oswald still needed to be “cured”, but that didn't mean he got to compare his new entire way of being to salmonella. That was a tad bit offensive, wouldn't you agree?

«We'll do research on that. Anyway, you should be more careful. You can't just kill whoever you want, you need to pick more specific targets.» Edward told the assassin.

Zsasz's expression was unreadable for a moment, he straightened up and he looked almost threatening. Oswald tensed up.

«Specific targets? Like... people who tried to get me killed? Like this one?» he said, nodding in Oswald's direction, causing him to swallow anxiously.

Ed slowly reached behind his back for the knife he was keeping there, hoping the other wouldn't notice, but then, out of nowhere, the assassin's expression softened and he chuckled.

«Just kidding. It's all water under the bridge, Ozzy. We are brothers now, we are cool.»

Ed relaxed, letting go of the knife, only now realizing how fast his heart had been beating. Oswald let himself smile nervously, dropping his shoulders and relaxing again.

«Brothers?» Oswald asked.

«We are in this together.» Zsasz offered with a smile and a pat on Oswald's back.

Edward didn't like that one bit. Again, he wasn't being jealous, just cautious. He couldn't be sure their new ally could really be trusted. He wasn't jealous.

«Also, you know, I don't hold grudges anymore. It's part of the new me. The past is in the past, and I live in the present. And right now? I'm glad I found you two guys tonight.» the assassin smiled brightly at both of them. Edward forcefully reciprocated the smile, but he still wasn't entirely convinced.

«And, as part of this new me, I wanna take more chances. Now that this whole mess is over, I think I will go ask Alvarez out. He's cute.»

«Oh! Good for you.» Oswald smiled at him.

 

They had decided it would be fair to share the prize fifty-fifty, even though Oswald had tried to push to get more for himself for a while, and then they had shared contacts so they could keep in touch in the future.

Oswald was satisfied about how that interaction had gone. Or about how that whole night had gone, to be honest. When he had left the mansion with Ed to go fetch dinner, he would have never imagined that he would have found someone else like him, someone who could truly understand. This had put him in a really good mood, despite having lost part of his food, but he could always go out and get more the next day.

Now, though, his main concern was touching a certain subject with Ed. He had been irked by his remark and he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it.

He knocked on Edward's door, entering only when invited, and he found the other wearing his robe, getting ready to try to get some sleep.

Edward noticed Oswald's troubled expression and he got worried. He was very tired and he wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and be unconscious for a few hours, but if there was something bothering the other, he couldn't relax until he'd known what it was.

«What is it?» he could tell the other wanted to take something off his chest.

«Do you hate the way I am now?»

Ed's eyebrows shot up when he heard that blunt question and he blinked.

«No, of course not.»

«But you have a problem with it?» Oswald pried, walking closer.

«I admit it wasn't easy adjusting at first, but I think we are doing fine now.» Ed answered with a smile.

Oswald didn't look convinced.

«That's not what I asked, and you know it.»

Edward stared at his frowning face and he sighed, removing his glasses and tiredly massaging the bridge of his nose, before putting them back on.

«Look. Am I crazy about the idea of you eating human flesh? Not particularly, but does that mean I won't still be by your side and support you in ever way I can? Oswald, I will always be here for you.»

Oswald sniffled. When he spoke, his voice cracked imperceptibly.

«Fine. Thank you, but do you accept me? You said once that you accepted the person I am, but _this_ is who I am now. So, do you think you can accept me?»

That new question surprised Edward and he had to take a moment to think about it.

«You still want to be cured, right?» he asked, stepping closer.

«Don't change the subject.» Oswald stood his ground.

«Yes, I accept you, but you gotta admit this situation isn't ideal for anyone. Now, _you_ don't change the subject and answer _me_.»

Oswald rolled his eyes annoyedly, before finding the courage to look at the other again.

«I'm not sure I want to anymore, no.»

Edward let out a soft shocked gasp and Oswald jumped to his own defense.

«Listen. I like the way I am now, okay? I've never felt like this in my life, ever! I've always acted so confident, but the truth is I've never been, not truly, not until now. I feel things more intensely, and admittedly it can be a lot to handle, but I like this new, more passionate me.»

Edward frowned slightly, considering his words. He hadn't thought about those aspects of him in those terms, yet. When he thought about the negative side, he always thought about the moral implications of cannibalism and about how scared he was of them getting caught. He had to admit Oswald was right, he had nothing against those things he had just mentioned. Maybe he had been a bit too harsh.

«So, either you can accept me, or...» Oswald paused, looking away, «Or you can leave. I don't think I can handle living with someone who can't see all of me and accept me for what I am. I need someone who can understand me-»

«Like who? Zsasz?»

Oswald's eyes snapped back on him, he looked almost shocked. Even Edward was surprised by his own words, he had no idea where that had come from, but he couldn't take it back now, so he put on a tough face and waited for the answer.

«What? No, he is... is like me, so of course he understands, but that's different, because I don't-...»

Oswald paused, realizing what he was about to say and stopping before he could make a mistake.

“Because I don't _love him_ ”. That was where that sentence was heading, but he couldn't just say that.

Edward waited a bit longer for him to finish the thought, but it became clear that he wasn't going to, so he sighed and dropped his shoulders.

«Okay. Look, we are both very tired right now. This is a conversation that would be best to pick up in the morning, yes?»

Oswald blinked away the tears that had been trying to form for a while and he nodded.

«You are right. I'll see you in the morning, then.»

Once he said that, he turned around and he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Edward finally let out a long sigh and he let himself drop on the bed, sitting there for a while, considering the words they had just exchanged.

He couldn't believe Oswald didn't want to be cured, but he thought he understood him a bit more now, and he was already feeling guilty for speaking to him that way. He knew how hard it was when nobody could accept the _real_ you, it was a sad and lonely existence, and he would never wish it on Oswald, of all people.

 

Oswald had gotten to his room, and he begun to get undressed.

He realized now, that with everything that had happened that night, they hadn't even talked about the sex, yet. Right, because that was a thing that had happened and needed to be talked about. Not that he was regretting it, it was amazing and he had been waiting for it for so long, but he was afraid that now things would be awkward between them. Even more so than then had already gotten, after this argument.

He shook his head, while sitting on the bed, half dressed, and begun to take off his shoes. He froze and he was horrified when he looked down at his foot and he realized something was wrong, or rather, something was missing.

He took a closer look and to his horror, he wasn't mistaken. He really was missing a pinky toe. He swallowed nervously and he looked around, wondering where it had gone. He was sure he still had it before. He shook the shoe still in his hand and he heard a soft rattling sound, so he poured the content of the shoe onto the bed, and sure enough, his toe came out.

He picked it up and studied it. It was darker, somewhat discolored, and the part where it was cut off was black. It didn't smell great either. Oh, God.

«Ed...»

His foot had begun to rot and one of his toes had fallen off on its own.

«Ed!»

He was a living corpse and his body was going to decompose and soon enough all of him would be gangrenous and, ugh, that was disgusting! How ugly would he become, then? Forget that, what about the smell? Surely Ed wouldn't want him anymore at that point. More than that: how would he even hide his condition while looking like a textbook zombie!? He felt the panic fully settle in.

« _Ed!!_ »

Edward came barging in, looking around worriedly, until his eyes focused on him. Oswald immediately got up and ran to him, hugging him tightly. Edward was surprised by this, but he didn't react and simply let him.

«Look!» Oswald said when he pulled away, showing the little piece of his body.

Edward looked confused for a moment, then grimaced.

«Is that...?»

«It's _my_ toe! It just spontaneously fell off! Ed... I'm rotting. I was wrong! I wanna be cured, I don't wanna die!» he paused, his eyes suddenly going wide with fear, «What if I don't die... what if my body rots but I continue to live like that!?»

Edward tried to get him to calm down, but Oswald's emotions were too strong to be contained. He turned around dramatically and he leaped onto the bed, punching the mattress repeatedly.

Edward started to walk closer, when Oswald suddenly sat up and faced him again.

«Promise me that if that's the case, before I completely turn into a rotting carcass, you'll kill me.»

«Oswald, calm down, it's going to be fine. I promised we'd fix you, and we will.»

Oswald finally seemed to calm down, Ed saw his shoulders relax, and he saw him look at the toe in his hand.

«You were right... This is awful, I don't want to be like this anymore.»

«No.»

Oswald was surprised and he looked up expectantly at him.

Edward walked closer to the bed. He opened his hand and the other gave him the toe – he would do research on it later, but there were more pressing matters now – then he reached for the other's face with his free hand, gently cupping his cheek.

«I was wrong. I accept all of you, including the parts that are less easy to accept. I wouldn't be a good friend if I only liked the parts that are already easy to like... of which there's many, by the way.»

That made Oswald finally smile.

«I... _like_ you.»

That felt stupid to say, what was he, fourteen? But the alternative wasn't any better, so he had to settle for that and he hoped that Oswald wouldn't laugh at him or anything.

Oswald chuckled – okay, then, bad start – but he wasn't laughing at him, he was clearly just relieved to hear Ed say that.

«Thank you for saying that, it means more to me than you could imagine.» Oswald said, placing his hand on Ed's hand, still on his cheek, and adding a layer of fondness to his smile, causing Ed to smiled back.

«I like you too.»

Ed's chest tightened and his smile faltered. He felt like he couldn't breathe for a second. Oswald... couldn't possibly mean what he thought he meant, right? No, of course not... or he would have used the proper word. For a moment his brain had started racing and jumped to the conclusion that the other too had used a substitute word because he couldn't say the real one, but that made no sense. Of course, Oswald was simply replying to what Ed had said, no ulterior meaning behind it.

Edward forced himself to relax and he smiled.

«Well, it's time to get some sleep, I reckon.» he said, pulling his hand back. He thought he saw a flash of disappointment on the other's face, but it disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared, then the other simply smiled and nodded.

«Good night, Edward.»

Ed took a few steps back, pausing before turning around.

«Good night, Oswald.»

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters... are getting progressively longer what THE F U C K ! ? I have no idea why either. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, i don't plan the exact length in advance, so as far as i know the next one might be shorter. Idk i haven't written it yet!
> 
> Note: the longer the chapter is, the easier it is for me not to notice mistakes, so if you notice something please point it out!
> 
> Also, finally Zsasz is here. Was anybody waiting for him? I was! He's a fun, underrated character, and it's my first time writing him.
> 
> This chapter really has it all... smut, humor, angst... it was a trip to write to be honest lmao, i hope you enjoyed the journey! ;)


	6. I don't mean to undermine ancient wisdom.

Edward walked to the table, placed a cup of coffee in front of his seat, and a bowl of thinly diced meat with a spoon in front of Oswald.

Oswald was sitting there, phone in hand. He had been trying to contact Zsasz since the night before, but he still wasn't answering.

«Where the hell is he? What is he doing?» Oswald wondered out loud with a frustrated huff.

«Don't worry too much about him. The process seems to be extremely slow, so he will probably be fine for a while. Let's focus on what we can do in the meantime.»

Oswald observed Ed sip his coffee, then he finally gave a shrug and started eating his breakfast.

«You're right. Maybe I'm over-reacting.»

Edward reached for his hand across the table, prompting the other to look at him when their hands touched, and offered a reassuring smile.

 

They had been looking all over the place for anything even mentioning something that even resembled what Oswald was going through. They visited every library, going through their catalogues, trying everything, from rare illnesses, to ancient blood curses, but they still had no luck.

Edward sighed as he closed yet another tome, at this point more tired than disappointed.

He glanced up at the other and he noticed he was very discretely taking something from the inside of his jacket and putting it in his mouth. He frowned.

«You brought food into the library? Are you stress eating?» he asked, gaining a defensive glare from the other.

«Well, I _am_ stressed!» Oswald answered in a hushed voice with his mouth still full, while nervously scanning a page, before sighing and slamming the book closed.

Ed made a pitied face and smiled fondly at the other. He was worried about him, how could he not be? Not just because of his very slowly deteriorating body, but because he didn't like to see him like this. He could see he was trying to remain calm, but he was clearly freaking out, that much was obvious.

They were forced to give up, leaving after meeting yet another dead end.

While they were walking outside, Oswald took out his phone again. He hadn't heard from Zsasz in a couple days and he was starting to get worried.

Ed glared at him sideways, trying not to comment on this until the other had put away his phone once again, after receiving no answer.

«Are you so worried about him?» he asked, avoiding looking at the other and keeping his eyes focused ahead.

Oswald raised one eyebrow at him, not that the other could see him, since he purposefully wasn't looking.

«Am I not supposed to be?» he wasn't sure what Ed was getting at. If he hadn't known better, he would have almost assumed he was jealous.

«I'm not saying you shouldn't, I just think you are pouring too much energy into a relationship with someone who would have killed you without hesitation until last week - and with good reason too.»

Oswald paused, scoffing. Then he sped up to catch up with the other who hadn't stopped walking.

«May I remind you that the first time you came to me after you woke up, you had a gun pointed at me? Relationships can be complicated.»

Edward swallowed, uncomfortable at that comparison. He didn't like Oswald comparing his relationship with Zsasz to that between the two of them. He liked to think that what they had was different.

«That's not what I mean. You can't know for sure if you can trust him. You don't even know if he is the same person he was before.»

Edward was going to try to sound reasonable about this.

Oswald still didn't seem to agree, or to like his arguments very much.

«I've just got to have a little faith. You saw how happy he was to see another like him, I know he feels the same way I do.»

Edward stopped, almost instinctively. Oswald took another couple steps before halting and turning to face him with an interrogative expression.

Ed fixed his glasses nervously and resumed walking, pretending like everything was fine, like his heart hadn't jumped all the way up into his throat, attempting to choke him.

«And what would that be?» he forced himself not to sound too affected when he asked this.

«Well, it's exciting! As far as we know, we are completely unique individuals, we might as well be the only ones of our kind... it almost feels like it's a duty of ours to take care of one another, to preserve our kind.»

«Your... _kind_.» Ed frowned. He hadn't been thinking of Oswald as a complete different species until now. More as some form of mutation on the basic human template.

«Also, you know, it's feels good to know there's someone out there going through what I'm going through, who can understand what I feel. I'm sure he feels this too.»

Edward's frown deepened. They had already had this argument, and he wasn't going to start it all over again.

«Fine. Let's say you are right. But at least promise me you won't put his life before yours. Should anything, ever, go wrong, your safety comes first.»

Oswald studied the other curiously, noticing how serious he had gotten all of sudden.

«Have you ever known me to do otherwise?» Oswald laughed. He was joking, but Ed thought he sounded a little bit bitter. «Don't worry, I can take care of myself.» he added almost as a second thought.

Edward still wasn't convinced. He knew how impulsive Oswald could be, and while, yes, his self-preservation instincts were pretty strong in his friend, as he'd had chance to certify multiple times himself, he still couldn't drop his concern altogether.

«I really hope so. Know that I will be there to save your ass if necessary, but my efforts won't extend to any acquaintance of yours.»

Oswald understood how Ed felt, but he still couldn't help but feel like he was being a little unfair.

«You are just being prejudiced. That's what this is, that's pretty bigoted of you. I would expect better of a man of your intellect.»

Edward's eyes went wide at that statement.

«How am I being prejudiced?!» he said as they turned a corner.

«You wanna tell me it's not because he is like me? You don't trust another undead, isn't that it?»

Oswald was just being stubborn for the sake of it at this point, Edward was sure of this. He didn't want to get riled up, but he wasn't going to accept this kind of talk from the other, his accusations were absolutely ridiculous.

«That has nothing to do with it, and you know it, Oswald. I wouldn't have trusted him even if he hadn't been undead. I trust only two people in this city, and one of them is me.»

Oswald seemed taken aback by that remark, especially by the last sentence, understanding immediately that the other person Ed was referring to was Oswald himself.

«Fine. But I still want to ask him about it, I need to know if this is just me or if it's a common thing for undead people.»

Oswald conceded the point, while also still standing his ground.

After they had been looking everywhere for answers that couldn't be found, asking directly to the only other person who could tell them anything seemed like the next logical thing to do, even Ed had to agree on that. And he did, albeit begrudgingly.

Then, Edward's eye fell on something. A billboard advertising a new exhibit at the museum. Something about medieval art and manuscripts. Sounded fascinating, but now wasn't the time for that.

It wasn't until they hit the next library that the pieces fell together.

He had this book open in front of him, and there was a small section mentioning an old Serbian legend about people coming back to life, changed. It was short and not very useful, but there was a picture, although it was in black and white and too small to see it clearly. It was a photograph of a medieval miniature depicting someone puking and a small red object exiting their mouth.

Edward stood up abruptly, startling Oswald who was starting to be bored out of his mind. It was a relief that something was finally happening, regardless of how good the news were.

«Look at this!» Ed said, showing his finding to the other.

Oswald's eyes widened and he stood up too, taking the book from Ed's hands and quickly scanning the text.

«This is it! That's what happened to me, we have to find that thing!»

Edward frowned and flipped through the pages, looking for something.

«It says here that this page is part of a bigger private collection of medieval art that rarely leaves the owner's house... we are in luck, Oswald.»

Oswald raised his eyebrows at the other, unsure how that was in any way good news.

Edward smiled knowingly.

«I happen to know exactly were this book is going to be for the next few weeks.»

 

Edward approached while fidgeting with something in his hands. Oswald was sitting in his armchair, taking a rest.

He had gotten this earlier that day, but they had both been pretty busy and he hadn't had the time to show Oswald his gift. He had taken care of it in secret, he wanted it to be a surprise.

«Oswald?» he called the other, getting his attention.

Oswald turned around in his armchair, smiling tiredly when he saw the other. His brow furrowed a little bit when he noticed the was holding something, a small round box with a cute little bow on it.

«What's that?» he asked, eyebrows raising when the other handed him the box. «For me?» he couldn't contain a surprised smile, taking the box from the other's hands while receiving a nod in response.

He hesitantly opened it, and he was confused for a short moment when he first saw the small white orb sitting on a velvet cushion inside.

«Is this...?»

«An eye, yes. It took a while to get it made, I apologize.» Edward smiled sheepishly.

«No, that's... that's...» he couldn't find the words. He hadn't been expecting this. He had gotten used to his eye-patch by now, but he had to admit, he was getting kinda tired of looking like a pirate.

«Try putting it on.» the other encouraged him, so he stood up with a small excited smile and he ran to the bathroom - he figured a mirror would be useful.

Ed followed him a few steps behind, giving the other the privacy to do this on his own. He knew how self-conscious he was about the state of his face.

When Oswald was done, he stepped out of the bathroom, still blinking a few times to get used to the feeling of it. It wasn't that bad.

«So? How does it look?» he asked, rather anxiously.

Edward stared at him for a while, making him nervous.

«Is it... is it okay? Did I put it in wrong? Wha-»

«No, you loo- i-it looks amazing. You're be-... it's beautiful.»

Edward couldn't help but stumble on his own tongue. Not because he didn't already think the other was beautiful, but now he looked almost exactly as he did before the accident. The maker had done a good job, the color was basically almost identical to Oswald's natural eye color, the difference being imperceptible.

Oswald smiled somewhat awkwardly, averting his gaze for a moment. He turned around and went to look at himself in the mirror, followed by the other who stood behind him, smiling back at his reflection.

He really looked like nothing had even happened to him. Sure, it wasn't exactly the same, but he thought to himself that he could feel comfortable enough walking around like this, and he could finally ditch the eye-patch.

«Thank you.»

«You are welco-»

Edward's words died in his throat when Oswald suddenly turned around and leaned upwards, placing a quick kiss on his cheek.

When he met the other's gaze again he was smiling at him.

Right... as if the other needed to remind him, as if Edward had forgotten how in love he was. There was Oswald, standing proudly with his new eye, looking as handsome as ever, beaming with joy. Ed had to fight the urge to kiss him right now, so he simply looked away.

 

Edward and Oswald walked into the museum, trying not to attract too much attention. For the occasion, Ed had even ditched his hat and signature green suit for a more somber dark brown suit with thin, barely noticeable, green stripes. Not that they weren't still just as recognizable... especially Oswald, he stood out in every crowd no matter what, not just because everyone knew his face, but because of his sense of style and because of his peculiar walk. Still, they weren't trying to conceal their identities, but simply to appear as common museum visitors, so whether people could tell who they were or not didn't really matter, as long as they didn't suspect they were up to no good.

What they were up to, was finding some specific pages from a specific book. Edward looked around, scanning the room for their target. This was kind of ridiculous, to be honest, and looking around it was clear that most people in there were rich snobs. It had been only a few weeks since the work to reconnect Gotham to the mainland had begun, and common people were still struggling and starving, especially the most poor, and yet, there it was, Gotham's elite, patting themselves on the back for funding the arts – which would have been fine in any other circumstance, but given the current situation, throwing a party to look at old european books didn't exactly count as philanthropy, but such was the nature of rich people. More interested in prestige than anything else.

Oswald grabbed his arm, getting his attention, and he looked in the same direction that the other was looking, noticing exactly what they were looking for, properly protected under a glass case.

They quickly approached, trying to see better, but what they needed was to get their hands on it. It was a thick book with yellowed pages, and separately were some other pages – the same they could recognize from that small black and white copy they had seen in another book – which had surely been torn off at some point in history, and were now reunited with the rest of the book.

They exchanged a look, after observing the pages. Seeing it in real life now, the writing under the drawings was visible, but sadly it had to be some foreign language they didn't understand, so they had no idea what those pages said.

That's when they were approached by a slightly older man, and both turned to look at him, only slightly wary.

«Mr Cobblepot, interested in medieval manuscripts?» asked the man.

Oswald frowned slightly, studying the man and wondering what his intentions were.

«Oh, my bad, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Charles Gallagher, I curated this exhibit.»

«Oh. I see, pleasure to meet you. So you own these?» Oswald asked, immediately cutting to the chase.

«No, no, I only take care of the collection for my employer. This has always been a passion of mine.» he explained with a smile. Oswald nodded thoughtfully.

«Do you know what this says?» he asked, pointing at the art.

«Why, yes. I learned Serbian for this exact purpose, many years ago. Fascinating language and culture.»

Oswald and Ed exchanged a quick look.

«So, what does this say?» Oswald pressed.

«It tells an old Serbian legend. About an ancient curse coming from a specific town in Serbia, it's a story about people dying and then coming back to life, only to be damned to live forever, sustaining themselves on human flesh. Gruesome, but fascinating. It's only a story, of course.»

Oswald listened intently, then nodded, offering a small nervous smile.

«Of course... only a story. What else does it say? Does it explain how this “curse” came about? Are clams mentioned, perhaps? Does it say anything about the body slowly deteriorating? Is there a cure?»

Gallagher frowned curiously. Ed inconspicuously hit Oswald in the arm, glaring at him – could the other be a little more obvious?

«You already know a lot about this, Mr Cobblepot. I didn't think you'd be so invested in Serbian legends.»

Oswald instinctively coughed in his hand, realizing Ed was right, maybe he was being a little too forward. Not that he thought anyone would immediately assume the reason for his interest would be so personal, but still, it wasn't a risk worth taking.

«Well, I have always been interested in eastern european cultures, you know, because of my mother...»

That excuse was as weak as they come, but luckily the curator seemed to buy it and he smiled politely.

«I see. Well, I'd be happy to share more of this knowledge.»

«Perhaps we could talk about this over dinner? I would love to get to see the book up close.» Oswald proposed with a smile, while Edward silently watched the exchange.

«I'm afraid the book can't be taken out of here. Not until this exhibit is over, then my employer will want it all to return to his home.»

Oswald frowned, disappointed.

«How much?»

«I beg your pardon?»

«How much for the book and the pages?» Oswald asked, lips stretching into a straight line.

The other laughed awkwardly.

«You misunderstand, they aren't for sale. I spent years of my life curating this collection, I could never depart from even one piece.»

Oswald took a step forward. Before the other man could begin to feel threatened and take a step back, Oswald felt a hand on his wrist and he looked down, seeing it was Edward's. He looked up at him and he understood the look the other was giving him, so he cleared his throat and tried to calm down.

«Apologies for being so forward. Mr Cobblepot is simply very passionate about this topic. The invitation for dinner still stands, I believe?» Edward said, directing the last question at Oswald, who was quick to nod.

«Of course! Now more than ever, I need to make it up to you for being so rude. My bad, truly.» Oswald forced a charming smile, and luckily, after the other had eyed them both curiously, it seemed to work.

«Very well. I accept the offer then. I will see you and your associate...» he paused, looking expectantly at Edward.

«Nygma. Edward Nygma.» Edward introduced himself through gritted teeth. Seriously? This guy seriously didn't know who he was? Him, the Riddler? He hadn't robbed several banks and terrorized the city for nothing, and he was frankly quite offended, but he tried not to show.

Oswald noticed the other's reaction and he tried to distract from it by replying to the curator.

«My mansion at eight?» Oswald didn't even need to explain any further, everyone knew where the Penguin lived.

Before leaving, Oswald glanced one last time at the book under the glass. Edward instead briefly glared at the curator. It might be petty, but he didn't like that guy one bit.

 

When the time came, Oswald welcomed the curator inside. They exchanged pleasantries and he led him to the table, beautifully set for two.

«Isn't Mr Nygma joining us?» he man asked, curious to notice the lack of a third plate.

«He will be joining us later, he had a late errand to run.» Oswald explained with a smile.

 

Edward walked into the museum through the service door. It hadn't been too hard to get rid of the janitor, taking his clothes and cleaning supplies, leaving the guy laying unconscious, tied up in some dumpster outside.

Ed was wearing a hat and he kept his head low, so to avoid showing his face to any cameras before he could be able to get to the control room and disable them, along with the alarm.

He walked by the control room door, peeking inside and seeing the guard sitting in his chair, lazily taking a sip from a mug of coffee every once in a while.

He knocked on the door, waiting for the other to notice him, then he gestured at him to come open it.

When he locked eyes with the guard, he bended over, clutching his chest and fake coughing. He saw the guard's eyes go wide as he rushed to open.

«Hey, man, are you okay? Do you need help?»

Ed could tell the other was about to contact someone, maybe call an ambulance for him, or maybe the police if he suspected something. Ed suddenly stood up, procuring a small bottle he had been hiding in his back pocket and he sprayed the other's face while covering his own mouth and nose with his sleeve.

The guard stumbled, mouthing “what the f-” before falling to the ground.

While still with his back to the cameras, Ed grabbed the guy by his shoulders and dragged him inside the room, setting him up against a wall, then he turned to the control panel and he deactivated all the cameras and the alarm.

He walked out of the room and down the corridors until he reached the room where the temporary exhibit was in display. He approached the glass case and he opened his bag, pulling out all the tools necessary to cut a opening in the glass, carefully removing the part he had just cut out and then, finally, taking the book and pages and settling them into his bag.

 

«So, how long have you been studying Serbian? Am I to assume you'd be able to correctly translate the entire book?» Oswald asked, leaning forward and resting his chin on his hands, elbows on the edge of the table, watching the other swallow nervously.

The curator had certainly noticed something was off, by now. This wasn't a big concern for Oswald, he only needed to keep him entertained until Edward came back.

«Why, yes, of course. But, Mr Cobblepot-»

«You can call me Penguin.» Oswald interrupted him with a fictitiously sweet smile.

«Right. P-Penguin... you haven't even touched your food, is everything alright? I don't mean to impose, if I find you indisposed at the moment, maybe I should lea-»

«No, don't even think about leaving. Not yet.» Oswald snapped at him, his polite facade starting to crack, and the other looking more and more anxious by the second, eyeing the exit.

«Very well...»

Oswald watched a drop of sweat roll down the man's temple.

«Sorry for being this late. I didn't miss anything, I hope.» Edward said, suddenly walking into the room.

Oswald turned to look at his friend with a large smile, the two of them exchanging a look, and Ed nodding to reassure him the job was done. Oswald relaxed imperceptibly – not that he doubted his friend, but you never know what can go wrong.

Edward walked to the long table, more than half of which was empty, and he placed the bag on it, opening it and extracting the book.

The curator's eyes went wide, and he leaned back, confusedly moving his eyes from one of his hosts to the other, brow slightly furrowing.

«Is that...? Did you just steal that?!»

Edward circled the table, reaching the chair across from Oswald and sitting down.

«Indeed, I have.»

«Wh-what... Why? What do you want from me? I-I'm calling the police!» the curator stuttered, trying to stand up, but Oswald grabbed his hand before he could, freezing him in place.

It wasn't the hand to do the trick, however, as much as it was Oswald's expression. Gallagher just knew he was in danger at that point. Maybe accepting a dinner invite by a known criminal hadn't been the best idea.

«Mr Gallagher, no need to get the police involved. We just need you to translate this book for us.» Ed calmly said, grabbing the book and sliding it closer, until placing it in front of the curator, who swallowed drily.

Oswald and Ed exchanged complicit looks, along with a pleased smile.

 

Having some guy chained in another room wasn't something new, all considered, Oswald had done worse. They had both done worse. They weren't even torturing him or anything – but it was still pretty stressful and he couldn't help but visit him every few hours to ask him if he was done, and he never was, which was driving Oswald crazy.

At some point Ed had to stop him from going in again. He intercepted him and grabbed him by the shoulders.

«Stop. This is pointless.»

Oswald rolled his eyes at him.

«How long can it take to translate a fucking book?»

Edward dropped his arms and shrugged.

«I don't know, but interrupting every thirty minutes isn't gonna help.»

Oswald huffed, definitely frustrated, but he knew Ed was right. So he turned around and walked back to the couch. Edward followed him, sitting on the other side from him.

«What if that book doesn't give us a cure? What if there isn't one?» Oswald asked after a while, nervously chewing on his lip.

«There must be. And we will find it.» Ed tried to reassure him, but he was trying to reassure himself just as much. He couldn't exclude that possibility and the thought was really stressing him out.

Oswald stared at him in the eyes for a long time, and Edward fought the instinct to look away. He felt like held gaze would help drive his point home, but if became increasingly difficult, until, surprisingly, it was the other who averted his eyes first.

«Well, anyway. I can't stop thinking about this and I'm losing my mind, I need to distract myself.» the other stated.

«That's a good idea, that would help both of us, honestly.» Ed agreed, «Ideas?» he asked after a brief pause, realizing he didn't have any.

The other gave him a look, his lips slowly stretching into a smile, and he moved just a little bit closer.

«Well, since we have time to kill...»

Ed stared at him, realizing what the other was implying, but unable to do anything about it.

He saw Oswald scoot even closer, and he suddenly found himself standing up. His face felt flushed and he could see the confusion and mild disappointment on the other's face. He realized he probably owed the other an explanation. They hadn't talked about it yet, but he still hadn't decided if he wanted that to become a thing for them, and he didn't feel ready to make that decision now, especially not with the other looking at him with his puppy eyes, because he knew he could end up making the wrong one and regretting it.

«I... I just-... I'm sorry, I don't...» he didn't even know where to start. He saw the other raise his eyebrows in realization.

«Oh... if you don't want to...» why did Oswald have to look so hurt all of sudden? It only made things worse for Ed.

«No, it's not... it's not like that, I-... It's not that I'm not feeling it, I just think... this... us, I mean...» he could feel himself start to sweat.

«I understand.» Oswald surprised him when he said that, «You don't want us to be... _like that_. It's okay, if you don't want our friendship to have a, uh, more... _physical_ aspect. We don't have to be "friends with benefits". I don't want to risk ruining our relationship over this, just because you might feel obligated to...» Oswald paused, looking down and nervously biting his lip before continuing. «I barely have ever had any friends, let alone with “benefits”, it's all very new for me, but what matters most to me is how you feel.»

Edward felt relief wash over him, and yet, still a tightness in his chest that wouldn't go away.

He quietly nodded, unsure what else to do.

«Thank you for understanding.» he said after a moment of silence. The other forcibly smiled.

Then, Oswald was almost startled as his phone rang. He recovered from the surprise and he answered.

«Zsasz? Where the hell have you been?!» he basically shouted into the phone, causing Edward to completely relax and smile briefly, before sitting back on the couch.

«What do you mean you've been busy? Busy doing what? No. No, you know what? I don't care, just listen. I have a question, it's very important.»

Edward watched the other, listening intently.

«Has any part of your body shown any sign of... decay?»

Edward watched Oswald raise his eyebrows and then frown.

«No, I don't mean your... just shut up, okay. No, that's not what I-... mine is fine! One of my toes fell off, okay? That's it. Have you lost any toes yet?»

Oswald nodded as he listened.

«I see... thank you for telling me. Well, we are working on finding a solution, we'll let you know when we have anything, alright? And don't disappear again!»

Oswald closed his phone and sighed. He noticed that the other was watching him expectantly.

«He said that last week his eye fell out of its socket, but he put it back in and it's been fine ever since.»

Edward nodded pensively.

«You haven't told him about the book.»

«I don't want to tell him until we know anything for sure. Just in case it turns out to be another dead end.»

«That's very considerate of you.» Ed commented, receiving an almost annoyed look from the other.

«You sound surprised.»

Oswald wasn't actually that annoyed, but he had noticed Edward's tone and he felt the need to comment on it.

«I'm not.» Ed reassured him, «But remember what I told you about Zsasz.»

Edward's opinion of Oswald had changed a lot during the past year. He knew now that Oswald had grown a lot and he was a lot less selfish than he used to be, which was perfectly fine when it came to their friendship, but Ed wasn't still entirely sure how he felt when Oswald extended this newfound generosity to other people, such as random undead assassins. He wasn't going to mention this, though. He wasn't looking forward to starting another argument about the subject.

 

«So, is it done, then?» Oswald impatiently grabbed the new manuscript from the curator's hands, the man trying not to appear as scared as he was.

«Yes. This is all of it.»

Edward walked closer to Oswald to take a look too, while the other quickly skimmed through the pages, before smiling.

«Now let's get reading.» Oswald said.

«What about...» Edward asked, nodding towards the curator.

Gallagher visibly swallowed, obviously concerned about his own fate.

Oswald looked pensive for a moment, staring at the man, then he turned to Edward.

«He could lead the police to us-»

«I won't! I swear, if you let me go, I won't say anything to anyone!» the man pleaded, hoping to strike some sympathy.

Oswald didn't look convinced. Edward got closer to his friend and leaned in, speaking quietly into his ear.

«Since we are done, we could take the book back to the museum, so the owner won't be looking for it. After that, I don't know how interested they will be in finding him, either way.»

«A reverse heist?» Oswald asked, raising his eyebrows and receiving a shrug from the other.

«I see... that might work.»

«Wait! What about me?» the curator asked, already sounding even more desperate.

«Well that depends. What are you going to tell the police when they question you about this? Where will you tell them you've been?» Oswald asked, taking a step closer.

The curator instinctively scooted back in his chair, but there was only so far he could go, while still being chained to the nearby wall.

«I will lie! I will say... I... I took a vacation! And I... I took the book with me, if you want I could say that! Please...»

Edward evaluated the man's proposal, but then frowned.

«Have you figured out why we needed this book so bad, yet?» he asked, gaining a surprised look from Oswald.

The man looked hesitant, but he was more scared of not answering than of doing so, so he spoke in a shaky voice..

«I... I believe Mr Penguin is delusional and he believes he's cursed. This is the only explanation...»

Edward looked thoughtful, then he nodded, satisfied with that answer. The man still didn't believe any of that was real. This was good, it meant he wouldn't go around telling people that Oswald was undead. Except, of course Oswald's temper had to go and almost ruin that for them.

«How dare-... delusional!? I'm not delusional, you-»

Ed tried to calm Oswald down by putting one hand on his shoulder and giving him an eloquent look.

«-You... Oh. Right. I mean-... no, I'm not delusional. This is absolutely real, I, uh...»

Edward sighed and resisted the urge to roll his eyes, especially when Oswald looked at him as if asking for help.

«Very well, then. Please, understand that it's in our best interest not to attract attention to us, so letting you go is simply the most favorable option, since a man reappearing out of nowhere is gonna go down more smoothly than the police coming here looking for a dead body. We have no real need for you anymore, and thus have no interest in keeping you alive either. Do you understand what I'm saying?»

Edward asked, slowly walking closer to the man, using his deeper, more threatening voice, and yet sounding perfectly calm.

The man nodded frantically.

«Good. You are free to go, then.»

Oswald eyed Edward anxiously for a moment, before walking over and removing the chains. The man hesitantly stood up, then he grabbed the original manuscript and he bolted for the door. Both men watched him leave.

«I hope this isn't a mistake.» Oswald commented broodingly.

«Would you have preferred to stick him in the freezer?» Ed asked with a hint of humor.

«Is that still an option?» Oswald asked, badly masking a spark of hope under an ironic tone.

«We'll keep an eye on him. Might even ask Zsasz to do that for us, since he's your buddy now.»

Admittedly, that wasn't meant to come out so bitter or cutting. Edward was joking, while also proposing an actual idea, but he hadn't meant to pour that much of his resentment into the statement, and he really hoped the other wouldn't notice. This jealousy thing was getting out of control, even he had to admit it at this point. He needed to keep himself in check, at the very least to avoid starting another argument he knew he couldn't win.

Oswald shot him a vaguely annoyed look, but then he nodded.

«That's not a bad idea. I will tell him as soon as I can get a hold of him again.»

Good, so another matter was taken care of, now they needed to focus on the other matter at hand, and both got immediately more tense just thinking about it. They had tried to avoid thinking about that too much, but now that the book was in their hands, they had no other choice but to face the truth, whatever said truth might be.

Edward spent several hours reading through the book, while Oswald went from being really anxious to being just plain bored pretty fast and he simply sat in his armchair, kind of dozing off. Until Edward closed the book and the noise caught his attention.

«It would seem we weren't too far off. The clams are mentioned, they originally come from a lake in Serbia, that's where it all started.»

Oswald straightened up and leaned forward, listening intently.

«The symptoms as described match the ones you exhibited so far...»

«And?» Oswald pressed.

«I don't know, some parts were missing or have been redacted, even Gallagher didn't know what to write there, so while there is a lot, at the same time... there isn't much.»

Oswald frowned and stood up, walking closer to the table that Ed was sitting at.

«But what about a cure? Does it say anything about that?»

Oswald didn't like the look on Ed'a face and he felt his stomach drop.

«It's pretty vague in that regard. It seems the fate of the undead is to continue feeding on the living to stay alive, while slowly...»

Oswald swallowed, waiting for Ed to continue, but the other simply trailed off, averting his gaze. That couldn't be a good sign.

«The good news is that I don't believe this is a curse at all.»

Oswald's eyebrows shot up at that, failing to see how that could even matter enough to be considered good news.

«This book is centuries old, and while I don't mean to undermine ancient wisdom, there was a lot people back then didn't know about medicine and anatomy. I believe this might be nothing more than a virus. And if that's true, there's no reason why there shouldn't be a cure for it.»

Edward said, finally looking back at Oswald with a small encouraging smile.

Oswald felt that smile being contagious and he let himself relax a little, finally grabbing a chair next to Ed and dropping in it.

«That's something... but how are we supposed to find a cure on our own? We are back at square one.»

Edward shook his head at that.

«We won't do it alone. There might be someone able to help us.»

Oswald frowned and stared at the other for just a bit longer before raising his eyebrows when he realized who the other was referring to.

«No. No way, we are done with that asshole.»

Edward grimaced. He didn't like the thought any more than Oswald did, especially after what the scientist had done to him.

«There's nothing I wouldn't do to save you, Oswald.» Ed said, reaching for the other's hand and holding it in his, forcing the other to look at him directly in the eyes. He offered a small reassuring smile. He knew this could turn out to be a very bad idea, but what other options did they have?

«Hugo Strange might be our only hope.»

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is actually a bit shorter than the previous ones... well, what did i say? I called it lmao
> 
> To be honest, it was a bit tougher to write, mostly because i got a bunch of new ideas while writing so i had readjust and this isn't at all what i was originally going to write, basically i added one entire chapter, because none of this was planned. Who doesn't just randomly write a quick little heist into a story, am i right??
> 
> Also, i changed stuff a bit, as far as Santa Clarita Diet canon is concerned. I decided that stealing an ancient book and kidnapping someone to force them to translate it was more in line with what Oswald and Ed would do... we'll see what consequences these actions will have in the future (both for the characters, and for me as the author lmfao). And of course the timeline is a bit different too, stretched out a little. In SCD everything happens very fast, but since i wanted to adhere to canon for season 5, i made it so that the symptoms took a lot longer to show.
> 
> And Gallagher is a character i entirely made up, including the name, which i picked after refreshing a random name generator a few times. What? I can't be putting the same amount of thought into everything, some stuff you just gotta *gestures vaguely*... you know? :/
> 
> Anyway, I'm very tired and i can't read again this anymore!! Let me know if there's typos and shit, thanks!


	7. I'm not going to bite him, are you crazy?

«Just letting you know that we are going looking for Strange because he might be able to help with our problem.» Oswald spoke into the phone.

«Oh, right now? That sounds like a hoot, but unfortunately I'm busy. You are lucky I even picked up.»

Oswald frowned. He had been wondering what the hell was up with Zsasz recently, and why was he so elusive.

«Busy? How are you always so busy, busy doing what?»

«Look, let me know how it goes, alright? Good luck with your endeavor, Carlos is waiting for me.»

Zsasz sounded impatient and Oswald was growing really tired of that man's bullshit.

«Who?»

«Carlos? Alvarez? You know, tall, handsome?»

Oswald blinked a few times.

«Wait... Alvarez? Are you on a date? You refuse to come with us looking for a dangerous evil scientist, because you are on a date?»

He couldn't believe this. Seriously, actually unbelievable.

«Like I said, I'm busy.»

Oswald scoffed, already done with this conversation. Fine, he guessed, they would have to do without the assassin, but he would have to have some strong words with him when this was done. If they really found a cure, then Zsasz would have to be thankful to them for it, and he'd better make himself more useful and fucking stop disappearing for days only to finally pick up the phone to just say he's too busy going on a goddamned date to help.

«Alright, whatever.» Oswald rolled his eyes, «Catch up with us when you are done.»

They had no time to waste waiting around for the assassin to grace them with his presence.

 

Oswald and Edward walked into the room, and as they were expecting, the scientist was there. They both already had guns pointed at him, before he could do anything, and they walked closer, while Strange stood with his hands raised and studied them warily.

«Stay there and don't try anything, or we will both shoot you. Probably multiple times.» Edward warned him.

He knew that they needed him and so, rationally, he knew shooting him wouldn't be a good idea, so he'd rather the man didn't tempt him, because he was already tempted enough on his own as it was.

«Are you not here to kill me?» Strange asked, curiosity and surprise in his voice.

«Let's not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? That's still definitely an option, but no. We need something.» Oswald said with a forced smile.

Strange eyed them both, waiting for them to elaborate.

«There is this rare virus, we need a cure for it.» said Edward.

Strange's brow furrowed ever so slightly at that.

«How am I supposed to find a cure for this “virus” if I don't even know what it is?» he asked.

Oswald opened his mouth and then closed it. He still wasn't particularly fond of the idea of sharing this information with Strange, but he had to come to terms with the fact that this was happening and there was no other option right now.

«Oswald contracted this virus when he ate some bad clams.» Ed supplied, trying to stay vague enough. He didn't like this any more than Oswald did, but this had been his idea and he had to stand by it.

Strange raised his eyebrows, slightly tilting his head.

«Were these clams... Serbian, by chance?»

Edward's eyebrows shot up at that. Oswald had a similar reaction, but in response he only gripped his gun tighter.

«You already know about this?» Ed asked.

A smile formed on Strange's lips. Ed didn't like that one bit.

«Yes. I've encountered this virus before. I actually ran into this while researching a way to bring people back to life... it didn't turn out very effective for my purposes, so I dropped the project, but of course, there is a cure.»

Edward should have relaxed when hearing that – it was good news, wasn't it? – and yet, for some reason, he only tensed up more. Oswald, on the other hand, smiled like he was ecstatic at this revelation. Ed supposed that was fair enough, they had been searching for a solution for a while and had only hit dead ends until now, so if Strange really could be able to help, this might just be what they had been looking for.

Oswald and Edward exchanged a brief look. Edward was trying to communicate to be careful around the scientist, but that seemed to go over the other's head, who only wished to communicate how excited he was that they had never been this close to finding a cure.

«You can make this cure, right?» Edward asked, redirecting Oswald's attention back to the scientist.

Strange nodded, and that little smile of his still hadn't left his lips. Edward had a bad feeling about all of this.

Oswald slowly lowered his gun. Ed hesitated to do the same, yet.

«We can get started immediately. I will need a blood sample to extract the virus, of course.»

Edward still eyed Strange, trying to figure out what the catch was.

«How long will it take to make it?» Oswald asked.

«A few hours, give or take. You might be cured by the end of the day, Mr Cobblepot.» Strange replied with a smile.

Ed frowned and he turned to Oswald, grabbing him by his arm to pull him closer, and he whispered in his ear.

«Be careful. I don't trust this one bit.»

Oswald turned to frown at him.

«This was your idea!»

«I know. Doesn't mean it's safe.» Ed gave the other a look that he seemed to understand, prompting him to nod back.

Strange waited for them to be finished with their little exchange, then gestured to a big chair in the middle of the room.

«Please, take a seat.» he invited Oswald, who hesitantly followed.

Edward reluctantly lowered his gun, and he followed Oswald to the chair, standing by his side. Oswald sat and he leaned towards him, speaking quietly so Strange wouldn't hear.

«Go get Zsasz, please. If this works, I want him to get cured too.»

«I'm not leaving you here alone!» Ed said in a hushed voice.

«I can take care of myself, I will be fine.» Oswald tried to reassure him.

Edward looked at him and he saw the hope in his eyes. He couldn't help but feel a weight in his chest. If this didn't turn out the way they wanted it, he couldn't bear to think of what would be of that expression when that hope would be ripped away from him. The corners of his mouth tugged downwards, but he nodded.

«Be careful.» he told him once again, figuring it wouldn't hurt repeating himself. The other flashed him a smile and nodded, leaning back into the chair.

Ed turned to look at Strange as the man prepared a syringe, and he frowned. No, he really didn't like this at all. But he had just promised Oswald he would try to have faith and he would go and try to get Zsasz, so he was going to do just that.

He glared one last time at the scientist, then he turned to leave the room.

Oswald waited for Strange to begin his work.

He had to admit, it was definitely bittersweet, the idea of being “cured”. He hadn't lied when he'd said he loved this new version of him, and he wasn't looking forward to losing it, but he wasn't a big fan of his body slowly deteriorating and spending the rest of eternity rotting alive, so, this had to be done.

Then, he heard a metallic sound and the next thing he knew, his wrists were trapped on the armrests by shackles. He tried tugging away, but he couldn't move. He glared at them with a deep frown, then he directed the same expression at Strange.

Ed hadn't even reached the exit yet, and he turned around when he heard the noise. He wasn't surprised something had gone wrong already, and he immediately reached for his gun before he had even finished turning.

Strange smiled at Oswald, while taking out a gun. Oswald's eyes went wide as soon as he realized, but there was no time to do anything – not that he could have done anything anyway, since he was trapped.

«No!» he shouted - it was all he could do.

Before Ed could aim his gun and shoot, Strange had already beaten him to it. Edward felt something hit him in the neck and he instinctively reached for it. He pulled out something and he stared at it. It was a dart. That had to be some kind of tranquilizer, he figured, and a moment later he could already start to feel its effects. He tried to take a step forward, but he found himself stumbling and dropping the gun.

«O-Oswald...»

He tripped and fell forward, landing on his hands and knees. He heard Strange's quiet laugh and he grimaced.

Oswald twisted his neck to see what was going on, since his position didn't allow him a clear visual on Ed's situation, and he was deeply worried about him.

«Ed!» he called out.

«Don't worry. Your friend will be fine.» Strange said, walking towards Ed and then grabbing him by the back of his collar, forcing him to stand up.

Ed almost fell over again. He could barely keep his footing, everything was spinning and his vision was getting blurry, but he was still awake.

Strange pushed him, or more or less dragged him, towards the chair Oswald was in, until they both stepped into Oswald's field of view. It was a relief to see that Ed was still alive, but he wasn't happy to see him in this condition, and he once again tried to wiggle himself out of the restraints, but to no avail. He huffed in frustration and he bared his teeth at Strange.

«What are you doing with him? Let him go!»

At those words, Strange raised his eyebrows, one slightly above the other, as if he was surprised to hear him say that.

«Let _him_ go? What about you?» he asked, almost sounding amused.

Oswald didn't answer, he just glared.

Strange resumed his smile and he pushed Ed forward, making him stumble onto the chair and almost fall over Oswald. Ed tried to grab onto Oswald's shoulders to steady himself, but his motor skills and coordination were noticeably impaired, so all he could to was turn his head slightly, to face Oswald, and give him the best pitiful look he could manage.

«Ed?» Oswald looked at him worriedly. He would have reached for him, had his hands not been tied.

«What the hell are you planning?» he asked angrily, his eyes shifting to Strange's face.

The scientist's smile widened and he let out a quiet chuckle. He had already let go of Edward and walked around the chair, grabbing the syringe again. He approached Oswald and he stabbed the needle into his arm, starting to extract black blood, and looking pleased at the sight of it.

«There is no cure, is there? Say it, say there is no cure!» Oswald shouted at him.

He had no idea what Strange was trying to do, but it was becoming increasingly clear that he had lied to them.

«No. There isn't a cure. There is a serum, however, that can stop certain symptoms. That doesn't matter now, I have no interest in stopping said symptoms, not when I finally have a living specimen to study up close. Well, “living”, not exactly the word one would use, but you understand what I mean.» Strange explained with a smile, transferring the blood into a small glass tube for safe storage.

Oswald's eyes went wide. A serum? So maybe the rotting could be stopped, after all. But Strange didn't seem at all inclined to help in that direction, so for the time being he was, for lack of a better word, fucked.

«You see, Mr Cobblepot... this...» Strange begun saying, showing the contents of the glass tube to him, «...is the secret to eternal youth. Even to immortality! I've been theorizing for years, and I know the positive effects this has on the skin. With this, aging could be stopped. Do you know what that could mean? How much money some would be willing to pay for something like this? Sadly, I haven't had a specimen to work on in a long time... The undead are harder to find than they look, but now, I have everything I need.»

Strange calmly placed the tube on a metal cart, and he once again walked around the table. Oswald followed him with his gaze. Edward was still slumped over him, he didn't look like he could move, or do much, but he was still awake, as testified by the fact that he whimpered when Strange grabbed him by the shoulders again. Oswald tensed up.

«Now that I have you, I'll have an infinite supply of specimens to work with. All I need to do... is to get you to bite them.»

As he said this, Strange pulled up one of Ed's sleeves and he presented the bare arm to Oswald, as if he expected him to actually bite into it. Oswald glared at him in confusion and anger.

«I'm not gonna bite him, are you crazy?»

He realized what kind of question that was. It wasn't even worth answering, really. This was Gotham, after all, that line was really thin and easy to cross.

«I must warn you, Mr Cobblepot, if you don't bite him, I will be forced to take drastic measures.» saying this, Strange extracted a gun, but it wasn't the same as before. This one shot real bullets, Oswald was sure. His eyes widened at the sight of it, realizing what Strange meant.

«Be reasonable. A lifetime, even an eternity, of eating flesh... and slowly rotting away, sure, but at least he will live. Unless, if you prefer...» Strange pointed the gun at the back of Ed's head.

Oswald's chest felt like it could explode. He was in full on panic right now, and he didn't know what to do. The answer seemed pretty simple, all considered. Dead Edward wasn't an option, and so he looked down at the arm that Strange was still holding in front of his face and he bit the inside of his cheek, still hesitating, despite everything. He was sure Ed would understand.

«No... Please... Please, Oswald... N-no...»

His heart fell when he heard Edward whimper those words, so quietly he almost thought he had imagined them. Maybe it was just his conscience talking to him. But then, Edward managed to tilt his head in the right direction, just enough to actually face him. Oswald saw the fear in his eyes, and suddenly, he just couldn't do it.

«Just one bite, it's all it takes. I know how your kind functions, I can imagine you've done worse during your time as an undead. What's a small bite now? At least he will live.» Strange threatened, pressing the gun into the back of Ed's head.

Oswald's eyes started to fill up with tears and he looked down at Edward.

Ed couldn't move anymore, not enough to actually do anything useful, like freeing himself or helping Oswald, and he could feel the metal pressing against his scalp, sending chills of pure terror down his spine.

He didn't want to die. But he didn't want to become undead either. He had seen what that entailed, and he wasn't keen on experiencing it first person. It was another thing to be complicit in Oswald's eating habits, but the thought of having to do that himself was stomach turning. Although, he had no say in the matter, because it's not like he could oppose whatever was going to happen next anyway. And he had no idea what Oswald would decide to do. He had never been so scared, not that he could remember.

Then, a gunshot resonated in the room, and Ed felt Strange let go of him all of sudden. Oswald saw Strange duck, as the gunshot missed him, hitting a pillar not far behind him.

«I don't know what's going on here, but I was invited to a party, and this doesn't look like my kind of party at all. Very disappointing.»

Oswald smiled when he recognized that voice. “Thank God...” was all he could think in that moment.

Strange tried to aim his gun, but before he could shoot, a gunshot hit the weapon, making it fly out of his hand. Oswald watched Strange struggle as he realized he had no choice now, and he heard footsteps approach.

Strange turned around and bolted, crawling into the garbage chute and slipping away out of sight. A moment later, footsteps had gotten even closer, and finally Zsasz came into view. He was standing there, guns still in his hands, examining the chair Oswald was trapped in, and then eyeing Ed curiously, noting that he didn't seem really responsive, despite everything that had just transpired.

«What's wrong with him?» Zsasz asked, putting away his guns.

«Strange shot him with a tranquilizer.» Oswald quickly explained, before looking down at his friend, «Ed? Ed, are you going to be okay?»

The other simply whined, not really able to do much else, but it still sounded reassuring in his tone, so Oswald let himself relax a little. Zsasz managed to break him free of the shackles, and Oswald immediately went to grab Ed's face, checking up on him. His eyes were unfocused and then they closed. Ed seemed to have finally gone completely unconscious. Oswald sighed, in equal parts worried and relieved. At least they were all alive and they were free, but he still didn't enjoy seeing his friend in that state.

 

«So it was all a trick to use you to make cosmetics?» Zsasz asked, still trying to wrap his head around Oswald's story.

«It wasn't all bullshit, at least I don't think so. He mentioned a serum, but I have no idea how to make it.»

Oswald laid Edward down on the couch and sat next to him, gently stroking Ed's cheek.

«Your boyfriend is going to be alright.» Zsasz commented with a little smile, noticing his actions.

Oswald instinctively stood up and turned around to face him, eyes wide.

«He is not my-...» he saw Zsasz raise his eyebrows, «...Never mind. Thank you again for the rescue. I'll let you know if we make any progress on this serum thing. Hoping it actually leads somewhere...»

Zsasz nodded.

After the assassin had left, Oswald turned again to focus his attention on Ed. He grabbed a chair, carrying it close to the couch, and he dropped in it. He continued to watch the other sleep. It was such a relief to think that he was just sleeping and that he would be fine, he would eventually wake up, and everything would be normal again.

He had to think of what would have happened if Zsasz hadn't showed up.

Was he really going to bite Edward? Or was he going to let him die?

Both options sounded awful, but one more than the other. He couldn't have lived knowing himself responsible for the death of the other. More than that, he wasn't sure what he would have done if the other had died.

He remembered how desperate Ed had sounded when he begged him not to bite him, but he realized, or maybe already knew, that that was exactly what he was going to do. There was simply no other choice, especially not when the other option was having Edward's brain splattered all over his face. Oswald grimaced at that image. It was so terrifying, he couldn't even picture it without shivering.

This got him thinking, though. He wad to imagine the other option. What it would be like if Ed was like him. That would strengthen their bond even more, drive them even closer. Edward would finally feel like he felt. Not just that, but, as it begun to down on Oswald, he wasn't going to age, or even to die, unless someone put a bullet though his brain. He would stay like this forever, but Edward wouldn't. His best friend, the man he loved, would age and eventually die. It might happen in forty or fifty years, it might happen tomorrow. They might spend their lives together, and Oswald, still young and unchanged, might get to give his last good bye to a senile Edward, lying in a hospital bed, dying of old age. Or he could get sick and die sooner. He could get hit by a bus. He could trip in the shower and break his neck. He could eat some unfortunate food. Who knows! There were so many options and this was starting to freak Oswald out.

He didn't want to be separated from Edward. Knowing that he had eternity waiting for him, and that he would have to life most of that without Edward by his side was slowly digging a hole in his chest, and he felt like his heart was sinking in it, swallowed whole by that deep, aching darkness. He didn't want to lose him, now or never.

 

Edward started to wake up very gradually. As he regained consciousness he felt a numbness in his body which he tried to shake off by wiggling his toes and moving his fingers a bit, as if to check than everything was still there, then the memories started to flood back and he suddenly opened his eyes. The room was getting darker, but he recognized it as the living-room at the mansion, so he relaxed, figuring that if he'd gotten there all in one piece, he had to be fine.

Then, he turned and saw Oswald. The other was slouching in a chair, his head hunched over uncomfortably, and he appeared to be asleep. Edward let out a long, soft breath, as it downed on him that they were both safe.

He wanted to wake the other up. It didn't look like a comfortable position to be in, even if he knew the other didn't exactly feel pain normally. Still, he hesitated, stopping to think about what had happened earlier that day.

Oswald almost bit him. Sure, it was meant to save his life, but still, Ed had had to ask him not to and it had taken him considerable effort too, considering that at the time he was about to lose consciousness and even formulating the words had proven itself a hard task to accomplish.

He had to consider the implications, what would have happened if Oswald had bitten him for real. He had begged him not to, but he had to ask himself why.

He didn't want to be like that. More than that, he was just afraid of the change. He knew that the transformation brought change, it was inevitable, but he didn't know what would happen to him specifically. Beside the obvious, clearly. In Oswald's case, he seemed to have gotten bolder when it came to flirting and stuff like that – as Ed had already had way to attest. Zsasz seemed to have embraced a particularly chill version of himself. But what about him? How would he change? He wasn't sure he would like the person he could become and he wasn't sure he wanted to find out, he was simply afraid.

And yet, he had to consider the fact that this meant Oswald would never grow old, and possibly even never die, while Ed would at some point. As the years would go by, he would age, and Oswald wouldn't. He hadn't thought so far into the future about their relationship, he couldn't even be sure they would still be together by then, but for some reason, making that leap had been completely natural. Of course they were going to be together after all those years, right? He didn't know about Oswald, but as far as he was concerned, he wasn't going to leave the other, even if they would never be anything other than friends.

He finally decided it was time to wake the other up, so he sat up, having to steady himself for a moment, still feeling just slightly dizzy. He reached for Oswald's knee, touching it gently, and the other instantly snapped awake, wide eyes fixated on him. Then a smile formed on the other's face.

«You are awake. How are you feeling?» he asked.

Edward stretched and moved his neck a bit, to make sure his answer would be truthful.

«I'm fine. What about you? Why are you sleeping in this chair?»

Oswald looked a bit sheepish all of sudden.

«I didn't mean to fall asleep, but you weren't waking up, and I got bored...»

That wasn't at all what Edward meant, but it warmed his heart that that was what Oswald was being defensive about. He smiled and shook his head.

«Thank you.»

«You should thank Zsasz. He's the one who saves us.»

Edward had to admit Oswald was right. He barely remembered the last thing that happened before he entirely passed out, but he recalled hearing gunshots and a familiar voice.

«I guess so.»

«See? I told you we could trust him.» Oswald scolded him.

Edward hid his urge to roll his eyes by closing them instead and tiredly massaging his eyelids with his fingers.

«I guess you were right.» he admitted with a sigh, causing the other to smile proudly.

They stayed silent for a while, until, they both guessed, the topic couldn't be avoided.

«Would you really be so against being _like me_?» Oswald asked, surprising the other despite the fact that he was kind of expecting a similar question.

«It's not that I'm against that, it's more about... I don't know what's going to happen to me.» Ed explained.

«What do you mean? You know exactly what happens.» Oswald frowned slightly in confusion.

«No, I mean... what going to happen to _me_. As a person. I've seen how you have changed, but what if the way I change is... well, what if it's bad?»

Oswald's eyebrows shot up.

«That's impossible, Ed. The way this works is... you are simply more likely to become the person you've always wanted to be, deep down, but never had the courage to actually be. It can only be a change for the better.» he said with a reassuring smile, reaching for Edward's knee.

Edward remained silent for a moment, looking thoughtful.

«Maybe you are right... but what if the person I always wanted to be isn't... What if he isn't someone who-...» Edward had to pause and think about this. Articulating his thoughts on the matter wasn't going to be easy, and especially he didn't know how to explain it to Oswald in a way that the other could understand. He didn't want to admit it, but it was also hard because it hurt to admit in the first place.

«You know how I... how I can get, as the Riddler. That's who I've always wanted to be. A more confident version of myself, someone who isn't afraid to show his disdain for common people's lives, but also someone who cares about riddles and puzzles more than people. Things haven't always gone well between us and now we seem to have found some kind of balance, something that works. I don't want this to change.»

He averted his eyes, looking down at the floor. It was a lot to admit out loud, and he didn't feel ready to meet the other's eyes and the judgement that could be hiding in them.

Oswald leaned forward a little bit, trying to meet the other's eyes, but to no avail. He was trying to understand how the other was feeling, but he thought he understood what the other meant.

«Nothing could ever come between us.» he finally said. Edward's eyes were suddenly on him.

«You can't be sure.» Edward said, much quieter than he meant to.

Oswald dared to smile and he reached for the other's hands, holding them in his, while holding his gaze too, making sure he had the other's complete attention, because he needed this message to be received.

«I can. And I am. Do you want to know how I know this? Because you tried to kill me before, and I had you frozen and put on display for months, and do you know what happened? We are here. So... I really don't know how anything worse than that could happen, and as far as anything else goes, it's nothing we can't overcome.»

Edward felt his chest tighten, but not in an unpleasant way. It was just that his heart had decided to go on a little race, and he lost the ability to speak for several seconds.

«You really have that much faith in our friendship?» he asked.

Oswald chuckled a little, straightening his back and finally letting go of his hands.

«Don't you?»

Edward was taken aback by that question. Did he?

«Yes, I believe I do.» and maybe he did, but what he was concerned about was something else. What Oswald had said was true, but he still had doubts. He couldn't be sure that the person he would become would still feel the same way. He had always had other aspirations, so what if his new self decided to follow those, even if it eventually meant betraying or losing Oswald?

«Then... you have no reason not to let me bite you-»

Edward was about to reply to that, saying that he most definitely did have plenty of reasons, but Oswald stopped himself, a strange look forming on his face, and so Ed stopped too.

Oswald frowned and he opened his mouth, his eyes moving to the side, before snapping back on Ed as his eyebrows shot up.

«Biting someone actually turns them!»

Edward stared at the other, unsure where he was going with this.

«Yes...? Apparently, so?» he asked.

Oswald shook his hear irritatedly, as if he was annoyed that Ed couldn't somehow read his mind and instantly know what the hell he was babbling about all of sudden.

«I bit someone before!» Oswald said emphatically, gesticulating frantically.

Edward's eyes went wide.

«Shit. Who? Who did you bite?» he asked, only now starting to realize the meaning of this. There might be a third undead walking around Gotham.

«Selina.»

Edward had to do a double take on that. He frowned.

«Selina? Wha-... when did you even bite her?» he questioned the other in an undoubtedly judgmental tone.

«I don't know... months ago? It was back when we were still working on the sub.» Oswald replied pensively.

«This isn't good. Oswald, that might mean she is-»

«Undead. I know. We have to find her.» Oswald sounded resolute. Ed nodded in agreement.

They couldn't be sure if the girl was still alive, or how she was doing, what she'd been up to until then, but they had to find her, at the very least to assess the situation. She most likely had no idea what was happening to her, while they had found out quite a lot about this whole ordeal, so they should catch her up... that, and make sure she hadn't been alerting people to the presence of undead people in Gotham. Ed had to consider that possibility. If the girl was causing trouble, they might have to put her down, for their own good.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a shorter one, this one. I didn't want to cram too much shit into one chapter, and also i didn't really have the energy to write anything longer, but i still wanted to post, so ?????
> 
> oh, you know.
> 
> Anyway, fuck Hugo Strange lmao that dude... he is the only actually unsympathetic villain in this show, all he does is do evil stuff and be creepy!! I'm not a fan, lmao
> 
> Also, he is always used in the show as means to reach some impossible science bullshit without having to explain it besides "oh, Strange did it", so i figured i'd take a page from that book and do the same. oh, YOU KNOW- *cue impossible science bullshit*


	8. Team Undead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the longest i've written so far for this story... sure, i guess?? why not
> 
> Also, there is a bit more gore in this one? or at least, if felt more to me in that sense, while writing it. Maybe reading it is different. Just a heads up! Not to spoil anything, but i still think i should warn ya folks
> 
> That's it. Good reading ;)

After hitting every place around Gotham they could think of and still finding no trace of Selina, they were forced to consider asking someone who might be able to tell them something useful.

Which was why they found themselves at the front door of the apartment Bruce Wayne had been momentarily staying at, ever since his manor had been blown up, standing awkwardly in front of a very surprised butler.

«Mr Penguin?»

Oswald put on his best cordial smile, while the butler eyed both of them suspiciously, keeping a stance that didn't exactly scream “welcome!”.

«Good afternoon, Mr Pennyworth.» he politely replied. Edward nodded along as a way to share the greeting.

«What are you two doing here?» Alfred asked.

Oswald and Edward exchanged a look, trying to encourage each other not to look or sound extremely shady.

«That is a legit question, I suppose.» Oswald said.

«We need something and Mr Wayne might be the only one able to help us.» Ed helpfully supplied.

Alfred didn't seem to like that answer that much, in fact, at the mention of the boy he tensed up and looked even more defensive.

«We aren't trying to get him involved in any illegal activity! Nor is he in any trouble, we just-.... we really need some information and I'm afraid he might be the only one able to give us answers right now.» Oswald finished explaining, then he stared, waiting.

Alfred again moved his eyes from one to the other, studying their demeanors, but Oswald's tone and expression must have convinced him they were telling the truth, and so Oswald relaxed a bit when he saw the butler relax as well.

«Very well, I'll be getting Master Wayne for you, then.» Alfred said, but he still didn't move for a moment longer.

«Aren't you going to invite us in?» Oswald asked, hopeful and just a tiny bit humorous.

«Sure.» Alfred finally said, moving aside and letting them in.

They waited in the living-room, while Alfred presumably went to fetch Bruce. Then, the door opened and both walked in.

«Mr Cobblepot, Mr Nygma. To what do I owe this visit?» the boy asked, standing straight and kinda stiff, but still using his most polite tone.

«I'll be blunt. We have been looking all over the place for Selina, but we can't find her anywhere. Do you have any idea where she could be?» Oswald asked, taking a few steps forward, but still stopping at a distance.

Alfred, who was waiting a few feet behind Bruce, with his hands behind his back, frowned.

«What could you possibly want from the girl?» he asked.

Oswald could tell how defensive he was getting, and when he looked back at Bruce he could tell he was feeling the same as his butler.

Oswald smiled, trying to appear the least hostile as possible.

«Not to worry, she isn't in any trouble with us, or anything like that. We simply need to talk to her, but she has been... elusive.»

Edward watched the other two's reactions to Oswald's words. He saw Bruce frown even deeper, before his face relaxed just slightly.

«Even if I wanted to, I'm afraid I can't help you. We haven't talked since Gotham was reconnected to the mainland, I have no idea where she is hiding.» the boy stated, letting some valuable information slip in, such as the fact that she was apparently hiding, and that he must have been looking for her too. Also, he sounded little too cocky for it to be the whole truth, but neither Oswald or Edward could be sure, and they hadn't come there to threaten the boy – mainly because they didn't feel like attracting the attention of the police, which would most certainly be informed if something unsavory were to happen right now.

Oswald's shoulders dropped. Another dead end, what a surprise.

«Shouldn't you get moving, finish preparing your baggage, Master B?» said Alfred, out of nowhere.

They saw Bruce turn to face him momentarily and nod. Oswald raised his eyebrows.

«You are going somewhere?» Edward asked, made curious by that interaction.

«Yes. I'm leaving Gotham... for a while.» Bruce answered vaguely.

Well, that was unhelpful.

«Well, have a good trip.» Oswald replied, forcing a smile. He wasn't happy with this development. Bruce really was their last chance to figure out where the hell Selina had gone. If even he didn't know, or if he refused to help, they didn't know what else to do at this point.

«Thanks. If you'll excuse me.» Bruce said, right before walking out of the room.

The other three were left standing there awkwardly, unsure what to do now, until the butler gestured to the door and flashed them a quick, forced smile.

«Thank you for the visit. I'll show you to the door, then.»

He clearly couldn't wait for them to leave the house. Oswald sighed and nodded, Edward following along, and they were ushered outside.

«What do we do now?» Oswald asked, once they were alone, still at the front door.

«Perhaps-»

Before Edward could finish his thought, the door behind them opened and they both turned, looking rather surprised, especially when they saw Bruce walk out.

Oswald looked at him interrogatively.

«Tell me the truth. What do you actually want from her?» the boy asked, crossing his arms.

It took Oswald a moment too long to recover from the surprise, so Edward took over, stepping closer and answering for him.

«We mean no harm to her, I promise. But she might be in trouble, and we really need to find her and talk to her.»

Edward watched the teen's reaction. He saw the boy relax imperceptibly and uncross his arms, and yet he still frowned.

«I don't know why, but I believe you.»

Oswald raised his eyebrows.

«Oh, well, thank you, I guess.» he said sarcastically.

Bruce looked hesitant for a moment, averted his gaze, his frown deepening a little, before he looked back up at the two men.

«I have reason to believe she might be hiding at Ivy's place. I don't know why. I haven't talked to her in a while... as you said, she's been elusive.»

«Ivy? Ivy Pepper?» Oswald asked. He was surprised to hear that name.

Bruce nodded.

«Yes, she helped us when Selina was paralyzed. She gave me a plant that cured her. I supposed they are friends again, now.» he explained.

Oswald nodded, processing all that information. So, it was possible that Selina had gone to Ivy in the hopes that she could help her with her condition.

Bruce put his hand in his pocket and extracted a small piece of paper, which he handed to Oswald. When he looked at it he saw an address was written on it.

«I see. Thank you very much.» Oswald said, receiving a quick nod from the boy, before he turned around and walked back inside.

Oswald turned to face Edward.

«We know where we are going next.»

 

Oswald looked around, this place was dark and dirty and he grimaced when he accidentally touched the furniture, immediately cleaning his hand on his jacket.

«This place is filthy. How can anyone live here? And what's up with all these plants growing everywhere?» he asked.

Edward caught up with him, stopping by his side.

«Plants everywhere are sign we are in the right place.» he commented, just as unhappy as the other was to be there.

«Let's find that little brat and get out of here. This place is giving me the creeps. And it's disgusting.»

«I wouldn't be so rude, when trespassing into someone's home, Oswald.»

They both froze and turned in the direction of the voice that had just spoken. At the entrance of the next room was standing Ivy herself, casually leaning against the wall, arms crossed.

She saw their scared faces and smiled, starting to walk towards them. Instinctively, they both took a step back, and Ed put his arm in front of Oswald, as if that would do anything.

She chuckled softly at that reaction.

«Can I know what brought you here, before I kill you? Just out of curiosity.» she asked.

Oswald opened his mouth as if to speak, but he had to think very carefully about what to say for a moment longer.

«Wait! We are just looking for Selina!» he said when the woman took another step closer. She stopped.

«What makes you think she's here?» Ivy frowned, slightly tilting her head.

«We have reason to believe so.» Oswald said, swallowing nervously.

«We just need to make sure she is fine. Let us see her, once we are assured there's nothing wrong with her, we'll be on our way.» Ed interjected.

Ivy made a curious face. They had to believe that at this point she must have figured out what they were referring to.

«Why do you think there's something “wrong” with her?» she asked, taking yet another step closer. Oswald and Ed shuffled closer to one another.

«We know of- of a condition tha-that's been... uh... it's...» Oswald was trying to be vague about it, but it wasn't really getting them anywhere. Ivy squinted at them.

«She is undead, she eats people. Doesn't she?» Ed asked bluntly, gaining a surprised look from Oswald. Ed tried to ignore him and stayed focused on Ivy, not wanting to take his eyes off her for a second, too afraid she could do something sudden.

She didn't look too surprised to hear those words, but she took another step closer, studying them from head to toe, and Ed felt a drop of sweat roll down the back of his neck.

«What makes you think that?» said another voice. Before they could realize, Selina was standing beside Ivy. The two women exchanged a look, and Ivy assumed a more relaxed and somewhat less threatening posture, to much of Oswald and Ed's relief. But Selina still looked menacing enough on her own.

«Are we correct to assume...?» Oswald asked, daring to take a step closer, but one single glare from Ivy promptly halted him.

«How do you know?» Selina asked, sounding defensive.

Oswald finally relaxed a little, which clearly surprised the girl, who frowned at his odd change of demeanor. Oswald let out a nervous chuckle.

«Because I'm like you.»

At those words, Selina's eyebrows shot up and she was speechless for a moment. Ivy shot her a look, but Selina shook her head, which apparently was the signal to stand down, because Ivy rolled her eyes and crossed her arms again.

«Prove it.» Selina said.

Oswald opened his mouth in shock at that request. Ed raised his eyebrows, and both didn't know what to do for a moment, exchanging a brief interrogative look, before Oswald got an idea and he sighed.

He took a step to the side and Edward stood there and watched while the other removed his glass eye, holding it in his hand, before turning to the two women again.

Selina's eyes went wide. She looked disgusted for just a fraction of a second, then fascination took over, followed immediately after by relief.

The inside of Oswald's eye-socket was still pitch black. There was no way a normal person's face would look like that. There was no sign of red anywhere. Selina must have known this.

«Alright, I believe you. You can put that back now.»

«Oh.» Oswald said, quickly reinserting the eye back in place. Selina and Ivy looked at him funny, so he turned to Ed with a puzzled look on his face and Ed sighed, before reaching for Oswald's face and hesitantly poking his glass eyeball, until it was in the right position.

«Oh. Thank you.» Oswald mumbled, slightly embarrassed, before turning to the other two again with a small smile.

«So, you too...?» Selina begun, probably unsure where to even go with that sentence.

«Feed on human flesh? Oh, yes.» Oswald replied, his smile widening.

Selina flashed a small smile, but only for a second, before resuming her defensive attitude.

«You died? And came back to life? And vom-»

«Vomited all over the place, yes. That was the most unpleasant part. Really gross.» Oswald supplied.

«Yeah...» Selina let herself chuckle. Then, she suddenly got serious again.

«So, anyway, what do you want from me?» she asked.

«Right. Have you been experiencing... problems?» Oswald asked.

That question was so vague it earned him a surprised and confused look by everyone.

«Could you be more specific?» Selina asked.

«I think you should be more specific.» Ed agreed. Selina eyed him curiously, making him instantly uncomfortable.

«What about you, anyway? Are you undead too, or just following your boyfriend around?»

«I'm not-»

«He's not-»

Oswald and Edward instinctively looked at each other and immediately regretted it, both averting their gaze.

«I'm not undead and I'm not his boyfriend. We are friends.»

Selina rolled her eyes at that.

«Ookay...» luckily for them, she figured she had better things to think about than tease them about this, so they all moved on, most of all Oswald who was dying to stir the conversation elsewhere.

«I was referring to parts of your body starting to rot. That seems to be a common thing, so I have to wonder if that's happened to you too.»

Selina's eyes went wide for a brief moment.

«So what about it?» she asked casually.

«I did my best with my plants, but nothing seems to be very effective on an undead body.» Ivy intervened.

Oswald nodded pensively. So he was right, Ivy had been trying to help Selina.

«The good news is, there might be a solution. The bad news is we are going to need Hugo Strange's help with this.» he said after a short silence.

«Well? What is it?» Selina asked urgently.

«There is a serum that should be able to stop symptoms such as the progressive decay of your bodies.» Ed explained.

«Why do I get the feeling that you two know more about all of this than you are letting on?» Selina crossed her arms, «So, spit it. What else is there to know?»

«Fine, no need to be so rude.» Oswald begun, but the girl interrupted him.

«By the way, why do I also get the feeling that you are responsible for this?» she said, gesturing vaguely at herself.

Oswald tensed up. She wasn't wrong. Suddenly he got a lot more sheepish.

«Yes, well, I bit you. Which, as it turns out, is a way to infect people. I didn't know this at the time and I acted rashly and I'm sorry about it.»

Selina looked like she was thinking that new information over, and for a moment Oswald thought she was going to attack him or something, but then she nodded.

«Sounds about right. Yeah, it all started not long after that, I figured there'd be some connection there.»

«So why didn't you look for me?» Oswald asked, wondering if provoking her would be a good idea, but he had to ask.

Selina shrugged.

«Figured I'd deal with my own thing first.»

«And you still aren't done dealing with “your own thing”, since your body is rotting and you had no solution for it until now, I presume.» Ed supplied.

Selina shot him an annoyed look, but then shrugged again.

«Pretty much.»

«Anyway, there's more that you should know. For starters, this is a virus, and there isn't an actual cure, as far as we know, besides this serum. It originated in Serbia, and Zsasz and I got infected when we ate some red clams...»

Oswald saw Selina's eyes go wide, so he paused.

«Oh, right. Victor Zsasz is like us too. And as far as I'm aware, it's just the three of us. Unless... you bit someone...?»

Selina seemed to get defensive at that.

«No, I didn't bite anyone! Unlike some people.» she said, shooting him a reprimanding look, to which Oswald responded by rolling his eyes.

«I already apologized. Also, it hasn't happened again since, so it was just one little mistake, no need to make a big deal out of it.»

Ivy scoffed. Oswald and Ed got the feeling the woman was getting tired of them and was only dealing with their nonsense because Selina was there, for which they were grateful, because Ivy could be terrifying.

«I'm not mad at you or anything, by the way, so you can like, chill.» Selina said.

«You are not?» Oswald asked, and at that, even Edward took a step closer, made curious by that remark.

«Yeah, well, it's not like my life was that great before, either. At least now I really feel free. I don't know how to explain it. I used to worry so much about stuff, now I just don't give a shit.»

«Oh. Yes, that's natural.» Oswald nodded knowingly.

«Apparently, the transformation releases inhibitions, so the undead are more likely to pursue their deepest desired and worry less about other people's opinions, or consequences.» Edward explained, gaining a pensive nod from the girl.

Then, Oswald's eyes fell on something crawling on Selina's shoulder. It had many legs and looked kinda like a spider, but it couldn't be a spider, it was too weird even for that. He recoiled, squealing in disgust and bumping against Edward, who was also busy staring at the creature. Selina didn't at all look bothered by it, so they just had to assume she was aware of its presence, but that didn't make things better, anyhow.

She smirked at their reaction and turned her head to the side, raising her arm to let the creature crawl down the length of it, all the way to the back of her hand, closer to the two men.

«What the hell is that?» Oswald asked, daring to lean forward, only to step back again when the thing moved.

«I call it Mr Ball-legs. It came out of my mouth when I puked and then I died. It was just a little red ball at first, but I kept it around to try to figure out what it was, and then, bam! It sprouted legs.» she looked really entertained by the two men's reaction, and she was looking rather fondly at the small creature.

«So, what is it?» Edward asked.

«I still have no effing clue, dude. But he is my friend. Or, I think it's a he? There's really no way to tell, I don't think.» Selina said, letting Ball-legs walk from her left hand to her right.

«You don't have one?» she asked.

Oswald forcibly took his eyes away from the creature. As horrifying as it was, he had to admit, it was one of those things that are so ugly they are almost beautiful. It was just too fascinating to stop watching it.

«No, I-... well, yes. I puked out a little red ball, but I didn't know what I was, so I froze it up.»

Selina's eyes went wide and she raised her voice.

«You froze it!? Are you crazy? Poor little thing-- what the hell is wrong with you!?»

Oswald raised his hands defensively.

«I didn't know it was alive! How was I supposed to know? I thought I was an organ or something. It came out of me!» he justified himself.

Ivy shook her head.

«You guys are entertaining, but not quite enough. Do you have anything else useful to say about this serum, or can I feed you to my plants yet?»

«Ivy.» Selina scolded her.

«I have never fed an undead person to them, I wonder if that could make them sick... maybe it's not a good idea.»

«No, I don't think so, duh! And you aren't feeding neither of them to the plants, Ivy. Just be nice for once.»

The corners of Ivy's mouth tugged downwards and for a moment both men tensed up, preparing for the worst, but then she shook her shoulders.

«Fine. I'll play nice. But you'd better tell us everything we need to know. You mentioned Strange?» she asked.

«Yes... wait, you said you've been feeding people to your plants?» Edward asked, nervously eyeing the vines growing all over the place. Ivy smirked.

«Yes. That's one thing all my friends have in common, I can feed them the same way.» Ivy said, gesturing all around her, including at Selina, who scoffed at her.

«Whatever. So, the serum?» the girl asked.

«Right. Yes. Strange mentioned it during our last unfortunate encounter-»

«How do you know he wasn't lying?» Selina interrupted Oswald.

«He had no reason to lie.»

Selina seemed to like that answer and trust it enough to nod.  
«Strange can make this serum?»

«From what he said, yes, I believe he can.»

Selina grinned.

«So, what are we waiting for?»

 

They had to consider that Strange might be expecting them this time, so they tried to be a little less conspicuous when infiltrating the building, just in case the scientist could be alerted of their presence before time, but in the end, they ended up barging in with their guns pointed at him again.

Or rather, they would have, if Strange had been there. Oswald and Edward exchanged a look, Ivy following right behind, and they started cautiously walking across the room, expecting him to be hiding somewhere.

When Ed walked past a pillar, suddenly he felt something pushing him while simultaneously tugging at the gun in his hands. It was Strange, who managed to hit him in the face and almost made him let go of his gun.

Simultaneously, Oswald realized what was happening, but he was on the other side of the room and he couldn't get there in time. He pointed his gun at Strange, but by the time this happened, Strange already had a gun of his own pointed at Edward's head, while he kept him in place with his other arm around his shoulders. Edward froze, knowing that a false step right now could mean a bullet in his brain.

«Drop your gun, Mr Nygma.»

Edward had no choice, he did as he was told.

«You too, Mr Cobblepot.» Strange ordered. Oswald looked at Ed in the eyes and he hissed in frustration and anger through his teeth, before dropping the gun too.

Ivy stood to the side, watching the whole exchange, looking bored by all of this.

«Good job, Penguin.» she said.

«Shut up.» he muttered without even looking at her.

Then, before anyone had time to realize what was happening, Selina popped out of nowhere and landed on Strange's shoulders, forcing him to let go of Ed to keep his balance. In reality, she had crawled through the ventilation system and jumped out of a vent. This had been her idea, and it had worked really well. Strange fought back, but she forced him to the ground, keeping his neck in a hold with her legs. He struggled and she stood up, but before he could do anything, or reach for the gun that had flown out of his hand, she kicked him in the face, then kicked the gun away from him, for good measure.

Oswald immediately ran to Edward, grabbing him by the shoulders and looking intently at his face, to make sure he was alright. Ed nodded and massaged his own neck, then walked over to pick up Strange's gun from the floor.

«And _this_ , is how you do it.» Selina said, proud of herself.

Ivy begun to walk over to them, walking past the two men and giving them a look as if to agree with the younger woman, then she reached Strange. Selina grabbed him by the arms, twisted behind his back, and she forced him to stand.

Ivy smiled and grabbed his face with her hand, squeezing his cheeks.

«If it's serum you want-»

Before he could finish talking, Ivy's perfume had already worked its magic, and a big dumb smile formed on the scientist's face.

«-then you can have it. I'd be more than happy to make it for you, Miss Pepper. I would do anything for you. I lo-»

Selina put one hand on his face and pushed him aside.

«Yeah, yeah, we get it. Whatever. Just do your thing, science man.»

Ivy shot the kid a look, but Selina only shrugged at her.

Oswald was still standing close to Edward, his hands still on his arms, while they watched this exchange. Now that this was done, they both finally relaxed, and Oswald let go of Ed.

A few minutes later, Strange was already working, while the others stood aside, watching him. Oswald looked wary, so Ivy smirked at him.

«You don't have to worry, he is going to do everything I tell him to.» she reassured him, and yet that didn't sound reassuring at all.

«Yes, I'm aware. Which is a relief, because we are all on the same side... right?» he asked.

Selina rolled her eyes.

«Hey, cut it. I'm the youngest here, I can't believe I've got to be the reasonable one. Yeah, of course we are all on the same side. Team undead, yeah?»

Oswald moved his eyes from Ivy the Selina and he hesitated for a moment, but then he smiled.

«Of course... team undead.»

Selina had raised her fist and she was looking at Oswald as if she expected him to fist bump her. He frowned, but after a moment he decided that not going along with this, even if mildly humiliating, could lead into getting on Ivy's bad side, and he still wasn't sure they were on her good side either, so he did it. Just a quick touch of their fists, then they both dropped their hands.

«Thought you were gonna leave me hanging there, for a second.» Selina joked. He was pretty sure it was a joke, she was smiling.

Oswald smiled back, kinda awkwardly, then Strange walked up to them, and he tensed up again, until he saw the big dumb smile on the scientist's face was still there, which meant they were safe, and so he relaxed.

«Pardon me... Ivy, can I call you Ivy? You are so beautiful...»

«Did you have a point?» Oswald interrupted him.

Strange briefly glared at him, before focusing back on Ivy.

«Yes, I'm missing an ingredient and I cannot complete the formula without it.»

«What is it?» asked Edward.

«The bile of someone from Serbia. The people from there have developed an immunity to the virus. Without it, it simply cannot be done.» Strange explained, without ever tearing his eyes off Ivy. It was honestly terrifying seeing him like that. And annoying. Ivy seemed to be enjoying this, instead. Figures.

«I see. We'll see what we can do about this.» Oswald said and extracted his phone from his pocket, walking a few steps away from the others, followed by Edward.

«Who are you calling?» he asked.

«Zsasz. I want to ask him to find some for me. Gotham's underground is so weird, I'm sure anything can be found, for a price.»

 

After he hang up the phone, he reassured the others that Zsasz would take care of it, and then join them to get his dose of serum.

Now all they had to do was wait and they all got bored pretty fast.

«How did you find me, anyway?» Selina asked at some point.

Oswald looked at her, only mildly surprised by the question.

«We went to Bruce to ask him where to find you.»

Selina's eyes went wide and she raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

«He told you where I was? So he's known all along?!»

Oswald shrugged. He wasn't sure what the girl wanted him to say. She looked upset.

«Did you two have a fight or...?» he asked after a brief silence during which he saw her grow increasingly angrier about this revelation, no doubt, the more she thought about it. Not that Oswald would have cared that much about what those kids were up to, their relationship was their business, but at this point he was just curious.

«No, I don't-... I wouldn't say that. But before, Gotham was a mess, so much weird shit was happening, it was easier to hide _this_. Now that everything seems a bit more normal, I'm the odd one, so I took a step back. You know, so Bruce wouldn't figure me out. I had no idea he'd known where I was all this time, it means he's been spying on me instead of coming to talk to me... that's so... stupid.» she scoffed, crossing her arms.

«Sounds to me like he was trying to respect your need for space while still wanting to check up on you because he was worried.»

Even Oswald didn't know what possessed him to start dispensing relationship advice to teens, and yet there he was, and he started to regret opening his mouth when he saw the look Selina shot him. A moment later, luckily, her face softened and she huffed, averting her gaze.

«I guess.»

Oswald dared to smile. He knew everything about complicated relationships... he thought, glancing at Edward, who was still hovering behind Strange's shoulder, apparently busy studying the process, or maybe keeping an eye on the scientist, Oswald wasn't sure.

He wasn't sure about what the exact nature of Selina and Bruce's relationship was either. They were kids, so, he had to guess, they had a crush on each other, but other than that? It wasn't even his business, and yet, he felt the need to help. Maybe because Selina was like him, and this meant he was beginning to feel the same odd kind of kinship he felt with Zsasz too. There it was again, that need to look after one another. “Team undead”, like Selina said, right?

«Uhm... you might be interested to know... since you mentioned you haven't been in touch, I don't know if you know this, but Bruce is about to leave Gotham, he didn't specify how long he's going to stay away.»

«He's leaving me?! I mean-- Gotham.» Selina was quick to correct herself. «Without telling me? What's wrong with him- ugh!»

Now she really looked furious. Without saying another word, she stomped off.

«Where are you going?» Oswald asked. Kind of a stupid question, but still.

«To beat the crap out of an asshole.»

Oswald tried to contain a smirk, as he watched the girl walk to the door.

«Good luck!» he shouted after her, obtaining only a middle finger in response. Well, the girl had quite the temper, that was for sure. But he couldn't blame her.

 

A while later, Zsasz showed up, delivering the missing ingredient. Since Strange told them it would take a few hours for it to be ready, they had some time to kill, and aside from Ivy, who stuck around to make sure Strange would do as she said, they didn't have much else to do there, so Oswald and Edward decided to go home for the time being.

Oswald walked straight to their secondary freezer – a recent addition to the mansion – followed by Edward, who looked at him curiously when he saw him open it and start rummaging in it, as if looking for something in particular.

He finally understood what the other was doing when he saw him extract a ziplock bag with a familiar small red ball in it.

«Are you actually doing this?» Edward asked, watching the other take the red ball out of the bag.

«It's a living creature, Ed, I can't just leave it in the freezer! Besides, I think Selina is going to kick my ass if I don't.» Oswald chuckled softly, while observing the thing in his hands.

Edward thought to himself how odd this was, that Oswald seemed to have already developed some level of fondness for the girl, but he thought better than to comment on it, for the time being.

Instead he walked closer, took the ball from the other's hands and he took a good look at it. He still couldn't figure out where the leg could even come from. This didn't look like something that was alive, but maybe that was just because it was frozen. They didn't even have any way of knowing if freezing it had killed it. Part of him hoped not, because it was a fascinating creature, and he couldn't begin to imagine how that thing could have somehow have grown inside of Oswald's stomach, but another part of him found it disgusting and he wished to never have to look at it ever again.

For now, they decided to simply leave it on top of the freezer, so it would have time to unfreeze and maybe by the time they would be back it would be, God forbid, alive.

Besides, this was the perfect place for that thing to be. There was nowhere else it could go. They always locked this room before leaving, and every surface – from the floor, to the furniture, to the walls – was covered in plastic sheets, so there weren't many places for it to crawl into.

 

Later, they all met again at Strange's lab, and the serum seemed to be ready.

As soon as Oswald's eyes fell on Selina's face, he noticed that her eyes were red and puffy, and he had to wonder if she had been crying.

«Is everything alright?» he asked, but all she did was briefly glare at him, before looking away.

«I'm fine. So, is this serum ready or what? Let's just get done with this.»

Oswald watched her walk closer to where Ivy and Strange were standing, while the scientist prepared three different doses.

Finally, the two turned around, Ivy holding a small tray with the three syringes on it, and looking expectantly at all of them.

All three undead looked at each other.

«You go first.» Oswald told Zsasz, getting a frown in response.

« _You_ go first.» the assassin snapped back.

All three were clearly hesitant, until Selina rolled her eyes and stepped forward.

«What a bunch of wussies. Gimme here.»

As she said that, she took her jacket off, then grabbed one of the syringes and immediately injected herself in the arm with it.

Oswald held his breath without even realizing, until a few seconds later, nothing happened, so he exhaled and relaxed.

«So?» he asked the girl.

Ivy grabbed Selina's face and turned her face towards herself, squinting and studying her, but Selina removed the hand from her face and shooed her off.

«I'm fine!» she scoffed.

Oswald and Zsasz looked at each other, still kind of hesitant, but then both nodded and walked over to the tray. Oswald grabbed a syringe and he turned around to look at Edward. The other walked closer and took the syringe from his hands.

«Are you sure about this?» Ed asked.

«What other choice do we have?» Oswald said with a sigh, and bared his arm.

Edward took a deep breath and injected him with the serum, while Zsasz did the same to himself.

Oswald pulled down his sleeve. Edward stared at him in the eyes, waiting for any reaction, but there was simply none.

«How are you feeling? Do you feel any different?» he asked.

«Not really.»

«How are we supposed to know if it worked or not?» Zsasz asked, getting everyone's attention, voicing the question that was on everybody's mind.

Selina sighed and tugged at her right ear.

«It's fine.» she said after a moment.

Everybody shot her a confused look until she explained.

«It didn't fall off, so it's fine.»

Everyone still looked confused, so she lifted her hair on the right side of her head, turning her head so they could take a good look at her right ear.

«I glued it back on.» she explained.

«Oh.» both Oswald and Zsasz said.

«So, I guess it's done. We did it.» Oswald said, looking at the other for support, and all nodded, seeming to agree.

This was definitely anticlimactic, but he guessed that if it had really worked, it didn't matter.

«What about him?» Ivy asked, pointing at Strange, who was still standing very close to her, looking at her like she was a god on earth or something.

«How long will the effect of the perfume last?» Oswald asked.

«It will last a while. Why?» she replied.

Oswald looked at Edward, then back at Ivy.

«Leave him with us.»

«What are you going to do with him?» Selina asked.

«You shouldn't kill him, not until we are completely sure the serum worked.» Ivy said.

Oswald nodded, he knew she was right. But then he grinned.

«Don't worry. I wouldn't kill him just yet, anyway.»

Ivy stared at him with a slight frown, then she turned to Strange.

«Fine. Go with them and be a good boy.»

«Of course, everything for you.» Strange said, starting to walk towards Oswald and Ed without ever averting his eyes from Ivy's face.

 

Back at the mansion, they were back in their freezer room. They had already locked themselves inside, so no one could walk in. Strange had been made to sit on a chair in the middle of the room. He looked really peaceful, like he had no idea what was going on, but he wasn't really worried about it.

«Are you sure you don't want to tie him up before you do this?» Edward asked.

«No...» Oswald said, turning only partially to look at Strange, «No, I want him to fight.» a grin creeped on his lips, then he took the knife Edward handed him, and he walked towards the scientist.

Edward reciprocated the smile, but if faltered as he watched his friend walk up to the chair. He had to admit, Oswald was scary. Not that Strange didn't deserve everything that was about to happen to him, but the idea of watching this happen was in equal measures thrilling and terrifying.

Oswald grabbed Strange's face with his hand, frowning at the stupid smile still on his lips, then he let go and instead, he slapped him really hard across the face.

«Ow...» Strange said, before his eyes slowly widened and he turned to Oswald, pressing himself against the chair to try to get as far as possible.

Oswald recognized the terror in his expression and he smiled at that, nodding as if to let the other know what he was right to feel that way.

The effect of the perfume had dissipated, and now Strange was acutely aware just of how utterly fucked he was. And this thought was apparent in the way his face muscles twisted, only to Oswald's delight.

He knew he couldn't kill him, sadly, and he would do his best to keep him alive, but aside from that, he could do anything he wanted to him, and he wanted to enjoy this.

Oswald put one hand on Strange's chest, while pressing the knife against his throat with the other. Strange didn't fight, he simply grabbed the armrests, his knuckles turning white, and he hissed when Oswald pressed just a little more and spilled a little blood. Oswald chuckled. He pulled back the knife, while keeping his other hand still on the other's chest, and he slowly licked the blade.

«I wanted to insult you and say it tasted sour or something, but in reality it tastes delicious.»

He only said that to elicit a specific reaction in Strange and he was delighted when he saw how scared he looked at that thinly veiled threat.

«You can't- You can't kill me. I lied, the serum won't work. You still need me-»

Oswald interrupted by laughing. He quickly turned to Ed, as if to ask him if he was hearing this bullshit too, then back to Strange.

Edward stood to the side of the room, watching from a certain distance and he swallowed. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous, it's not like he was the one being tortured. And it's not like he hadn't seen anything like this before, or even done it himself. And yet, he couldn't help but fidget with his hands a little.

«Oh, please. If anything this just convinced me the serum was one hundred percent effective.»

Strange stared at him for a moment longer, then, to his surprise, Oswald stretched out his arm and dropped the knife.

«I prefer to do this with my own hands.» he explained.

Strange barely had the time to process what he meant, before a blow landed on his face, knocking the air out of him.

Then other two consecutive blows in his stomach, and then another across the face in the other direction.

Strange gasped, blood dripping from his nose, face already starting to swell up a little.

«I lied!» Strange said, raising his arms to try to shield himself, «There is a cure.» he added, daring to look at the other in the face.

Oswald was about to hit him again, but he paused, just for a moment, then grinned again.

«No there isn't. You are just trying to save yourself and you would say anything to get out of this, but, newsflash: there is no way out.» as he said this, he lowered his hand and hit Strange across the face again, this time causing a small bruise on his cheekbone.

«Well? Aren't you going to fight? You won't even try? So disappointing.» Oswald said, pouting mockingly.

Strange glared up at him, and Oswald could tell he was considering his options and evaluating his odds, and eventually deciding it was worth trying, apparently, because he suddenly stood up and leaped at Oswald, making him lose his balance and tackling him to the ground, going for his neck.

Oswald hit him and kicked him, quickly managing to reverse their positions.

Edward's eyes went wide when he saw the scientist attack Oswald. He knew this was what his friend wanted, a fight, but he still wasn't sure he liked this. Sure, the odds were in Oswald's favor, but Ed didn't have a gun with him this time, so he couldn't help him like he had that time with Penn.

Strange got hit again and again and his vision was starting to get blurry, either from a concussion, or from blood getting into his eyes, but either way, he still managed to see Oswald's knife laying not too far, and while the other was busy chocking him, Strange stretched out his arm and desperately tried to reach the knife. He was so close to it, his fingertips brushed against the handle.

Oswald noticed this, but barely in time, and not before Strange had managed to grab the knife and tried to stab him with it, going directly for the head.

Edward noticed this too and he would have screamed but his voice died in his throat and all he could do was gasp in horror.

Oswald shielded his head in time, and the knife ended up stuck in his forearm. He glared at it, then down at Strange, before taking it out and throwing it even further. That was when Strange knew he'd fucked up. That had been his one chance, and now he was done for.

Oswald bared his teeth in pure anger, and he started punching Strange alternating his hands, making his face turn to one side, then the other, until all of it was such a mess of red that it would have been hard to recognize. He heard a wheeze, a subtle whimper, and he paused, trying to discern if there were any words in there.

«Please...» was all he could understand, but it was enough to get the gist of it. He smiled mockingly, faking pity for the other man.

«You want mercy? Where was your mercy when you tortured me, back in Arkham, huh? You thought I forgot about that? Where was your mercy when you were willing to use me as a lab-rat, to force me to bite Ed against his will, huh!? Where was your fucking mercy, when you cut Ed's head open, and planted a fucking chip in it!!?»

Strange didn't respond, he only wheezed some more and made a sound that was probably a sob, but it was hard to tell. Someone else might have felt pity for a man in that state, but not Oswald, not right now.

«Remember? Remember when you put Edward's life in the hands of a maniac, and forced him to kill hundreds of innocents? Do you fucking remember? Answer me!» he shouted in Strange's face, lifting up his face by grabbing the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer.

Edward was frozen in place while he watched this, his mouth hanging open. Even from that distance, it wasn't a good scene to look at, and yet, he felt something warm twist inside his gut, something pleasant, amidst all of his conflicting emotions. It was probably petty, but it felt good to know Oswald wasn't just doing this for himself, that his fury against Strange was in part motivated by all the awful things the scientist had done to Edward.

Strange whimpered louder, the words once again barely audible.

«...was... job- just... just a... job...»

Oswald's frown deepened.

«Well, I hope you knew that job came with risks, my friend.» Oswald said, with just a semblance of calmness, before his face twisted in a snarl and he dug his teeth into Strange's throat.

He pulled back, observing his work, watching the blood spill copiously from the wound he had just inflicted, seeing the life slowly drain from the man's face, but before that could happen, Oswald pulled back even more.

Edward watched as the other easily grabbed into the dying scientist's ribs and ripped his chest open with one simple gesture, blood splattering everywhere – these were the moments he was glad for the plastic sheets, all of that would have been a bitch to clean off otherwise.

Oswald quickly reached into Strange's chest. He could see his heart still desperately trying to pump, barely visible in that pool of blood, then, just before Strange could die because of everything else, Oswald wrapped his hand around his heart and he pulled it out of his chest, blood dripping all over the place. It still twisted in his hand for a moment longer.

Oswald looked down at the now dead scientist, at his empty, still open eyes, and he smiled, before taking a big bite into the heart.

Edward finally exhaled. He hadn't even realized he had been holding his breath, but now he could finally relax. It was over.

He continued watching while the other ate the rest of the heart, then he watched him lick the blood off each of his fingers, and then eventually stand up.

Oswald turned around and started walking towards him. For some reason, Edward didn't feel as repulsed as he had on previous occasions.

Oswald stopped at a small distance from him, and looked at him with a smile. Ed stared back at him, before starting to feel awkward and finding something to say to break the silence.

«Thank you... for saying those things.»

He looked at him in the eyes, but only briefly, before averting his gaze, and looking down at Oswald's body. He had never gotten this much blood on himself before. The entirety of his outfit, probably underwear included, was to be thrown out. There was no saving it.

Oswald must have noticed what Edward was looking at, and he too looked down at himself, letting out a small chuckle a moment later.

«I made a mess again.» he said apologetically.

«You should have worn the plastic suit.» Edward reprimanded him.

«I didn't think I was gonna kill him! I just wanted to rough him up... but then he made it clear that the serum was legit, and I... I might have lost control, just a little bit. I admit that.»

«Just a little bit?» Edward said with a small smile, raising one eyebrow.

Oswald rolled his eyes.

«Fine. You are right. Anyway, what's done is done...» he paused, watching Edward walk to a nearby table and grab a clean towel laying folded on it, before walking back, «...I would have done even worse to him if I could. After everything he put you through...»

Edward felt his heart beat a little faster, but he tried to ignore it, and he avoided looking at the other in the eyes, focusing instead on cleaning the rest of his face with the towel.

«I know.»

Oswald didn't look away, instead, he continued curiously following the other's eyes while he was cleaning him up.

Edward frowned, realizing there was only so much that could be done with a dry towel. The other needed to take a shower at this point. He lowered his hands and handed the cloth to the other, who used it to dry up his hands as best as he could, while never stopping looking at him in the eyes.

Edward started to feel awkward, felling the other's gaze weight on him, so he couldn't resist and eventually ended up meeting his eyes again.

Unsure what to do, Ed took the towel back from Oswald's hands, surprising him enough to make him look away, finally, and follow his hands instead, at least until he understood what the other was doing. Ed reached for Oswald's neck, having noticed that the blood had dripped all the way down, getting all over the collar of his shirt too. He had already established that this was a fruitless task, but something compelled him to keep going. He guessed he simply didn't want to get his hands off the other man. This moment felt intimate, they were completely alone, just the two of them – and the corpse. Nobody could walk in, because the door was locked from the inside, and Oswald was standing so close to him... even closer now, in fact, as Ed realized. Oswald had walked closer to him, their chests almost touched, and he could almost feel the other's breath on his own face.

Edward breathed slowly, moving his eyes from one blue eye to the other, starting to realize how actually close the other was, when Oswald's hand reached for his face, gently cupping his cheek.

A moment later, his lips were pressed against his. Ed had seen this coming, and yet he hadn't pulled away, and he continued not to do so, even when both of Oswald's arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him down, deeper into the kiss. He instinctively reached for the other's chest, retracting his hand only when he felt the wet surface, remembering about the blood, so he decided to wrap his arms around the other's waist instead, and then, before he knew it, his back was pressed against the wall, and the other's body was pressed against his.

He almost let himself go completely, but then he felt Oswald grind against him and he heard a small noise come from his own mouth, and he realized he had let this go too far already, and if he hadn't done something now, he wouldn't be able to stop.

«O-Oswald...» he tried to get the other's attention, but his words just got muffled into another kiss.

He had to place his hands on the other's shoulders to get him to listen. He didn't even push, it was just a simple touch, but the other was attentive.

«Oswald.» he said again, a bit more authoritatively this time, and the other finally pulled back, while he averted his eyes.

Oswald looked intently at the other's face, before remembering himself and taking a step back awkwardly, averting his gaze too.

«Right.» he cursed himself ten times over for all of this, «You are right, I- I'm sorry-» he didn't mean to impose himself, and he was afraid he'd fucked up this time.

«Don't apologize, i-it's fine. I just--» the other tried to explain himself, but even he didn't know what to say to this.

How could Edward lie and say he didn't want this? He simply couldn't, not convincingly, at least, and so he just shut up.

The two stood there in silence, still too close to one another for both of their sakes, until Oswald finally spoke, taking another step back.

«Today has been a long day. Go take a rest, I'll take care of this.»

Edward noticed that the other wasn't looking at him and wondered if he was upset, or if there was something wrong in general, considering everything that had happened that day.

«Are you sure?» there were a number of implicit questions hidden in that one.

Oswald finally looked back at him and smiled warmly, or as genuinely as he could.

«Yeah, just go, don't worry.»

Edward stood there, watching the other walk over to the body still laying on the floor in the middle of the room, then he decided Oswald was right, he was tired and he needed to get out that room right now, and so he did just that.

As he walked away, he tiredly touched his face and he realized he had gotten some blood on it, probably where Oswald had touched him. He passed his fingertips on his mouth and then, without thinking, he licked his lips, feeling them a bit itchy from the blood drying on them. Right. The blood. He could still taste it. It should have been disgusting, he should have been repulsed, then why did he feel so--

«Shit.» he whispered to himself, realizing a shower was definitely needed right now, possibly a cold one.

 

He took off his clothes, frowning at them as he realized that some blood had gotten on them too. He looked at the bloodied handprints Oswald had left on his jacket and he felt disappointed in himself, wondering how he had let this happen when he had promised himself that he would let it again, and even more so, because of how much he had enjoyed it.

This was wrong. Right? This was Gotham, sure, so who was keeping count, but he was fairly sure that there was a limit to everything, he that he had just about nonchalantly sauntered over said limit when he had gone and gotten aroused while being kissed in a room with a mauled dead body nearby, with blood in his mouth, and bloodied hands touching him and... oh, dear. He needed to stop thinking about it, it wasn't helping at all.

He looked down as he entered the shower and he sighed.

«Shit.» he said for the second time in the span of a few minutes.

Which was entirely justified, considered the conditions he found himself in. He removed his glasses, before stepping under the water, and he passed his hands in his hair, letting the water run over his face while he stood there with his eyes closed.

He couldn't just ignore it, could he? It wasn't going to go away just like that.

«Fuck.» he mumbled, opening his eyes and glaring down at his erection. Why must his body betray him so?

He sighed resignedly and reached for it, starting to stroke it gently, wondering what Oswald could be doing right now. He figured if he'd pictured the other covered in blood, chopping up a dead body, that maybe that would do something in the right direction, but nope. It turned out that thinking about Oswald, no matter in what circumstances, right now at least, was just a bad idea. Bad, bad idea all around.

He let out a sigh.

«What am I doing...» he muttered to himself, increasingly more disappointed in himself with every passing second.

Since he was at it, he might as well give in. It was no use trying to deny himself, he just had to accept it and think about the implications later, and also hope Oswald would never find out about this. God, how awkward – even more so than usual – were things going to be now?

He doubted he could ever look at the other the same way now. Yes, they'd had sex once before, but for some reason, this felt worse, somehow. He found himself wondering if maybe he should have just given in and fucked Oswald... But, no, how would that have been better? He was only having these thoughts because he was horny, he was sure, they weren't rational and made no sense at all. He had made the right decision, walking away.

«Oswald...» the other's name escaped his lips before he could help it.

 

What Oswald was doing, in the meantime, was getting to work with the tools he had retrieved, and begin to cut up the scientist's body in smaller pieces, starting with his limbs.

He and Edward definitely needed to talk, this situation was unsustainable. He couldn't lie to himself and say that he could just pretend he wasn't attracted to Ed, and sure, killing didn't help the situation either, considering how that got him. But he didn't want to force Edward into situations he didn't want to be in, he had already established this too.

Then, why did this keep happening? He could have sworn he had seen it on the other's face, his same desire, perfectly mirrored, and yet... there they were.

Also, there was the matter of Edward refusing to let him bite him. They had never finished that conversation either.

Oswald shook his head and looked down at his hands, and only now realized he had been taking big bites out of a forearm.

Great. Now he was stress eating again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out so long wtf........... i know i already said that. I'm just surprised. I usually write shorter chapters in general, but as you have probably figured out by now, for this story i'm not paying attention to the exact length and not even trying to keep them all the same... i just go where my heart leads me ;) *looks at Strange* ...oops, bad choice of words lmao
> 
> On the subject... look, i'm sorry. I feel bad every time i kill a character, even if it's a secondary one, but just know that this is a fact of life in this fic. Shit happens! RIP
> 
> Anyway, this was really fun to write. Finally Selina is here. I snuck a little Bruce/Selina moment in there even tho the story isn't written from their perspective. Ah, also, of course i changed canon a little, once again. In this fic, Bruce stays a bit longer to finish wrapping some things up, and also to keep an eye on Selina because he figured there's something going on with her. Her getting upset about him spying on her instead of confronting her... is purposefully hypocritical, lmao coming from her...
> 
> Anyway, writing scenes with many characters in them was never my forte, so i did my best. And many characters in this one i've never written before, so it was all kinda challenging for me.
> 
>  
> 
> Okay, enough with that, now i want to shout out to two artists on tumblr (merryandrewsworld and coppercowries) who have made art inspired to this fic (go check out their blogs, they are both great!)
> 
> Thank you so much for the support and the nice comments everyone, i can't tell you how much it means to me!! I got a comment right while i was writing this chapter and it gave me the boost in confidence and inspiration i needed to continue writing. Love you all, ❤❤❤


	9. Stop it, you are upsetting the children.

Oswald watched the little red thing on the counter for a while. It was now completely unfrozen and he figured that if it was meant to be alive, it would have showed signs of it by now. He resigned himself to having to get a earful from Selina when she would find out, but there wasn't much else he could do. He sighed.

«Nothing?» a voice asked. Oswald turned around, finding Edward had just walked in the kitchen, wearing his robe.

«Nothing. I think it's dead, sadly.»

Oswald wasn't too happy about this, he genuinely felt bad. Mainly because he hadn't mean to kill the creature, if he had done it on purpose it would have been a whole other deal, but the idea that it had died because of his inattention made him feel guilty.

Edward walked over to the kitchen and poured himself some coffee.

Oswald watched him, before his attention returned to the red ball. He was about to take it to throw it away, when the doorbell rang.

Edward and Oswald looked at each other, one with a slight frown, the latter with his eyebrows raised. They couldn't imagine who it could be.

Oswald walked to the door, deciding it would be best to answer and satiate his curiosity. They had both slept until late into the morning, but still, is was definitely early to start having unexpected visitors.

When he opened the door, he froze for a moment, so surprised that he forgot how to act like a human being for a second and just stared blankly.

«Who is it, Os-» Ed's words died in his throat as he approached when he saw Jim standing there. He immediately tensed up defensively, starting to think of all the possible scenarios and their outcomes.

«Hi, Oswald.» Jim said, then noticed Edward, and he nodded in his direction, «Ed.»

«What are you doing here?» Oswald asked, stepping in the way if Jim entering, although the other didn't seem intentioned to come in, and was just standing there.

«If you are wondering if this is official business, no, I'm not here to search your house or accuse you of something... I just want to talk, because I've noticed something curious, and I want to share my thoughts with you.»

Jim's explanation did nothing to calm Oswald down. Jim said he wasn't there to accuse him or anything, but then, why did it feel exactly like it?

«I'll humor you. What are these thoughts?.» Oswald asked, putting on a voluntarily unconvincing fake smile, to let Jim know that he didn't appreciate this visit.

«A book was stolen from a museum a few weeks ago. It was promptly returned a couple days later.»

As Jim begun explaining, Oswald tensed up. He had to wonder, had Gallagher talked? Were they in trouble? Jim continued.

«The curator of the exhibit himself claims he took it, and then he brought it back, but his story is full of holes. Whoever took the book, acted in secrecy and deactivated all the cameras, even cut a hole in the glass to take the book out... now, why would he go through all of this trouble, just to bring it back immediately after?»

Jim looked expectantly at Oswald. He shrugged and his fake smile became more hostile.

«I don't know, why don't you ask him?» he suggested.

«I did. He doesn't have a convincing explanation for it. Says he is very attached to that book, but then he felt bad and he changed his mind.»

Oswald was starting to show signs of impatience. Edward watched the entire exchange from behind Oswald's shoulders, and the exact same question going through the other's mind was going through his.

«And this concerns me because...?» Oswald asked sarcastically.

«Footage shows you were there the day it all went down, you spoke to Gallagher, you looked interested in that book.»

Shit. He had forgotten about that. But that didn't mean anything – he tried to reassure himself – Jim had nothing concrete on them.

«Maybe I was. So, what are you accusing me of, exactly? The book was returned, wasn't it? Is there even any crime to speak of? Now, if you'll excuse me-» Oswald took a step back and started to close the door, but Jim placed one hand on the wood, stopping him. Oswald shot him a challenging glare, which was matched with a frown from the other.

«I know you two are involved in this, Oswald. Gallagher won't talk, he is terrified, but even if he won't say it, I know.»

«Good luck with your case, Jim.» Oswald said, forcibly slamming the door closed. He turned around, resting his back on the door, and he looked at Edward.

The other was still standing there in his robe, coffee mug still in hand.

Edward had to admit, a visit from Gorgon wasn't the best way to start the day, but he guessed this would have to do.

«Unless Gallagher talks, they have nothing on us.» he reassured the other, speaking in a clear and almost monotone voice. The other nodded slowly.

«Yeah... right. I know. Do you think we should be worried about Gallagher?» he asked.

Edward looked pensive for a moment.

«No. You heard Jim, he is too scared to talk. If he wanted to rat us out he would have done so already.»

Ed watched the other visibly relax, and he took a sip from his mug, ready to return to the kitchen. He had to wonder why Jim had come there in the first place. He doubted he actually hoped to get anything out of them, so what was his deal? Did he just want to let them know he was onto them? He continued to ponder over these questions, but he decided not to voice them out loud yet. He didn't want to stress Oswald out more than necessary.

They both walked back to the kitchen. It took Oswald a moment longer to remember what he had been doing before, but then, when he remembered and he turned to the counter, his eyebrows shot up, and then he frowned, starting to look around. Edward shot him a curious look, before realizing and settling the mug on the counter.

«Where did it go?» Oswald asked.

«Wasn't it dead? How did you lose it?» Edward asked, nervously looking around the room.

Oswald was bending over to check under the table and he stood up again, meeting the other's eyes.

«Surely it didn't grow legs and walked away on its own. Except, that's _exactly_ what happened!» he snapped back annoyedly, gaining a frown from the other.

Oswald sighed and he spun on his feet, hearing a strange sound. He shot Ed a look, then scanned the room for the source of said noise, and there it was. Little ball with legs, scuttling across the room towards them.

«There it is!» he exclaimed excitedly.

«Ew!» Edward panicked and grabbed the first thing he could find, in this case a pan, and he raised it over his head, ready to smash the little thing, but Oswald suddenly put an arm in front of him, arresting his momentum so suddenly that he almost made him trip.

«Wait, wait! Don't hurt him.»

Oswald took a couple steps closer, noticing the creature had stopped in its tracks, then he crouched and offered a hand for it to crawl on, which it did. Oswald stood up, watching the being on his hand curiously, with the distinct feeling that he was being studied back too – how, he wasn't sure, since it didn't even seem to have eyes, but still, he could tell.

Edward watched the exchange and he finally put away the pan, letting his shoulders drop.

Oswald let the creature walk onto the counter and watched it cautiously studying its surrounding. A smile grew on his lips, which Edward noticed.

As freaky as that thing was, Ed thought he could get used to it, especially if it would continue to make Oswald smile like that – fondly and with a hint of amusement.

«What do you think it eats?» Oswald paused, «Does it even need to eat?»

«I don't want to assume, but judging by its appearance and based on the circumstances, it would be fitting if it ate the same thing you do. It's not a stretch.» Edward pondered out loud.

Oswald walked to the fridge and opened a small tupperware container, pulling out a string of minced meat, and then walked back and placed it on the counter in front of the creature.

Both men waited anxiously and watched as the thing approached cautiously, before lowering its body and scooting over the meat, making it disappear in the process.

«Ho-... how? How?» Edward asked.

Oswald shrugged and smiled, and immediately went to take the entire container out of the fridge, bringing it back to the table, and he gave the creature another piece, watching as it repeated the same action as before.

«How is it eating? Where is its mouth?» Edward insisted.

«You ask me as if I'm supposed to have any idea.» Oswald said, amusement in his voice, as he fed the creature another piece.

«Okay, stop it. Don't waste more meat than necessary. We don't even know if it's actually hungry or just...»

At that, Oswald shot him a mildly annoyed look.

«I don't want it to starve, can't risk it.» he said, and gave it yet another small piece, giggling when the creature ate it.

Edward opened his mouth to argue, but he just didn't know what to say. So he closed it and he just watched the other man have fun with his little... whatever the fuck that thing was, honestly.

«Fine. Are you gonna give it a name?» he asked after a moment. He saw Oswald's brow furrow in concentration, assuming he must have been thinking about it.

Suddenly, Oswald's face lit up and he looked at him. Ed didn't get a good feeling from this, then he realized he somehow knew exactly what the other was thinking and he frowned, shaking his head.

«No. No way. You are not calling it Edward, or any variation of my name.» he watched Oswald's eyebrows go back down and the corners of his lips tug downwards.

«Why?» Edward was flabbergasted at that question, and almost offended, as if it wasn't obvious “why”.

«A dog I could accept, but this... this is... I don't even know what this is.» he explained, giving up at the end.

«Why can't you recognize what is obviously an homage?» Oswald asked, while holding another piece of meat over the creature and watching it follow his hand around.

«Thank you, but I'll pass.» Edward scoffed, gaining a barely restrained grin from the other.

«Okay, then. I'll call him Oswald Junior.»

Edward's jaw dropped and he stared, unsure if the other was being serious, until Oswald noticed his reaction and looked at him with a blank expression.

«Are you serious?» Edward asked.

«What? I can't name him after you, so can I at least name him after me? It's my name, I can do what I want with it. Besides, I will refer to him as Junior, for short.» Oswald explained.

Edward closed his eyes and shook his head.

«Sure. Why not. Junior... Jesus, Oswald.» he grumbled.

«Don't be rude, you are upsetting my baby.»

Edward's eyebrows shot up and he glared at the other in disbelief. He couldn't believe what he had just heard.

«Oh, so it's your son, now?»

«He came out of me in a horrific process, he is small and new to the world, and I'm taking care of him. So yeah, I'd say that's not too far off.» Oswald explained nonchalantly, without even looking at the other.

Edward stared at him, then looked down at the creature, and finally he felt himself let out a short laugh. What Oswald said was so absurd and yet he couldn't argue with it, so he might as well have a laugh at this point.

Oswald glanced at the other, not wanting to make him to uncomfortable by staring at him, but the sound of his laughter was making him so happy, he couldn't help himself.

Happy thoughts, as often is the case, led to less happy ones, as Oswald remembered some of their previous conversations that were left kind of opened.

«I've had some time to think about this...» he begun, getting the other's attention, «I realize that what I was asking was probably overwhelming.»

Edward stared at him, trying to figure out what the other might be referring to, because as far as he was concerned, more than one thing about him was overwhelming. He saw the other smile sadly, looking down at the counter.

«Being immortal, being able to be by my side forever... maybe the idea of _actual_ forever is too scary. I understand. Maybe it's easier to say it when you know death is gonna come at some point, but remove death from the equation and suddenly...» he chuckled emptily to himself.

Edward blinked a couple times, before regaining the ability to speak.

«No, that's not it.» he clarified. He didn't like having this conversation, he found it too dangerous, but he knew they would have to talk about this at some point.

The other suddenly looked up at him, wide blue eyes filled with hope and confusion.

«What is it, then?» he asked.

«I told you before. I don't want to risk become someone who doesn't...» love you? «... _appreciate_ you like you deserve... or value our friendship enough.»

He didn't like this conversation for this exact reason. He didn't know how to make his point without exposing his feelings too much. Oswald stared at him just a bit longer and Ed panicked internally, wondering if this was it, if the other had figured him out. He even wondered if he shouldn't just say it, and maybe that would make things easier... but no, not for now, he decided.

«So you aren't scared of the idea of having to stick with me forever? Because you don't have to, you know. You could leave at any point, I would nev-»

«I never want to leave you.» and there it was. That was so close to a confession, but as close as he was willing to get, and even more than that, since he hadn't meant to say it like that, it just came out before he could stop it.

He straightened his back and cleared his throat.

«I... I'm not afraid of forever. I'd be more than happy to be...» to be what? «...your friend, for as long as you will have me.» now, that was a lie. He knew well that he didn't want to be friends, he wanted something else. He waited patiently for the other's response. He thought he must have been mistaken, but he thought he saw the other's eyes get a little bit misty, then the other looked away and focused on Junior.

«Thank you. I... I feel the same way.»

His voice was quiet, but not so much that Ed couldn't hear, and that response made him smile timidly to himself.

«Anyway...» Oswald said after a quiet moment, sniffling, but trying to hide it.

He figured he should change the subject. They hadn't reached a satisfying conclusion to that conversation yet, not really, not even this time, and yes, he had been the one to bring it up in the first place, but now he almost regretted it because he was getting more emotional than he had meant to, and he was sincerely starting to fear he wouldn't be able to hold back his feelings. Hence, a change in topic was due.

Edward looked expectantly at him.

«I heard the zoo is reopening today. Surprisingly, most of the animals survived.»

«The... zoo?» Ed was honestly so confused by that change of subject. What did that even have to do with anything? Then he understood.

«You want to go?» he asked, sounding a little uncertain, but he saw the other's face lit up and that was good enough of an answer.

«There's gonna be a lot of people. It's a social event.» Edward commented, still unsure how to even phrase his actual question – something along the lines of “Are you sure this is a good idea? Being out in the open like that? After Jim just showed up at our house questioning us about our last public appearance?”, but he didn't know where to start, so he didn't ask, but simply implied.

«I know, so what? Are we not allowed to have a nice day out?» Oswald sounded confident, and this should have inspired the same feeling in Ed, but for some reason he couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something off about all of this.

«Besides, wouldn't it be nice to do something normal for once? We only ever go out to hunt, these days. Not that I don't enjoy it, but it's not what I would consider a relaxing activity, especially for the living, like you.»

So, that's what this was about? Oswald was trying to do something nice for him. He wanted to argue, but he honestly couldn't. It's not like anything the other had just said was wrong, anyhow.

«A relaxing activity?» Ed asked, raising one eyebrow.

«Yeah! Go for a stroll, look at the animals... maybe get some ice-cream...» Oswald sounded like he was just saying what came to his mind and he was out of ideas already. Edward frowned.

«You can't even eat ice-cream.»

Oswald responded with a little smile and half a shrug.

«I was just saying. I can watch you eat it.»

Edward stared at him blank faced for a moment, then he let his expression soften and he smiled briefly.

«Sure. Why not?»

 

Now, there were actually many answers to that question, but the main one that came to mind, was that Oswald had been wrong about this. “Relaxing activity” he had called it, but Edward didn't feel relaxed at all.

Why this was, even he wasn't sure. It should have been enjoyable, and it's not that it wasn't, but there was something about walking around side by side with Oswald without having a specific purpose or destination, that just felt... just felt odd. Maybe because he wasn't used to it. Maybe he hadn't been able to place his finger on it, and this was bothering him more than anything.

It was a nice day, he couldn't complain about the weather. There were in fact many people, but the place wasn't too crowded, so he couldn't complain about that either. The first two enclosures they had approached had shown no signs of anything living thing in it, which was annoying, but he figured that came with the typical zoo experience, so he couldn't blame that either.

Then, as they walked towards the next area, Ed's eyes fell on a family walking in front of them. Two moms holding hands, one of which holding their son on her shoulders. Edward looked away, and his eyes fell on another couple, this time a boy and a girl giving each other a quick kiss before moving on. Edward felt a lump in his throat as he diverted his gaze, falling once again on yet another couple, two elderly gentlemen with their arms locked, smiling lovingly at each other.

That was when it hit him. That's what was off and why he couldn't relax.

He quickly glanced at Oswald, walking by his side, and he saw him smiling to himself. The reason this felt so odd wasn't simply because it was so different from their usual activities, but because it frighteningly resembled a date.

He almost chocked on his his own spit trying to swallow. That couldn't be... he knew he could be a little off the mark with social cues occasionally, but that was a lot.

Oswald had said it would be nice to do something normal, as if going on what started to feel more and more like a date was normal. Ed felt himself start to sweat.

They reached the polar bear enclosure. Two polar bears were laying lazily with their big paws in the water. The poor things were probably suffering the heat.

Edward barely noticed any of this, still too wrapped up into trying to figure out this puzzle.

He had to be wrong... right? Why wouldn't Oswald have said so openly, if his intention was for them to go on a date? Besides, they had already had a conversation about their relationship and they had both agreed that they were nothing other than friends, so it would have made no sense for Oswald to suddenly change his mind, unless... – Edward glanced at the other again, feeling his chest tighten. He wondered if the other could hear his heartbeat because it felt so loud to his own ears – he forced himself to stop, but it was too alluring to contemplate the thought of the other feeling the same way about him.

He needed to stop, or he would end up in some awkward situation if the other caught up with what was going on in his head, not to mention how much it hurt to come back to earth and realize he was probably reading too much into all of this. Oswald looked at him and Ed found himself panicking for a second, irrationally questioning if the other could read his thoughts, so he averted his gaze, and his eyes fell on the nearby penguin enclosure.

«Hey, look, penguins!» he said, before even stopping to think.

He didn't really have the time to think, so he just had to roll with it and started walking towards it, before waiting for a response from the other, who simply followed.

Oswald opened his mouth to say something snarky, but then he saw the other start to walk away and decided to follow. He wasn't sure what, but he got the feeling that something was off with Edward.

Ed got close enough to be able to see the animals and he finally stopped and took a deep breath to steady himself before the other could catch up.

«Wait for me, you know I can only walk so fast with my le-...» his words died when his eyes fell on the little creatures. It was a pygmy penguin enclosure, so they were rather small, and, he had to admit, actually adorable.

Edward didn't look at the other, but kept his eyes fixated on the little creatures... somehow it wasn't helping. Why wasn't it helping? He watched them waddle around and bump into one another, and then he realized. Oh. They actually reminded him of Oswald, that was why. So he decided to look away and into the distance, ending up not really focusing on anything.

Oswald huffed, catching the other's attention.

«Okay. I get it now.» he said. Edward looked curiously at him, until the other dropped the serious expression and smiled.

Oswald looked at him and Edward found himself opening his mouth without saying anything before regaining composure.

«What? What do you get?» he asked nervously.

Oswald gestured at himself with an eloquent look and it finally clicked in Ed's mind.

«Oh.» he said, looking down at the penguins and watching them for a brief moment, before looking back at the other.

«You didn't get it before?» he asked, sounding unsure, but letting himself relax ever so slightly, and actually smile. The other rolled his eyes.

«Of course I got it. I'm not stupid.» Oswald shot him a brief glare, before his expression softened again and his eyes went back to the birds, «I just never saw them in real life before.»

Edward nodded in acknowledgment. He still hadn't gotten the answers he was looking for, but at least he had to admit, this was a nice moment. He was having fun.

«I want them.»

Suddenly, Edward turned to the other when he heard those words, frowning slightly, at first because he hadn't processed what the other had said yet, and then because he couldn't tell if the other was kidding or not.

«Uh... you want, what?» he asked.

«Them.» Oswald said, pointing his chin at the penguins. Ed noticed that a woman nearby had heard them and she was eying them curiously, so he got closer to his friend and spoke in a hushed tone.

«Don't be ridiculous, please. You are joking... right?»

The other turned to him with a surprised and confused face, as if Edward had been the one saying outrageous things. Edward caught up and he instantly became more serious.

«Oswald...» he said in a warning tone.

Oswald stared him down for a moment longer, then rolled his eyes and finally Ed was able to relax. The last thing they needed right now was for Oswald to become obsessed with the idea of kidnapping penguins, as if they needed to attract even more attention to them. The way things were now, he was sure Gordon would have used anything to get at them, if he could prove they had even just so stolen a single pin, he would use it against them and find a way to throw them into jail.

«Fine, I'll do without... but, and I can't believe I'm saying this, they are adorable. I love them.»

Edward let himself smile at that and he nodded.

«Yeah... they are cute, aren't they?» he said without really thinking, gaining a curious look from the other and instantly regretting saying anything, coughing to dissimulate the embarrassment.

Then, before either of them could have the time to realize what was happening, they heard some screams and by the time they turned around, a cloud of gas was spreading through the crowd, quickly reaching them. They had no time to react or find a way to escape, so all they did was instinctively grab onto each other's arms.

«Oswald-» Edward begun, but the gas reached him and before he could realize, he had inhaled it.

Oswald looked at him, holding onto his arms, but then it was too late, he had breathed it in too.

 

Instantly, Edward pushed him away. His eyes were glowing red.

«Ed...?» Oswald tried to ask, but Edward frowned.

«Get away from me, you disgusting little freak.»

That didn't sound like Edward. Why would he say something like that?

«Ed, what-»

«You really think I could ever be with someone like you? Even before you turned, you were always so pathetic.»

Oswald backed away, starting to feel threatened. For some reason, Edward followed him and he looked menacing as if his only intent was to hurt Oswald, he could read it in his expression. Ed had looked at him like this before, with this much hate and disgust, but this felt even worse.

Edward took out a knife and Oswald stumbled backwards as soon as he noticed and he fell to the ground.

«Ed... please... what are you doing?» he asked, already sounding more desperate than he meant to.

«I'm ridding the world of a monster, Oswald. Face it, this was always how this was gonna end. Don't you get it? You were always going to die alone.»

Oswald felt tears fall down his cheeks. He hadn't even realized he was crying until now.

«Please... Ed...» he couldn't say anything else. He was petrified and he was cornered as the other got even closer, glowing red eyes fixated on him and knife in hand, ready to strike.

«I could never love you. In fact, I hate you.»

«No... no, you don't, you are my friend...» Oswald tried to defend himself, feeling a sob coming up and unable to stop it.

Edward threw his head back and laughed.

«Your friend?! How stupid can you be? I despise you.»

Edward's grin dropped and the next thing Oswald knew, the other was leaping at him, ready to kill him.

Oswald tried to scoot backwards to get away, but he hit a wall, so all that was left for him to do was to scream.

 

Edward was pushed to the side and separated from Oswald.

«Get back, Ed.» said a voice. Ed turned and saw Jim with a gun in his hand.

It took Ed a moment to realize what was happening.

«No, Jim, wait!» Edward ran towards Oswald, managing to reach him just in time and getting in the way. He turned to Oswald and grabbed him by the shoulders.

«We have to go, you are in danger.»

Then, Ed realized that everyone around them was looking at them. Their eyes were glowing red and they looked like they were judging him.

«Only another monster could love a monster like that...» said a voice, but when Ed turned around, he wasn't able to discern who among the crown had said that.

«He isn't... it's not like that, he can't help it, it's not his fault!» he tried to defend himself and Oswald.

«But you are enabling him. You are getting a little too comfortable with it too.» said Jim.

«He is a monster.» said yet another indistinct voice.

«He needs to be stopped.»

«Monster.»

«He needs to die.»

Edward kept turning to try to discern the direction that the voices were coming from, but instead, the crowd had begun to close around them, and all Ed could do, instinctively, was to hold Oswald closer in his arms to try to protect him.

«Ed... I'm scared...» Oswald said.

«Ssh... it's going to be okay.» he tried to reassure him, but the murmurs from the crown were getting louder, and the different dissonant voices more and more confused, as they kept repeating similar sentences over and over, condemning him for trying to defend a dangerous cannibal.

Only one face and voice was easily distinguishable above all others. It was Jim's. He too had gotten closer, and his gun was still aimed at them.

«You can't save him. He is a monster and he has to die.»

«No. You are wrong.»

«Ed, please, you have to help me!» Oswald yelled, desperately grabbing onto him and looking into his eyes.

Edward looked back at him, feeling the panic fully settle in and realizing it was now or never.

«Oswald, I lov-»

Before he could finish his sentence, a gunshot resonated through the air and when Edward opened his yes again, he could feel the black blood that had gotten on his own face begin to slowly run down his skin, and Oswald's now empty eyes were staring back at him, goo oozing from the hole in his head. Ed tried to hold him up, but the other's body had gone limp and his head hanged to the side, to matter how much Ed tried to get him to face him, he wasn't responsive.

«No...»

He felt tears starting to stream down his face, his lower lip trembling, and he fell on his knees, Oswald's body still firmly held in his arms, as he cradled him and gently caressed his expressionless face, still desperately trying to get the other to look back at him, but his blue eyes were unfocused and only stared up ahead.

«No... Oswald... No...» he mumbled in between sobs.

He heard footsteps get closer and when he looked he saw Jim's glowing red eyes staring down at him with a terrifying grin.

«This is what you get. This is how this was always going to end. No happy ending for you, Riddler.»

Edward felt rage build up in his chest, but then it didn't go anywhere and instead it crashed down, turning into just pure terror as he looked back down at Oswald's lifeless body.

«No... You _must_ be wrong...»

He had nothing else left to do, he had just lost everything.

Jim raised his gun again, pointing at Edward's head, mere inches away from his face.

Edward let out a desperate scream.

 

Suddenly, Jim's grinning face started to flicker in and out of existence, the myriad of red eyes pointed at him disappeared, and Ed realized, to his surprise, that his clothes and hair were now damp. It also downed on him, only at his point, that he wasn't holding Oswald's body in his arms, in fact, Oswald was nowhere to be found. This is when he started properly freaking out and looking around in confusion, searching for his friend. He realized many other people were laying or sitting on the ground, in different states of dishevelment.

«Ed!» Oswald's voice suddenly called him, and he turned toward the direction that the voice had come from, finding the other was sitting on the ground several feet away from him.

He was alive, and as far as Ed could tell, he was fine.

«Oswald...»

Faster than he'd ever moved before, he stood up and ran to him, kneeling down and hesitantly cupping his face – hesitating as if he was afraid that when he attempted to touch him he would disappear again, but he didn't – and he let out a deep, shaky breath.

«You are okay...»

He mumbled, then he closed his eyes and leaned down, moving his hands to the back of Oswald's head, pulling him closer, and he let his forehead rest against the other's for a moment.

«You are okay.» he repeated, more to himself than anyone else, as if trying to convince himself of this fact.

Oswald stayed completely still, partly because still shaken by everything he had just seen, and partly because he was so surprised by Edward's sudden show of physical affection that he felt that if he moved too suddenly he would scare him away, and he didn't want that. He wanted to enjoy this moment, whatever it meant, especially because God knows he needed the comfort right now. Still, he had to ask, almost dismissing the other's concern.

«Yeah, I'm okay, but how about _you_?» he asked, forcing the other to pull back so he could look at him in the eyes – and he was immensely relieved to see they were brown and beautiful, no sign of red anywhere. He sat up.

Edward shook his head, imperceptibly tightening his hold on Oswald's shoulders. He was simply to relieved that the other was alive to care about anything or anyone else, even himself.

«Who cares!»

Oswald was smitten. The deep worry, with almost an hint of pain, on the other's face was evident, and he couldn't believe this. How could the other say something like that, act as if he was the only one worried, as if Oswald hadn't been terrified all the same? He took a breath to steady himself.

« _I_ do.» he said in a firm but soft voice, almost hinting at a smile, reaching for the other's shoulder, only momentarily brushing his fingertips on the other's cheek on the way there.

Edward leaned back, sitting on his own heels, but without actually putting any distance between the two, especially because as he moved back, Oswald leaned forward a little.

«For a moment I thought you... I thought I lost you...»

Edward was still in disbelief. He looked so lost – Oswald thought. It made him wish he could do something for him, to help him, to make him feel better.

He started to realize the meaning of Edward's words. Oswald was familiar with Scarecrow's fear gas, as he had been a victim of it once before. Now that it was over, it appeared clear to him what had happened, he knew the kind of visions the gas induces, based on one's deepest fear, and he was in awe once again, at the depth of Ed's worry.

«Is that what you saw?»

The other nodded meekly. He couldn't stop a small smile from forming on his lips. He had reassure the other, let him know it was going to be okay.

«I'm not going anywhere. Look, I'm here.» he said, reaching for the other's hand and squeezing it tight.

Edward looked down at their hands, then back up at him and he let himself smile too.

Oswald was right, they were both alright.

Now that this was settled, though, it downed on both of them the situation they were really in. Around them was utter chaos. Some people were still in shock, sitting on the ground. Others had stood up and had begun to run away. Many enclosures had been opened in the meantime, apparently, and various animals were walking or running freely in the zoo.

A moment later, a lion walked past them, and they instinctively moved closer to one another, warily watching the big feline walk away as if it hadn't even seen them. They both let out a sigh of relief, before exchanging a look, and then Ed stood up, still holding the other's hand, and he helped him on his feet. Neither of them was sure what was happening, but it was clear that Scarecrow had attacked the zoo, probably targeting it on the day of its grand reopening to hit as many people as possible, freeing the animals too in the process, just to create even more chaos. They didn't know what the point of this was, and they didn't care to stick around long enough to figure it out.

«Let's get out of here.» Ed said, receiving a nod of agreement from the other, but when they turned around to leave, Ed suddenly froze.

In front of them was standing none other than Jim Gordon – twice in a day, just his luck.

He stared at the man in horror for a moment, the memory of his terror-inducing vision still fresh in his mind, and he instinctively squeezed Oswald's hand harder, even though he hadn't even realized he was still holding it, and he swallowed nervously, studying the commissioner.

«You two okay?» Jim asked, squinting at them.

«Absolutely peachy, thanks for your concern.» Oswald answered sarcastically.

«You two just happen to be around when something like this happen... you have nothing to do with this, do you?»

Both men opened their mouths in shock, clearly offended by the insinuation.

«We were attacked just like everyone else. We are victims!» Ed defended them.

«How dare you? We've just been attacked by a freak in a costume, and you are accusing _us_?» Oswald added.

Jim stared back with a slight frown.

«What were you doing here, then?» he asked, looking in between the two of them, until his eyes fell on their hands, which just happened to be still tangled together, seemingly without either of the two taking notice of it.

«I see.» Jim said, nodding in that direction. The other two looked down in confusion, finally realizing and letting go, only quickly sharing a surprised look before averting their eyes and looking back at Jim.

«That's not what-... this isn't... can't two friends go to the zoo together, have some fun, breath some fresh air, for once?» Oswald snapped at him. Jim opened his mouth, but Oswald interrupted him, «Mind your fucking business.»

Jim stared for a moment longer.

«I wasn't going to say anything.» he said. Oswald couldn't tell if he was lying or not, but he decided he didn't care. He turned to Ed and they exchanged a look that perfectly communicated they should resume their previous purpose of “getting out of there”.

They started walking away, without even looking at Jim.

 

Once they were outside, they walked down the sidewalk looking for their car. They had left the driver outside waiting for them, but with all this mess, they weren't even sure he would still be there.

Outside the walls were ambulances, ready to take care of people, several police cars, and two fire trucks – they figured that's how they stopped the gas, by spraying water on the crowd. Either way, that didn't help with the animals, some of which were already rampaging through he city, like the rhino they saw running down the street and hitting a parked car, making the alarm go off, before taking a turn and disappearing around a building.

Or like the four pygmy penguins that crossed Oswald and Edward's path right in that moment.

They had gotten far enough from the entrance, where everything else was going on, and everyone was too busy trying to get their shit together to bother checking how many penguins specifically were missing, so...

«Ed...»

Edward looked at Oswald. He could see their car, it was just a little far ahead. Only these four penguins were standing in their way of getting home peacefully. The four birds had also stopped and they were staring at them with their little black eyes, as if studying them.

«What?»

It took Ed a moment longer to understand what the other was implying.

«No. Oswald, no.»

«This is fate.» Oswald replied with a delighted smile.

«It's really not. Oswald-- is this because of that time I mentioned you shouldn't get another dog? You can, I changed my mind.»

Oswald wasn't even looking at him, and he doubted he was listening either.

«Look at them...»

Edward did that. He felt the resignation take over already, knowing full well that trying to change the other's mind would be a fool's errand, with the undead being driven by impulses and all that. He'd just never thought one of said impulses would be kidnapping four penguins.

«Where would we even put them? And what about Junior?»

«Junior doesn't count.» Oswald dismissed his concern with a vague wave of his hand.

«Normally I would agree that thing doesn't count as a pet, but when compared to actual penguins? He definitely does.»

Oswald turned towards him.

«Don't look at me like that.» Ed scolded him, trying to remain unaffected.

Oswald lowered his head, looking at him with big eyes and he pouted slightly. Ed continued holding his gaze, remaining stubbornly stoic for as long as he could, but how could he resist? He knew Oswald knew that and he was doing it on purpose, that little shit.

«...Dammit, Oswald.» he finally conceded, throwing his head back in defeat.

«Come on everybody, let's get in the car!» Oswald cheerfully said to the birds, who looked back at him curiously.

Edward watched Oswald open the car doors and then circle the birds, waving his hands to prompt them to move.

«Wonderful. Let's cram a bunch of penguins in a limo, why the hell not.» Ed commented sarcastically, observing the scene from the side, not even close to being intentioned to help.

The penguins started moving in the right direction, finally, two of them immediately jumping inside the car, one after the other, while the other two seemed more hesitant, and one of them squawked, clearly upset.

«Stop it, you are upsetting the children.» Oswald reprimanded Edward, as if this was his fault somehow. Edward's jaw dropped.

«Oh, so they are your children too, now? Absolutely fantastic.» he kept up the sarcasm, and yet turning to pick up the last penguin and push him inside, before turning to Oswald and finding him standing there, looking rather proud of himself.

They both quickly got into the car and drove away, before anyone could notice the penguins where gone.

 

Now Ed stood in one of the mansion's bedrooms, with annexed bathroom, one of the biggest they had, looking at the penguins waddle around, busy studying the new environment, while Oswald finished filling up the tub with cold water.

«I'll bring up some ice, I'm gonna make it all nice and cold for you.» Oswald smiled, telling this to two of the penguins who had wandered into the bathroom and were staring at him.

«How are we going to feed them? Can they even survive at this temperature?» Ed asked, while the other walked over to him.

«We are going to install AC, make sure this room always stays the right temperature for them. As for feeding them, I'll cut a decent deal for some fish. I'm sure we can figure this out. We always do.»

Edward was touched by those last words, and he continued to look at Oswald, even when the other wasn't looking at him anymore, too focused on watching his new pets.

Then, the other surprised him, suddenly looking back at him and speaking.

«Can I ask you what you saw?» Oswald asked.

Edward was taken aback by that, but he guessed it was a legitimate question. He had looked so shaken when they had come back from their frightened state, he figured he owed the other an explanation.

«I watched you die.» he said, looking elsewhere, forcing himself to look at a corner of the room to avoid the other's gaze. He could feel it weight on him. Oswald's jaw dropped and he stared.

He should have figured out it would be something like this, considering the things Ed had told him, but this still surprised him. Was that really Ed's greatest fear?

«I see... my nightmare was that you hated me.»

Edward's eyes went wide and they were immediately back on Oswald, meeting his. The other was smiling weakly, looking kind of embarrassed by that admission. The roles had been reversed, and now it was Oswald's turn to avoid hid gaze.

«I could never hate you. You are my best friend.» _I love you._

He saw Oswald smile, hesitating a moment longer, and then looking back at him again.

«Which is why I will drop the whole thing about biting you. I won't pressure you... I don't want to force you into such a huge life changing decision, only for you to resent me later... that, I think is my greatest fear at the moment.» he finished his sentence looking down again, chuckling nervously.

Ed could tell it took him a lot of courage to admit this openly.

There was so much Ed wanted to say, but so much he couldn't say.

Still, he had to say something, he couldn't leave the other hanging like this.

«Thank you, I appreciate that.»

They shared a small smile, before going back to watching the penguins trying to fit into the bathtub all at the same time, making a mess everywhere.

Everything that he had experienced today had gotten him thinking about all of that. It was true, his greatest fear was losing Oswald, it was to have to watch him die in front of him and not being able to stop it, and that was definitely the worst case scenario, no doubt. But there were other ways that he could lose him. One of which, was if Oswald decided that Edward wasn't worth the time because of his unwillingness to commit all the way.

He watched as Oswald ran into the bathroom and started yelling at the penguins.

«Stop! Stop, you stupid bird, don't eat the soap!»

Edward smiled. Maybe Oswald was right. Maybe he could never change to the point of dismissing the other's role in his life. He was pretty sure at this point, that no version of himself could ever exist who wouldn't be completely in love with Oswald. He just needed to have a little more faith.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know when i mentioned the zoo everyone instantly must have known what's up and i like to think we all looked at one another winking and nudging like "huh? HUH??", and i know this has been done before (and i believe in some versions of the character Oswald actually has penguins??) but anyway, is Oswald a zombie in any of them? No? Checkmate i'm still original djfhajsfkf
> 
> I'm kidding. I just had to do it. It's been on my mind for a while and i just needed to fit those penguins in there somewhere somehow. Plus, this gave me the chance to do the fear gas visions thing, which i'm really happy about because i like that scene a lot... i just had a lot of fun writing it :)
> 
> ALSO, "did they hurt you?" "who cares!" "i do!" obvious reference, and scene ripped straight (ha!) out of Steven Universe... i didn't even do it on purpose, but the way i was phasing the dialogue was already so similar... so. There you go.
> 
> Another note because i haven't been able to stop thinking about this, but i wanted to make a thing clear about last chapter. My idea wasn't that Edward was turned on by the gore per se, he was simply turned on by Oswald's capacity for violence especially when it was used to get revenge for Ed, now, THAT was a huge turn on. But you know what? Death of author and all that, if i didn't make it clear enough, feel free to interpret it however you want LMAO 
> 
> I did this to myself. OH WELL-- sorry Ed.


	10. Welcome to life after death.

Oswald was abruptly brought back from sleep by an unexpected noise. He got the distinctive feeling he must have been dreaming about something pleasant and he would have been upset about being taken out of it so soon, if it wasn't for the fact that he didn't have the time to think about that. Immediately, he recognized that the noise he heard was a familiar voice and it was screaming. He didn't hesitate and jumped out of bed.

 

Ed sat up, his limbs still all tangled up in the sheets, taking him a moment longer to free himself, and he remained still, quickly scanning the dark room, breathing heavily, and heart pounding in his chest.

He was pretty sure he was awake now. It had been just a nightmare, like the first time it had been just a vision induced by fear gas, it wasn't real.

And yet, that scene was still vivid in his mind.

A moment later, he was startled when he door suddenly opened. Even in the dark, he made out Oswald's figure standing there for a moment, studying him with concern on his face, before walking in.

«Is everything alright?»

Edward nodded, reaching for his glasses and putting them on, and turning on a light.

«It was just a nightmare. Did I wake you up?»

Oswald's brow imperceptibly furrowed deeper as he reached the bed, standing there, still intent on studying him.

«I heard you scream.» Oswald let him know.

«I'm sorry.»

Oswald shook his head dismissively.

«What was it?» he asked in a softer tone.

Ed watched every subtle change of expression on the other's face and he finally relaxed a little, fully realizing that this was reality and that Oswald was safe, and he let out a sigh.

«Ever since the fear gas, sometimes I relieve that same vision, or a similar one, anyway.» he explained.

It had been a few days, and Oswald was perfectly fine, so it came as a surprise to him, that Ed was having trouble like this. His thought process was apparent on his face, and Ed felt awkward, all of sudden.

«Well... it's the middle of the night. We should both go back to sleep. I'm so sorry I woke you up like this.»

Ed wasn't sure why, but Oswald continued staring at him for a while.

«Are you sure you are alright?» the other asked.

He forced himself to smile, despite how tired and still shaken he was. He probably didn't look convincing at all.

«I will be.»

Oswald didn't feel at all comforted by those words. For some reason, he felt somewhat responsible for this. If it was the fear gas vision tormenting his friend, then, according to Ed, said vision was about Oswald dying. So, yes, in some indirect way, he felt responsible.

Although, he had to admit, it made him feel in some oddly pleasant way to think that the other's worst fear was him being hurt, or losing him, he supposed. This was a selfish way to feel about it, of course, so he pushed those feelings aside and he focused on how to make it better for the other.

He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, gaining a curious look from him.

It was actually more of a nervous expression, but Oswald interpreted it wrong. Ed didn't complain, though, and he let the other get closer.

Finally, Ed build up the courage and he reached for the other's face, gently cupping his cheek and letting his hand rest there for a moment, while the other leaned into the touch just a little.

Ed opened his mouth, but nothing really came out. He wasn't sure what there was to say.

It was a relief. Touching him meant he was concrete, he was there, this was proof this was real, and he really was safe. This was actually what he needed right now, he realized, and he smiled fondly at the other.

«Would you like me to keep you company until you fall asleep?» Oswald asked.

That question surprised Ed and he just blankly stared back for a moment, before frowning a bit.

«And you are just gonna sit there until I do?»

Oswald shrugged and nodded. Ed frowned even deeper.

«No, I can't ask you to do this. I appreciate the thought, but I've already bothered you enough.»

At those words, Oswald looked almost offended and Ed was taken aback by that reaction.

«Ed, we have attempted to kill each other on multiple occasions. Asking me to sit by your side after you had a nightmare is not the worst thing you could do.»

He sounded reprimanding, with a hint of humor in his voice too, and this allowed Ed to relax, letting himself chuckle.

«I guess you are right, but it still doesn't seem fair... I don't know how long it's gonna take me to fall asleep, or if I will be able to do that at all...» he pondered, getting serious again.

He watched Oswald consider his options too, until he reached a conclusion.

«What about if I stay here all night? That way, even if you fail to fall asleep, or if you wake up again, you'll still know I'm here.»

Despite how confident he sounded in his idea, he didn't look like it at all, and instead, when he finished speaking, he looked hesitant, like he was wondering if he had overstepped some boundaries. Ed stared at him until he finished processing what the other was suggesting, then he felt his face flush and he hoped the other wouldn't notice.

He slowly nodded and he scooted away, lifting the sheet to make room for the other.

Now it was Oswald's turn to look dumbfounded. He simply meant he would stay awake to keep him company, he would have never considered what Ed was apparently offering, but he supposed it made more sense.

Ed studied him and he couldn't help but think about how beautiful the other was. He usually put a lot of care in his appearance and he always wore bespoke suits, so it was rare to see him like this. He was wearing pajamas with a robe over it, and he had his hair down, covering his forehead.

Oswald felt the other's eyes on him and he started to feel self-conscious, so he decided to hurry and get in bed.

Ed handed him his glasses to put on the nightstand, then Oswald turned the light off.

It was awkward for a moment, as they both lied side by side. Then, Ed moved a little closer and wrapped one arm around him. Oswald was so surprised that he remained perfectly still, as if he thought that moving could scare the other away or something. He hadn't foreseen any of this happening, but it's not like he could complain, honestly.

Ed had been maybe a bit bold, but he thought this could be his only chance to be in a situation like this, so he should make the most of it. Also, because he was the one who was in need of comforting, he reasoned that he was entitled to initiating physical contact.

These were all well and good rational explanations, but the reality was that he was internally freaking out all along. The other turned with his back to him, so Ed lifted his arm to let him move comfortably, before putting the arm back around the other again. He squeezed him tighter and he let himself relax, nuzzling his hair and inhaling deeply, trying to do all of this inconspicuously.

One one hand, this was really comfortable and he had no doubt it should be easy to fall asleep like this, but on the other, his heart was pounding and he wasn't sure he would be able to fully relax enough to actually fall asleep, especially because with the other being so close he didn't want to waste time sleeping. He wished he could spend the night enjoying the other's presence in his arms, and possibly even trying to observe him while he slept, but as he realized soon after, he was actually pretty tired.

 

When Ed woke up, it took him a moment to remember that Oswald had been sleeping in his bed, but that at least explained the weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and looked down, finding that somehow, during the night, they had changed positions, and now he was laying on his back, and the other was spread over him, with his head resting on Ed's shoulder and one arm wrapped around him.

Ed smiled. He didn't want to move. He genuinely wished this moment could last forever. He couldn't see the other's face, he could only see the top of his head, kinda blurry too, since he wasn't wearing his glasses, but what he could do was inhale and relax.

This should have been awkward, and it probably was going to be, but as long as Oswald was asleep, Ed didn't need to worry about it.

Oswald started to drift towards consciousness, part of his brain still clinging to sleep, while the sensations from the world around him slowly caught up with him, and he realized immediately that the warmth coming from under him was unusual. Approximatively at the same time he opened his eyes, he suddenly remembered he wasn't in his bed, and panic only further settled in when he realized that while sleeping he had somehow curled up against Edward's body, lounging with one arm across his chest and one leg over one of Ed's, and his head was currently resting on Ed's chest too.

He looked up and he saw the other surprisedly blinking at him with a faint smile on his lips, or at least he thought he saw a smile, but he couldn't be sure because the next moment it was gone.

Oswald immediately pulled away, sitting up and looking elsewhere, mumbling some apology.

Ed watched the other retract and as he felt the warmth being pulled away from him he felt like something important was being taken away from him, but he too sat up, catching up with the other.

«Don't worry about it.» he said in response to the other's apologies, «You helped me sleep, so, thank you.»

The other man looked back at him and Ed gave him a smile, watching hesitation and nervousness being lifted from the other's face, as he mirrored his expression.

 

Next, both men lazily got up and they moved to the kitchen.

«Did you remember to feed Junior last night?» asked Oswald.

He opened the fridge and took out a small plastic container with already diced meat in it, while Ed started to work to get some coffee.

«I thought you were going to do it?» Ed said, sitting at the table with his mug.

Oswald scowled at him and placed the container on the table.

«I remember clearly saying that I wanted you to do it. So you'd bond with him.»

Ed took a sip and blinked at him before responding.

«Yes, I remember that, and I remember telling you “no, thank you”, and I thought that was the end of that conversation.»

Oswald rolled his eyes at that response, and walked over to a small closet where they were keeping a decently sized terrarium with Junior in it. As soon as the little creature sensed Oswald's presence, it perked up and crawled excitedly towards the glass.

«Good morning, sweetie.» Oswald greeted him, prompting the other man to roll his eyes this time.

He turned around, catching a glimpse of Ed's expression before he tried to hide it behind his mug by taking another sip. He shook his head and walked over to the table, taking and opening the container, without breaking eye contact with Ed.

«Come here.»

Ed wasn't sure why, but he did just that, and he was surprised to find himself standing right beside the other man. He watched him remove the lid from the glass case, then take a small cube and place it inside, for Junior to eat. Then Oswald shot him a look and Ed grimaced slightly, but then he went along with it and he did the same thing, taking another meat cube from the container and dropping it less delicately inside. Junior immediately turned around and scuttled to absorb it. Ed still wasn't going to refer to that as “eating”, he wasn't even sure that thing had a mouth in the first place, and he wasn't looking forward to take it in his hands to examine it more closely, so, that one would stay a mystery for now, thank you.

Still, he couldn't help but smile a little, not that much at Junior, as much as at Oswald's satisfied expression and at the little happy noise he made while watching his pet consume its meal.

Then, both men's attention was drawn away by the sound of Oswald's phone ringing. They exchanged a look wondering who it could be. Oswald already had his suspicions, because who else could it be? And why would Zsasz be calling him that early in the morning? He told himself he should be concerned, but instead he was mostly annoyed and only mildly curious.

«Hello?» he answered tiredly, but his expression immediately changed. Ed noticed and looked interrogatively at him.

«Slow down, repeat that.» Oswald paused, listening intently, and Ed's concern grew as he watched the other's eyes go wider and wider by the second, looking absolutely bewildered by the end.

«You did _what_!?» Oswald eventually shouted into the phone. That couldn't be good – Edward reasoned while he finished downing the rest of his coffee.

«We'll be right there. Don't do anything. Don't say anything. Just... don't. Wait for us.»

Oswald finally hanged up the phone and he gave Ed an exasperated and troubled look.

«What happened?» Ed asked when the other wasn't quick enough to explain.

Oswald sighed.

«I'll explain on the way.»

 

They walked into Zsasz's hideout in a hurry, only to be presented with the picture of detective Alvarez passed out, tied up to a chair, and the assassin anxiously standing around, waiting.

«What the fuck were you thinking?!» Oswald immediately yelled at him.

Edward walked closer, to examine the bite on Alvarez's neck. It looked nasty, that's for sure. It was a more or less circular wound, comprised of the marks left by human teeth into the skin. It was deep enough that some blood was drown, but the bleeding had already stopped and any red surrounding or in it was turning darker by the minute. Ed subtly grimaced and focused back on the discussion at hand.

Which was to say, the fact that apparently Alvarez had figured out there was something off about the assassin, gotten suspicious, snooped around, and found Zsasz's stash of human meat, at which point Zsasz panicked, not knowing what lie to construct to convince him to let this go, and so he bit him, then knocked him out and tied him to this chair. And then called them for help.

Oswald was still insulting him and Zsasz looked contrite and stressed, continuously glancing at Alvarez, presumably to check if he'd woken up yet.

«And you couldn't find a better solution than biting him!?»

«I panicked!»

Edward frowned, trying to think as quickly as possible to the next best solution to this problem, when he heard a small pained noise and all three turned to the man in the chair, confused dark eyes staring back at them, examining the situation.

«What the... Victor, what is the meaning of this? Why does my neck hurt... wait, you bit me!» Alvarez accused him, before looking at the other two, probably trying to figure out the reason for their presence there, with just a hint of fear in his eyes.

«I'm so sorry about that, babe. How are you?» Zsasz asked, walking closer. Alvarez instinctively flinched away, glaring at him.

«You. Bit. Me. And hit me in the head. How do you think I'm doing?» he paused, looking at Ed and Oswald, «What's going on? What are _they_ doing here? Are they in on it too?»

«Babe, let me explain-»

«Don't call me that!» Alvarez shouted back, interrupting Zsasz.

Ed noticed that the assassin looked hurt by that remark. Oswald noticed too, but he didn't care enough, so he interjected.

«Mr Alvarez, you are in a rather delicate situation, so I suggest you shut up and listen, and do as we say.»

That gained him a brief glare from Zsasz, Ed noticed that too.

«Alright then, explain. What's the deal with the freezer full of human parts?» the detective asked.

Oswald saw Zsasz hesitate, and he scoffed.

«You bit him, he's gonna turn. There's no point in deflecting now. Just answer.»

Zsasz looked at him, then briefly at Ed, and then back at Alvarez.

«I'm undead, I eat that stuff.» he said all in one breath, looking like he was bracing for impact.

Alvarez stared at him with a frown.

«What the hell are you talking about?» he eventually asked.

Oswald rolled his eyes. He couldn't believe how long this was taking, but of course that must have sounded absurd and almost nonsensical to someone who didn't know what they knew, he had to admit that was reasonable.

«It's true. I'm undead too. And now, thanks to your boyfriend, so are you. So, there. Now you are all caught up.» he quickly explained, leaving the man actually more confused than he was before.

«You mean... like a zombie?» Alvarez asked, squinting in confusion.

«We don't like the z word-»

«What about the serum? You killed Strange!» Zsasz interrupted, gaining a glare from Oswald. But that was a legitimate question, so the concerned tone was appropriate.

«I studied his process when he made it, I can recreate it with the right ingredients.» Ed reassured him, seeing him immediately relax and smile a little.

Alvarez was still moving his eyes in between them, trying to figure out if they had all lost their minds for good or something, undoubtedly.

«Victor... please, let me understand what's going on.» he said, looking up at the assassin, who walked even closer and crouched next to him at eye-level, placing a comforting hand on his unharmed shoulder.

«It's going to be alright, I will help you. You can feed off my stash for the moment.»

«Feed...? Are you actually insane? I'm not eating human flesh-- have _you_ actually been eating that!? You belong in Arkham, all three of you!»

This wasn't going anywhere and Oswald was growing tired of it, so he stepped closer, leaning slightly to face Alvarez.

«Face the facts. You are undead now. Well, technically not yet, but you are going to be soon. You are going to die first. So, you'd bette-»

«Is that a threat?» Alvarez interrupted him, to his surprise, causing him to scoff annoyedly.

«No, I'm not threatening you, I'm stating a fact. There's no stopping it now, the process has already begun. Soon you'll vomit an unbelievable amount, then you will die, and then you'll come back to life.»

«And then you'll be like me.» Zsasz added, getting Alvarez's attention.

«Wait... you are being serious? That's what happened to you two?» Alvarez asked, and for a moment neither of them was able to tell if that was an actual question, or if he was just playing along to appease people who he clearly thought were crazy.

Zsasz nodded, oblivious to all that. Oswald half-rolled his eyes and pulled a knife out of his leg brace. Alvarez instinctively tensed up. Zsasz gave him a curious look.

«Show him.» Oswald said.

Zsasz understood what he meant, so he reached out to take the knife, but before he could take it, Oswald grabbed his arm and violently stabbed him in it. Zsasz didn't even flinch, besides looking betrayed for a moment. Edward watched this whole exchange in silence, knowing well that Zsasz wouldn't feel pain. But Alvarez didn't know that and he stared with his eyes wide.

«What are you doing?!» he yelled at Oswald, then turned to the man who had just been stabbed in the arm, «Victor...?», but All Zsasz did was pull the knife out like it was nothing, handing it back to Oswald.

Alvarez watched in confusion, noticing the black substance on the blade, but still too confused and in shock to comment on it, and watched as Oswald casually cleaned it with a handkerchief, before putting it away. That's when Zsasz finally rolled up his sleeve, showing the cut to Alvarez. There was so blood to speak of, the cut was perfectly clean. Alvarez stared at it, then looked up, meeting the other's eyes.

Both Oswald and Ed thought to themselves that that should do it, it should be enough to convince him that they weren't bullshitting him, at the very least. And they were right. Alvarez swallowed nervously and leaned back in the chair.

«Is that because you are...»

«Undead. Yes!» Zsasz happily supplied.

«Right. Now that we are all caught up to speed, here's a few other things you need to know. Your body will inevitably start to rot, but it's gonna take a very long time. We will provide you with a serum that will stop that symptom. Other than that... welcome to life after death. And yes, you will be eating flesh, it's inevitable. So, since you are one of us, I suggest you keep this for yourself and don't do anything stupid, such as... oh, I don't know. Telling anyone else about this.» Oswald said.

«Now there is four of us. Selina Kyle is like us too.» Zsasz added. Oswald frowned, because he had let that part out on purpose, since he didn't trust Alvarez enough, yet.

«How... how did this happen to you? Did someone bite you too?» Alvarez asked, after a moment.

«Oh, no, I just ate some clams.» Zsasz said, entirely unhelpfully.

«It's a virus. It originated in Serbia, centuries ago. Legends were told about this, they thought it was a curse, but it wasn't.» Ed explained, definitely more helpfully.

«Serbian legends...» Alvarez muttered to himself, as if he'd just thought of something. Ed was about to ask about it, but Zsasz interrupted.

«Okay, no need for you to be still all tied up. Not at the moment, at least.» he said, winking at the man in the chair and working to free him. Oswald rolled his eyes at that last comment – definitely too much information, Zsasz.

Now Alvarez was free and he suddenly looked eager to leave.

«Okay, see you tomorrow? Babe?» Zsasz called after him, but he was already outside.

Ed and Oswald exchanged a look and both knew exactly what the other was thinking.

«Well, we'll be going too, since this matter has been solved.» Oswald said before they quickly left.

 

Both had noticed that Alvarez looked in a hurry to get out, possibly even in a hurry to get somewhere. But where? That was a question worth sticking around long enough to find the answer to, because said answer might dictate their foreseeable future. They didn't trust him one bit, and they weren't even sure Alvarez fully believed everything they told him. Besides, the man was a ticking time-bomb. Any time now he could start puking and then drop dead on the sidewalk, and that wouldn't be ideal for anyone involved – including and especially the other undead of Gotham, who risked getting exposed that way.

So they got into their van – yes, they had taken the van. Don't blame them, they weren't sure what they were gonna find – and they followed Alvarez's car at a distance, until he stopped in front of an apartment building. They too got out of their vehicle and followed him on foot, hiding behind corners, until they saw him walk inside.

They followed him in there too, walking up the stairs, but staying behind enough that he couldn't notice them.

They heard knocking. By the time they got there, the door closed. Alvarez must have gotten inside.

«What now?» Oswald asked.

Edward leaned on the door and placed his ear on it, trying to hear something, but the sounds where too muffled to make out complete sentences. So they resigned to waiting there until he would come out. He did, about twenty minutes later. They heard noises which signified the door was about to be opened, so they scurried up another flight of stairs, spying from above, until Alvarez turned a corner. He looked even more in a hurry than he had when he came in.

Oswald and Ed exchanged a brief look, and Oswald was about to go, but Ed stopped him.

«I'll check out the apartment to see who he met, you follow him. Be careful, please.»

Oswald smiled and nodded, and then he was on the chase. Ed walked up to the door that had just closed and knocked.

The door opened, but the person inside panicked and tried to close it again. Before he could, Ed stopped it and got his way inside.

He was face to face with a disheveled and terrified Gallagher. Ed walked in and closed the door behind himself. He looked around. The entire floor and part of the furniture was covered in vomit – that was gross, and it never stopped being gross, but at least he knew what that meant. Alvarez had turned. He looked up at the man, who winced when he made eye contact.

«What was detective Alvarez doing here?» Ed asked, straight to the point.

«He just had some questions... He... He...» Gallagher begun, but he trailed off, getting lost, looking down at the mess that was now his apartment.

«He, what? What did he want from you?» Ed pressed, him, taking one step closer.

«He had questions about that Serbian legend! The same you wanted to know about.» he finally managed to say. Edward wasn't surprised, he'd figured that much.

«And?» Ed asked impatiently.

«I didn't say a word to the police, I swear!» Gallagher tried to defend himself, somehow making himself sound even more guilty, even though Ed believed he was telling the truth, although nothing contradicted the notion that something the man said could have tipped the police off anyway, even if unwittingly.

«Don't make me repeat the question.» Ed warned him. The man looked shaken and broken, like his entire world had just come crumbling down, on top of looking scared out of his mind and intimidated by Edward.

«I told him everything I knew from the book and he looked agitated, and then, then he...» he trailed off again, but Ed understood what the other meant. Proof of what happened was all over every surface, so that was clear enough. Ed nodded.

«He was dead...» Gallagher murmured.

«Then he woke up, yes, I know.» Ed finished his thought for him. The other stared at him, visibly trembling.

«It's not just a legend... it's all true!»

Ed could have had pity. This was a man who had spent his life treating this as nothing more than silly superstition, only to see it come to life before his very eyes, it had to be shocking, but quite frankly, Ed simply didn't care. He had to catch up with Oswald, so he didn't have much time for this either, let alone the patience. He dismissed the other man's concerns with a quick hand gesture.

«What else did you tell him?»

«Nothing! Nothing, I swear, I didn't mention you, or... or Mr. Cobblepot! Oh, Lord, he is like that too! Isn't he?»

The man looked even more shocked by this new realization. Ed couldn't help but smile at that. Admittedly, it was kind of entertaining.

«You figure it out, congratulations. He's been undead all along.»

«But... but that means... he eats...»

«Human flesh. Yes, old news by now.» Ed commented, equal parts annoyed and amused.

«We have to stop him! How many people has he killed? How many will he kill?» Gallagher took a step forward, only to immediately regret it when he saw the glare Ed shot him, and stepping back again.

«My God, you have been helping him! You are complicit!» Gallagher exclaimed after a moment.

Ed resisted the urge to roll his eyes, but he did throw his hands up in the air, mimicking the gesture of ringing a bell with one hand.

«Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Took you long enough to figure that out.» he said with a laugh.

«But why? Why would you help him?» Gallagher asked, sounding even more defeated and genuinely lost.

Ed lowered his hands, and let a big smile creep on his lips. He hadn't had any chances to say this out loud until now, so he figured this would be a chance as good as any. He wanted to hear himself say it, just to know what it would feel like. He dropped his shoulders and he let fondness take over his features at the thought of Oswald.

«Because I love him.» he admitted.

He watched the confusion on Gallagher's face turn into pure terror, mixed with anger and disgust.

«You are insane!» the man accused him. Ed let out an amused little laugh.

«I've been told that before.» Ed paused, then grinned, before continuing, because why not at this point, «I was hoping you'd say “crazy”, so I could say “crazy about him!”, because I am... Mr Gallagher, have you ever been in love?»

Gallagher's aggression was quickly fading away, and the terror was taking over again, realizing really who he was talking to.

«I know who you are... Riddler. I've done research on you.» Gallagher admitted almost defiantly.

«Oh?» Ed said, putting one hand on his chest, faking himself flattered, before laughing again, «Then you know what I'm capable of, Mr Gallagher.»

He watched the other gulp anxiously and walk backwards until his behind hit the table, and then watched his expression change when he realized he had nowhere to go. Priceless.

«Why... Why are you telling me all of this? Why admit it now?» he asked in a shaky voice.

«Why? Oh, but obviously, because you aren't gonna tell anyone.» Ed said with a smile, right before dropping it and reaching for his gun, aiming it at the man and glaring at him, «I'll make sure of it.»

Gallagher threw up his hands in defense.

«Please! Please, I won't tell anyone, please! I swear!» he pleaded.

«That's a nice sentiment, but the issue is... I don't believe you.» Ed flashed a quick smile, clocking his gun.

«God, no, no, please...» Gallagher mumbled incoherently.

«I hide in a dark tunnel, I can only move forward when pulled back, what am I?»

Gallagher stared at him, then panic settled in, Ed could tell, when the man realized that knowing the answer might be what would spare his life. He watched him mentally scramble for the solution.

«Uhh... I don't-... A-... a shadow...?»

It wasn't going to save him, nothing could, but it was fun to let him believe it for a moment. Still, Ed was disappointed by the obviously, atrociously, wrong answer. He frowned.

«What? No, it's a _bullet_.» he said annoyedly, then pulled the trigger.

 

In the meantime, Oswald continued following Alvarez down the stairs.

At some point, he saw him take his phone out of his pocket and he begun to worry, even more so when he heard him talking.

«Jim? Let's meet at the precinct, there's something you need to know. It's about the case. No, I think we should talk about this in person. Yeah, I'm heading there now, see you there.»

That wasn't good. Jim must absolutely never know about any of this.

 

Edward looked down at the floor and he saw something familiar. He approached it and he crouched, careful not to get any puke on any of his clothes, then he took a handkerchief out of his pocket and used it to pick up the small red ball off the floor. He wasn't even sure why he was doing this, but he figured Oswald would appreciate, since he seemed to like his so much. Also, better take it into custody now, rather than let it there until it sprouted legs and started walking on its own. Junior and this new one would get along... probably. Right?

He wrapped it up and pocketed it, then he quickly left the apartment to catch up with Oswald. By the time he reached one of the last flights of stairs, he heard some noises that promised nothing good.

 

Oswald had tried to be as stealthy as possible, but suddenly, a muffled gunshot was heard and Alvarez turned around, right before hanging up the phone, and locked eyes with him. Oswald had gotten too distracted, trying to listen to the conversation, and wasn't careful enough, ending up getting caught off guard.

He dodged a punch, but he got hit immediately after. He pushed back and slammed Alvarez into the wall, but the other quickly overpowered him anyway, managing to tacked him onto the ground.

«Everything you said was going to happen... it happened. What now? Am I a zombie?!» Alvarez asked, in between grunts, trying to push Oswald against the floor, while he tried to get the other off him and hit him however he could.

«Now you get to be whoever you want to be! You are free! You know, Zsasz did you a favor!» Oswald replied, panting and struggling.

«You are right... I get to be who I want to be. That's why I have to tell Jim, I don't care what happens to me. I can't let zombies roam freely, killing and eating people!»

Ed got there just in time to see this scene. Immediately, he pulled out his gun and aimed at Alvarez's head. A gunshot resonated in the hallway, but unfortunately, the shot missed his head just by a few inches, hitting him in the neck.

Alvarez noticed Edward at this point, and he turned around, meeting his eyes.

«I don't want to... but I... I'm so hungry.»

Before Ed could shoot him again, Alvarez stood up and ran at him, clearly with the intent of having a taste of his flesh, which was certainly not the preferable outcome here, so Ed tried to fight, but Alvarez hit him, making him drop his gun.

Oswald realized what was about to happen, so while Ed fought back, desperately trying to keep Alvarez's mouth away from him, he quickly crawled over to grab the gun.

«I'm so sorry, Nygma. It's really nothing personal, I'm just hungry.»

Ed had both of his hands on his shoulders and he kept pushing him away, while Alvarez got a grip on his neck, to try to get him to give up. Ed wheezed, desperately trying to breathe while continuing to fight. His eyes begun to fill up with tears due to the lack of oxygen.

Then, out of nowhere, another gunshot. Alvarez's eyes went unfocused, then his grip softened and he fell down on top of Ed, who remained perfectly still for a few seconds longer, in shock, before processing what had just happened.

He pushed Alvarez's body off, while Oswald reached him and helped him push the body away, before kneeling down next to him and grabbing his face, urgently, and yet still gently.

Oswald examined Ed's red watery eyes, examined the red marks on his neck, thinking that there was probably going to be a bruise there the next day, and how angry that made him. But more important that all of that, was that Ed was safe.

Ed sat up, Oswald let his hands fall, but he still let them linger on Ed's shoulders for a little longer, unwilling to let go of him, at least not until he could be sure he was truly okay. Then Ed, after taking a moment to assess the situation, nodded, so Oswald stood up and he offered him a hand, helping him get on his feet too.

The two studied the body on the floor. Familiar black substance slowly pouring out of a hole in the back of his head.

«Three gunshots and a fight, the neighbors must have called the cops by now.» Ed commented.

«What happened upstairs?» the other asked.

Ed got serious. He was trying to piece together a way to get out of this safely.

«Gallagher. I took care of him.» he simply said, before bending down and grabbing Alvarez by the shoulders, nodding at the other to tell him to go grab him by his feet.

Oswald looked confused for a moment, but then he complied.

«What about Gallagher?» he asked. Ed shook his head.

«There might be no time to get all the way up there before the police arrive. It's best we take care of Alvarez, we can't have them find him like this. They would be able to tell there's something wrong with his body, it would risk expose you and the others, and we can't have that.»

His reasoning sounded sensible enough, so Oswald nodded and hurried with him to drag Alvarez out before anybody could notice.

Eventually, they made it in time before the first police car arrived, body safely loaded in the back on the van, Ed at the wheel, sirens getting closer. They drove off as the police cars begun to converge in front of the building.

 

Once at home, they decided that taking Alvarez into their butchering room would be the best solution. They had everything already covered in plastic in preparation for the next hunt, so they could cut him into pieces and then he would be easier to hide or to get rid of. Oswald was only disappointed because he knew he couldn't eat undead meat, otherwise, that would have been very useful, but sadly he had no use for Alvarez.

When Oswald was done, he walked into the kitchen.

Ed was sitting at the table, he had only recently remembered about the red ball in his pocket and he had taken it out to observe it. When Oswald entered the room, he noticed.

«What's that? Is that Alvarez's?» he asked, walking closer.

«It is. I figured it would be best not to let another of these things out in the city.» Ed explained, handing the red ball to Oswald, who studied it for a while, before casually setting it on the counter.

«How about lunch?» Oswald asked instead, surprising Ed, who hadn't even realized it was past noon.

«Sure.» he replied with a smile, and he stood up, walking to the fridge.

Oswald set the table in the meantime, while Ed found something to cook.

For a while, they stood shoulder to shoulder, each preparing their own meal. Then, Ed's eyes fell on something and he gently brushed Oswald's arm to get his attention.

«Wait, you have something...» he said, grabbing a towel and dampening it a little before returning by the other's side, who watched him curiously.

Ed reached for his cheek and he rubbed the cloth on his skin, removing a dark splotch of goo that must have gotten on him while he chopped the body up – luckily his clothes were spared, because he wore the plastic suit.

Oswald looked at him in the eyes all the while, observing the other smile softly while looking focused on his work.

«Thanks.» he said, once the other pulled back and got back to work, instinctively reaching for the spot Ed had touched and brushing his fingers on his own cheek before getting back to work too.

Edward tried not to think too much of it. Interactions like this had become the norm, as demonstrated by the fact that after everything they had gone through and done that morning, they were relaxedly preparing a meal and enjoying each other's company, not at all bothering one another while occupying the same space in the kitchen.

This got him thinking about that day at the zoo. About how disappointed he had felt when Oswald had been so adamant to reassure Jim that they weren't on a date, and he felt a little stupid for worrying so much about nothing, he supposed, and yet that part of him that wished it had been a real date was louder. Then he thought about the previous night, about how it had felt to wake up with the weight of Oswald's head on his shoulder.

He finished making his meal, then he glanced over at Oswald and he saw him move his bowl of thinly minced meat on the table, before following him.

He watched Oswald take a pinch of meat and place it in front of their newly acquired red ball thing, as he took his seat, and to his surprise, the creature almost immediately sprouted legs out of its small body, and crawled towards the meat, scooping it all up. Ed's eyes fell on Oswald's expression and he noticed how at ease and pleased he looked. Ed could barely hold back a sigh.

Suddenly, Oswald turned to him, probably noticing he had been staring, so he averted his gaze, focusing on his meal.

«What?» the other asked, sounding vaguely amused, and maybe curious.

Ed shook his head, trying to dissimulate any embarrassment.

«What are you gonna call this one?» he asked curiously, but mostly trying to divert the attention from himself, before taking a bite.

«Let's see...»

Oswald gently picked up the creature and put it in a big glass bowl he took from the kitchen. He watched it trying to crawl out of it, but it's long legs kept slipping off. He was satisfied, for now. He would try to put him together with Junior, but he had to make sure they would get along first. But also, he needed to eat right now, so he walked back to his seat and started eating.

«What would _you_ call him?»

Edward did a double take.

«You are asking _me_?»

Oswald shrugged.

«I named the other one. And I thought you were the one who thought I'm not good at naming pets, as we already established after the penguins, so. Why don't _you_ give it a shot?»

Ed thought about it for a moment.

«I think you are just trying to dump this responsibility on me because you can't come up with a name... wait. No, I know what you are doing.» he paused to squint at Oswald, making him chuckle a little, «You think that if _I_ name it, I'll bond with it more easily, don't you? It's not gonna work.»

Oswald rolled his eyes, but he did so humorously, as made clear by his amused little smile.

«Fine, you got me. I'll call him Edw-»

«If you finish that sentence, it's war, Oswald.» Ed interrupted him, but only for a second, before he continued.

«-dwaarrr-» Oswald didn't break eye contact even for a second. Edward sighed.

«What did Selina call hers? Ball-legs? This is Legs-ball. There you go.» he finally resignedly blurted out.

«-rrrr-- Oh. That's the stupidest name I've ever heard.»

Edward glared at him.

«Too bad, his name is Legs-ball now.» he said triumphantly, before taking another bite.

Oswald looked at him for a while, then shrugged and resumed eating.

«I'll call him Legs for short.» he added after a while. Ed rolled his eyes.

«Remember to go feed the penguins.» he said, changing the subject.

«I'll do it after lunch.» Oswald said, casually tossing a small piece of meat into the bowl with Legs in it.

Edward watched the other even thought he pretended not to.

He would have lied if he said he wasn't at all concerned about everything that had happened that morning, and the day wasn't even over yet.

But for now, he decided to just let himself enjoy this quiet moment, and worry about consequences later.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Gotta be honest, i can't get used to it. I still feel bad when i kill off characters!! And i killed two in this one. RIP Alvarez
> 
> (Gallagher honestly doesn't count. I made him, i can unmake him LMAO)
> 
> This was fun to write! Some action again, after the last chapter which was a bit more chill (if you call experiencing fear gas "chill"). Honestly i don't have much else to say about this chapter, tho. I'm gonna have more to say in the future. Not to spoil anything, but these guys are about to get in a bit of a pickle... oh boy.
> 
> Welp, thanks for reading! See ya next time, folks! ❤


	11. I'm guilty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it's been a while, huh? See ya at the end, enjoy this new chapter :)

After Alvarez hung up, Jim sat around at the precinct, waiting, growing increasingly more and more restless as time went on, so much that Harvey noticed and commented on it. Things got only worse when it became clear that Alvarez wasn't going to show up any time soon.

«Something's wrong, Harv.»

The other detective leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms.

«You don't know that. I'm sure he got caught up or something.»

«That's exactly what I'm worried about.»

He couldn't shake the feeling that something bad had happened. This situation just felt wrong. Call it a sixth sense, a hunch, a feeling, whatever you like, but Jim knew that he had reason to be worried. He wasn't sure why, yet, but he knew this.

Things only got worse from there, when the phone rang and they were called to the scene of a murder. The police had been alerted that three gunshots had gone off in an apartment building, it didn't sound like much at first, but when they had gotten there they found a dead body and homicide detectives were immediately called on location.

Jim walked into the building, followed by Harvey, and he walked up the stairs, running into other officers and forensics experts along the way. Before he could enter the apartment, he grimaced at the acidic smell, and before he could finish the thought of what that smelled like, he froze on the doorway, staring in horror at that scene. It was honestly almost impressive in its grossness more than anything. He had to wonder how someone could puke that much and so vigorously to get it on every surface.

«Oh, God, I'm gonna throw up...» commented Harvey, covering his mouth with his hand and frowning. They exchanged a quick look, then they both walked in, careful to watch their step.

A few feet away, laying in that puddle of puke, was the victim. Jim didn't even have to get that close to recognize him. He had spoken to that man before, interrogated him multiple times. It was a bit of a shock to find him in this situation, but he recovered quick enough and his detective mind immediately started working to fit the new pieces into the larger picture.

«Gallagher.»

«The museum guy?»

Jim ignored Harvey's rhetorical question and walked closer, observing the scene.

«Jim? What are you thinking?»

He looked back at his friend and sighed.

«You already know what I think.»

«Cobblepot and Nygma?»

Jim nodded and he could see Harvey drop his shoulders in response.

«But how and why?»

«I don't know that yet, but it's gotta be them. It can't be a coincidence. Who else could be involved with Gallagher?»

«You think they decided to get rid of the witness? But why now, why after all this time? Clearly Gallagher wasn't gonna talk, if he knew anything at all.»

Jim frowned and looked down at the body again.

«I'm sure he must have known something. Why else kill him?» he paused, looking around until he found another officer and nodded in her direction to get her attention.

«Is anything missing?»

«Doesn't look like it. Whatever this was, it wasn't a robbery.»

Jim nodded slowly, processing that information.

«Anyway, what's up with all of this? Was this him?» Harvey asked, gesturing at the mess all over the floor and some furniture, then pointing at the victim.

«We don't know yet, but it will only take a quick examination. We'll let you know as soon as we find out.»

«Thanks.» said Jim, and he turned to Harvey, who walked closer.

«Jim...» Havey said in a reprimanding tone.

«I know it's them, Harvey.» he replied, talking through his teeth.

Harvey sighed.

«And knowing you, you are probably right too, that's what's truly infuriating. Fine. Let's go grab lunch, we can't do much until we know more, anyway.» he conceded, gaining a small smile from the other.

 

The results came in and it turned out that Gallagher wasn't the one who vomited, after all.

«So, was it the killer?» Harvey asked in confusion, «They, what? Freaked out after what they did and felt sick?»

Jim shook his head.

«Gallagher was laying _in_ it. That happened _before_ he was killed.»

The medical examiner nodded.

«There's something else...»

Both Jim and Harvey perked up, looking at him expectantly. Jim saw him hesitate for a moment before finishing the sentence. For some reason, he got a feeling this wasn't a good sign.

«We were able to isolate some cells from the sample of vomit we took from the scene and we got a DNA match...»

«And?» Jim pressed, growing anxious about this.

«It's Alvarez.»

Jim's mouth hanged open, before he recovered and looked at Harvey, finding him just as shocked as he was.

«You think Alvarez killed Gallagher? But why would he do that?» Harvey asked.

«No... No, I doubt that's what happened, but do you realize what this means?»

Harvey blinked, staring blankly at him.

«This places Alvarez at the scene of the crime around the same time he called me.»

He saw realization overtake Harvey's features.

«I really don't think any of this is a coincidence at all, and I don't think it's a coincidence he never showed up either.»

Harvey's eyebrows shot up.

«You think whoever did Gallagher, took out Alvarez too? Wait a minute...» he paused, frowning, «You think Alvarez is _dead_!?»

Jim glanced at the medical examiner who looked just as shocked by that idea as Harvey was, but Jim was resolute and he nodded, causing Harvey to take off his hat and inhale deeply, before huffing.

«Jesus Christ, Jim. That's one of ours. You think whoever this is took out a cop!?»

«Nygma has killed cops before, and I'm sure Penguin wouldn't let that stop him either.»

«So you still believe it's them?»

Jim turned his body completely towards Harvey, facing him directly, standing only a couple feet away.

«You don't?»

«It's not that I don't, but what proof do we have?»

Jim sighed and lowered his head.

«None.» he was forced to admit.

 

It was a day and a half later, when they finally got their hands on Zsasz.

«Are you sure about this?»

«If anyone knows something about this, it's him.» Jim tried to reassure him that he knew what he was doing, but the truth was, this was only a desperate attempt to make sense of all of this.

Zsasz was sitting in his chair, on the other side of the table, looking curiously at them. They walked closer.

«Do I need a lawyer?» he asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

«Not if you didn't do anything, you don't.»

«Define “anything”.»

«Enough with the crap, just answer our questions and we might let you go, alright?» Harvey cut in. Jim shot him a reprimanding look, then focused back on the assassin.

«Look, I'll make this quick. Just answer a few questions and you can go.»

Harvey leaned back into his chair, eyebrows raised, raising his hands with his palms up, as if to say “that's literally what I said!”, but he didn't say anything about it.

Zsasz eyed both of them one by one, then nodded with a small shrug.

«When's the last time you've seen Alvarez?»

The assassin raised one eyebrow at Jim's opening question.

«Is this about me dating Carlos? Like, an intervention of some sorts? Because I think our love life doesn't concern you.»

Harvey scoffed, Jim sighed and slightly leaned back.

«No, it's not that. Just answer the question.»

Zsasz studied both of them, then frowned slightly.

«Am I in trouble or something?» he paused, then added, «Is _he_ in trouble?»

«Just answer the goddamn question, Zsasz.» Harvey raised his voice.

Zsasz raised his hands defensively.

«Okay, okay, jeez. Mmh, about two days ago. Why?»

Neither Jim or Harvey were satisfied by this answer, but both took the time to process what this meant. It was immediately clear that this fit within the timeline, if Jim was right and something really did happen to Alvarez.

«Have you heard from him, since?»

«Nope. _Why?_ » Zsasz insisted.

Jim got silent again, still thinking about the case, but suddenly, Zsasz leaned forward, catching his attention.

«Why??»

He really couldn't hide it anymore. After all, they were dating, and while he didn't particularly approve of Alvarez's life choices, he couldn't help but empathize a little.

«He's missing. We were hoping you could help us find him.» he finally explained, causing the assassin to lean back, raising his eyebrows.

«Missing? I mean, he didn't answer my calls yesterday, but I wouldn't say he's... missing.» Zsasz got quiet all of sudden, looking somewhere else, as if he had been thinking.

«What is it? Did you remember something?» Jim asked.

«It's probably nothing.» Zsasz laughed, shrugging it off.

«Did you guys fight or something?» Harvey intervened, gaining a scowl from him.

«Fight? No, we-... well, no. I wouldn't call that a fight. A small disagreement, but we made up. It's none of your business, anyway.»

«That just makes you sound guilty.»

At those words from Harvey, Zsasz stood up, causing the two detectives to stand up too, taking a defensive stance, instinctively reaching for their respective guns, but not taking them out of their holsters yet.

Zsasz eyed both of their weapons, and Jim got the feeling he might have been evaluating wether or not he could take them both while unarmed for a moment, but then he sat back down, crossing his arms.

«Well, if he is missing, then, find him.»

The two looked at each other, then cautiously sat back down too.

«That's what we are trying to do. Listen, his last known location was this address.» Jim said, procuring a small piece of paper with Gallagher's address written on it, «Is this anything to you?»

Zsasz shrugged.

«Why would it?» he paused, «Wait... who lives there? Are you insinuating he is cheating on me, because I know he wouldn't! I knew you were trying to break us up-»

«For fuck's sake, Zsasz, shut the fuck up about that for a second. Your boyfriend might be in danger, if not dead already, and we are trying to solve a case, so either help us, or you can shove it!»

Jim scowled at Harvey for that outburst, causing the other detective to awkwardly clear his throat and get quiet.

«Wait a moment... you think he might be...? What makes you think that? I'm sure there's another explanation.»

Jim could tell Zsasz wasn't panicking yet, simply because he was too deep in denial. He almost felt bad for him, and he wished he were right, but the more time passed, the more he became convinced it was too late for Alvarez, even if no body had been found yet.

«Who lives there, anyway?» he asked after a pause.

«Charles Gallagher, he is an exhibit curator who specializes in medieval art. Ever heard of him?»

Zsasz shrugged.

«He is dead. He was found in a pool of someone else's vomit.»

Jim noticed the assassin's eyes go wider for a moment, before he could keep them in check. He got the feeling Zsasz knew something about this.

He had been thinking about this, and the more he thought about it, the less sense it made, and he still had no idea why Alvarez had been that sick or why he was there in the first place, but all these things had to be connected somehow.

«Alvarez was there, that's the last I've heard from him, and that's when he went missing. Later, Gallagher was found dead, time of death placed at around that same time.»

Jim started laying out the facts, in the hopes that any of that would mean something to Zsasz and prompt him to help them. Unless he was guilty, he couldn't think of a reason he shouldn't want them to find his boyfriend.

«So that's where he went... but why?» Zsasz asked, apparently more to himself than to either of the detectives.

«We don't know, that's what we are trying to figure out. So far, all we can think of, is that Gallagher was involved in another case we worked on a while ago. A piece of his collection went missing, and him along with it, but they both turned up perfectly fine two days later. That case is still unsolved too.»

He studied Zsasz's reactions and he watched him trying to figure out what this had to do with anything, so he thought he'd add something else.

«Our prime suspects for that case were, and still are, Penguin and Nygma.»

He saw something spark in the assassin's mind. He stared blankly back at him for a moment longer, then he scoffed and let out a short laugh.

«No... are you implying that Oswald is involved in this? No, he wouldn't hurt Carlos, or let anyone hurt him, he wouldn't! He knows he is my boyfriend, he would never... he is my friend.»

Jim frowned in confusion at that last statement.

«“Friend”?» asked Harvey, who clearly shared the same feeling.

«Last time we were all in the same room, we had to save you from an execution.»

«Yeah, a lot has happened since then, you won't blame me if I didn't keep you updated. All water under the bridge.»

Jim didn't like that, it only convinced him even further that they were all hiding something, and now he was starting to believe Zsasz had to be involved too. He didn't think he was responsible for whatever happened to Alvarez, no, but that didn't make him totally innocent either.

«Listen, we don't care whatever bullshit you and Penguin got yourselves into, if you like to paint each other's nails in your free time, just tell us what you know about him and Nygma.»

«Oh, those two! Am I right? You'd think they'd be dating, but they are not! I mean, get a move already!» Zsasz laughed.

Jim blinked a few times, staring at him with a light frown.

«Not what I meant and I think you know it.» Harvey continued, causing Zsasz to stop laughing.

«If you know something, anything, if you think they might have had any reason to go after Alvarez, you need to tell us. We are serious, there might be a chance he's still be alive, but it's not looking good.» Jim interjected.

Zsasz became serious all of sudden.

«You really believe Carlos is...»

He trailed off, but Jim understood and he nodded wearily. It wasn't good news to deliver to anyone, even to one of the most skilled assassins in Gotham.

«Right before he disappeared, he called me and told me he had something very important that we should discuss in person. He never showed up, and went missing instead.»

He saw a spark of something dark in Zsasz's eyes. He looked like he was in pain, even though he clearly tried to mask it, then his expression became colder and tougher.

«I need to make a phone call.»

Harvey sighed. Jim frowned.

«We really need you to help us, this isn't time for-»

«Do you want my help or not? I need. To make. This phone call.»

Jim perceived the shift in the assassin's tone, it was cutting and harsh. Whatever was going on in his mind right now, it was clear he wasn't in a good place, and he could understand why.

«Fine. Have your phone call.»

They let him alone with a phone, then came back. He tossed the phone at them and Jim barely caught it, then stared expectantly at him.

«I set it all up nicely for you. If you go to Oswald's mansion in, say, about half an hour? You'll find everything you need. I did my part, now you'd better do your job right, or I will have to take care of this personally.»

Jim didn't like the sound of that at all.

«Hey, hey. You shouldn't say things like that, we are police, remember?»

Zsasz shrugged at Harvey.

«So?»

«So don't confess you are about to do whatever you are about to do- you know what? Forget it.»

«What are we going to find?» Jim interjected, bringing the conversation back on track.

«You'll see when you find it.»

That wasn't very useful, but he didn't have time to ask for more clarification, because after that, Zsasz bolted and a moment later he was out of the GCPD, leaving the two detectives alone, to look at each other.

«So now what?» Harvey asked.

Jim sighed.

«We do as he said.»

 

Ed watched Oswald hang up the phone and by his expression he could already tell it was nothing good. He had heard enough to assume it must have been Zsasz. For some reason, he never called to give them good news, so Ed braced for the worst.

He stood up from the kitchen table and walked over to Oswald, leaving the bowl with Leg in it behind. They had been trying to find a new place for him, but they weren't sure about letting him and Junior stay together yet, but now this seemed more important. Oswald's eyes were wide, he looked fidgety and stressed.

«What is it?»

Oswald looked at him, putting away his phone.

«Jim brought Zsasz in to interrogate him about Gallagher's death and Alvarez's disappearance.»

«Did he-»

Oswald shook his head.

«No, no. He didn't say anything, but he thinks they might be onto us, “us” undead, I mean. He asked me to go to his place and get rid of his stash, he said not to destroy it yet, but to bring it here for now.»

Edward listened intently, but unbeknownst to Oswald, the clogs in his brain were already spinning, pushing his thoughts in a different direction. Oswald started to turn around, presumably to rush into action, but Ed stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder, gaining a confused and mildly annoyed look.

«No. Let's think about this for a second first. I don't trust this.»

Oswald's brow furrowed in obvious confusion at that statement.

«You don't trust _what_?»

«We go to his hideout, we take the stash, load it onto the van, bring it here. What happens next?»

Oswald's frown got even deeper.

«You don't trust Zsasz, you think he's lying?» he paused, then realization hit him, «You think he's working with them?»

Shock was apparent on his face at the mere thought.

«Why would he-»

«We killed his boyfriend. If he's been given any reason to believe we are in any way involved in Alvarez's death, don't you think he'll retaliate?»

Finally, Oswald seemed to understand. He could tell he didn't want to believe this at first, but then his expression became more resolute and his anger was barely concealed.

«Fine. What are we to do, then?»

He sounded annoyed more than everything, but Edward knew him well enough to read into his tone, and he knew he was genuinely looking for his guidance, which he was more then willing to give, especially if it meant getting both of them out of trouble.

«If I'm right, Zsasz's plan might be to ambush us, catch us red handed.»

«Catch us transporting his stash.» the other added, showing he understood. Ed nodded.

«So we get rid of your stash instead. They won't find us where they think we'll be, and by the time they get here, it will be gone.»

Oswald smiled, but then frowned immediately after.

«We really have to get rid of it? But there's still...»

Ed gave him a stern look, shutting him up.

«Alright. Let me eat something first.» Oswald said, starting to walk out the room.

«Make it quick.» he replied as he followed him to the freezer room.

As they walked by it, Edward stopped to think about the room with four penguins living in it. They would have to do something about that too. If the police found them, they would confiscate them. He would have missed them, he had grown fond enough of those four little rascals, but most importantly, he knew Oswald would suffer from that loss too.

For now, they had more pressing matters to worry about, such as the one that could seriously land them in major trouble, far more than having stolen penguins from the zoo. He continued on, walking in on Oswald taking a big bite out of a still frozen arm, while standing in front of the opened freezer.

«We should take the whole thing. It's faster and cleaner. Otherwise we would have to clean it up, and that's not something to do in a rush. If they find even a single spec of blood, that could be enough to incriminate us.»

Oswald nodded at that, while taking another bite.

«Are you done?» Ed asked, growing impatient.

«I don't know when I will be able to eat again, let me have this.»

Ed sighed. He knew the other was right, but he was getting agitated. It was hard maintaining the “cold logician” facade up when danger of being discovered was closing in. Not just that, but fear of what might happen next. He usually avoided thinking about it too much, but he had to wonder what would happen if they got caught. If they were lucky, they would both be sent to Arkham after being accused of cannibalism. If they were less luckily, they would be separated, and he would end up in Arkham, while Oswald would go to Blackgate. If they were even less lucky that that, the police might catch on to the fact that Oswald wasn't human, and he didn't even want to imagine what would happen to him then. A body riddled with bullets, or strapped to a chair while scientists conduct experiments on him, or who knows what else. Could there be something even worse? He couldn't picture it right now, but he didn't want to. This was was distressing enough, already. So he decided they needed to get a move on.

«Come on, let's get to work.»

Oswald scowled, but he threw the half eaten arm into the freezer, slamming it closed.

Edward looked around, until he found a roll of plastic sheet, the one they used to cover every surface of that room whenever they needed to use it for murder. He walked over and grabbed it, starting to lay it on the floor while Oswald watched in confusion.

«We can't lift the whole thing with the meat inside, so we are gonna wrap the contents up in plastic and carry the two separately.» he explained, standing up again.

«Oh. That makes sense. Right.»

Oswald opened the freezer again, and they both started taking packs of meat from it and laying them down on the plastic sheet on the floor. When they were done, Edward rolled it up and closed it with tape.

«Let's get this out, then we'll come back for the freezer.» he suggested. Oswald nodded. So they brought that one outside first, and to their surprise, it was actually quite heavy, although together they were able to lift it easily enough. They brought the meat into the van, then quickly went back inside and they tried to move the refrigerator. This one was harder, definitely heavier, and it took them longer, and a few breaks along the way, but they still managed.

Ed had had to remove his jacket and roll up his sleeves. Part of his hair was sticking on his forehead due to the layer of sweat covering it. He took a few deep breaths, but he didn't stop. He opened the freezer, and then, both of them grabbed the meat.

«Ready? One, two... three!»

They both lifted at the same time, flinging the thing in there not very gracefully, but it got the job done. He closed the freezer again, and this time he took another deep breath and he tried to dry his forehead with his forearm, removing the hair and pushing it back. He noticed that Oswald was staring at him, but he had no time to overthink this right now, he was to busy overthinking the rest.

It looked like Oswald was about to say something, but Ed spoke first.

«The penguins.»

Oswald's eyebrows shot up.

«What about the-... oh. Should we...?» he paused, studying Ed's expression, then nodded, «Right, right. Yes, let's go get them.»

So they both rushed back inside, quickly getting to their room. It wasn't easy trying to catch them at first, and Oswald was getting frustrated already. Ed would have liked to pause and reflect on how ridiculous and yet adorable this scene was, but they really had no time.

Next, Oswald decided he would lure them with food, so he went and took some fish from the fridge and like magic, the four little birds started flocking around him and when he walked, they followed.

Once they got to the stairs, they had no choice but try to help them. They both picked two up in their arms, feeding them some of the fish to get them to calm down, and almost run down the stairs.

They got to the van and let the birds inside. Edward had been sure to tie the refrigerator up with a chain, so it wouldn't move around, and he hoped this would be safe enough for the penguins, but it was the best they could do.

«Where are we gonna take them?» Oswald asked.

«We can't use out previous hideout, Zsasz knows about that one.»

«I still have a safe-house. Is that good enough?»

«Does anybody know about it?»

Oswald shook his head.

«It's perfect, then. We should get going, before-»

Before he could finish his sentence, they heard police sirens in the distance.

His first instinct was to start panicking immediately. What where they doing there? And so soon, too?

«The police! We have to hurry.»

They both started to get into the van, but before Oswald could get in his seat, he stopped, wide-eyed, and stared at Ed.

«What?!»

«We forgot about Junior and Leg!»

Edward grimaced.

«Right. Shit... go get them, I'll keep the engine on, but be fast!»

Oswald nodded and he sprinted as fast as he could towards the mansion. He was lucky his leg didn't hurt anymore, or all that running around would have been a nightmare, but he still had a limp, so his movement was still partially impaired and there was only so much he could do in terms of speed.

By the time he had gotten to the door, he heard the telltale sound of an engine revving and he turned around. The police were already closer than he expected and he watched as the van started driving away without him. He wasn't even upset about being left behind. Ed was the one most at risk at the moment. If the police caught him, he would be in serious trouble, considering the contents of the van. He knew he was supposed to hurry and hide his weird little pets, but he couldn't help but continue staring at the van as it became smaller and smaller into the distance. He took note of one of the police cars sharply turning around to chase it, and he cursed under his breath.

«Come on, Ed, come on...» he said under his breath, almost like a prayer. Damned be Zsasz for this, and if something happened to Ed, he promised himself he would make him pay for it.

The other police car reached the mansion, so he shook himself out of it and he went inside.

He went to the kitchen, and saw Legs in his bowl still on the table.

«I didn't want to do this like this, but I'm in a rush right now.» he told the little creature who tried to crawl out of the bowl in his direction, as he took the bowl in his hands and he walked over to the cupboard, opening it to reveal Junior in his terrarium. He opened the lid and let Legs drop inside. He watched for just a moment, as Junior perked up curiously and crawled closer to the other, but he didn't have time, not as much as he would have wanted, especially because the doorbell rang, so he closed the cupboard and walked to the door.

He opened it just a few inches, enough to peek outside. Two police officers were standing there.

«GCPD-»

«Do you have a warrant?» he interrupted before they could even finish introducing themselves and waited for a couple seconds as they stared at him, «Didn't think so.» he added with a small smile and he closed the door.

 

«Shit. Shit, shit...» Edward continued to swear under his breath as he continued glancing at the rearview mirror, seeing Jim and Harvey were still tailing him.

It didn't help the fact that the penguins wouldn't stop squawking. They had to be seriously distressed, and Ed could understand why, but he was in distress too, and having bird making all that noise in the back wasn't very good for his mental state and made it harder to focus on the road.

He was trying to lose the detectives, but they were always right behind him at every turn. He couldn't go directly to the safe-house or they'd find out the new location, so he had to put enough distance between them first, he just didn't know how.

He was growing increasingly more agitated, just like the penguins, after a particularly sharp turn. He heard a metallic noise, a clang of some kind, and he imagined the chain must have come loose, so he peeked in the back, worried about the birds.

«What's going on back there? Is everyone alright?»

The birds just continued making a fuss, which wasn't exactly an answer, as if he could get one from them anyway, but he couldn't do anything about that at the moment, so he continued driving. He turned his attention back to the road just in time to see he was approaching a red light far too fast to stop now, and a truck was about to cross. There was no way he could get through before the truck, he was going to crash into it or get it by it, and either way, it wasn't looking good, so, before he could even think, he turned the wheel all to the left, crossing into the opposite lane, causing a car to screech to a stop, and a second car to crash into that one, while he lost control and crashed into a lamppost himself.

He recovered, shaking his head to get out of the haze, feeling confused and scared. He let go of the wheel with shaky hands. His head was throbbing. He reached for the cause of that pain, that being his forehead, and hissed in pain. When he looked at his hand he saw some blood on his fingertips. He tried to start the van again, but it was no use, so he opened the door and jumped out, not very gracefully, almost tripping on his own feet, but before he could do anything, Harvey and Jim were both standing there, cornering him, with guns pointed at him.

«Freeze!» shouted Bullock. As if he had any other choice. His head still hurt and his legs felt wobbly.

«Put your hands up.» Bullock continued, and he did as he was told, while the detective approached him and quickly cuffed him.

In the meantime, Jim walked to the back of the van and opened it.

Harvey must have noticed Jim's disconcerted expression, because he followed him, dragging Ed with him, and all three stopped and stared. As he thought, the freezer and come lose, but luckily, the penguins didn't seem harmed. He guessed that had to be the only bright side to this whole situation. Thinking was hard with that headache.

Bullock and Gordon exchanged a look, before the latter climbed inside and walked over to the freezer, opening it.

«Jesus Christ...» Ed heard him mutter.

«What's in there?» Bullock asked, way too loud for Edward's liking. His head hurt really bad. Could he have a concussion or something? Why wasn't anybody worried about it? That was rude of them, he was just in a car crash, after all.

«Body parts.» Jim answered after a pause.

«Body-... Body parts!?»

Jim nodded.

«Multiple victims too, if I'm counting right.»

«Jesus Christ, Nygma! What the hell!?»

Ed was feeling too tired and hazy to reply, but even if he hadn't, he doubted that question deserved and answer anyway.

He wasn't sure how he's gotten there, but he found himself in the interrogation room. He wondered how the penguins where doing and where they had gone. He got the feeling someone had just asked him a question. He wasn't sure. He felt like he could puke any minute and he just wanted to sleep.

«Why did you kill those people? Why store their bodies, what were you doing with them?»

Oh, that's what the question was. Right. He glared at Bullock and didn't reply.

«Goddammit, Nygma, talk!»

«Harvey.»

«What?»

The two detectives exchanged a look.

«He probably had a concussion. Let's have a doctor take a look at him.»

«Frankly, I don't care.»

Jim shot Bullock a look and the other finally complied.

«Okay, sure. Where are you going?» he asked when he saw Jim stand up. Edward watched this scene without really doing anything, just trying to put his mind together enough to form one coherent thought, and the first one he managed to muster went to...

«To have a chat with Oswald.»

 

Oswald spent those couple hours pacing and stressing, and wondering how Edward was doing and if he'd been caught.

Until the doorbell rang again, and he rushed to the door, opening it before even having the time to consider that it might not be a good idea. His hopeful expression dropped when he saw Jim.

«Oswald. May I come in?»

Oswald stared him down, biting the inside of his cheek.

«Jim.» he said with as much vitriol as he could manage to pour into a single word, «Did you get your warrant?»

«I'm not here to search your house, I just wanna talk.»

Oswald continued staring at him, studying him, but he figured the detective wasn't lying, and that he would keep an eye on him anyway, so there wasn't much damage he could do anyway.

«Sure.» he said, moving aside to let him walk past him. Jim took a few steps, then stopped and took a vague look around. Oswald circled him until he could face him again and looked expectantly at him.

Jim looked at him like he had been expecting something too, but then, he must have understood that they were going to just stand there for now, so he gave in and started talking.

«We caught Ed. We found the freezer and... the penguins.»

Oswald's eyes went wide at that revelation, but he tried to keep his own reactions in check and quickly dissimulated.

«Oh, you did. So, Edward is in your custody at the moment, I assume.»

He watched Jim frown and his expression become even more stern, but then he sighed.

«Oswald, what the hell is going on? What's the meaning of all of this?»

«I don't know what you are talking about.»

He said as he turned around and walked to the kitchen. He could feel the panic start to rise as the reality of the situation started to sink in. Ed had been caught. He reached for a glass of scotch he had left unfinished on the counter before the doorbell had rung and he took a big gulp. Jim followed him.

«I know you've been up to something, I've known all along, I just couldn't imagine you'd be the one behind those random disappearances. Because you are, aren't you? We haven't identified all the bodies yet, but it's easy to assume it's all connected. It was all you two. And they were all murders, weren't they? You killed all those people? But why? I can't find any connection, they were all so random.»

«Once again, I have no idea what you are talking about!» Oswald replied with a tight smile, gesticulating with the glass in his hand, before taking another sip, but his eyes fell on something that could potentially be very troubling. He noticed the cupboard where his pets were hidden was open. He clearly remembered having closed it. Then, he realized he never closed the lid of the terrarium. The implications of this creeped up on him and suddenly he started acting a lot more fidgety and Jim must have noticed this, because he took a good look at him, studying his new attitude. Luckily – so to speak – for him, Jim must have assumed this was due to the topic they were discussing, so he paid no attention to his surroundings, while Oswald tried to scan the room for small spider-like creatures, as inconspicuously as possible.

«Oswald?»

«Sorry, you were saying?»

Jim gave him a strange look, but stayed focused on the matter at hand.

«You've killed before, stolen, lied, tortured... don't try to deny it, we both know who you are. But this is entirely something else. What's going on?»

Oswald's eyes went wide as he caught sight of something. Two little legs, then three, four- fuck. He could see what he assumed must have been Legs crawling on the counter, right behind Jim's back. If the detective turned around now, he would see him. But he had no reason to turn around, so he didn't have to worry, right? Except, Jim caught Oswald glancing behind his shoulder and got suspicious, so he followed his gaze with the intention to glance behind.

«What are you-»

«Jim!»

Oswald reached for Jim, grabbing both of his arms at the elbows, shaking the detective into paying attention. Jim looked surprised, but then immediately frowned, made probably uncomfortable by the contact, so Oswald pulled back. Good, Legs was out of sight for now, since he had crawled behind the fridge for now, but it wasn't over. Jim was staring at him, expecting something, so he figured he should open his mouth and say something, anything, really.

«What's gonna happen to Ed?»

That sounded like a good thing to say in this context, right? And it was a genuine question, asked with sincere concern. Jim must have read that in his tone and his expression and he could have sworn, he sounded almost sympathetic when he replied.

«We caught him smuggling human body parts in a freezer. And smuggling four penguins stolen from the zoo, on top of that. Whatever eccentric explanation you two can come up with, it's not a good look. He's gonna get locked up and for a long time too. He might end up in Arkham again if he's found unstable enough, and we both know Edward.»

There was a certain earnestness to this answer. Almost like it pained Jim to say this, and he certainly didn't look or sound smug about it. At the very least, he wasn't rubbing this fact in his face and Oswald could appreciate that.

«I see...»

Whatever would happen next, Oswald needed to be one step ahead and take care of this before it could go too far. If he could do anything about it, Edward wouldn't even get to set foot in Arkham in the first place. He could buy judges, jury, guards, whoever necessary, to keep Ed out of there.

«Don't even think of trying to interfere with the course of justice.» Oswald was surprised by that, he felt almost as if Jim had been reading his mind. He guessed Jim knew him too well. Jim continued.

«He is gonna serve his sentence, whatever it might be. Do you hear me? Step back, Oswald. You are lucky enough that Ed refuses to make your name, so you are free for now, but I don't buy it. I know you two were working together.»

Oswald's expression toughened as he stared back at Jim.

«I'm gonna ask one more time. Did you know Edward was doing this?»

For the time being, there wasn't much else for him to do, besides lying.

«No.»

Jim grimaced, but he didn't look surprised. He huffed sarcastically.

«No. Of course not.»

 

Bullock was glaring at him, but that didn't even bother him. At least now they had given him some painkillers and the headache was slowly going away. He felt way more alert now, and his brain, finally willing to collaborate, was offering him a series of possible scenarios for what would come next, but none of them were particularly favorable for him.

Suddenly, the door opened and Jim walked back in. Bullock turned around to face him.

«How did your “chat” go?»

Edward watched Jim walk to the chair and sit down, before answering the other detective's question.

«The house is clean. It seems everything incriminating was in that van.» he said, looking at Edward in a way that made him think he was judging him. Edward smirked at that.

«Has he said anything?»

«Nope.»

Jim slowly nodded with a slight frown, fixating his eyes on Ed. He reciprocated his gaze, didn't look away, almost as if challenging him.

«The bodies. Let's start from there. Why keep them in a freezer? What did you need them for?»

Edward stared and didn't answer.

«I know you or Oswald killed Gallagher. I know you were behind the stolen book too. I've talked to him about it, you know? I heard about that Serbian legend.»

Edward shifted uncomfortably in his seat, but tried to look still unfazed.

«People coming back to life and turning into flesh eating zombies...» he paused, taking a good look at Ed, probably looking for any reaction, but Ed simply toughened his expression.

«What I can't understand, is how you two are connected to this. If it were any other freak in Gotham, I could believe anything. That someone would take this story seriously, who knows, maybe cannibalism? Some sort of fucked up ritual? But you two... I mean, you, Ed, you are not that brand of crazy, so why? Why the interest in this legend, why the killing, and why the freezer?»

Ed didn't even budge.

«I don't know what you want me to tell you.»

«How about the truth, you sick bastard?!» Bullock interjected, «Can't you see? He's gone and lost even the rest of the little sanity he had left.» he added, looking at Jim and pointing at Ed.

«Maybe so, but I like to think there's a reason for his actions. It's not the kind of thing you do, that's why I don't believe it was you at all. It's odd for Oswald too, but, if I had to pick one of you-»

«Oswald didn't do anything. It was all me.»

That probably wasn't the right thing to say, but he couldn't help himself, and it was too late now anyway. When Jim mentioned Oswald again, he just had to say something. The risk was too big. He would rather suffer whatever consequences than endanger him.

«It was all you doing what? What did you do?»

Edward straightened his back in his chair and took a deep breath. There was only one way to spare Oswald a horrible fate, and it was taking all the blame. If this is what he needed to do, he was willing to. So, he braced himself.

«I did... all of that. And, may I add, I stole the penguins too. They were a gift. For Oswald.» he said with a small smile.

«Did you just admit it?» Bullock asked, almost in disbelief.

«You admit you killed those people. Kept parts of their bodies in a freezer? You killed Strange?»

«Yep. It was me.»

Jim and Harvey exchanged a look. Ed watched nervously.

«You killed Gallagher?»

Ed let out a short laugh.

«Shot him right in the chest.»

«That checks out.» said Bullock. Jim nodded. Of course it did, Ed thought, he was the one who shot him, he would know.

«What about Alvarez?» Jim asked after a moment.

Ed's smile faltered. He knew they didn't take well to cop killers, but, oh well, it wouldn't be his first either, would it? What difference did it make, really?

«Gone, and you won't find his body. My bad.»

He watched both men take a moment to take a deep breath and process that information. They must have suspected it, but clearly hearing confirmation was a whole other deal.

«You damned bastard...» muttered Bullock.

«But why?» Jim got his attention, «You still haven't told us why.»

«When you hide it it's yours only, when uncovered it doesn't exist anymore.»

«A riddle? Seriously?» Harvey complained.

«It's a secret.» Ed said after a moment, with a smile, «I'll never tell, but it doesn't matter. You did it, you caught me. Congratulations.»

«No. No, this isn't right, you are lying.» Jim stood up, pointing his finger at him, menacingly «You are hiding something, and I think you are protecting someone. Oswald-»

Ed clenched his jaw and fists, glaring up at him.

«Oswald has nothing to do with this. It was me. Do you want the details? Do you want to know how I shot Alvarez in the head and cut his body into pieces with a saw? How awful he smelled when I dissolved him in acid?»

«You piece of-»

«He is just trying to provoke us.» Jim said, placing a hand on Harvey's chest to stop him from doing something he shouldn't.

«Yeah? Well, it's working. Consider me provoked.» the detective glared at Ed, straightening his jacket.

«Fine. Be that way. You understand you are going to Arkham, right? Is it really worth it?»

_To save Oswald's life? Yes. Absolutely._

Ed smiled smugly at the detectives.

«I'm guilty. I'm gonna face punishment.»

The two looked at each other before leaving the room, leaving him alone. His smile finally faded and he felt a stabbing pain in his temple. He hissed and tried to massage it with his fingers, being careful to avoid touching the stitches.

He would have never thought he would end up back in Arkham, not so soon, and certainly not of his own volition. But what other options did he have? Right now, he just wished he could see Oswald, hold him, tell him everything would be alright and say goodbye. Although, to be perfectly honest, _he_ was the one in need to be held, to be told it would be alright. He felt a light sting in his eyes, of tears unwilling to fall, but still wanting to make their presence known. His head still hurt. He really wished he were at home with Oswald right now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof! ooh boy! i'm not used to pauses this long in between chapters, but i needed a break (well, relatively, since i wrote a different fic in the meantime, but now i'm back on track)
> 
> So... did i say or didn't i say, they were about to get into a pickle?? and pickles(?) aren't over yet either, but i won't say anything more ;)
> 
> For the first time ever in this fic, i wrote a scene from the point of view of someone other than Oswald or Edward, but i felt like it was needed to give the story the right perspective. For so long i got away with skipping that, but this time, the story simply wouldn't make sense without a bit of context, kindly supplied by Jim in this case. Ah, this man... he's been squeezing his brain to solve this case, it's not easy being the only one who sees the connection but still can't prove it! i almost feel bad for him :')
> 
> As usual, let me know if there's typos, mistakes, continuity errors, and so on! I did my best, but i haven't written this fic in a while!
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter! it was fun to write, if anything. loving that ANGST lmao


	12. Is that... blood?

Oswald couldn't stop pacing, up and down, torturing his mind over what to do, and not to do. He didn't want to be stupid about this, to do anything irrational and dangerous, but the thought of Ed back in Arkham, the thought of being separated from him, it was tearing him apart and worst of all, he felt guilty. This was his fault, he told himself, after all, everything they had done in the past years or so, they had done for him, because he was undead.

He considered turning himself in, but quickly realized that wouldn't do much in terms of aiding Edward. He would still go to Arkham, the only thing that would get them would be that Oswald would go to jail too. Unless he tried to convince them he was crazy, then maybe they would send him to Arkham too, and they could at least be together! But, no, he understood what Edward was doing, and didn't want to frustrate his heroic effort.

What else could he do? He couldn't just sit there and do nothing, could he? Or rather, stand there and dig a hole in the floor from walking back and forth so much, that wasn't useful either. So, he decided, he could at least try to bail Ed out. As he found out, this turned out more difficult than he imagined. Jim had made sure that any guard in charge of Edward wouldn't be susceptible to bribes, and blackmail turned out impossible too. Jim already put the guards' loved ones in protective custody, so Oswald would have no one to kidnap, hold hostage, torture, and so on. Jim had left him nothing to hang on to, and this made him unbearably angry. He felt powerless in a way that he hadn't felt in years and he didn't like feeling like that, at all. He hated it, and he hated that the man he loved was about to be sent to Arkham and he couldn't do anything about it.

He had never felt more alone, more desperate. So, the next day, he went to visit Edward. He couldn't help himself, he needed to see him.

The guards immediately recognized him and they didn't seem too happy about his presence, or too keen on letting him see Ed, but despite everything, all he had to do was glare at them and they allowed him inside.

He walked into the room and sat at a table, waiting for Ed to arrive.

 

Ed had spent his first night in prison. He would be there until his court appearance, then he would be sent to Arkham. It gave him a taste of what his future life would be like, and to be honest, it already wasn't great. The orange outfit didn't suit him, it was too bright, he didn't like it – not that he was looking forward to change into a striped black and white one. Of course, that was the lest of his problems right now, but being petty about the small things helped him distract himself from the larger issues.

When he was told he had a visit, his face lit up. He knew who it was, I had to be Oswald, and he was dying to see him. The last time they had seen each other, he was about to drive away on a van and Oswald was running back inside the mansion, they hadn't had a chance of saying “goodbye”, because at the time they didn't know they would need to.

He followed the guard to the room and he was let inside. He immediately scanned his surroundings for a familiar face and as soon as he caught sight of it, he felt his heart jump in his chest. He told himself to hold it together, so he walked over and sat on his side of the table. Oswald looked awful. Of course, he looked just as beautiful as always, and he clearly had put enough care into his appearance as usual, but even that couldn't mask the dark circles under his eyes. He had to imagine he must have been too worried to sleep, and it hurt his chest to think about that.

He offered a tentative smile and got a matching one in return.

«I'm so sorry you are in this situation. This is all my fault, and I swear I'm doing everything I can, but Jim keeps thwarting me at every turn, he made sure I couldn't use any of my usual methods, he even put the guard's family in protective custody, so I couldn't blackmail him.»

Ed was almost impressed with Jim. Well, he would have been, if he hadn't been so sad and frustrated. It wasn't fun. This wasn't a game he wanted to play, but he had to, against his own will, for a good cause.

«How are you?» Oswald asked.

«I'm okay. How are _you_?»

Oswald looked almost outraged by that question.

«Me? I'm fine, I'm not the one in jail!» he paused, shooting him a reprimanding look, «Why did you do this?»

Ed thought he sounded tired and sad.

«What was I supposed to do? It was the only way. If they arrested you...» he lowered his voice, «They would find out you are undead, and that couldn't end well. Either you would starve, or you would do something regrettable and they would kill you. I can't let that happen to you.»

He saw Oswald's eyes get just a little bit watery.

Oswald felt a horrible grip around his heart, and he actively fought to hold back any possible tears attempting to fall, by blinking them away, before recovering enough strength to talk.

«You would really rather go through all this, than risk my life? All of this, just to protect me?»

Suddenly, Edward looked at him like he had grown a second head.

«There's no question. Oswald, you could die. I can't let you die!»

Oswald felt his lower lip tremble, but he tried to keep that in check too.

«If it's any consolation, I would do the same thing.» he said, trying to keep too much emotion from pouring into his expression, daring to crack the smallest smile.

He received another smile in response.

«I know you would.»

Both had leaned forward, and somehow, Oswald's hand had reached for Ed's, covering it, gently brushing the back of it with his fingertips. Oswald focused on Edward's brown eyes, they were dark and deep and troubled, but there was something in there, possibly, some answer to something he couldn't dare to ask. He felt like he could almost reach it, but then, a loud noise broke the spell. He turned around to see the alarm go off, warning them that it was over, and the guard walked over to them.

«Hey! No physical contact! The time is up, come on. On your feet.»

And with that, whatever they had going on in that moment got lost, Edward was forced to stand up and follow the guard back to his cell. Oswald stood there and watched him walk away until he disappeared.

 

The day of the trial came sooner than expected. Oswald put on a good suit and made his way to court. There was no way he wouldn't be there. It felt like a stab in the heart to see Ed at the center of all of this attention for reasons beyond his control. Well, technically, not so much “beyond his control”, since he was the one who accepted his fate willingly, but Oswald knew this wasn't what Ed wanted, it couldn't possibly be, he couldn't truly be happy and at peace with this situation, and Oswald still felt guilty. In fact, he felt worse with each passing moment. He made eye contact with Ed across the room. Everything else felt like it was disappearing, like everything was spinning too fast to grab onto it, like there were only the two of them.

«Mr Nygma? How do you plead?» the question was repeated.

Oswald knew what would come next, but it doesn't mean he was prepared for it. There was a brief pause, during which they still maintained eye-contact, and he felt his heart speed up, his breath chocking up with dreadful anticipation.

«Guilty.»

A round of gasps aroused from the crowd. The judge asked for order, and studied Edward until there was silence again.

«Mr Nygma, you understand the meaning of this.»

«Yes.»

Even the judge looked shocked, but she wasn't given any other choice then to go along with this.

«Very well.»

When Edward was escorted out, their eyes briefly met again. Even in such a short contact, there was so much communicated between the two of them. Then, Ed walked forward, and someone else came into view. Oswald couldn't help but notice a man, standing across from him in the room, who was obviously following Ed with his gaze. Oswald couldn't tell what exactly bothered him about that man, but the way he was looking at Ed wasn't the same as any curious bystander. He looked liked he was studying him with morbid curiosity. He didn't like that, but ascribed it to the tall man being just some weirdo. Probably one of those freaks unhealthily obsessed with serial killers or something. Not that Ed was actually one, at least not in the common sense of the word. Besides, Oswald was the one who had done most of the killing, anyway. At best, Ed was an accessory. But nobody could know.

He got tired of watching that man, with his dark hair and eyes and his harsh expression. It was beginning to piss him off and straight up boring him, so he followed Edward, still being escorted by the guards, outside. They were immediately stormed by reporters from all sides. It was inevitable, Oswald guessed. Those vultures would have to latch onto a story like this, wouldn't they? This was almost the worst part of it. Well, not the worst, but definitely something that did nothing to make things better. It was the fact that Edward's name would be sullied and dragged in the press. There was no clever plan to speak of, here. The Riddler had become some common murderer. A serial killer, true, those always fascinated people as much as they disgusted them, but it wasn't the same thing. No riddles, no puzzles, just grizzly murders and a mystery surrounding his motivations.

«Mr Nygma, how did you do it?» «What were you hoping to get from this? Is there a second stage to this plan?» «Does this mean you are not the Riddler anymore?» «Is this some kind of riddle?» «What do you have to say to the families of the victims?»

It was unbearable, he couldn't even start to imagine how Ed must have been feeling, but he watched him keep a brave face and ignore all of that, pressing forward. The urge to run to him and defend him, hug him, possibly even kiss him, was hard to resist. He imagined how dramatic that would be, how it would look. It would certainly end up on the news on every channel, can you even imagine? What a scandal, what a sensation that would be. It sounded thrilling, but terrifying. He couldn't put himself into the public eye like that, that would mean nullifying Edward's efforts and all this would be for nothing. Still, the urge was still there. He followed the small crowd, until Ed was made to get into a car and the door closed behind him.

He sighed and casually wiped his eyes, making sure no tears were about to fall, and he noticed something. Standing a little to the side, was still that shady guy. He was genuinely starting to give him the creeps. What was the deal with him, anyway? He chose not to wonder too long, and to get home. The day had barely started and he felt exhausted already.

 

Arkham was exactly how Ed remembered it. The initial process wasn't fun. Very invasive, humiliating. Despite appearances, they still didn't have much respect for their inmates, he could tell. This wouldn't be a pleasant experience. And yet, he was already resigned to his fate, and he would take whatever they would throw at him, if it meant keeping Oswald safe.

He kept repeating this to himself, in his mind, like a mantra. It helped him stay focused on the objective, reminding him why he _chose_ to be there.

The first day was a period of adjustment. That's when he was the most busy, with various doctors visits and all that. Everyone seemed to want a piece of him. A peak into his disturbed mind, that is. Questions upon questions, upon questions. He got tired of them, tired of answering, tired of making up answers, tired of hearing them, and tired of the contempt they held him in. No one had respect for him or the name he had previously build for himself. They barely respected him as a human being, how could he expect anything more, really? He wouldn't be afforded any special treatment, he knew this already. In there, he was the same as all the others. And this, above everything, he knew would drive him nuts. For real. He wasn't the same as them, he knew himself to be better. He was clever, he was smart, he knew what he was doing, and proof of this was that he had gotten himself in there of his own volition, but come to think of it, maybe that really was the clearest sign of madness of them all. Who else would have willingly accepted to be put in that looney bin? He snorted a short laugh to himself at that thought.

Last time he had been lucky enough. There was a puzzle of some fort to solve – with Strange's secret basement and experiments and all that – but now, this place was a simple asylum, and it was just as dull as that could sound.

He kept everyone else at a distance. He didn't like to mix with the others. They didn't do much for conversation anyway, he would rather talk to himself, since he was the smartest person in there, the only one worth talking to, as far as he was concerned. He wished Oswald was there. He could talk to him, listen to him for hours, no matter what the topic was. He missed his voice already. A few days in and he already started to think he could hear it. Was he going to lose his mind? So soon?

Anyway, he shouldn't have been surprised to see some new faces. Most personnel had been replaced. Still, the guard that escorted them to their respective cells to sleep that night, struck him as odd. He was tall, with dark hair and his dark eyes, fixated on him, gave him chills in the worst way imaginable. He really had the feeling he had been drilling holes into his skull with his eyes. The man stood there. Edward grabbed the door and closed it himself, just to put some distance between them. He didn't feel safe, he wasn't even sure why.

 

The next day, he was told he had a visit. Finally, he thought. He couldn't wait to talk to someone, anyone, who wasn't a inmate or a doctor. But that was partially a lie. The truth was he wanted to talk to him, specifically. He needed to see him, to make sure he was doing okay. He needed to warn him to be careful, give him tips on how to hunt on his own, maybe. That was only part of it. He just needed to see him, to hear his voice. That was the truth. After living together, working together, shoulder to shoulder, every day, for over a year... being separated for only a handful of days felt like eternity. He had gotten used to his constant presence, and now, acquiescing with his absence would be a tough bull to wrestle.

He smiled when he first saw him enter the room, and his smile only grew wider when he saw him walk so fast to get to the table. Oswald hesitated, like he wanted to get closer, but he knew that he couldn't, so he simply sat across from him.

«Hi.» Edward begun. Not a strong start, but he inadvertently poured so much affection into that one word, as much as humanly possible. He didn't even try to stop it or hide it. He needed to share how he felt, this was the only moment he would be truly able to do so, with the only person who truly knew him, and the only one who knew the truth.

«Hi.» Oswald replied, kind of hesitantly, «How... how have they been treating you?»

«What do you think?» he let some bitterness slip in.

«Oh...»

He immediately regretted it, seeing the other's expression. He didn't mean to make his situation weight on him. He had done this of his own will, he would never want Oswald to feel like he was guilty of anything, or like he owed him. They had been through too much for that, now. They had done it all, I try to kill you, you try to kill me, I save your life, you save my life, he wasn't keeping count anymore. All that mattered was that Oswald was safe.

«It's alright. How have you been?» he asked with a smile.

Oswald looked like he was thinking about it, possibly asking himself the same question.

«Lonely.»

Edward's smile widened again. It somewhat infected Oswald too, making him offer a small smile to Ed in return.

«You tell me...» he joked.

«Right. I'm sorry.»

He had done it again, and he would have slapped himself for it. He couldn't bear to see that expression on his face.

«Don't be. If you want to repay me for this, all you have to do is be careful and stay safe. Have you eaten anything?»

Oswald shook his head. That wasn't good.

«I won't be there to help you anymore, so you need to plan the next hunt carefully. No impulsive decisions, everything must be calculated to the smallest detail, and pick the next meal wisely. If they realize the disappearances are continuing they are gonna know they got the wrong guy.»

«Of course. I know that.» Oswald sounded almost offended.

«Of course you do.» he said, more fondly than he meant to, more to himself that to the other.

They sat there, looking at each other in silence for a moment.

«I mis-» «I mi-»

They both stopped and stared at the other. Edward blinked in surprise.

«You first.» he said.

«I miss you.»

He could tell from his expression that he meant that. There was no equivocation.

«I miss you too.»

He thought it would be harder to admit, that it would be awkward, but it wasn't. He guessed they had gotten to a point where hiding that would have just been silly. Maybe going through such a harsh and traumatic separation had shaken them up both enough to make the truth come out. He couldn't tell, but he was glad they said that.

 

That night, as usual ever since he'd gotten there, he was having trouble falling asleep.

The bed wasn't comfortable enough, and it was slightly cold, but it wasn't that. It was how foreign his surroundings felt. He didn't feel at home, at all, rightfully so, because he wasn't. He missed his room, his bed, the mansion as a whole. He missed Oswald's embrace. His mind flew to that night they slept together. He wasn't sure whether that helped or made things worse. On one hand, if he closed his eyes and deluded himself enough, he could pretend he was there, on the other, it only served to make him feel more alone.

Then, a noise alerted him and he instinctively sat up. The door to his cell had just opened. He didn't feel like trying to take the chance and escape, it felt like something was off, so he just froze in his bed and stared. As he should have expected, a moment later, a tall dark figure was standing in the doorway. It was dark enough in the room that he couldn't see his face properly, not until the man took a few steps, then he recognized him.

He crawled backwards until his back hit the wall, and he curled up in a ball, trying to protect himself. He wasn't sure why that was his first instinct, but he felt like it was a good one. The guard walked even closer. There was only very little light coming from the hallway, just enough to illuminate one side of his face, and his expression only terrified him more. As if it wasn't clear enough that the man had bad intentions.

The guard grabbed him by his shoulders – he tried to defend himself, but he was too strong – and threw him off his bed, making him slam his back against the floor. He recovered and crawled backwards until he reached the opposite wall, but the man kicked him, knocking the air out of him, making his wheeze silently.

«What do you want from me?» he asked in a shaky voice, more from the pain than fear, although he was definitely scared.

«I've been tracking you down for months, not a single lead, and then, you show up, on a public trial. I couldn't believe my luck.»

That confused Edward. His mind started racing. Why would someone be tracking him down? He figured maybe this was another stalker, someone obsessed with the Riddler, but this time he was less lucky, and instead of being a fan, it was apparently someone intentioned to kill him. Or so he thought. The odds weren't good, and the situation surely wasn't in his favor.

He looked up at the man, then glanced at the door he had left open, and he told himself this might be his only chance. If only he could get outside and close the door, the man couldn't open it from the inside, and Ed would be safe. He took a deep breath, retracted his legs and then kicked him however he could, causing him to bend over and get distracted enough that he could actually slip away, half crawling, half trying to get up and run towards the door, but the man was faster and grabbed him by one ankle, pulling him backwards, while Ed clawed at the floor, trying to create some friction, desperately reaching for the door, but it was too far away.

The man grabbed him by one arm and turned him around. Ed was panting, mind and heart equally racing, as he pictured the worst outcomes for himself, while the man straddled him to keep him in place. It wasn't looking good for him, and it only got worse when suddenly the other pulled out a very long knife.

«Oh God...» he muttered to himself, trying to shield himself as best as he could with his arms, feeling his mouth get dry and his eyes start to sting. It wasn't a good feeling, the very distinctive impression that he was about to die. Horribly, at that, most likely.

«When I realized there was a zombie in Gotham, I couldn't believe it. You have no idea the lengths I went to track you down, following your trail... all the people you killed. But this ends tonight.»

Unwittingly, the man had just given Edward something to grab onto, metaphorically.

He immediately connected the dots and realized the man's mistake.

«Wait, wait, wait!» he shouted, trying to grab the hand holding the knife, in an attempt to keep it away from his head. He didn't have much time to convince him to stop. The man was stronger and he couldn't hold him much longer.

«Nothing you can say will save you. You can delay the inevitable, but you can't avoid it.» the knife inched closer to his face. Ed's eyes were wide, staring at the blade in terror.

«No, no, wait! I'm not undead, I'm human!»

He had to make a decision and so he let go of the man's arm and quickly grabbed the knife by the blade.

«What are you-»

The man stopped, staring. Edward opened the palm of his hand, showing it clearly to him.

«Is that... blood?»

«Yes! Yes, it's blood! I bleed! I'm human, see? I _swear_ I'm human!»

At that, the man pulled back enough to take a good look at him, staring at the bloodied palm that Ed was still pointing at his face, just in case. The man dropped the knife, crawled off him and sat on the floor, putting his head in his hands. Edward hesitantly sat up and scooted away a little – again, just in case – while watching the man's every move. His breath slowly became more even again and he fixed his fogged glasses, becoming aware of the sweat on the bridge of his nose. At least he was safe now.

Still, he eyed the knife, considering if it would be worth it to try to get it, but for the moment he decided not to. Still, he kept the option open.

«I almost killed a human. I was so sure... how could I be so wrong? A human!» the man lamented.

Edward continued studying him, and glancing intermittently at the knife.

«But all those murders, and the missing body parts... you are just some lunatic, aren't you?»

Ed took offense and he opened his mouth, almost saying something he would regret, but luckily he thought better of it.

«...Yeah. I guess I am.»

Lying was definitely the best option. If this man was really after the undead, then, tipping him off to the presence of actual undead people wasn't the best course of action. Better to let him believe what everybody already thought of him at the moment. But he couldn't help but wonder: who was this man? How did he know about the undead?

«But if you aren't at all affiliated to the undead... I mean, you are human. And you are just some freak...» again, Ed was offended, but kept his mouth shut and bit his tongue instead, «...how did you know to cut yourself? To show me you bleed?»

Oh, that was a good question, wasn't it? Ed felt himself panic, realizing how close he was to accidentally revealing something he shouldn't have.

«I... uh, read it in a book! Yes, a book about a, uh, curse. Um, Serbian curse. It's a- an interest of mine.»

He hoped with all his heart that that would be believable enough. It wasn't even a lie, only partially! He had read about it in a book, after all. He just thought it better to omit the part where the love of his life died in his arms, only to wake up minutes later and eventually rip off a man's jugular in front of him.

«A... book?»

«Yes. A medieval manuscript. There was an exhibit in town a while ago.»

«I remember. I see... so it was all just a coincidence. Good Lord... I could have killed you.»

«Yeah... I figured that.» Ed let out a short nervous laugh, a way to relieve some tension, not because there was actually anything funny about any of this.

«So there was never a zombie-»

«Undead.»

«What?»

Ed cleared his throat, realizing he shouldn't have spoken, and now trying to fix his mistake.

«I think the best term is “undead”. Zombie sounds a little bit...»

«What do you care what I call 'em?»

He guessed the man had a point, but Oswald had gotten in his head with this argument, so he really couldn't help himself but to instinctively correct him.

«...Right.»

«So, there was never a zombie in Gotham...» the man started over. Ed was glad they had gotten back to that.

«Nope. Not that I know of. It was only... good old me.» Ed tried not to sound more triumphant than really necessary in that situation, but he needed to sound at least a little bit proud of “what he had done”. It was hard to strike a balance. Especially after such a close encounter with death.

The man looked disappointed, but he guessed that was a good thing. Now, he figured, it was his turn to ask questions, because he had definitely accumulated a few.

«So, how do _you_ know about the undead? Or, “zombies”, whatever you call them.»

Oswald was right. “Zombie” really sounded wrong. Dare he say, even offensive.

«I'm a Knight of Serbia. An ancient order devoted to hunting down zombies and ridding the world of their disgusting presence.»

Wow, Edward thought, judgy much? This guy really was kind of a bigot, wasn't he? “Disgusting presence”, alright, let's take a step back, huh? How dare he associate the word “disgusting” with Oswald? He realized this train of thought was seriously off track. First of all, he understood, rationally, where the man was coming from, but secondly... he had gotten so used to this, that he guessed he was jaded about all of it. He didn't even flinch anymore when Oswald ate in front of him. He could just sit there and watch him and it didn't bother him at all. Which, on second thought, was maybe only a further sign that he did belong in there with all the others, but he refused to think about it in those terms. It was only normal he would feel the urge to defend the man he loved, even just to defend his name.

But none of this should be enough to distract him from the fact that the man had just told him that an entire _order_ existed just with the purpose of killing the undead. That revelation was a shock.

«Knights of Serbia? How strange, I never heard of this, and, how many are there? Of you?»

«Oh, we are in the hundreds.» Edward swallowed nervously at that, «But we are all spread across the globe, keeping track of zombie appearances, keeping those monsters in check. Cases are actually pretty rare, these days, that's why I was so surprised when I though they had gotten to Gotham, but I suppose I was wrong.»

Ed relaxed a little. Good. So this one was the only one, and if he were to report to his superiors or whomever that this was a false alarm... Oswald would be safe. Yes, for once, this was actually good. A problem had just been solved that he didn't even know was a problem before tonight.

«Sorry for trying to kill you. I know you are a homicidal maniac, but you are pretty chill.»

Ed stared at him.

«Uh... thanks, I guess?» he squinted and tried to make out the name on the man's uniform, now that the light from the hallway was illuminating it completely, «Daryl, is it? If that's even your real name.»

«It is.»

Edward blinked a couple times.

«You used your real name on your disguise?»

«Shouldn't I have?»

He couldn't believe it. This guy was an idiot. He was almost murdered in cold blood by a complete idiot. That only made him feel worse, as if his night had been going great up until now.

«Never mind.»

When the man finally stood up, and even gave him a hand getting on his feet, then finally left, closing the door behind himself, Ed was almost relieved to be alone again, in the darkness of his small cold cell. He suddenly felt so tired and his headache started all over again. Now it would definitely be a good time to get some sleep, he thought as he got back into his narrow bed, already doubting that would be possible.

 

The next day, he was pleased to attest that Daryl wasn't around anymore. He must have dropped his disguise and left the facility, thank God.

He was also pleased to be told he had a visit again. He pulled his hair back, trying to fix it as best as he could, hoping he would be presentable even without having a mirror – they didn't let them have mirrors, in case they would smash them and hurt themselves or others with the glass.

They sat across from each other at the small table, both unsure what to do, or to say, so they both kept their hands to themselves under the table for a while.

«Have you eaten?» Edward asked, breaking the silence.

It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, at least not as far as he was concerned, just seeing his friend's face was enough to cheer him up, but he figured they shouldn't waste their brief time together just staring at each other.

Oswald shook his head. Ed frowned.

«Aren't you hungry? You need to eat, Oswald.»

Ed leaned forward just a bit, and put one hand on the table. Oswald noticed his tone and smiled. Edward was clearly worried about him.

«I am hungry and I will eat, but this one is gonna need a bit more planning. Don't worry, I'll be fine.» as he said this, he reached for Ed's hand, furtively glancing at the guard, ready to pull back if necessary.

Edward smiled and he didn't pull back. He was almost startled at the contact. Not because he wasn't expecting it – he could see the other's hand move and he followed it with his eyes – but because he hadn't felt such a gentle touch in a while, and he missed it. He put his other hand on the table and reached for Oswald's hand, but suddenly the other frowned and looked shocked.

«What happened to you!?»

Right, he had almost forgotten about that. He retracted both of his hands looked down at his injured one, neatly wrapped in gauze. There was only a small blood stain on the palm. It only hurt when he moved it.

«Did someone hurt you? I swear they will pay, tell me who it is.» Oswald's eyes had fire in them and that made Edward smile, but he shook his head.

«He's gone now. On this subject, I have made a discovery I need to share with you. It's actually pretty important.»

Oswald's mouth formed a round shape in surprise and he was already listening intently.

«I had a rather unfortunate encounter with a man who claimed to be a “knight of Serbia”. Apparently, there's an order of knights devoted to hunting down the undead. One of them is here, in Gotham. He only attacked me because he thought I was one of you, but I convinced him he was mistaken. Still, you should look out. Be extra careful, Oswald.» he paused, giving his friend time to process this information, «I'm locked up in here, I won't be there... if something happened to you...»

Oswald's harsh and troubled expression softened.

«Nothing will happen to me. But tell me more about this “knight”. They weren't mentioned in the book.»

«His name is Daryl. He's tall, he has dark hair and eyes and he is a complete idiot, as far as I'm concerned, but he is strong and skilled. And dangerous.»

«A tall man with... wait. I think I've seen him before. He might be the same man who was at your trial. I knew there was something wrong with that guy! I will find him and fucking kill him.»

«Oswald...» Ed reprimanded him, «Don't be impulsive. It's best if he isn't made aware of your presence. I've convinced him there are no undead in Gotham, so as far as I know, he might have left. Don't tempt faith, and just for what?»

«He hurt you!» Oswald sounded outraged by Edward's dismissal. Ed sighed.

«It's nothing. I actually hurt myself to prove I was human. Never mind, listen to me. I can't see what you do, I don't know what's going on outside. I won't be able to sleep knowing that you are out there putting yourself in danger for stupid reasons. Oswald?»

Oswald leaned back and sighed.

«Okay. I promise I won't go after him.» as he said this, his eyes were still focused on Edward's injured hand, and his brow still lightly furrowed.

«Good.»

Edward felt relieved, at least a little bit. He wasn't lying, he wouldn't be able to sleep knowing Oswald was putting himself in danger just to get revenge over something so inconsequential, but worse than that, he wasn't sure he would be able to live with himself, if Oswald went and got himself killed over it. His life was already hard as it was, he didn't need that too.

 

Oswald threw a small piece of meat across the table, watching Legs and Junior run towards it, pushing each other aside to try to get to it first. He knew he should be careful with how he used it, since it was all that was left of what used to be his stash – he had hidden this away for emergencies – but he couldn't be bothered enough to care. He took another piece of meat in between his fingers and waved it above them, until Junior paid attention and followed it, then he dropped it, so they could each eat their own. He smiled sadly and sighed, sitting at the table, with his cheek resting on his other hand.

«You are all I have left... they took away my love, they even took my penguins... but at least I have you, right, babies?»

The two little creatures didn't respond. Not that he was expecting them to. Only junior perked up after eating, almost like if he was looking at him, but it was hard to tell, since it didn't appear to have any eyes. But it didn't appear to have a mouth either, and yet it could still eat somehow, so really, who was to say?

Suddenly, both creatures scuttled towards the edge of the table, as if tasting the air curiously. Oswald turned around.

«Hey there, little guys. Who's that?» Selina said, pointing at Legs.

Oswald was surprised to see her.

«How did you get in?»

«Through a window...?» she replied in the same tone one says “duh??”.

Oswald rolled his eyes. Right. He shouldn't have been so surprised that she has broken in, but he still was about the fact that she was there in the first place. He gestured for her to come in, and she did, entering the kitchen and walking around the table, observing the two little pets, and glancing at him.

«What brings you here? I haven't heard from you in a while.»

«I know.» that's all she said, but she looked like she was hesitating, like she wanted to say something else, and then, she finally did, «I heard about Ed.»

Oh. He nodded absently.

«What happened?» she asked.

He took another two pieces of meat from the container balanced on his legs and threw them on the table. Selina watched Legs and Junior scuttle towards their food and she cracked a small smile.

«We got _busted_. Ed took the fall to protect me.»

He glanced at her and saw her nod slowly. He put the container on the table and pushed it towards her. She hesitated, but then grabbed a cube of meat and ate it, also grabbing a chair and climbing on it, sitting in a way that was definitely not the intended way to use a that or any other chair. Oswald noticed, but he ignored this. He took a piece and ate it too, chewing slowly.

«Busted? Somebody ratted you out?» she asked after a moment.

Oswald nodded and he felt anger surge at the thought.

«Zsasz. That _bastard_.»

She looked shocked.

«Why? I thought you guys were all buddy-buddy.»

«Yeah, well. A lot has happened since last time we met. I suppose that's bound to happen when you kill someone's boyfriend, but we had no choice.» he sighed. He looked up at her and Selina looked even more shocked. She had a frown that spoke for itself. He rolled his eyes.

«Alvarez found out, so Zsasz turned him, but he was going to tell Jim about everything, about all of us, so we had to stop him. I did it for you too, you know? That _idiot_ told him everything, like he was just waiting for a chance to share.»

Selina's eyes went wide.

«Oh, wow. Thanks, I guess. So, that came from Alvarez, I'm guessing.» she said, pointing at Legs with her chin. Oswald replied with a nod.

«I heard about this on the news. Sorry about your boyfriend.»

«He isn't my-...» Oswald begun to correct her, but then lost motivation, not really seeing the point anymore, so he let it go, «Yeah, it was quite the sensation, wasn't it? The Riddler... turned a mere mass murderer...»

It hurt to think about that too. He knew how hurt Ed was when he thought he was responsible for killing all those innocent people when Haven was destroyed. This time it was a bit different. None, well, most, of the people they had killed together weren't innocent, but that didn't really matter in the eyes of the public. The Riddler's name had been dragged through the mud once again, and this time it would stay that way.

«Oh, by the way...» he thought it right to inform her about this too, «I just got word from Ed that there are people out there hunting zombies. They call themselves “knights of Serbia”, so, look out for that.»

Selina took a moment to process that information, then she nodded.

«It's just the two of us against the rest, I suppose. You and me, I mean.» he said after a long silence.

«What's that supposed to mean?» Selina said, standing up and crossing her arms. Oswald closed his meat container and frowned in confusion at that reaction.

«Zsasz turned against us...»

«You mean he turned against _you_.»

Oswald's eyes went wide and his mouth hanged open. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard.

«What happened to Team Undead?!»

«I should ask _you_. You are the ones who started turning on each other, I had nothing to do with that.» she said with a shrug. Oswald stood up.

«So that's how it is. When the time comes to take sides, you choose to be on your own side. I should have known. You little, slithering, you...»

She looked at him as if to challenge him, as if she wanted to hear what he had no say next, but he just had nothing. He wanted so bad to be angry, it was much more preferable to being sad, but he was just too broken to muster that kind of energy, so he just dropped his shoulders and he toughened his expression, pressing his lips together into a straight line.

«If that's all you have to say, you can see yourself out.» he heard himself say this. He wasn't happy about it, but he truly wasn't surprised. People he thought were his friends turning on him? Shocker.

She stood there for just a little longer. He got the impression her lip was trembling, but then, all he got was a glimpse of it, and her expression hardened. They looked at each other, wondering if there were any more words to say, but apparently not, because she turned around and started to walk away. He watched her leave, she went back in the direction she had come from. He would have told her to use the door, but he liked having had the last word, so he thought it better to leave it as it was. A meager consolation, sure, but he had to grab onto something.

She approached the window and she started to climb out, but she paused, turning to face him.

«I actually am really sorry about Ed, by the way.»

Before he could open his mouth to reply, she had jumped out and just like that, she was gone. He bit his cheek and huffed. So, he didn't even get to have the last word in the end. He really had nothing left, not even small petty victories.

He returned to the kitchen and he walked up to the table, placing his hands on it with his palms up, waiting for the little creatures to climb up, and when they did, he took them back to the closet and put them in their terrarium. He smiled weakly to himself. The one bright side to this was that at least those two seemed to be getting along.

He turned to the table, fixating his eyes on the small half empty container, and he grimaced. He needed to hunt and soon too. He felt his stomach squirm unpleasantly. He had been trying not to think about it, but he was hungry, and getting hungrier by the minute.

He put the container back into the fridge and he sighed. He missed Ed so much.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so, i introduced a new concept. And a new threat. The knights of Serbia. If you are familiar with Santa Clarita Diet, you probably aren't that surprised lmao  
> (Side note: let's thank random names generators once again for the gift of the name Daryl sjdhhgjfd)  
> I questioned whether to use them in this story or not, but, if it adds ulterior drama, why the fuck not, am i right? ha ha i love suffering. I mean, i am. Are you?? I like where this story is going because i thought i would be ending it soon (uh oh! bet you didn't know that), but i got a few new ideas, so maybe it's gonna last a bit longer... we'll see. Can't tell you how many chapter for sure, it will be a surprise even for me. But i don't wanna say anything...  
> Anyway. What a mess smh. Welp, see ya next time, folks!


	13. Give me your wallet.

It was dark and a little damp, there were still some puddles, left over from the rain earlier that day. Oswald walked down the deserted street, in the Narrows, looking for his next meal. He figured hunting a homeless person would be his next best option, hoping no one would look for them. Yes, yes, not particularly morally sound, but he was really starving. He squirmed uncomfortably, coughing awkwardly to try to cover the loud noises his stomach was making. He needed to find someone, he was running out of time. If he didn't eat soon, he wouldn't be able to control himself and just eat whomever would cross his path, and that, if possible, was even less ideal.

 

Daryl slowed down his car, keeping enough distance to go unnoticed. He had his eyes on Oswald. He knew the man was up to something and he wouldn't miss it, more that that, when it would happen, he would be there, ready to act.

 

Oswald noticed, he just got the feeling, someone was following him. He heard footsteps from behind his shoulder but he forced himself to pay no mind to it. He was a man on a mission, he had no time for whatever this was.

Then, someone else stepped in front of him, blocking his path. Someone short, dressed in dark clothes, wearing a black beanie and covering part of their face with a scarf. Only a few golden locks falling on their forehead. Oswald scoffed. He stopped.

«Give me your wallet.»

Judging by the voice, he would have said it was a young woman, but he could have been wrong. He pressed his lips together in a straight line that tried to look like a smile but was too annoyed to be believable.

«Do you even know who I am?»

He asked the question that was sure would have been enough to get him out of this situation, if she had known the answer, because he doubted anyone in their right mind would try to mug the Penguin, but there he was. In the process of getting mugged anyway.

«No, but you look rich enough. Give me your wallet.»

She didn't change her mind, clearly. She really didn't know. To his surprise, suddenly she pulled a gun on him. Instinctively, he raised his hands, eyeing the weapon, even though he knew that unless she shot him right in the head, he could survive anything. Still, he wasn't a big fan of getting shot.

«Hey, hey kid. Come on, now, we talked about this...» said a voice coming from behind. The other person following him, Oswald had to guess.

«I told you not to call me “kid”.»

«Alright, sorry Yulia, but I told you not to use the gun. You can't shoot him! Mugging, fine, but killing someone? I don't want to go to jail for that!»

The man sounded distressed. Oswald almost had pity, and he definitely agreed. He didn't want to get shot either.

«Oh, shut up, it's just a scaring tool.»

Oswald got the impression he could just as easily not been there, since the two continued to have this conversation without him, and had it not been for the gun presently pointed at his chest, he would have attempted to leave.

«Oh, thank God, so you aren't really gonna shoot him? It's just a threat?»

«Well, duh, but he wasn't supposed to know, what kind of threat is this? Man, you suck at this, I told you to stay behind and let me do the job.»

Now she sounded really annoyed. Which was just as well, because Oswald was really annoyed too, he was glad they shared the mood. He rolled his eyes and lowered his hands.

«Give me your fucking wallet.»

She pointed the gun with even more determination. Sure she said she wasn't gonna shoot, but from the little he could see of her face, she didn't look like she meant that. Luckily for him he was impervious to bullets, or this situation would have been quite trickier. Anyway, he was growing tired of this. He had places to be, a stomach to fill. Speaking of which, his stomach decided to let itself be heard again, protesting loudly for the lack of food. Oswald grimaced, kinda awkwardly as he saw the confusion in the woman's eyes. He could swear he was this close to attacking her. He could only see so little of her flesh, and yet, it looked so delicious. This wasn't good. There was another guy right behind him, that was a witness and he could have that. He had to resist, he had to.

«Listen... miss, I don't think you understand the trouble you are getting into.»

«Oh, shut up and just give me the fucking wallet. I don't have all night, Jesus.»

Oswald took a step forward, a smile starting to creep on his lips. Intimidation tactic, showing her he wasn't afraid of her little gun. He walked until it almost touched his chest, then begun to move it aside with one hand, while looking at her in the eyes. He could tell it was working, because she looked confused and unsure what to do. His smile widened. He would be soon free to go.

Then, the deafening sound of a gunshot. He opened his mouth as if out of breath, more from the shock than anything else, it was barely a itch, but still, the bitch just shot him, what the hell?! He glared at her with his mouth open, looking more offended than anything.

«What the...» was all she said, staring back at him with a disconcerted frown.

Alright, that was it. Even if he wasn't hurt – well, technically he was, he had a hole in his chest, but it didn't _hurt_ , so it barely counted – he could feel the adrenaline curse through him, as his senses sharpened and he focused only on the woman before him. She tried to step back, but before she could do anything, he leaped forward.

«Kid, you shot him!? What the fuck!» yelled the man behind them, right before Oswald attacked her, then he feel into shocked silence.

In the state of panic she was in, the mugger fired again, then again and again, and she screamed in pain, as Oswald's teeth managed to tear trough the several layers of clothing, including a thick jacket and a sweater, reaching the flesh of her shoulder. Just the taste of her blood sent Oswald into ecstasy. He was so hungry. He could have eaten her entire shoulder right there, while she still breathed, but then, somehow, probably because adrenaline was doing a number on her too, she turned out to be stronger than she looked and she managed to push him away, putting one foot on his stomach and extending her leg, while firing again, just because. This shot hit him in the shoulder, but just barely. She wasn't even aiming properly, as she shot while propelling herself backwards. She looked terrified and in pain, and she turned around and bolted.

Oswald panted, took a few long breaths, licking his lips, then quickly cleaned his mouth with the back of his glove, as he realized the other man was approaching.

«She shot you so many times! Sir, how are you still standing? Jesus, are you okay? I'm so sorry... God, I don't want to go to jail, please don't die.»

Oswald let out a short laugh, letting it shake his shoulders, then turned to the man and smiled.

«I'm fine, she must have missed. You sound like a good man, you tried to defend me. I want to repay you, come with me.»

 

Daryl saw all of this happen and as soon as he saw Oswald attack, he rushed out of his car and ran to open the trunk, starting to assemble his crossbow. This was all the proof he needed. Following this man around had finally paid off, but now he had to act quickly before it was too late, the zombie was already about to make another victim.

 

«Is that a crossbow?» said Harvey, «What the hell...»

Jim grunted, unhappy with this development, and quickly got out of the car, shooting his partner a quick look to let him know to follow him.

Before Daryl could close his trunk, the two were already behind him, aiming their guns at him.

«GCPD! Put down your weapon. Stay where you are.»

Daryl rolled his eyes, thinking “Dammit!”, this was the last thing he needed right now.

«I said, put down your weapon, and put your hands up. Now!» Jim insisted, and Daryl was forced to do so.

«You don't understand, this is important, there's lives at stake.»

Jim didn't know or like what the man just said, but he rudely grabbed his wrists and put him in cuffs, just to be sure. In the meantime, Harvey walked closer to the trunk, peeking inside.

«Ooh, mama. It's a party in here.»

Jim walked closer too, not letting go of the man, and took a look. There were enough weapons to arm a small army. He grimaced. He didn't like this one bit. Who was this man anyway? They had been following Oswald for a while, to make sure he wasn't doing anything illegal, or rather, hoping he would, so if they caught him doing something incriminating, they would have just any excuse to arrest him.

Then, gunshots went off in the distance. Jim was startled and instinctively turned in the direction the noises came from. It was a little down the street, but too far to see exactly what was going on.

He exchanged looks with Harvey, who nodded and grabbed Daryl by the arm, while Jim ran in that direction to check on the situation.

By the time he got there, there was no one, no sign of anyone shooting, no victim, no wounded. He looked around for a moment, very confused, but he had to go back, eventually.

 

Removed enough from the situation to be able to watch everything go down while remaining unnoticed, Zsasz watched Oswald lead the man to his car, then both get in, and drive away.

 

At the mansion, the man followed Oswald around, in awe at everything he saw.

«Your house is huge! Is that... is that gold?» the man said, walking closer to a little statue on a drawer. Oswald stepped in the way, offering a kind looking smile, and gestured for him to follow.

«As I mentioned, I am very wealthy, and I want to reward you for being such a good citizen.»

«Well, I was trying to mug you just a few minutes ago...»

Oswald laughed, dismissing the man's concerns with a gesture of his hand.

«Please, you were the one trying to save my life. I appreciate good intentions. Now, if you will go into this room...»

The man hesitated, then nodded and walked in. Oswald turned the lights on, and the man walked to the center of the room, looking around, noticing all the plastic sheets covering every surface except for the ceiling.

«What's with all this? Are you renovating?»

«Something like that.»

Oswald locked the door, licking his lips in anticipation. His stomach grumbled loudly.

 

After eating, he felt so much better. He sat on the floor, suit drenched in blood, and some of it dripping down his chin, and he sighed.

What remained of the man laid on the floor before him. Oswald looked around for something to clean himself with, but he realized he forgot to bring a towel.

Of course, it was always Edward who thought about that. He missed him so much. He started to remember every time Ed would take some type of cloth and gently rub it on his face, every time he cleaned a smudge of blood on his skin with his thumb, every little smile he would direct at him. He looked around. The mansion was empty, and completely silent. He had experienced this before. This mansion wasn't made for one man to live alone. It was excruciating.

He looked down at the man's open torso and sighed. He decided he needed to clean up this mess first, then take a shower and change into new clothes – throw the ones he was currently wearing into a fire, probably – and then he would go see Edward.

Yes, it was very early in the morning and it wasn't time for visits yet, but he would force his way in if he had to. He needed to see Edward right now, and he would.

 

Jim slammed his palms on the table. On the other side, sat Daryl, who just stared blankly at him.

«I told you, I just got back from a hunting trip.»

«You need hand grenades for hunting?» asked Harvey.

«You were holding a crossbow.» added Jim.

Daryl shrugged.

«I was just checking everything was in order and I didn't forget anything.»

«Right. Do you even have a permit to hold that many weapons? My money says you don't.»

Daryl glared at the bearded detective.

«Fine. Maybe having that many is illegal, you got me. I'll pay the fine or whatever, take them from me, I don't care. But you gotta let me go tonight. I have-»

«Very important work to do, yes, we heard you the first twenty times you said that.» Jim sighed and leaned back in his chair, «Mind to tell us what work you are referring to, exactly? You haven't said, yet.»

Daryl leaned forward, eyeing both detectives conspiratorially.

«Just trust me.»

«Sure. Trust the freak with an arsenal in his trunk. “Hunting trip” my ass.» Harvey scoffed.

«You said there are lives at stake. What lives were you talking about?» Jim asked.

«I said that? I don't remember.»

«Enough, already.» Harvey got closer to Jim, whispering in his hear «Jim, this guy is a lunatic, clearly, can we move on? This isn't how I thought I would be spending the night.»

Jim smiled and shook his head.

«Forget whatever plans you had, this is your night now.» he said with a pat on the shoulder and stood up, walking out of the room.

Harvey shot a glare at Daryl, then he too stood up and walked out, leaving Daryl alone.

 

Edward was still in shock from being woken up so early. He was very confused when the guard came in, and for a moment he thought he was in trouble and imagined the worse, but then he was simply informed he had a visitor.

«...At this hour?» he asked, but he only received a shrug as an answer, and that really did nothing for his nerves.

When he finally walked into the room, he immediately spotted the only person sitting at a table and his eyes lit up, but then, right after, he felt his stomach drop, fearing a visit at such an odd time might mean something was wrong. He quickly approached the table and sat down. He relaxed a bit when Oswald greeted him with a large smile, reaching for his hands and holding them in his.

Ed guessed he worried for nothing, and he felt much better now that Oswald was there, even if the situation was so unusual.

«This isn't time for visits.»

«I know, I bribed the guard.»

«Oh.» Ed smiled and nodded. “Of course.” was is first thought. But this still didn't explain what the other was doing there.

«Did something happen? Why so early-» Ed paused, noticing the light, barely noticeable blush on Oswald's cheeks. He studied him for a moment, noticing how relaxed and cheerful he looked, and is smile widened with recognition, so he leaned closer and spoke in a lower tone, «You ate.»

Oswald nodded energetically, and Ed let out a short laugh.

«Good! Good to hear, you look much better. I'm so relieved.» his smile dropped for a moment, «You were careful, right?»

Oswald nodded, so Ed picked his smile right up. He hadn't even realized that Oswald was still holding his hands on the table, until his eyes fell on them. He felt slightly awkward, all of sudden, but he didn't pull back, he didn't even say anything. Hell, he missed Oswald so much, he would take what he could get.

«So, what brought you here this early? What's so important that couldn't wait?» he asked, trying, and failing, to hide his excitement. He was happier to see the other man than he cared to admit.

«Yes, that, well... um, right.» suddenly, Oswald tensed up a little, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Ed stared at him, waiting for him to say something else.

Oswald panicked a little. He had felt so sure about what to do and what he was gonna say, but now that he was there, faced with reality, and face to face with the love of his life, the words simply wouldn't come out. He started to doubt if saying anything at all would be the right thing in the first place. Now that the rush from the hunt was wearing down, fear started creeping in again, and he felt a lot less brave.

«Well, I... I wanted to, uh, talk... about... about us, and what I... what I...»

Ed waited, hanging from Oswald's lips, with his heart in his throat, threatening to suffocate him. He, almost unconsciously, squeezed Oswald's hands harder, which the other seemed to notice, causing him to take a deep breath and let out a short nervous chuckle.

Suddenly, both were startled by a noise, and then they turned around to see what it was, both went wide-eyed, and instinctively squeezed the other's hands tighter. They looked at each other, then ran to the door, peeking into the little window.

None other than Victor Zsasz was walking down the hallway, headed straight for the room they were in.

«Shit.» Oswald said under his breath.

«We gotta get out of here.» suggested Edward, and Oswald agreed.

They ran out of the room using the second door through which Ed had come in, and continued running and never stopped. Oswald was slower than Ed, so he grabbed him by his arm to try to force him to move faster.

Moments later, gunshots resonated through the hallway, with the noise of bullets hitting the walls around them. Oswald yelped.

«Are you hurt?» Ed asked, worriedly looking at him.

«No, I was just scared. Where the fuck is everyone, why aren't the guards trying to stop him?!»

«Above their pay grade. They were probably the first to hide and run.» Ed commented bitterly.

Goes without saying, that this wasn't how Oswald thought this would go. The worst he thought could happen was that he would chicken out like he was about to do, and it would do for a slightly awkward interaction.

Then, as the shower of bullets continued, Ed stumbled forward. Everything happened too fast, but at the same time, it felt like time had slowed down and he was moving in slow motion. Oswald turned around as soon as he realized, feeling Ed's grip on his arm pulling him down, and he tried to get him to stand up, but he clearly couldn't. Then Oswald saw it. Two red stains on the back of the striped black and white shirt, getting larger and larger, and he felt like breath had escaped his lungs. This couldn't be real. He turned Ed around, lifting up his head, and wrapping his arms around him to hold him closer, cradling him gently.

«Ed! Ed, please. No, no, no...»

That was all he could say, seeing as Ed wasn't responsive and only stared at him with a slightly pained, helpless expression, trying to reach for his face. Oswald leaned forward to allow Ed to touch him. Tears started to fall, rolling down Oswald's cheeks and even falling on Ed's clothes, forming small dark dots. Oswald held him tighter, closer. He could barely hold back, he felt desperate, he wanted to scream.

«You can't die now, I haven't even told you...»

He had to wonder, why was it, that he only ever managed to say it in extreme, life or death type situations?

Oswald wouldn't have teared his eyes away from Ed's face for nothing in the world, but he felt like he had to, when he realized two things. One, Zsasz was calmly walking closer, to gloat, without a doubt. And two, there was someone else. He looked, and he was confused and shocked to see the same man he had seen before, the one Ed had warned him about. He was holding a crossbow, aiming it at him.

Oswald thought this is it, he was going to die now. Which was fitting, because Ed was dying too, so they could die in each other's arms, so tragic, almost poetic, he thought, but then, he thought of something.

If the man was a “knight of Serbia”, then he would be interested to know what they had a common enemy who happened to be undead.

«Shoot him! Him, he is undead! Shoot him!» he yelled, pointing at Zsasz, who froze, moving his eyes from him to the armed man, unsure what was happening.

That uncertainty didn't last long. Zsasz saw the cross bow and decided not to take any chances. He fired at him, but the man was quick and rolled out of the way, immediately shooting back at him. Zsasz felt like this would be a good moment to scram, he had done what he had come there to do anyway, but the short arrow still hit him, kinda obliquely, right in the chest, while he was turning around. He paid no mind to hit and continued running, figuring getting out of there as soon as possible now was a priority.

Daryl watched the man he had just hit with an arrow in the chest continue running as if nothing had happened. He had simply acted in self defense, not because he believed what Oswald had told him, but he started to believe it now. He looked down, preparing another arrow to kill his target, but he paused to watch the scene.

«I lo-... I l-.. lov-...» Ed's voice was so quiet that it was barely audible.

«Sssh! Save your energy, don't talk.»

Oswald was holding Edward's face, looking at him with tears in his eyes, then Ed's eyes slowly closed and Oswald imperceptibly shook his head.

«No... no! Ed...» then, he let out a long scream. There was so much pain and desperation in it, it was genuinely heart-wrenching. Daryl lowered his crossbow. He couldn't bring himself to shoot someone in that situation, zombie or not zombie. It had never occurred to him, that zombies could have feelings, just like humans. He was trained to see them as flesh-eating monsters and nothing more, he surely hadn't stopped to consider their rich internal lives or whatever. But this? This was unexpected. His heart ached for this man he didn't even know, as he watched him lower his face into Edward's chest, sobbing and hissing a sharp breath, before looking up at the dying man's face once again, gently caressing it, moving a loose strand of hair from his forehead.

Oswald pressed his fingers against Ed's neck, waiting perfectly still, in absolute silence, until he finally felt a very faint heartbeat. He sighed in relief and he took a deep breath, preparing himself for what would come next. He knew what he had to do now, and there would be plenty of time for regret later, but right now, it might be Ed's only chance of survival, and he'd be damned if he'd just lose him like this without at least trying. Without a second thought, he uncovered one of Ed's shoulders and he firmly bit into it.

Daryl gasped and watched in silence, holding his breath. This was ridiculous, he couldn't believe himself, he couldn't believe he was rooting for a zombie to successful turn another zombie.

There was a moment where the air was completely still, so much that neither of them were sure they were even breathing, a moment that seemed to stretch out infinitely, but then, suddenly, Ed's eyes opened and he leaned forward, loudly taking in a sharp breath, and Oswald finally felt the world start to turn again, and the tears didn't stop falling at all, but he could see it, Ed's confused face, and he stroke it, and held it, and he smiled, and then he leaned down and he kissed him. It was just that, lips against lips, and it didn't last long, mainly because he broke it by exhaling a short laugh against Ed's lips, but he was too relieved, he couldn't help it, and he continued to press his forehead against the other man's.

Daryl let out a sigh of relief too. He would have never thought that this would be his reaction, but he couldn't help himself either, and he sniffled, wiping his teary eyes with the back of his hand. Damn, had he gotten emotional.

They all heard some fast steps down the hallway and saw Jim arrive, with his gun ready to go, followed shortly after by a few officers and by Harvey.

Jim studied the situation, and approached cautiously.

«Put down your weapon.»

Daryl did as he was told, carefully unloading it and placing it on the ground. Oswald took this moment to cover up Ed's shoulder so no one would see the bite.

«You ran away. And you took your crossbow back.»

Daryl nodded and shrugged. Jim made a displeased face at him, then looked at Oswald and Ed.

«Is he okay?»

«Yeah, or, he will be.»

Jim nodded.

«What happened here?»

«I was just-»

«I was here visiting Ed, when Zsasz showed up and started shooting at us. Daryl saved us.»

Daryl shot him a look of disbelief, but when Jim looked at him, he quickly recovered and nodded. In that brief exchange, Oswald and Daryl made a deal not to be enemies, at least for now, and work together to pretend like the undead weren't involved in all of this. Undead? What undead, they don't even exist. This much was clear enough to Daryl, and he felt grateful.

 

Once the scene was cleared, Oswald helped Ed get back to his cell, followed by a guard. He managed to gain a few moments alone with Ed, and even if it was against the rules, he got into his cell.

He helped Ed settle next to the toilet. This time they knew it was coming, so they were prepared. As expected, Ed started puking, and, good Lord, it felt like he would never stop. Oswald wasn't particularly enjoying this experience, but he pulled through. Ed had it much worse, after all, since when it happened back then, Ed had no way of knowing what was happening and he was terrified, so, really, he couldn't complain.

«I think... I think it's done.»

«How do you feel?» Oswald asked, leaning down to remove some hair from Ed's forehead. Ed nodded.

«I think I'm fin-» before he could finish his sentence, his head dropped on the toilet seat. Oswald sighed and looked at his watch. He would have to wait.

A few minutes later, Ed opened his eyes again.

«Good morning, sunshine. How are you feeling?» Oswald asked, kind of jokingly, but with real worry behind it, handing him a glass of water.

Ed slowly stood up and stretched. He took the glass from his hands and he used the first mouthful to wash his mouth, spitting it into the toilet, then he took a sip. He put the glass aside.

«I feel... I feel amazing.» he said, ending the sentence with a big smile, sounding surprised.

Oswald walked closer and instinctively reached for his face, with a serious expression.

«I'm so sorry I did this to you. I know you said you didn't want me to turn you, but it was a life or death situation, and I chose life. I know it wasn't my choice to make, but I don't regret it and I would do it again, and if you can't forgive me, I will be fine just knowing that you are alive, well, sort of, and-»

«Ssssh.»

Ed smiled and put a finger on Oswald's lips, shutting him up mostly by surprising him. Once he was sure he wouldn't talk anymore, Ed removed his finger. Oswald followed his gaze with his wide, vaguely watery, blue eyes.

It was clear he was waiting for Ed to say something, and if he didn't, he would start talking again, so Ed decided to speak.

«I'm not angry, I don't resent you. You did what you had to, and you saved my life. If anything, I owe you.»

«But... I made you undead. You were so worried that you would change, and... how... does that feel? Do you feel... different? Any, uh, new feelings?»

Edward let out a short laugh and shook his head.

«Nope. Still the same. No new feelings. Only the ones that have been here all along.»

«What-»

Before Oswald could ask for an explanation, Ed leaned in and connected their lips, wrapping one arm around his waist and placing the other behind his head, leaning down and dipping him. Oswald wasn't expecting this, and he was so blown away he forgot himself and didn't know how to react for a moment, save for eventually kissing back, bringing both his hands at he sides of Ed's head, pulling him closer, opening his mouth to allow Ed's tongue to slip in. This wasn't the first time they had kissed, and yet, this one felt like their real first kiss. It was so much different. There was so much passion, but it wasn't lust, this time, they were on the same level, and their feelings were clear.

When they finally separated, Oswald cleared his throat and straightened his jacket. Edward smiled.

«Well, I think I should try to clean your wounds. Now that you are like this, we can't have a doctor look at you. Also, there's...»

Ed nodded, but then Oswald pointed at the toilet and Ed's first instinct was to reach to flush, but then he paused, looking inside. Something was floating in there. Extremely gross. He tilted his head, staring at it.

«Oh, right.»

«Yeah. We can't just flush it away, poor thing.»

Ed stared at him with a blank expression, while Oswald gave him a look, and Ed shook his head.

«Don't give me those puppy eyes, I'm not putting my hand in there-»

«Well, I'm not either!»

Ed sighed resignedly.

«Fine! Take off your jacket.»

Oswald frowned.

«Why?»

«Just take it off.»

Oswald complied, then he watched as Ed wrapped it around his arm, before reaching down into the toilet to grab the small red ball.

Oswald made a disgusted face.

«Eww! I liked this suit!»

Ed used the most clean part of the jacket to clean off the rest of the vomit from the red ball, before placing it in the glass, which still had some water in it. He turned around to face Oswald, who didn't look happy.

«What? What did you expect me to do? I rescued him.»

Oswald was forced to agree and he sighed.

«Well, anyway. I got this stuff from the infirmary, so...» he said, pointing at the tools he had placed on the bed. Ed nodded and took off his shirt.

Oswald gestured for him to sit on the bed, which he did, and he sat behind him. First, he used the tweezers to extract the two bullets. It took a while and it was messy, but luckily for both of them, Ed couldn't feel much pain anymore, or this would have been much worse than it was because Oswald surely was no surgeon. Then, once that was done, he did his best with thread and needle to stitch him up. Again, not the best work, but the best he could manage, so that would have to do. Ed waited patiently in silence, until Oswald told him he was done.

Ed turned around and looked at him, while Oswald put everything away, then looked back at him too. He felt a bit awkward and he breathed out a short laugh.

«What?»

Instead of responding, Ed reached for his face and gently caressed his cheek.

The reality of the new situation downed on both of them. Ed was undead and he would get hungry soon.

«You can't be in here anymore.»

«I can't. We have to do something about this.»

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe :) were you expecting this? i guess maybe it was predictable... oh well, anyway, it's a thing now!
> 
> Just a little announcement because i feel like this needs to be said, so i might as well say it now. I thought this fic was going to end soon (like, after this chapter?) because, well, i basically used everything the plot line of Santa Clarita Diet had to offer (R.I.P. still), so i had kinda ran out of ideas... but then, guess who watched three seasons of Izombie for inspiration?? :D  
> That's right! Me! So i got a lot of new ideas, and now i know exactly how this story is gonna end, and i have many more chapters planned, so stay tuned :)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, i enjoyed writing it a lot! If there's any mistakes let me know (admittedly, i haven't read it many times).
> 
> Also, the style of this fic, as you can already see, is gonna change a little, i'm gonna add different POVs more often now.


	14. This doesn't look like a raccoon bite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up: this chapter has smut in it. And, like, a lot of blood? Well, mentions at least... Which is completely unrelated to the smut, sorry, could have phrased this better. Anyway, enjoy! :)

After they talked and came up with a plan, Oswald left and Ed was left alone with his thoughts. He had until the end of the day to figure a way out, then, during the night, he would have to go through with it, and Oswald promised he would be waiting right outside.

His plan was quite simple. It all started in the common room, during lunch. He stared at that pale mush in his tray, whatever it was supposed to be, and it had never looked less appetizing. Food there never looked appetizing in the first place, to be fair, but it surely didn't help that right know he would have much rather eat a whole raw chicken. He guessed he was still in that phase of adjustment where he wasn't craving human flesh, yet, but he would get there, which was why it was imperative that his plan would work, before he got too hungry. Because he was, but it wasn't too bad yet, he could still wait until he was out.

He stared at his meal, glancing at others around him, all eating with varying levels of enthusiasm. He took a spoonful and looked at the way it slowly slid off the spoon. Yep, awful. He tried to smell it, but that alone was enough to make him gag instinctively, so no, eating that crap wasn't a good idea. He didn't have fun vomiting for several minutes at end hours before, and he didn't want to risk having to repeat the experience, no thank you.

Anyway, since this was a waste of time, he guessed this could be a time as good as any to kickstart his plan. He took a deep breath, then he lifted the tray, a few eyes watching him curiously, and he threw it at the ground, then he turned around and he shoved the woman next to him off her seat. He could have felt bad, but the truth is he didn't give a shit, and he wasn't sure if it was because of the change he'd gone through, or just because he was himself. Either way, a guard rushed in and went to grab him. He struggled, but not really, and he let himself be dragged away. He knew that if he put up too much of a fuss, they would try to sedate him, and he wasn't even sure if sedatives would work on him now, but he couldn't risk it, so he only did as little as necessary to get what he wanted.

As he predicted, he was escorted to his cell. The guard directed some not very kind words at him and slammed the door closed.

Before he could, Ed smiled, glancing down at his hand. He had stolen the guard's card during the struggle, without him noticing. Before the door could close all the way, Ed was quick to slip the card in between so the door couldn't lock. He held the door in place with his hand, so make sure it wouldn't open. He needed to wait until the guard was gone, then, he could get out.

This was merely step one. He smiled to himself, pleased with how things had turned out so far, peeking his head out of his cell, looking both ways to make sure nobody would see him, then he snuck out.

He kept close to the walls, avoiding the cameras as much as he could. He reached the doctor's office, he knew he wouldn't be there. He just needed to snoop around and find a map of the building. He knew there had to be one somewhere, but it would take a while to find it. He started opening drawers and checking every nook and cranny. He browsed through documents and files, until his eyes fell on what he was looking for, finally. It had taken longer than he was hoping for, and now, he had to be quick to return to his cell, before anybody could notice he was missing. He took the map and folded it, then slipped it in the back of his pants, covering it with his shirt, right in time, before the door suddenly opened.

He stood there, unsure what to do. The doctor, coffee in hand, was staring at him.

«Mr Nygma?»

The doctor sounded a little uncertain, like he was trying to keep calm, but he wasn't happy to see a prisoner out of his cell and in his office, and he was probably concerned that Ed would do something he shouldn't. Not that Ed was a prisoner known for his violence, but you never know. Ed understood that, but right now, he was more concerned with getting out of there as soon as possible.

«I just... got lost. I'll go back to my cell. Bye!»

Was all he said, quickly walking past the doctor and rushing to reach his cell, before the other could inquire any further or ask how he had gotten out in the first place. Okay, so, this wasn't ideal, but, if he was lucky enough, by the end of the day, they would have forgotten about this little incident.

He walked quickly, he opened his cell, which he had left unlocked to he could got back in, and he locked himself inside. He finally exhaled and took out the map, smiling at it, satisfied. Now, for the next part, he needed to study it and learn the right path to find his way out. Last time he had attempted something like this, during his last stay at Arkham, he had been in too much of a rush to leave to focus on these details, and he had been lucky to run into Selina in the vents, but then, he had been unlucky and gotten caught the moment he reached the outside. This time, he thought, would be different. With nothing in particular going on, there was no need for guards to be so carefully patrolling the outside, and if he found the right exit, he could easily slip out unnoticed.

He spent a few hours on this. He then walked to the bed, retrieving something from under the mattress. It was a small cloth wrapped around a few useful tools, which Oswald had procured for him before leaving that morning. They had thought up this plan together and gone through all the steps. Now, with those, he started to work to unscrew the grate that blocked the entrance to the vent. There was still time until night, but he needed to get this done as soon as possible, so when the time came, everything would be ready.

Just as he remembered, crawling through the vents wasn't fun. It was narrow and dirty, and bordering on claustrophobic, but he made it. He finally reached the outside, he pushed the grate off and he took in the first breath of fresh air.

He sneaked off the roof, and he took a look around. It was dark, except for the areas illuminated by lampposts, which he purposefully avoided. He reached the spot he and Oswald had agreed on, and he was relieved to see the car parked right outside. As he walked closer, he noticed a hole had been cut in the fence, so he lifted the net and crawled under it.

A car door opened and Oswald basically almost jumped out, running to him.

Ed should have felt tired, and been sweaty, but one of the upsides of being undead was much greater stamina than the average human. Oswald wrapped his arms around him and he reciprocated. It was only a quick hug, though, there wasn't time for this right now. They both quickly got back into the car and drove away.

They arrived at Oswald's safe-house, the one where they meant to take the freezer before Ed got caught. Nobody knew about this place, so it would be safer than the mansion – arguably the first place anyone would go looking for them.

Oswald unlocked the door and let Ed inside, turning on the lights to illuminate a large apartment, definitely larger and more luxurious than most in that part of the city. Across the room was a terrarium with three little creatures inside. Oswald walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Ed followed him, sitting at the table.

«I bet you are hungry.»

Oswald took a container from the fridge and opened it, before setting it in front of Edward, who stared at it, licking his lips.

«Go on, dig in.»

Ed didn't need any further encouragement, and started eating with his hands, taking a handful of roughly diced meat and shoving it in his mouth. After chewing a little, a took a deep breath and closed his eyes, swallowing, before taking another handful.

Oswald watched him with a smile on his face. Edward couldn't avoid but humming loudly, save for becoming self-conscious about it immediately after, and opening his eyes again, staring at the man sitting across the table. Oswald simply chuckled, so Ed relaxed a little, and cleaned his mouth with the back of his hand, then looked down and saw the mess he had made of himself, juices dripping down his forearm from his hand. He instinctively licked a thin pink trail, all the way up to his wrist. Only after doing this, he noticed that Oswald was staring at him, watching his every move, with the same expression Ed had directed at his meal right before digging into it just moment before.

Since now his stomach felt a lot better, he finally relaxed and smiled.

«Than felt good... Gosh, than felt good.»

«I know. You might think it's because it's your first meal as an undead man, but it really never goes away. That.. euphoria? Yeah, it's always like that.»

Oswald explained as he watched Edward circle the table and stopping only when he had reached him. Oswald instinctively tried to stand up, but it turned out impossible when Ed stepped even closed, cupping his face and leaning down for a kiss. Oswald completely melted into his arms, no resistance whatsoever. He felt his stomach twist and knot and his heart jump in his chest – odd feeling for the undead, so even more overwhelming than it would normally be.

When they finally separated, they both opened their eyes, but Ed didn't move away, and they continued looking at each other for a moment longer, then Ed smiled. Oswald was too in awe to make any expression, so he just continued staring, marveling at how beautiful that smile was.

«I believe you already know, but what I was trying to say when I was dying-»

«I love you.»

That punched the air right out of Edward. He should have known, expected it, and yet he wasn't prepared at all, and he was overcome with too much emotion to continue speaking for a few seconds. He watched Oswald's dreaming, smiling eyes, start to go wide, as if he was questioning whether he had said the right thing or not, and Ed realized he had been in silence for too long, and he needed to say something. He let out a shaky, happy breath.

«Yes. That's exactly what I was gonna say.»

He saw Oswald's lips stretch into a large smile and his blue eyes sparkle with happiness.

He had to wonder now, in hindsight, what he had even been worried about. He was so scared that turning would change him so fundamentally to make him someone who wouldn't be able to love Oswald like he deserved to be loved, or someone who didn't deserve to be loved by him. All that felt silly now. Now what he knew that nothing had changed. He was still very much in love, and he felt loved too.

He leaned down and kissed him again, this time, leaving him enough room to stand up and wrap his arms around him. He turned both of them around, pressing Oswald's back against the table, gaining a small surprised noise from him, and smiling against his lips.

They were going to be fine. He really didn't know what he had been so worried about.

 

Lee patted the man on she shoulder and sent him away with a smile. She turned around, starting to clean up her desk, when her next patient rushed in quite ungracefully. She turned to face them and she saw a young woman with blonde hair who looked rather disheveled. Immediately, Lee's first instinct was to worry, but she put on a cordial smile and welcomed her to sit.

«What's the problem?»

«My shoulder.»

Lee reached for it, the girl helped uncover it by pulling her coat down, revealing a pretty nasty wound. It looked like nothing Lee had ever seen.

«What happened to you? Did some animal bite you?»

She asked in a concerned voice, retrieving disinfectant and cotton to clean it up. There was dried blood, and then there was a dark substance which she wasn't sure what it was supposed to be.

«Did you try to medicate it?»

The girl shook her head.

«No, I didn't know what to do with it. I just...»

Lee paused, looking at her in the eyes and waiting for her to finish. She looked like she wanted to say something else.

«I think I might have contracted something? An infection, maybe?»

«What makes you say that?» Lee asked, resuming her work.

«I felt sick and I vomited.... like, a lot. Like, too much. Then I guess I passed out? I don't know, the last twenty-four hours have been a blur...»

Lee's eyes went wide.

«You waited a whole day before getting any medical attention? Oh, sweetie... We will get you fixed up, don't worry.» Lee's smile faltered as she continued to look at the wound. There was something wrong with it. Well, more than one thing, to be exact. Once she cleaned it up, it was clear that there was no more bleeding, but it didn't look like it was healing correctly either. There was no coagulation to speak of. She pressed the edge of the wound just to see what would happen and looked at the woman, waiting for a response, but she didn't even flinch.

«Doesn't it hurt?»

She shrugged in response. Okay, that was definitely unusual, but she was also concerned with the fact that the bite looked an awful lot like the mark left by human teeth.

«What did you say bit you, again?»

«I didn't say. It was, uh, some animal. I don't know, a raccoon.»

Lee stared at her with a raised eyebrow. She was getting the distinctive feeling that her patient wasn't telling her the whole truth.

«A raccoon. This doesn't look like a raccoon bite. Kid-»

«My name is Yulia and I'm not a kid.»

«Right. Yulia... is there something you would like to tell me? It's fine if you don't want to get the police involved, but as your doctor, you should tell me-»

«Police?»

The girl suddenly retracted and looked uncomfortable. Lee raised her hands defensively.

«Alright. No police, but what really happened? Did someone bite you? Who was it?»

Yulia looked away.

«Can't you just prescribe me something or whatever?»

Lee made a displeased face but she nodded.

«Sure. Let me finish cleaning this up, first.»

She took a clean piece of cotton and came back to finish her work, rolling up her sleeve first.

Yulia stared at her wrist. It was like she could smell what she tasted like under her skin, it was terrifying, but she couldn't stop staring.

She had been awfully hungry all day, but she hadn't been able to eat anything. Literally, she couldn't. She had tried taking a bite off her favorite type of sandwich and she had spat it out immediately, it tasted disgusting. She had no idea what was wrong with her and she was scared, but most of all, she was _hungry_.

The doctor continued blabbering about taking better care of herself and being honest, but she wasn't listening anymore, she was too entranced staring at her arm, it was so close to her face, she could smell it, and for some reason, it smelled absolutely delicious to her.

Before she could think, she wasn't able to resist and she grabbed that arm, taking the doctor by surprise, and bit into it.

God, the blood, it tasted so good! Even better than anything she'd ever eaten before.

Lee was so surprised that if took her a moment longer to react, but when she felt the pain of teeth breaking through her flesh, she finally snapped back and she grabbed the small metal tray where her tools were sitting, she lifted it, making them all drop on the floor, and she hit the girl in the head. That was enough to get her to let go.

Yulia licked her lips and realized what she was doing. She wanted to eat the doctor. She had bitten her and tasted her blood, but it wasn't enough. She could feel her stomach twist and grumble. She wanted to tear off the flesh off her bones. Now, that really freaked her out. She stared, realizing the terrified look that the doctor was giving her, and she came to the conclusion that this definitely wasn't normal. There was something deeply wrong with her, and maybe not even the doctor could tell her what it was, but what she was sure about, was that she had to get the hell out of there before she could do something else she could regret. So she jumped off the bed and she bolted out of the door.

Lee immediately grabbed her arm, squeezing it to try to stop the bleeding, running for the sink to wash it, then she grabbed a clean cloth and tried to clean it, then she went to reach for the disinfectant but she stopped, dropping in her chair, breathing heavily. What the fuck had just happened? She had worked in Arkham for a while, so, she could say it wasn't the first time something like this had happened, but, how much strength must that girl have put into her bite to make a wound like that? To draw blood? Suddenly, she wondered again about how the girl had gotten her bite wound in the first place. Was this something the youth were doing now? Biting people? She was so confused, she had no idea what to think.

 

Yulia continued running until she couldn't anymore, and she realized she had gotten way further than she thought, but the further the better, she thought. She stopped and turned into an alley, resting her back against the wall, breathing heavily. She still had some blood quickly drying on her chin, she could feel it. And she was still hungry. She turned around and noticed there was only one person around, sitting in a corner a little down the alley, so she took a deep breath and resolutely started walking closer. She had to see what would happen. As she thought, when she man looked at her, surprised, all she could do was focus on how delicious he looked. She really didn't want to do this, but what choice did she have? She was starving.

«Miss?»

She ignored that and ignored every other word or plea coming from the man's mouth, in fact, she covered it with her hand so he couldn't scream and attract any passerby's attention, and she dug into his neck, ripping his flesh, forcing him to gargle on his own blood, before losing consciousness. She ate, finally. When she swallowed the first mouthful, it felt like her entire body was thanking her, she had never felt this good in her life. So energized, so powerful, so... kinda horny? Okay, that last part was definitely weird, but she wasn't gonna complain. She continued eating until she felt full.

 

Lee finished cleaning her wound and took a few deep breaths, then she decided to go on with her day as if nothing has happened. There were still plenty of people who needed her help. That was why she had decided to open again a small clinic in the Narrows to do some charity work and help those in need, it had always been her calling, after all. She wasn't gonna let this little incident get in the way of her work, besides, she was surprised to assess that the wound didn't even hurt anymore. Odd, but she called herself lucky, and went on about her day, doing the usual stuff.

When she was finally done and she returned home at the end of the day, she was careful to wear her long sleeves down, she didn't want to show Jim, she didn't want him to worry.

She went to the bathroom to check on the situation, ready to change the gauze if necessary, but when she removed the bandage, she was surprised to find that it wasn't dirty at all. She had barely bled all that time. She made a face. This couldn't be normal, and thus, it couldn't be good. She put her thumb and index finger around the wound and squeezed. Only a few drops of a strange, gooey, dark substance came out. She gasped in horror.

«Is everything alright?» she heard Jim ask from the other side of the door.

«Yeah, I just, uh... dropped one of my earring down the drain!» sure, why not.

She heard Jim chuckle and say he would help getting it back the next day, or something, she stopped listening and she continued staring at her arm.

No, that wasn't good. Absolutely not good. She was a doctor, she should know. Something was very, very wrong.

 

About a week went by, and Ed and Oswald planned their next hunt. Which would be their fist hunt together as an undead couple, so that was new! And exciting.

They lured some lowbrow criminal with the promise of a well payed job, had him go to the box Oswald bought, but when he got there, they were already waiting for him inside. Every surface covered in plastic, a freezer at the end of the room. They looked at each other, the air buzzing with anticipation, both wearing a plastic suit over their clothes. They were going to do things properly this time, nothing would be left to chance.

Oswald slid the door open and found the criminal standing there, looking at them with a confused face.

«Are you renovating or something?»

Oswald and Ed exchanged a quick knowing look, followed by a badly contained chuckle.

«Yeah. Come in, let me explain the job...»

As the man entered, Edward pulled down the door behind him. Now the man was standing in between them, facing Oswald. They exchanged another look. Oswald smiled.

«You want to do the honors?» he asked.

The criminal looked confused for a moment, before realizing he was't talking to him, and must have assumed this had something to do with the job, because he didn't look worried, yet, but he had no time to turn to Edward to ask for an explanation. Edward caught Oswald's meaning, and he didn't have to ask twice. A moment later, he was already leaping at the man, quite literally jumping on his back, firmly grabbing his shoulders, and sinking his teeth in the tender flesh of his neck. The man tried to struggle, but Ed pulled, and blood splattered everywhere. It took a few seconds, but the man finally went down, and Edward with him.

Oswald watched all this with a stunned and amused smile on his face. When Ed finally stopped, after looking down at the mess he'd made and the dead body in his arms, he looked up at Oswald.

«Oh, dear...»

Then, a large smile creeped on his lips and Oswald let out a short laugh.

Oswald shook his head and he took a towel from the top of the freezer, then walked up to Ed and kneeled next to him.

Edward stayed perfectly still, watching the other's every movement, as Oswald brought the small towel to Ed's face and absorbed some of the blood that was smeared all over his lower face, and dripping down his neck.

It didn't escape either of them, how much this mirrored every time Ed had done this exact thing for Oswald. They both knew it very well, and this was Oswald's way to repay Edward, to show him that he would be there for him like he had been there for Oswald. He continued to pat Ed's chin with the towel, a small smile on his face.

«Thank you.» Ed said when Oswald put down the towel.

Unexpectedly, Oswald leaned forward, connecting their lips. Edward put one hand on the other's face, and the other on his waist, and he kissed back. It got a bit messy pretty fast, they both could taste that man's blood. Ed had to admit, that wasn't even a bad thing, at all. In fact, he had to admit, he liked this. Maybe a little too much. Oh. Definitely too much.

Oswald's body somehow became completely pressed against his, and Ed found himself quietly moaning. Oswald felt Ed's hands on his ass and this made him smile, but when he caught himself about to moan too, he suddenly pulled back.

«Let's put a pin in this for later, shall we? We should get to work now. Work first! Pleasure...» he paused, having to physically force himself to separate his body from Edward's, «Please later...» he added quietly, more to himself than anything, standing up and walking away. Ed remained seated on the floor for a moment longer, mourning the loss of that warmth, but he understood and nodded, mainly to himself, and fixed his glasses before reaching over to grab the tools from the bag Oswald handed him.

He took out a saw and started working to sever the man's foot. He figured he had to start somewhere. Oswald called his attention a moment later. He turned to see him handing him a hand. Ed raised his eyebrows.

«You gotta try this. Come on. Take a bite!»

Ed complied. He leaned forward and bit off the index finger, and as he chewed, a smile formed on his face, mirroring Oswald's.

«You were right, it's so crunchy.»

«I know, right? It's so good.»

They shared a laugh. Edward had to pause and think about what series of decisions had taken him to happily munching on human fingers, casually sharing a laugh with the man he loved over a dead body he had personally mangled. If he thought about it for too long he almost got light-headed, so he decided to stop and focus back on his work, but he couldn't help but glance at Oswald every once in a while. His life, from every point of view except maybe one, was a disaster. But he found himself thinking that it was all worth it, since everything he had done and everything that had been done to him had led him to finally be able to be with the love of his life.

«What?» asked Oswald, finally noticing the other was staring. Edward smiled and shook his head.

The work took them longer than they both wished it did. By the time they were done, the sun had started to set. They took the body parts, divided them neatly in plastic bags and placed them in the freezer.

Now, Oswald took a good look at Edward and he found it the right moment to pick up the towel again.

Edward let himself be turned around and he stayed still when Oswald reached for his face again.

«We can't have you walk around like this.»

Edward giggled, he wasn't even sure why. Oswald imitated him, even while trying to stay serious.

«Stay still, I'm trying to help you not look like you just ripped a man's throat off with your teeth.»

Oswald finished cleaning him up, then they took off their plastic suits and put them aside. They took one final look at each other to make sure everything was in order, then they headed out.

 

Once back home, Oswald thought it right to resume from where they had left, so he grabbed Edward's hand and spun him around, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him.

«You thought I had forgotten?» Oswald asked, pulling away just enough to have the room to speak.

Edward smiled and shook his head.

«Why, you think _I_ forgot?»

Obviously not. He finally understood what Oswald meant. He'd always kind of assumed Oswald had been exaggerating, or playing on it a bit too much on purpose, but killing and eating was really something special. There was a thrill to the hunt that he couldn't describe, and tasting human flesh left him feeling a certain type of way. It was exciting, and exhilarating, and it made him feel on top of the world.

He looked into Oswald eyes, in one of the brief moments when they were separated enough to do that, while on their way to the bedroom, continuing to kiss all along.

He really understood how Oswald had been feeling all this time, and he suddenly felt a new-found, reinvigorated respect for him. He suddenly wondered how he had managed not to jump him right then and there every time. Oswald really had shown incredible restraint and a very deep respect of his boundaries, and he had to commend him for that. Of course, now he wished they had done this sooner, if only they had been less insecure and blind, and had realized sooner that the other truly felt the same way, but still. Edward had asked Oswald to give him space, and he had done that.

Of course, he now knew how hard that must have been, because he felt like if he couldn't het his hands on Oswald he could die. Except, there was nothing holding them back this time.

They stumbled into their bedroom and onto the bed. Edward let go of the other's mouth just to move to his jaw and start kissing him there, then moved to his neck. Oswald undid Ed's tie and started to undo all of his buttons, but there were too many, so he gave up and pulled, ripping the shirt open, making a couple buttons fly in different directions.

Edward paused and put some distance between them, just to give Oswald a reprimanding look. He looked apologetic, but simply shrugged. Ed rolled his eyes and tried to contain a smile, to keep up the appearance of being mad, but then, immediately after, he firmly grabbed Oswald's shirt and ripped it open too. Oswald made a shocked face, but it was quick to turn into a large smile, causing both of them to laugh, before Ed leaned down and kissed him again.

All of their clothes didn't take long to come off, ending up in a pile on the floor. Oswald got bold and reached for Edward's erection, beginning to stroke him impossibly slowly, watching Ed's reaction, and he wasn't surprised to notice him starting to subtly thrust his hip into his hand after a while, which caused him to chuckle, pleased with this. Of course, Ed caught up with what the other was doing, and paused kissing him all over his neck and chest to look at him in the face with a reprimanding expression. Oswald looked guilty, but he was still smiling, so Edward rolled his eyes and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, pulling away too soon, so that Oswald followed him with his head for a moment, but Edward was already busy elsewhere, leaving a trail of kissed all the way down, pausing only a moment to check on Oswald, and seeing him bite his lower lip.

Edward took Oswald's cock in his hand and stroke it, leaning in to lick the tip, pausing again to check on the other's reactions again, and he was pleased to feel him shiver imperceptibly under his touch. So, he continued his work, allowing him in his mouth this time, playing with his tongue, starting to bob his head up and down, quickly fixing his glasses as they started to slip down his nose. He could have removed them, but he wanted to keep them on, at least unless they got too foggy, because he wanted to be sure to see all of this.

Sure, it wasn't their first time either, just like when they kissed in his cell back in Arkham it wasn't their fist kiss, but this felt different, it felt special, and he didn't want to miss a second of it.

He paused and he opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Oswald preceded him.

«In that drawer.»

Ed raised his eyebrows and he crawled over to open it, and sure enough, inside he found exactly what he was looking for. He turned just enough to shoot Oswald a look.

«Well, I had to take care of many things while you were gone, such as buying the box, and the new freezer...»

«And you thought to stop to buy condoms and lube too?» he watched Oswald open his mouth but remain silent, he left him hanging just a moment longer, before smiling, «Good thinking.»

Oswald sighed in relief and smiled back.

Edward took the bottle and a condom, throwing them on the bed, next to them. He poured some lube on his fingers. Oswald prompted himself up of on his elbows and watched him. When Ed moved in between his legs, Oswald immediately opened them. Ed shot him a look. Oswald would have blushed furiously if his condition allowed it, but all he got was a little heated in his cheeks. He let Ed do his work, and he grabbed onto the sheets, toes curling, and breath escaping him.

After a while, Edward stopped, and he reached for the condom, breaking it out of its package and putting it on, smearing a generous amount of lube down his length.

«Ready?» he asked, while getting in position. Oswald moved his legs a little to find the most comfortable position, then nodded.

He couldn't have possibly been more ready. He had never wanted something so much. It was honestly wild to think how long it had taken them to get there, and it had taken both of them turning undead for this to happen – kinda ridiculous in hindsight – but he guessed everything that happened needed to happen, for them to get where they were, to be together.

Edward slid in very slowly, making sure to check Oswald's reactions, but all the other did was lock his legs around Ed's waist and thrust his hips slightly upwards, so Ed begun thrusting too, while kissing him.

He was having a hard time believing this, believing it was happening, and believing how good it felt. He found himself thinking that this was what his body was made for, to fit perfectly against Oswald's body like two pieces of a puzzle, and to make Oswald make that exact expression and those exact little, delightful noises. He couldn't help but smile against his lips, as he heard the other call his name. There was something so entrancing about it, he couldn't get enough, so he sped up his pace a little, and immediately Oswald's voice got a bit louder, a bit broken, his breath uneven, mixing up with Edward's equally uneven hot breath. Now, his glasses had gotten actually too foggy so see anything, and kept sliding down his lightly sweaty nose, so he quickly took them off, carelessly throwing them somewhere on the bed. Even if his vision was worse without them, it had gotten to the point where he could actually see better without them then with them. Oswald noticed and smiled, grabbing his face and pulling him into another kiss, suffocating his own moans against the other's lips.

Edward could feel himself grow more frantic, both his pace and breath more uneven than ever, so he reached down and grabbed Oswald's erection in his palm, starting to stroke him fast and carelessly. He wanted them to come together, and he would make it happen. Last time, he remembered, he had noticed Oswald had far more stamina than he had previously imagined, but this time, he was able to match him perfectly, and he wanted to take advantage of that, bringing them on equal footing. Oswald responded to that by throwing his head back, eyes closed and mouth open.

«Fuck!» he heard him whimper, and that made him smile even brighter because he knew he must have been doing something right.

Not long after that, Ed came as he hid his face in Oswald's neck, kissing and then biting into it, while Oswald threw his head back again and moaned Edward's name, coming into the other's hand a moment later. Edward pulled out and got rid of the condom, but they both stayed there, in that exact position, breathing heavily with their eyes closed.

«That was...» Edward begun, breaking the silence.

«Yeah...» Oswald unhelpfully supplied, still too exhausted and happy to say anything more intelligent that that.

Ed nodded against his neck, agreeing with him.

«I've been missing out on... _this_...» he said after a moment, pulling away and facing the other, delicately moving a few strands of hair from his forehead. Then he reached out and tapped on the sheets until he caught his glasses, and he slipped them back on his nose. He got lost in those blue eyes for a moment.

«Let's just be happy this happened, and not focus on what it could have been, okay? We are here now, that's what matters.»

That actually reassured him. He was glad the other felt the same way.

He chuckled and gave him a quick kiss. They decided to move under the sheets, and Ed lifted them long enough to let Oswald get comfortable, with one arm and one leg draped over him, and his head resting on his shoulder.

Quiet, peaceful moment like this were rare in their lives, so, while there was a lot both of them would have wanted to say, they figured that after all, maybe there wasn't much to say that hadn't been already said, but simply needed re-contextualizing now. What truly needed to be said, had already been said when they said “I love you”. So, they remained in silence instead, satisfied and content, slowly drifting into sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have mixed and definitely conflicting feelings about this chapter asdkdjfgjfgjfdg i don't know! I like it, i really do, but at the same time, i always feel weird when i write smut because it always sounds so stupid in my head sjdfdjkgf sorry! i tried really hard! Also, this fic doesn't have a lot of smut in it, so... well, now it has a bit more of it, i guess? Listen... it's Santa Clarita Diet canon that being undead makes you horny so don't even @ me, okay? they almost fucked in a pool of blood but i didn't want to get too nasty i spared you that dfhjgDFJHGK
> 
> ANYWAY, i hope you enjoy the new sections with different POVs, i was actually pretty nervous about that because it's different than what i've been doing for like, ten chapters or whatever. And i hope you don't mind my OCs. But i like this, it's a lot of fun, writing different characters! :)
> 
> Also, today was way too hot and i'm too lazy to read this yet again, so forgive any mistakes!


	15. Oswald, are you jealous?

Lee watched as Jim turned the page, revealing a crudely drawn picture of a man vomiting. While she studied this picture, surprised by it, undoubtedly, she continued to listen to him, trying to follow where he was going.

«See? It's all in this book. When Gallagher talked about it I assumed it was just a legend, of course, but then, this would explain why Alvarez vomited so much, like in this picture. Remember, the scene of Gallagher's murder?»

Jim stared at her as if expecting any kind of response, so she nodded.

«I know how this sounds, but this is Gotham, we have had worse. Think about it. Zombies, Lee. In Gotham.» as he said this, he walked closer and turned the page.

Lee's eyes fixated on the new picture. No matter how simple the picture was, it was clear enough. A man biting another.

She blinked, trying to remain composed. He sighed, tiredly passing his hand over his face.

«You must think I'm losing my mind.»

«What? No, no.» she was quick to reassure him, standing up, and walking over to him, placing her hands on his arms, getting him to look at her. He did look tired. She had noticed he hadn't been sleeping a lot, but she couldn't have imagined this had been the reason.

She glanced down at that ancient book, inconspicuously swallowing as she approached it, turning another page. She froze. The picture of a man standing over a mauled corpse, eating his organs, blood everywhere, it burned into her mind. She didn't want to believe any of this either. It was absurd, obviously. And yet, she had been trying to wrap her head around what had happened to her for days now, and this was the first thing that made a little bit of sense. And she hated that it did. It was easy to connect the dots, but she refused to, not when every piece of evidence led there and nowhere else.

«Sorry for dragging you into this. It's just that I really feel like I'm losing it and I needed to share this with someone. It's absurd, isn't it? But if I'm right, Oswald might be one of them, and he might have infected Alvarez. He was gonna tell me the truth, so they killed him.»

Lee's eyes finally left the book and returned on her husband.

«Oswald?»

«Yeah, and Ed might be too, or at least, he's been facilitating... all of this. I don't know which is worse.»

If they really were what Jim was insinuating, then they might know more, maybe they might be able to help her.

«If I'm right, I can't simply put them back in jail. They are monsters, I need to kill them.»

«Monsters?!» Lee blurted out before she could stop herself. Jim gave her a confused look and she scrambled to explain herself.

«I mean... they are still people, you can't just kill them like that. If this is true then, they simply have a condition and they can't help themselves. You can't fault people for doing what they need to do to survive. At the very least, they deserve to be treated with basic human decency.»

Jim stared at her wide-eyed for a moment, studying her before slowly nodding. She realized how she sounded, defending flesh-eating murderers, but she made a point not to falter and kept a serious expression, staring at him, until he spoke.

«I guess you are right. Sorry... I think?»

He really looked just lost, he sounded so confused still. Like he felt like he had offended her somehow but he wasn't sure how or why. Lee smiled.

«Anyway... enough with this, I know it's a lot. Let's go grab some dinner?»

Lee's eyes went wide and she rushed to find an excuse.

«No, I... I ate something earlier, I'm not really hungry. You go.»

Jim frowned.

«You sure? You haven't been the same since you said you felt sick last week, are you sure you're alright?»

She was quick to nod, probably more energetically then necessary.

It was tough lying to Jim, but she really had no choice, especially now, after learning about all this. It hadn't been an easy week for her, but she had been doing her best to keep up appearances. Her wound had more or less healed, leaving only a light pale scar on her arm, which she had done her best not to let Jim see. She didn't want him to worry. But that also meant she couldn't get intimate with her husband, since once all clothes came off, it would be impossible to hide. She had also been very careful to construct enough believable lies to avoid meals with him. One time she was too busy with work, another time her stomach was upset, and so on. She would often say she wasn't hungry, but that was the biggest lie of all. She had never been hungrier in her life. The only thing she'd eaten was some raw chicken she found in the fridge a couple days earlier. She was worried she'd catch something, but luckily she hadn't yet, so she supposed that was okay, but she would rather not tempt faith and repeat the experience, no matter how badly she craved to put something in her stomach. She felt it twist and start to grumble, so she panicked, afraid it would soon get loud enough for Jim to hear, therefore uncovering her lie, so she insisted he should go and basically pushed him out the door.

She had to find Ed and Oswald and talk to them. They might be the only ones able to tell her what was going on with her.

 

«This must be a trap of some kind. Jim will be right behind a corner, ready to arrest both of us!»

Ed rolled his eyes at Oswald, as they continued walking.

«You think I haven't thought of that? She left a riddle. That was clearly a message, for me. It might easily be a trap, but we have to hear her out.»

Oswald frowned, not really liking this at all.

«And before you say anything, no, it's not like that. But if she knows _something_ , it might be worth to find out what.» Ed stopped him before Oswald could open his mouth.

Oswald still wasn't satisfied with this, but he knew there was no stopping Edward, so he simply followed him.

He hadn't been happy to hear that a certain doctor had been looking for them, and especially for Edward. That could be nothing good, and he had a very bad feeling. Then, there was that stupid riddle she delivered through some urchin. She really knew her way to Edward's... well, his _brain_. Once it set in motion, there was no stopping it. Edward had immediately solved it and announced that they needed to meet Leslie Thompkins at her clinic because she had something important to tell them. That had been very discouraging to hear, but not as much as finally seeing her in the flesh, standing there right in front of them. Oswald glanced at Ed to check his reaction and found him frozen, his expression completely blank. He wasn't sure what this meant.

«You came.» she greeted them.

«Before we start, let me make one thing clear-» Oswald started, stepping closer to her. Ed stopped him, placing one hand on his arm, and when he looked back at him he was slowly shaking his head. Oswald straightened his back and glared at the doctor, who was clearly doing her best not to look amused. She dared make fun of him?! She must have had a death wish – Oswald thought to himself, frowning even deeper, but then Edward spoke.

«I got your message. What's going on?»

«I was hoping you'd be able to tell me that.» she said with a sigh, starting to roll up her sleeve.

Oswald's still annoyed face turned into one of confusion as his eyes fell on the odd round scar on Lee's forearm. He stared intently at it.

«Were you bitten?» Ed asked, and Oswald's eyebrows shot up as he finally realized what he was looking at. She nodded.

«That's not the weirdest part...»

«Let me guess, you felt sick? Your heartbeat isn't fast enough to justify you being still alive?» Edward asked. Oswald's jaw dropped. He now understood what the other two were getting at. He looked at the doctor and saw her nod.

«Did Zsasz bite you?» he asked.

«Victor Zsasz? He is...? No, no, it was some girl...»

«Selina?»

«No? It was a patient, she came in to have me look at this nasty bite on her shoulder, but then she did this.» she explained, raising her scarred arm to make her point.

Ed and Oswald looked at each other. Edward directed an accusatory expression at him, and Oswald awkwardly smiled.

«Oops? Look, I forgot about that, I was hungry, okay? She got away and...» he gesticulated vaguely, then looked at Lee, «And, well...» he added, pointing her her, «Sorry.»

They both watched Lee take a deep breath and sit down, looking at the floor.

«So it's real, Jim was right. You really are...»

«If you say “zombies” I'm gonna hurt you.»

«Undead.» Ed supplied when she looked up at them.

«How... how did this happen? How, how have you been... all this, time, how did you survive?»

«I ate come contaminated clams, he was bitten. By me.» Oswald explained in a way that only served to make her more confused.

«As to how we survived... you can probably guess. How have _you_ been-»

Suddenly, Lee's stomach grumbled loudly.

«...Oh, you haven't.» Oswald said, knowingly.

Ed reached inside his jacket and pulled out a small plastic bag with some loose human fingers in it, and he held it out for Lee. She looked horrified at it for a moment, then Ed could see her expression change, and he watched her hesitate, almost reach for it, but then pull back.

«No. I don't even wanna know where you got that. Don't tell me.» she said, looking away and holding one hand up.

«You sure?» Oswald asked, grabbing the bag from Ed's hand and taking out one finger, taking a bite from it.

«Yeah, I'm sure. I'm not gonna eat whoever you murdered to get those.»

Oswald scoffed.

«Your loss. Have fun watching us eat while you starve up there on your high horse, doctor Thompkins. Where exactly do you think you're gonna get food, huh? I'm curious to hear your better plan.»

«He is right, you are gonna need to eat. And you should do so now until you still have some control, before you snap and bite off your husband's head.»

Lee stared at him. Ed held the bag in front of her, dangling it as she glared, the finally rudely took it from his hand. Oswald grinned, satisfied.

She opened the bag and sniffed it. She bit her cheek, then finally pulled out one finger and took a bite. Immediately, she closed her eyes and let out a soft moan, save for immediately snapping back and looking embarrassed.

«Yeah, that happens.»

Lee glared at Oswald for that comment and finished eating the finger.

«Keep the rest, we have more at home.» Ed said with a grin. She didn't look happy, but she nodded and ate another one.

«You are gonna need the serum.» Ed said after a moment of silence during which they watched her voraciously devour the few fingers left.

«Serum?» she said, licking her index and thumb, «Is there some sort of cure?»

Oswald and Ed exchanged a look, then Oswald made a sympathetic face.

«No, there is no known cure. The serum helps stop some symptoms. You are technically dead, so your body will continued to rot, very slowly, but sooner or later it will become apparent, so you might want it to stop before it gets to that.»

«Where do I get this serum?»

«I can make it. I just need to find all the ingredients.»

«I want to help.»

Ed hesitated, glancing at Oswald.

«There's no need.» he tried to reassure her, but she stood up, looking resolute.

«I want to. I want to learn how to make it. It sounds like the kind of skill that might come in handy.»

The other two stared at her.

«I'm a doctor. I run a clinic. A patient already came in with an issue that I didn't know how to solve. In case this happens again, I want to be ready. But let's hope it doesn't.» with that last addition she shot a look at Oswald, who looked offended at the accusation, but Ed instead nodded, agreeing with the point she was trying to make.

«Fair enough.»

Oswald shot a look at Edward, in disbelief that this was really happening.

«Excuse us.» he told Lee, grabbing Ed by the arm and dragging him to the opposite corner of the room, shout-whispering, «What the hell do you think you are doing?»

«She needs our help, Oswald.»

«And you are just gonna give up the formula? Just like that? Don't you get it, Ed? We are the only one who have it, that gives us power.»

«That's just messed up and wrong.» Lee interjected from where she was still standing.

Oswald turned around, one eyebrow raised.

«Excuse you? This is a private conversation.»

«It's not like I can't hear you. You are standing right there.»

«She has a point.»

«Will you stop agreeing with her for one second!?» Oswald snapped. Ed stared at him for a second longer, before stepping closer and lowering his voice.

«Is that what this is about? Oswald, are you jealous?»

Oswald felt under the spotlight in a way that he didn't like. Ed's inquisitive eyes wouldn't stop digging in his to uncover the truth, and he felt Lee's eyes on himself too, from across the room.

«No! Obviously not!» he scoffed, «Fine, do what you like, I'll be waiting in the car.»

As he said this, he headed to the door and he stomped off, leaving Edward to stand there and watch him walk away. He sighed, then, when he turned, he saw Lee was giving him a pitiful look and he hated that, but he remained calm.

«So... what's the deal with you two? Are you two together?» she asked, walking closer.

«I... yes. Yes we are.» while it was none of her business, he couldn't see any reason to lie. She smiled.

«Good. I'm happy for you. It was about time.»

Edward coughed awkwardly and looked away. She was right, obviously, he knew it better than anyone, but still, hearing that string of words coming from an ex made him feel something. He wasn't sure what. He decided it would be best to redirect the conversation towards more urgent matters.

«I will let you assist me while I make the serum. Pay no attention to Oswald.»

«Are you sure I'm not in danger?» she asked, crossing her arms and raising one eyebrow. She didn't sound scared at all. Ed was taken aback by that question.

«What? No, why-... you think Oswald would...? No, it's nothing, he's just...»

Lee continued to look at him with that same expression, a small smile creeping on her lips and Ed started to feel uncomfortable.

«I will talk to him.»

 

Oswald went outside and headed straight to the car, going to sit inside, and he scoffed.

Jealous? Of Lee? Please.

He knew better than this, he trusted Edward, and he was better than this too, letting jealousy getting the best of him. He knew where that could potentially lead him, and he didn't want he and Ed to fight over some woman. He had to admit, he was aware that Lee meant something to Ed, and he was mature enough to admit that it kind of bothered him a little, but _jealous_? That would be implying that Lee constituted a threat of some kind to him, and that was just even more absurd.

A few minutes later, Ed returned and got in the car. They immediately started driving away. They remained in silence all the way home. Edward felt like Oswald was purposefully giving him the cold shoulder and he could feel the ice coming from him. It wasn't a pleasant sensation.

 

Lee had no choice, she needed to eat.

She went to the GCPD and asked if she could land a hand in the morgue. This was a stretch, but luckily for her, everyone trusted her, and liked her, enough not to question her and let her do as she pleased. She had worked there for a period of time, after all, she wasn't a stranger.

She walked in and she was relieved to find there was no one around. She opened one of the drawers and she found a body, but it didn't look particularly fresh, it must have been there for a couple days. Definitely less appetizing, but her stomach was grumbling. She closed the drawer and opened another. There, a fresh body, must have been the last one taken in. Fresh of examination too, judging by the cut in the chest. This would do.

She still wasn't sure how to go about this. She touched the woman's arm, passing her fingers down its length. She lifted it and leaned down, getting closer to it to sniff it, and that alone almost made her head spin.

 

Jim arrived and was informed that his wife was there, presumably looking for him, at least this was his assumption, because what else could she be doing there? He asked where she was and he was directed to the morgue, so he went. Nothing could have prepared him for what he was about to see.

 

The door suddenly opened.

«Lee, are you here?»

She froze.

Jim's jaw hanged open. Something in his brain was telling him to reach for his gun, but he couldn't. That was his wife, for fuck's sake!

Lee slowly turned around, the dead woman's liver still in her hand, clearly half eaten, blood all over her lower face, and a very apologetic look.

«Jim? I can explain.»

Jim was paralyzed. His wife was eating a corpse. That was happening. Right when he had started to think he was losing his mind, thinking there were zombies in Gotham, this happened. He couldn't believe his eyes. Lee dropped the organ back inside the body.

«Jim-» she took one step closer, but he took one step back, raising one and, and almost reaching for his gun with the other.

Lee sighed.

«It started about a week and a half ago.» she started saying, rolling up her sleeve to show her scar, «I had this patient who bit me, and ever since then...»

Jim relaxed his posture, but he didn't dare step closer.

«When I told you about my theories...»

«I was already, yes. I wasn't sure yet, well... I couldn't believe it either. I was still in denial, I suppose.»

She paused, looking at him. The way Jim was looking at her broke her heart. This was even worse then when she was infected with the Tetch virus. For one thing, this time she was fully herself, so she was perfectly aware of how bad all of this was. And secondly, this time she didn't want to infect Jim too. If anything, she wished she could somehow cure herself, at least to stop Jim from directing that expression at her, like she had betrayed him somehow, like she was nothing but a monster now.

«Jim... please, it's still me.»

«You snuck into the morgue, you were eating a corpse.» he stated, matter of fact. She sheepishly nodded, looking down at the floor. She couldn't bear to look at him.

«Because you didn't want to kill someone to eat, so you chose a body that was already dead.» Jim continued.

It took Lee a moment longer to fully understand the meaning of those words, but when she did, she finally looked up, tears already starting to accumulate in the corners of her eyes, and she was unable to stop them from falling, as she stared at her husband in disbelief and confusion.

«Jim...»

She took a step forward, and before she could do anything else, Jim quickly reached for her and pulled into a hug, holding her tightly.

«We will get through this. We will fix you.»

Those words meant the world to her, she nodded, being careful not to get any blood on his shirt, then they pulled back and looked at each other.

He could see how much pain she was in.

«I should have known something was up. You avoided meals with me, I knew you were hiding something, but I couldn't imagine... is that why you never wanted me to see you with your shirt off? You didn't want me to see that?» he asked, pointing at the scar.

She nodded and he took her arm, gently passing his fingers over it, noticing the light bump it formed on her skin, barely perceptible.

«Yeah...»

She removed her gloves, then took a tissue from her pocket and tried to clean up her face as best as she could while Jim watched her. She became self conscious so she turned around, so he couldn't see her, and she walked over to the sink, dampened the tissue a bit, and finished cleaning herself up, or at least she did what she could without a mirror. She coughed awkwardly and turned to face her husband, finding him standing right behind her.

He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and he reached for her face, cleaning up a spot on her cheek she had missed.

«Thank you.»

«So, all this time, you've been avoiding me and acting weird... it wasn't because you...»

«Because I...?» Lee stared at him, trying to understand. He looked sheepish all of sudden. She finally got it. «Oh. No, I- you thought I...?»

Jim shrugged.

«I don't know, I was confused. This is actually a relief for me. For one thing, my theory was just proven right.» he smiled and she laughed, «And, well, turns out you still love me, so that's great. I mean, it's fine if you don't want to have sex, but I started to think you were repulsed by me, or something.»

He laughed and Lee shared the feeling, gently placing a hand on his chest.

«Oh, honey of course I'm not “repulsed” by you. In fact... okay, this might be a bad moment to mention this, but... uh...»

 

When Oswald and Edward arrived and got out of the car, they were surprised to find Daryl standing on the sidewalk.

«Oh, good, you weren't home. I thought you were only pretending not to be.»

Ed and Oswald looked at each other, then back at him.

«What are you doing here?» Oswald asked, walking closer.

«Just wanted to see how you two are doing.»

Oswald started to regret letting him know where they would be hiding, but at the time it felt like a good idea, having an ally on the inside and all that, hoping he could help them locate Zsasz, but this guy was just plain annoying.

«We are doing just fine. Thanks for the concern, have a good day.»

Oswald, followed by Edward, walked in, and Daryl followed them. Oswald rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything, until they reached the door to their apartment, and Daryl was still standing there, waiting to enter along with them. Oswald gave up and invited him in with a gesture. He saw the smile on the man's face as he walked in, studying the environment.

«I like the décor. Nice curtains.»

Oswald wasn't in the mood for this. There was still tension between him and Ed, but Daryl seemed to be completely oblivious to that, and followed them to the kitchen.

Oswald pulled a container from the fridge.

«Would you take two plates?» he asked, and Edward complied, placing them on the table.

Oswald unceremoniously dropped some of the contents on the container onto both plates, and carelessly slid one across the table to Edward. Daryl watched all of this with interest.

Oswald grabbed two forks and slid one over to Ed, then sat down and started eating. He could feel Daryl's eyes on him and it was getting irritating.

«What?» he eventually snapped.

«I've never actually seen zombies eat-»

« _Undead_.» Oswald corrected him.

Daryl and Edward exchanged a look. Daryl slowly nodded.

«Okay, “undead”. Well, I've never seen the undead eat before, this looks fancier than what I would have imagined. That's what I think it is, isn't it? Ew.»

Oswald still wasn't sure what that man was even doing there. Had Oswald mentioned he wasn't in the mood, like at all?

«What are you doing here? _Really_ doing here?» he finally asked. Daryl sighed and looked down.

«I wanted to apologize. For trying to kill you, I mean. You two changed my life, my whole perspective. I had never actually met zo- undead before, I didn't know what you were like. I'm very sorry, man. I really am.»

Oswald quickly glanced at Ed, who had stopped eating to listen to Daryl, then slowly nodded and cracked a smile.

«It's not a big deal. Thank you for not killing us. Will that be all?»

He really thought that might be the case, and the knight would just get up and leave, but instead he grabbed a chair and scooted closer. He couldn't eat, having that man breathing on his neck like that, it was uncomfortable. He dropped the fork and turned to face him.

«What?!»

«I have so many questions.»

Oswald rolled his eyes.

«Go on, ask then.» he figured if he made him happy maybe he would leave, since he didn't seem to get the hint that he wasn't wanted there. Nothing personal really, it just wasn't a good moment.

«How... what does it taste like?»

Oswald blinked, then looked down at his plate, then back at him.

«Like human flesh. Other questions?»

Daryl nodded solemnly.

«I see... how many more are there of you? Besides you two and the bald assassin guy.»

Oswald's mouth pressed into a straight line and he clenched and unclenched his fists.

«I don't think we should let you know that. You are still a knight. I hope you understand.» Edward replied before Oswald could, definitely more politely than he was going to, but expressed the point perfectly. Oswald looked back at Daryl with a forced smile.

«I understand. My bad. I gotta earn your trust first, that's fair.»

Not what he had in mind, but Oswald guessed that wasn't a bad response, appropriate enough.

«Besides, we aren't even sure either.» Edward added after a moment, in a tone that Oswald didn't like, as if he were insinuating something.

«I assure you, the situation is under control, there can't be that many.» Oswald replied through gritted teeth.

While from the outside it still looked like they were talking to Daryl, it was clear to both that they were really talking to each other at this point. It wasn't as clear to Daryl, though.

«I'm just saying, if _someone_ didn't go around biting random people, there wouldn't be as much need for the serum.»

Oswald's jaw dropped and he stared at Edward, looking clearly offended.

«Maybe, the fact there's need for the serum isn't that bad, and it's besides the point. Maybe, that could have been good for us, since we are the only ones in possession of the formula, but _someone_ decided to just share it like it's no big deal!»

«It's our duty to-»

«Oh, don't give me that crap! I know you don't care about those people! You are doing this for Lee, just because _she_ asked! This is just like that time at the hospital...» Oswald started to slightly raise the tone, and Edward stood up.

«I find what you are insinuating honestly offensive, you know there's nothing between Lee and me. But you should also know that she matters to me, and if you can't accept that, then... I don't know.»

Oswald stood up too, but before he could speak, Daryl interjected.

«Woah... this sounds personal.»

«You think!?» Oswald asked, turning to him, giving him a look that was definitely unequivocal this time.

«Uh... I just remembered I'm busy. I think I'm gonna leave now.» Daryl said, and he stood up, quickly heading for the door. Neither of them paid real attention to him, even when they heard the door close, and they continued glaring at each other from across the table.

«I'm not objecting to the fact that you care about her, but when push comes to shove, I need to know that you will choose to be on my side.»

Edward opened his mouth but didn't say anything, like words escaped him, which was a rare occurrence. Oswald took it as a sign that there wasn't much else to say, and he would have lied if he said it didn't hurt, as testified by his eyes getting watery, even as he tried to keep a straight face.

«Of course I will. I will always choose you above everyone else.»

Edward surprised him with those words, right when he thought the conversation was over. He took in a slow, shaky breath and tried to blink the tears away. Edward circled the table and reached him, gently rubbing his cheeks with his thumbs, then tilting his face up so he would look at him.

«You know I love you. If it really upsets you so much, I won't tell Lee the formula.»

Oswald pushed his hands away and he shook his head, looking away.

«It's fine, it's... it's fine. You can, I don't want to control you, you are free to do what you think it's best. But if this comes back to bite us in the ass-»

«I will talk to Lee, make sure it won't.» Edward offered a small smile, and Oswald finally looked back into his eyes, nodding slightly.

Edward wrapped his arms around him and he let himself be hugged, not even hugging back, just letting himself be held, and he closed his eyes, resting his head on Edward's chest.

«I don't like fighting with you.» he said, almost a whisper, but Ed heard him anyway.

«I know.» he paused to place a kiss on his head, «I don't like it either. I'm sorry.»

«No, I am.» Oswald pushed the other away, enough to look at him in the face again, «You were right, I am jealous. I know I shouldn't be, but I don't want to share you with anyone else.»

Edward smiled.

«And you don't have to. You know I'm yours.»

Oswald's heart jumped in his chest and he felt a bit chocked up. He nodded, thinking about what to respond to that.

«I hope you know that-»

«I know.»

Edward interrupted him before he could finish his thought. He looked upset for a moment, but then realized this was alright. Of course Edward already knew.

He stood on his toes, reaching for Ed's lips, and the other leaned down to make this easier, and kissed him.

 

Lee sighed, pulling the sheets over her and her husband, staring up at the ceiling, smiling.

Jim took a deep breath and exhaled. He felt exhausted, he was tired and he could already tell he would end up feeling sore tomorrow.

«Wow...»

He turned his head and looked at his wife. She looked so happy, he couldn't help but smile, but part of him was still concerned about all of this. Still, he had to admit, having an undead wife had its perks – okay, nope, that wasn't a sane way to look at this at all.

She noticed him looking so she turned to face him too, reaching for his face and caressing it gently. She was still recovering, but she didn't feel necessarily tired, but very relaxed and happy. This was a big improvement from before, earlier that day, and she had to admit, eating really changed her mood for the better.

«I'm sorry for saying zombies are monsters.»

«No, it's okay. I get it, I'm not happy about it either.»

«We will find a way to fix you, I promise.»

Lee's smile faltered, but then grew larger than before. She nodded.

«I can contact a funerary home, I know some people, the relatives won't be able to tell what kind of ashes they get, anyway, right?»

Lee was shocked. Her eyes went wide and she sat up, staring down at her husband.

«Are you serious?»

Jim sat up too, grunting quietly when something somewhere hurt, and he wondered if he pulled a muscle.

«Of course I am. Listen... you are my wife and I love you. Until death do us part, right?»

«I think technically I died.» Lee made a face, Jim shook his head and they both chuckled.

«You know what I mean. This is still preferable to you going around killing people. If there's anything I can do to help, I have to. We already have enough problems as it is, with those two running around Gotham murdering left and right...» he paused, «No offense, I'm not implying all zombies are like that, I-»

«I know.» Lee laughed, «I know, they are simply doing what they have always done. They are criminals. I guess becoming undead doesn't change such fundamental aspects of who you are...»

Jim nodded and smiled.

«I guess it doesn't. Which means you are still a good person, and you deserve a chance to live a normal life. We will find a cure for this, Lee.» as he said this, he took her hand and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles.

She smiled, but when he couldn't see it, her smile faltered. She was perfectly aware there was no cure, Oswald had made it clear. She wasn't going to mention this to Jim right now, however, she didn't want to break his spirits, he was so hopeful, she decided to let herself get infected instead, and try to hope too. Maybe it wasn't set in stone, maybe a cure simply didn't exist... _yet_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is even happening in this chapter? i don't know. it came out way different that what i had in mind when i started writing it, but sometimes you gotta go where the story takes you, i guess!!
> 
> Oswald almost throwing hands with Lee is *chef kiss*, his first reaction to anyone making fun of him or getting in his way is "i will do a murder now", honestly? i don't know how Daryl survived that scene either lmao, i guess miracles happen (or he got out in time before Oswald snapped, more like)...
> 
> Anyway, let me be clear, this isn't some weird love triangle thing, Ed has no romantic feelings for Lee, but i didn't go that far from canon either (the hospital scene??), there are some complicated feelings there, but he is in love with Oswald, fear not.
> 
> Oh! Also, i know Jim seems to be a little too chill with this discovery, but you gotta understand that this is a man who's been trying to figure this shit out for months, he has internally accepted it, he was ready to see a zombie, he just didn't expect his wife to be one of them, but he knows Lee and she just proved to him that she didn't change as a person, so... that's what's up with that!
> 
> Hope you liked this :)


	16. Tesařik's, how can I help you?

They had been there since early morning. If it wasn't enough having doctor Thompkins in their apartment, she had successfully monopolized Edward's attention. Not that Oswald was jealous. They had already had that conversation, he knew he had no reason to be, so he wasn't. Still, he couldn't help but to let this bother him. The two of them were like in a world of their own, completely immersed in their work, and there was no room for him. He felt left out, and on top of that, he was unbearably, excruciatingly bored. Science, science, science, whatever. He had no idea what they were talking about and it made him feel dumb too, as if the rest wasn't enough.

Edward felt Oswald's presence behind his shoulder. He could feel him breath on his neck and needless to say, it was distracting. He stopped what he was doing and he turned around to face him, surprising him, judging by his expression, and gave him a stern look. Oswald took a step back.

«Why don't you find something to do?»

Oswald looked at Ed, then at Lee, and he saw that she was pretending not to hear the conversation happening right in front of her, barely containing a smile. That was upsetting. This was humiliating.

He straightened his back and pressed his lips together in what was meant to be a smile, but did a poor job at hiding his real emotions, and he nodded.

«Of course. Since I'm bothering you so much, I will leave.»

«Thank you.» Edward chirped, immediately turning back to his work, and proceeding to start ignoring him again.

Oswald stared at the man's shoulders, as if he could have teared a hole into them, and if Ed had bothered to stop and look at his face, he would have noticed how offended he was. He was about to start yelling, but then he glanced at Lee, decided not to make a scene, and he said nothing. Instead, he spun on his heels and he stormed off.

It wasn't until they heard the door slam, that Lee spoke.

«I don't think that was the response he was hoping to get from you.»

Edward paused and blinked, turning to her with a confused expression.

«What are you talking about?»

«He was clearly hurt, Ed.»

Edward seemed to think about it for a moment, letting his mouth hang open at that revelation, but then he closed it and turned back to his work.

«He's just being childish, he'll get over it.»

«If you say so...» Lee quietly said, returning to her work too.

Ed was about to say something, but then thought better of it. He had to wonder if she was right, if he had been too harsh with Oswald. He knew how difficult this was for him, seeing him and Lee together, maybe he should have been a bit more considerate, but he was so taken by this new project that everything else kind of faded in the background. He decided he would talk to Oswald when he came back.

 

Oswald stomped down the street with his uneven pace, huffing and sighing, and muttering insults under his breath.

How dare Ed treat him like this? If it had been anyone else, payback would have been immediate and painful, but who was he kidding? He knew he wouldn't hurt Ed. Besides, he knew him. He knew how his brain worked, and that once he had set to do something, there was no turning that off until it was done. He knew this had nothing to do with Lee, still, a small part of his brain blamed her.

Everything was perfect – well, not counting being two fugitives from the law – between them until she showed up. It could have been just the two of them, working and living together, but no. She had to come along and mess it all up.

As he was thinking about this, he got distracted by a noise. He jumped back just in time, and a motorcycle almost run him over.

«Hey! Look at where you are going!» he yelled after them, but to no avail.

He clenched his jaw and huffed. He had to take his anger out on someone, it might as well be this person.

So he followed the motorcycle into the alley, but by the time he got there, the rider was gone, probably walked into the building, and only his ride was left.

He thought of slashing their tires. He thought of waiting until the person returned and slashing their throat. He took the knife out of his cane and approached the motorcycle, loaded with a bunch of small coolers in the back. As he walked closer, he caught a whiff of something. It couldn't be, he thought. He sniffed the air and he looked around.

He wasn't particularly hungry, so his senses weren't as sharp as they could have been, but still, he thought he could recognize the smell of flesh when he smelled it. He wondered if it could be that there was a freshly murdered body somewhere, but then, he realized the smell came from the coolers. He noticed one that was slightly open, so he took it and he unzipped it. Inside, was a plastic box, and inside the plastic box, well, he opened it just to be sure, and he took in the smell, yes, inside was a piece of flesh, he had no doubt, and it smelled delicious.

«Hey! Hands off! You didn't pay for that!»

Suddenly a young man walked out of the building and quickly walked over to him, taking advantage of his surprise to snatch the cooler from his hands and zip it up, putting it back with the others.

«Excuse me? _Pay_? What is this all about?»

The boy seemed to panic a little, then stepped closer and sniffed around. Oswald frowned and took a step back. He was still holding his knife and he might very well use it if this guy didn't stop immediately, but luckily for him, he did.

«You aren't human, right? You don't look like a cop either.»

Oswald scoffed at that.

«No I'm not a cop, don't you know who I a-... wait, you are undead too?»

Finally the realization hit him. That must be what the guy was alluding to.

«Duh!?»

Oswald resisted the urge to bash his head in for being so disrespectful and just plain annoying, and straightened his jacket.

«What is this about payment, then? Is this some kind of delivery service?»

«Hell yeah, it is. If you aren't one of our clients, here-» the boy pulled a card from his pocket and offered it to him.

Oswald took at and observed it for a moment. It was a light pink piece of paper with a red text reading Tesařik's and a diagram of a cow drawn on the other side.

«A butcher shop?»

As he watched the delivery man ride away, he decided he might as well investigate this further, so he went to the address indicated on the card.

 

From the outside, it looked like a perfectly normal butcher shop, but he knew better, and he wanted to get to the bottom of this, so he walked in. A small bell above the door rang, and immediately he was greeted by two cheerful men behind the counter.

«What can I help you with?» one of them asked.

He walked closed to the counter, glancing at the meat in display. He could only assume that had to be beef and such, they wouldn't put their other product out in the open.

«I'm here about... your delivery service?»

«Ohh...» the employee exchanged a look with the other one, «I see...»

«Wait, but aren't you...? I had no idea the Penguin was one of us!» the second employee said, causing Oswald to frown and move his eyes from one to the other, studying them both.

«You are both undead!?»

Once again, the employees exchanged a look, before looking back at him.

«Yeah?»

That changed everything. He had already met three more undead people on that day, and he had to wonder how many more there had to be. This might be very bad news, but he didn't want to panic yet, although, he also had to wonder who had turned all of them.

«Who's running this establishment?»

«Sorry, the boss isn't here at the moment. Can I help you with something else? Do you wish to make a purchase?»

«Let your boss know that Oswald Cobblepot wants to talk.» he paused, considering the offer, «And get me some loin.»

 

When he walked back into the apartment, he found Ed and Lee were still busy. He rolled his eyes and he greeted them.

«You're back already?»

«It's been _two hours_.»

He approached the table and placed the small cooler on the surface, finally taking Ed's eyes away from his test tubes.

«What is this?»

Oswald smiled.

«This, my dear, is a problem.»

«What do you mean?» Ed asked, frowning a little in confusion.

Oswald gestured for him to open it, and he did, extracting a small plastic box, which he then opened. He stared at its contents, then he lifted it up to his face and sniffed it. That's when his eyes went wide. Lee was watching him too.

«What?» she asked.

«This is human. Where did you get this?!»

Finally, Oswald had Edward's full attention again. Not that this was the point of all this, far from it, but it was still a plus.

«From a butcher shop, ran by, you'll never guess, _undead people_.»

«Undead-? How...»

«I met three of their employees this morning, all three undead. Whoever is responsible for this... had the right idea. Why didn't we think about this?»

«We had other problems to worry about.» Ed remarked.

Oswald shrugged in response as if to say “fair enough”.

«Are you implying someone has been turning more people to create demand, to make more profit off their shop? This is awful! How many do you think there are? All those poor people, surely turned against their will... and won't they need the serum too?» Lee interjected, catching the attention of both men who looked at her until she was finished speaking, then a grin formed on Oswald's face as he slowly turned to face Ed.

«That's a very good point, doctor. They will need the serum, and they might get desperate enough to pay for it.»

Edward smiled back at him, that brand of complicit smile that says “oh, you”.

«What!? That's so immoral! They will _need_ it to stay alive, you can't charge them for it!»

«Why not? This is America, doctor.»

That shut her up, but she didn't look happy at all.

«In fact... we should decide a base price. How much are you willing to pay?» he asked, and suddenly, the smile faded from Edward's face.

«Oswald. We are not charging Lee.» he paused, turning to her, «First customer discount.» he added with a quick small smile.

«Fine!» Oswald rolled his eyes, «But my point still stands.»

«On that subject, it should be ready by now.» Ed took one test tube and offered it to Lee. She looked hesitant, but she took it.

While she prepared for the injection, Oswald and Ed continued discussing the situation.

«I haven't been able to talk to their “boss”, but I think we should pay them another visit and make our offer.»

Edward nodded, as he watched Lee inject herself. Oswald watched too.

«How are you feeling?»

«The same. How do we know if it worked?»

«Only time will tell. I didn't feel any difference either when I did it, so, chances are it's perfectly fine.» Oswald commented. Lee nodded and she started to prepare another dose. Edward rolled up his sleeve, and she reached for some cotton to disinfect the area, but Ed stopped her.

«It's not necessary, it's not like I can get sick.»

She hesitated for a moment, but then agreed and injected him too.

«How are you feeling?» Oswald fretted over him. He noticed Lee shooting him a look, so he straightened his back and purposefully ignored her.

«I'm fine.» Ed reassured him.

«Good. Well, then, since this is done, I believe it's-»

«It's time for me to head home. I'll be seeing you around.» Lee surprised him by finishing the sentence for him, so much that all he could do was nod.

Once left alone, Oswald was ready to get back to scheming, but Ed too surprised him by talking first.

«Before we continue, I wanted to apologize. I didn't realize it immediately, but I was rude and I hurt you.»

Oswald stared at him. He had almost forgotten all about that from earlier that same morning.

«It's alright, I was being impossible.» he was so shocked by that, this was all he managed to blurt out.

Edward'd eyes went wide when he heard that. He should have been used to it by now, but Oswald admitting his faults always felt like some kind of grand event. He looked away and smiled. Oswald was confused and stepped closer. Since Edward was still sitting, Oswald was actually taller than him, so he leaned down a little to peek at his face.

«Ed?»

«Lee was right.»

Oswald was even more confused by that. He stared even when Ed looked up at him again.

«She was the one who pointed out I was treating you unfairly earlier.»

«Oh.»

That put a few things in a new perspective. Maybe, just maybe, Oswald had been unfair too, to Lee. Judging her harshly and treating her like an intruder in their lives, when he should have known she was a good person and she had never meant any harm. Okay, he decided, what's fair it's fair. So, he wouldn't be jealous of her anymore, but one fact still remained. She disagreed with them on the matter of the serum distribution, and as far as he was concerned, she could be an adversary on that front, and he wasn't going to let her get in the way.

 

Lee got home, she sat at her desk and took a recorder from her pocket. She started listening through through the recordings from that morning and sighed to herself. She wasn't happy to deceive people, never, but she knew Edward would have noticed her taking notes, so instead, she recorded him speaking about the serum. She opened a notebook and took a pen, ready to start transcribing the list of ingredients and the process. This was a stretch, but she thought the serum could be a good place to start if she wanted to find a cure.

 

Edward turned the card in his hands, he had looked at it so much, that when he found himself in front of the real thing, he had no doubt they were in the right place.

He and Oswald walked in, the bell rang, and immediately the same two employees from that morning walked out, greeting the customers with a smile.

«Back so soon? You must have really liked the product!» one commented cheerfully.

«Or maybe they have a complaint.» added the second one, gaining a glare from the first.

«We are here to see your boss.»

The two looked at each other, then the first one, the tallest of the two, spoke.

«Uh... she's busy, I'm afraid.»

Oswald's lips stretched into a smile and he walked closer to the counter.

«I don't think you understand. It was a question.»

«I... uh... I'm sorry Mr Penguin, I've been told not to bother her, unless, uh... unless it's urgent.»

Oswald reached inside his jacket and pulled out a gun, pointing it at him, letting it rest against his temple.

«How about having to clean up your brain off the counter, would that be urgent enough?»

«Uh... I suppose?» the man paused to swallow nervously, «Boss?» he called, then again, louder this time, «Boss??»

After a moment, a young woman walked in, removing her bloodied gloves and grabbing a towel to clean up her hands, doing so very casually, while studying the situation, not looking worried at all.

«What can I help you with, gentlemen?» she paused, recognizing Oswald and frowning just a little, « _You_?»

Oswald took his gun away from the man's face, allowing him to sigh in relief, and he stared at the woman.

«You know her?» Ed asked.

Oswald squinted with a frown, trying to remember why that face felt somewhat familiar, then it finally clicked, and he snapped his fingers.

«I remember you!» then he added in a lower voice, leaning towards Ed, «It's her, the woman I bit!»

«I guess the things we bite do come back to bite us in the ass at some point.» Ed commented sarcastically, in the same low volume.

Yulia still heard them and she smiled.

«So, you must be the famous Penguin. And you, let me guess, the Riddler, right? I'm Yulia. Good to see you again. I should thank you, really, and I should also apologize for trying to mug you, and for shooting you. I wasn't in a good place back then, but as you can see, I'm doing much better now.» she said, gesturing to her shop.

«You own this place?»

«Belonged to my dear father... but the place is mine now. I've been trying to make this work for so long, almost ran this place into the dirt, but then, a new business opportunity opened. See, undead people are willing to pay a higher price, desperation does that. Not everybody is willing to get their hands dirty, but luckily for them, I am.»

Oswald didn't like her smug smile one bit.

«So, what brings you here? If you are looking for a discount, we don't make any.»

«Au contraire.» Oswald begun with a smile, putting his gun away and walking a little closer to the counter, «I have a business proposition for you.»

«Business proposition?» she chuckled, «I'm listening.»

«Have any of you been experiencing problems such as... earlobes rotting, eyes falling out of their sockets, toes falling of, and such?»

Yulia scoffed. The two employees looked at each other.

«How do you know?» asked the shorter one.

«You know what he's talking about?» Yulia asked.

«My toes started going black. We were just afraid to bring this up...» the taller one admitted.

«Well, I used to have ten toes, now I have nine.» Oswald answered the question unperturbed.

They all looked at him, the employees' eyes going wide, Yulia grimaced.

«This is very interesting. That took months, but now, it seems the further the virus gets from the source, the stronger it gets. Of course, this isn't good, especially for you, but it's interesting nonetheless.» Edward commented.

Oswald listened, then smiled and nodded.

«How far are they from the source now?» Ed asked.

«The source were those clams I ate, right?» Ed nodded at him, «Well then, there's me, then there's your boss, whom I'm guessing is the one who bit you, and then there's you.»

The panic in those two men's faces was immediately apparent. They started freaking out, rushing to remove their shoes to check on the state of their feet. Yulia noticed and rolled her eyes at them. The taller one started standing on one foot, trying to reach his other foot to see it better, while the other, a bit slimmer and more agile, did the same thing with less effort, and he started wiggling his toes, then, noticing his pinky toe had turned completely black, he grabbed it with his fingers and moved it a little. To his surprise, the toe immediately came off and he found himself now holding it between his two fingers.

Instinctively, the man started screaming. Watching this scene, horrified, the taller man started screaming too. Oswald simply flinched a bit at that sight, remembering when that had happened to him, and aware that it's not a pleasant experience, but mostly just grossed out by that scene.

«Oh, keep your voices down, and stop being such babies!» Yulia reprimanded them.

«It's easy for you, it's not _your_ body rotting!» the taller employee retorted.

She glared at him, then turned to look at Oswald and Edward, both them smiling, and she rolled her eyes again, sighing.

«Fine. I suppose you have the solution to this problem?»

«There's a serum for that, only _we_ know how to make. We will give it to you for 35% of your profits.»

«What!? No, that's too much.»

«Yes! We accept!» Yulia turned to the employee who said that and noticed that the shorter one was nodding energetically too, «We agree, right? When will we get the ser-»

Before he could finish speaking, Yulia took out a gun and short him right in the head. Oswald and Edward watched the body flop to the floor, and they froze, staring at the gun in her hand.

Yulia looked at the body and sighed deeply, shaking her head.

«If you kill us, you'll never get the serum, and you'll need it, sooner or later.»

«I know.» she said, putting the gun away, much to Ed and Oswald's relief, «Clean this up, please. We can't have any of our customers see this, especially the more alive kind.»

Before she had even finished speaking, the man was rushing to grab the dead man by the shoulders and drag him into the back of the shop, disappearing behind a curtain.

«I won't go any higher than 10%.»

«With all due respect...» Oswald was still wary about the gun, but he wanted to appear resolute, «You are not the one making the prices.»

There was a short silence, during which she stared at them, but then her shoulders dropped and she huffed.

«Alright, fine.»

Satisfied with how the transaction went, Oswald and Edward left the shop. Yulia stood there, watching them walk away, then turned around and walked behind the curtain, into the room where they treated the meat. She found her employee sadly looking at his ex-coworker, whom he had laid on a table, holding a saw. As soon as he noticed Yulia entering, he put on a more neutral expression, but not in time for her not to notice. She didn't care.

«Contact the assassin.» was all she said, and he immediately dropped the saw and ran to the phone.

 

Oswald and Edward were still giddy about what they had just accomplished, but their mood changed drastically when they arrived on their floor and they saw Jim standing in front of their door, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. They froze, Oswald reached for Ed and grabbed his arm. Jim noticed them and turned to face them, uncrossing his arms.

«How did he find us!?»

«Lee must have told him.»

«This is why I told you not to trust your ex!»

Ed frowned at Oswald, but this time he couldn't exactly disagree. They both stood there a moment longer, unsure what to do. Shoot Jim? Run away? But then Jim spoke.

«Relax, I'm not here to arrest you, or kill you. For now.»

«Thank you, that's very reassuring.» Oswald mocked him with a fake smile.

«I just need to know exactly how many of you there are. I spoke to Lee, she told me how she was turned, and I know it's your fault, Oswald.»

Ed shot him a look and Oswald looked sheepish for a moment, mouthing wordlessly until he found what to say.

«I admit it,» he started, putting one hand up, «-even if indirectly, I had a hand in that, and I apologize for it. But really, Jim, you should be thanking me-» before he could continue any further and seriously piss Jim off, Ed interrupted Oswald by grabbing him by the shoulder and shushing him. Oswald glared at him, but he understood and shut up.

«We'll get you a list.»

 

The three of them walked into the apartment. Oswald walked over to the phone, while Ed kept an eye on Jim, who stood in the middle of the living-room, studying the place, until his eyes fell on something across the room. Then, he started walking closer, and Ed followed him.

Jim stopped in front of the terrarium with three little curious creature inside.

«Why do you have three of them?»

Edward was surprised by that question, and even more surprised by the fact that Jim didn't look horrified at the sight of their pets and that he seemed to already know what they were, but the had to guess he must have become familiar with Lee's.

«Uh... well...»

«One must be yours, and one is Oswald's, so, whose...» Jim paused, then he made a face and his tone became even more serious, «Alvarez.»

Jim looked at Ed and he nodded. He was afraid Jim would react violently, but luckily for him, Jim was able to maintain composure.

In the meantime, Oswald called the number on the card and someone from the butcher shop picked up.

«Tesařik's, how can I help you?»

«I need a list of all your clients.»

«What? What for?»

«I just need it, never mind what for.»

«This wasn't part of the deal.»

«It's part of the deal _now_.»

Oswald heard a pause, then a sigh.

«It will get there with the next delivery.»

After hang up the phone, Oswald walked over to Ed, and noticed both men looking tense. He studied Jim's reactions, but he decided that whatever happened while he was on the phone didn't matter, he could easily change the subject to the matter at hand, which felt way more important.

«It's done. We'll let you know as soon as we get the list, you can leave no-»

«I'd rather wait here.»

Oswald stared annoyedly at Jim. Of course this man had to find a way to be a thorn in his side even in the smallest of ways, he could never just do what Oswald told him, always had to defy him in some way. So disrespectful. He had to wonder what he had ever found in him in the first place.

«Very well, then.»

With nothing else left to do but wait, all three men sat around in different degrees of discomfort. Oswald was unhappy with this development, Edward was still lightly stressed about his previous conversation with Jim, and Jim wasn't particularly happy either, but he was willing to do what needed to be done, so he stayed.

 

When the doorbell finally rang, Jim was the first, and the fastest, to stand up to go answer the door, followed by Oswald and Ed right behind.

As soon as he opened, he knew something was off. He saw a face he knew well, and that he wasn't expecting to see.

«Oh. Hi, Jim.» said Zsasz, right before taking out his guns and start shooting.

Jim ducked out of the way. Immediately, Oswald and Ed ran and hid behind the couch for cover. Oswald took out his gun and poked his head out to try to aim, but he was forced to duck again when a bullet flew right beside his head. Jim took out his gun as well and started shooting, but Zsasz was quick and he ducked out of the way, continuing to shoot at the couch.

«I'm not here for you Jim, I don't want to kill you, but don't make me, because I will.»

Jim didn't listen and continued shooting, so Zsasz retaliated by shooting him in the leg. Jim hissed and lost his footing for a moment. Zsasz took this moment to walk over to the couch, circling it until he came face to face with his target. Oswald scooted away, until his back hit Edward, then he tried to aim at the assassin's head, but he hit his gun with a bullet from that close, making him drop it. Oswald straightened his back and opened his arms to try to shield Ed, who instead was trying to push him out of the way, but Zsasz chuckled, surprising them both.

«Don't worry I'm not here for him,» he said, gesticulating with one of his guns at Ed «I need him alive anyway. I'm here for you, Ozzy.»

Oswald felt the dark goo in his veins freeze. This was it, then. A single shot in the head and he would be gone. And he wouldn't even be there to protect Edward, from whatever Zsasz had planned for him. What did he need him for, anyway?

Then, out of nowhere, Jim jumped on Zsasz's back, trying to put his gun to his head, while keeping a hold on him with one arm around his neck, and Zsasz almost lost his footing. Watching this struggle, Oswald turned around to check on Ed, exchanging a quick look, and they both decided that getting out of there was the best thing to do, so they stood up and moved out of the way while Jim and Victor fought.

Oswald looked around for his gun but he couldn't see it anywhere, assuming it must have slipped under the furniture. A few shots went off, making holes in the ceiling and missing Zsasz's head completely.

«Oswald!» Jim called for him in a tone that urged him to do something.

Edward grabbed Oswald by the arm and dragged him along, ready to flee the apartment, but Oswald stopped right in front of the fireplace, when his eyes fell on the fire poker. He stopped to look at the other two, and he saw that Jim had managed to pull Zsasz backwards, almost cornering both of them against a wall, and Oswald knew this was the right time. Instinctively, he grabbed the poker. He ran at Zsasz with all the strength he had, shouting all the while. Zsasz had dropped his guns to try to use his hands to fight Jim off, but he wouldn't let go. Jim saw Oswald coming and he managed to jump out of the way just in time. The poker perforated Zsasz' abdomen and stuck itself into the wall, deep enough that he couldn't free himself so easily.

Ed watched this happen, then, his brain was quick enough to find the next best solution, and he ran to the desk where he and Lee and been working. He picked up a small syringe he had already prepared, but hadn't had a chance to use yet. This was an experimental drug, there was no way to know if it would work, but he figured that right now would be a good moment to try it. He reached Zsasz and before the assassin could do anything, he stuck the needle in his neck and pressed down. A moment later, Zsasz stopped struggling and his body went limp.

«Did you kill him?» Oswald asked.

«No, this is a special sedative I have been working on. The undead are immune to most things that affect humans, so I wanted to create something that could reach an undead nervous system, I wasn't sure it would work.»

Oswald's mouth changed from a surprised round shape to a large smile. He was relieved and happy with how things had turned out, but there was a certain dose of affection in his expression too. He was so proud of Edward, he hadn't forgotten how smart that man was, he didn't even know why he was surprised in the first place. Then, he looked at Jim, who was just now picking himself off the floor and working to stand up by grabbing onto the couch, and he managed to slid onto it and sit down. His leg hurt.

«How did you know I would get out of the way in time?»

Oswald gave him a light shrug.

«I didn't.»

Jim closed his eyes, partially to resist rolling them, partially because he was tired due to the pain, and he grimaced.

«Why am I not surprised?»

 

They took Zsasz, and it took a while to dislodge the poker from the wall – it took less effort to rip it out of Zsasz's body, black goo dripping on the floor – they moved him to another room, and tied him to a chair.

All three men stood around, watching the undead assassin sleep, considering their best options.

«How long until he wakes up?» asked Jim.

«I don't know, I never used this sedative before.»

«How the hell did he find us!?»

Jim and Ed looked at Oswald, both wondering the same thing. In Jim's case, less because he actually cared about the two criminals' wellbeing, and more because his detective brain was telling him there was more to this.

«He came after me! He said he needed Ed alive...» Oswald added after a moment, «What could Zsasz need you for?»

«The serum.» Jim supplied.

«But Zsasz already got his, long ago.»

There was a short pause, then, Edward and Jim looked at each other, their eyes going wide with recognition.

«Yulia.» Ed said.

Jim nodded. Oswald suddenly understood everything. He clenched his jaw and his eyes went wide.

«That bitch! Of course. She sent Zsasz after us, right after she learned our address! Sending an assassin instead of the list I asked her, she will pay for this!»

Ed slowly nodded. Jim sighed, then hissed, reaching for his leg and pulling up his pant leg to uncover the wound. Oswald and Ed watched him.

«That looks nasty. You know, it would take just a little bite and you wouldn't have to worry about pain anymore.» Oswald commented.

«No, thank you.»

Oswald shrugged and made a face as if to say “just saying”.

«What do we do with him, then?» Edward asked.

«We get answers out of him, with every mean necessary. He will tell us everything he knows about Yulia, or else.»

«You are gonna torture him?» Jim asked. For once, he agreed with Oswald, but still, he wasn't fond of his methods, and as commissioner, he couldn't possibly condone them.

«You don't have to be here for this. Go home, or, to a hospital. Get that leg checked out. Leave the rest to us. Can't object to what you don't know about.»

Jim would have argued about that, saying that closing an eye at this couldn't possibly be the most morally sound option, but he realized he had no choice. He was still bleeding, despite having tried to clean up the wound as best as he could, and there was a bullet still in his leg. He had to go, and he had no control over what Oswald or Ed would do in his absence, and it wasn't like he could send the police over there to take care of this for him, not even Harvey, because nobody could know the truth, or Lee would be in danger too.

He tiredly nodded, then limped away and out of the apartment, leaving Oswald and Edward alone with their prisoner.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There she is!!! My girl is back!! sorry, i get excited about this OC, she is awful :)
> 
> Note: her full name is Yulia Tesařik, hence the name of the shop, it's a family shop that belonged to her father until he died (i wish i could get into her bullshit backstory but she isn't the focus of this story so it would make no sense to shoehorn it in there, but still, i threw in a few details, just because).  
> Thanks this time to those baby names websites (i already knew her name was Yulia, but it helped me pick the spelling and a last name).
> 
> Anyway. Zsasz is back too. Surprise! Poor Zsasz, dude can't catch a break lmfao
> 
> Hope you liked this one! I don't have any particular notes this time, at least i don't think so. See you next time :)


	17. Next time, watch your step.

«Where the hell is Zsasz?»

Yulia muttered to herself, pacing up and down in the back of her shop. She noticed her new employee staring at her and she glared back at him.

«What are you looking at? Keep working.»

The man nodded and rushed to move a crate across the room, she didn't pay attention because she heard the bells above the door ring, and a moment later, another of her employees poked his head behind the curtain and got her attention, gesturing her to come quickly. She rolled her eyes and followed.

«What is it-» she stopped and stared when she saw the Penguin and the Riddler standing there, in her shop. She mentally cursed Zsasz, because this wasn't supposed to happen. Oswald Cobblepot was supposed to be dead. Nygma was supposed to be tied up and delivered to her. They definitely were not supposed to be standing there, looking like they owned this place, suitcase in hand.

Oswald gestured to the counter and Edward followed his instructions, placing the suitcase on it and opening it. He extracted one syringe and made eye contact with Yulia, her eyes were fixated on it, clearly she knew exactly what that was, and yet, she still looked a bit confused.

«Is that...?»

«The serum? Of course, like we promised. We are men of our word, aren't we?» Oswald replied with a smile. Edward looked at him behind his shoulder and smiled back, then he looked back at Yulia and his smile dropped.

Immediately, Yulia reached over the counter and grabbed the syringe. Oswald opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but said nothing, he smiled instead. He watched her rush to inject herself, while her employees stared wide eyed. She finished and pulled the syringe out, smiling, satisfied, but then, her expression suddenly changed. The smile on Oswald's face widened. Her face contorted into a pained grimace and quickly enough, she collapsed to the floor. Edward leaned over the counter to watch, and Oswald walked closer and did the same.

Yulia was on the floor, convulsing, her body shaken by incontrollable and painful spasm, black veins surfacing on her face, and grey foam starting to form at her mouth. She glared up at them with accusatory eyes.

«I hope this will teach you to think twice, before sending an assassin after us. He says hi, by the way.»

Yulia continued to glare at Oswald, grunting and panting, unable to do much else.

«What was that?» he mocked her.

«Zsasz had the same reaction when I tested this on him.» Edward commented, exchanging a quick conspiratorial look with Oswald, who smiled at him in response.

«Oh, don't worry. The dose you got was very diluted, the effect won't last forever. As for the rest of the syringes, we said we'd keep our word, didn't we? They are all perfectly safe, filled with serum.»

Yulia's frown got deeper and she tried to say something, but all that came out was a quiet, pained sound.

Oswald mocked her again, pretending to listen intently and nodding as if she'd been speaking.

«If that's all, we'll be on our way now.»

And with that, they turned around and left the shop. Yulia's employees looked at each other, rather hesitantly, then one of them was brave enough to grab a syringe and inject himself. After a few seconds, nothing happened, so he smiled in relief, and the other smiled too, before rushing to get his dose, but before he could reach the suitcase, all of the others, who had heard what happened, ran to the front of the shop to try to grab one, and they barely missed Yulia, who risked getting trampled, internally cursing and taking a mental note to make them all pay, all of them.

 

Lee observed the rat in his cage. The rat – who had previously attempted to kill his fellow rats, and had on one occasion gladly feasted on one of them when he was able to free himself of his cage and somehow enter the one next to his – now was peacefully munching on a piece of carrot, holding it with his tiny hands. He looked like a perfectly normal rat, not dangerous at all.

Lee sighed and looked at the syringe on her desk. She started to roll up her sleeve, then grabbed the syringe.

«How is it going?» Jim asked, surprising her by suddenly walking in, so much that she almost dropped it.

«Weren't you supposed to be at work?»

Jim's expression changed into a concerned one, when he started to realize what exactly he had walked in on.

«I stopped by to check on... were you about to inject yourself with that?»

Judging by his face and by his tone he was shocked. She couldn't exactly blame him. She dropped her shoulders and put the syringe down on the desk.

«I have no choice, Jim. I have nobody willing to be a test subject, and even if I did, it wouldn't be right. This is the only way.»

«Like hell it is, Lee. I won't let you put your life in danger, we don't know what that does!» he walked closer, placing his hands on her arms. She was looking down, refusing to look at him in the eyes.

«It worked on the rat... it's been a whole day, he hasn't shown any symptoms since.»

«What chances are there this will work the same way on people?»

She had been working on this, basically non-stop, for weeks. It was a relatively short amount of time to be getting results already, but she saw what the rat had gone through and she was hopeful. She didn't like experimenting on those little creatures, so, among other reasons, she really hoped to be done soon, so she could stop. But most importantly, knowing how many undead there were now in Gotham, finding a cure was imperative before they could have an epidemic. Modifying the serum to make it work hadn't been easy, and many rats had already faced an awful end at her hand for this pursue, but this time it was different. She could feel it in her gut. That's why she was willing to try it. But she understood her husband's concerns, she couldn't just dismiss them. She sighed and finally looked up at him.

«What do you suggest, then?»

To her surprise, Jim's face actually lit up, the telltale sign that he had just gotten an idea. Her eyes went wide with surprise, and she waited to hear it.

«I might have the perfect test subject for this.»

 

When Oswald opened the door and found Jim and Lee standing there, once again, uninvited, he was most definitely not pleased. He frowned and stared at them, but then let them in, since he might as well, at this point.

He didn't like how chummy those two were getting. He hadn't forgotten that they were enemies, and he was fully aware that if it hadn't been for the whole being undead thing, Jim would be there with the entirety of the GCPD, ready to kick down the door and put them both in jail, separating them again, but instead, he was merely there with his wife, a clever and strong-willed woman whom Oswald had learned not to underestimate, and to respect instead.

So, the two marched in, and Oswald closed the door. Ed walked out of the bedroom wearing a robe and he looked surprised to see the two guests, and almost embarrassed for the state he was in, and reflexively grabbed the edge of the robe and covered himself better, despite being already perfectly covered. He fixed his glassed and coughed awkwardly, looking expectantly at Oswald for an explanation.

Oswald caught that, but sadly he didn't have one either, so he bounced the ball back to Jim, who finally was gracious enough to explain himself.

«We need to see Zsasz.»

«Why on Earth-»

«We might have a cure.» Lee interrupted. Oswald blinked and did a double take. Edward's jaw dropped and he walked closer.

«How? How did you-... are you sure?» he asked.

«Well, no, I can't be entirely sure. That's why we need Zsasz.»

Ed frowned, and so did Oswald, but then his eyebrows shot up.

«Oh... I see. We were planning on letting him starve and see how quickly he turns into a rotting corpse – a little experiment of our own,» he winked, «But that's just as well. If it doesn't work, too bad. If it works, it will just make it easier to kill him. And torture him. You know, high pain threshold and all, it's not easy torturing the undead!» he finished his sentence clapping his hands together and making a face.

Jim cleared his throat and glared at him, prompting an interrogative look from him.

«I'm still commissioner and you shouldn't say these kind of things in my presence-»

«Oh, cut it Jim. What are you gonna do? Undead wife, remember?» Oswald shot back, gesturing to Lee, who started to look uncomfortable.

Instead, she mad eye contact with Edward, and she crossed the room, walking over to him, who gestured for her to follow, and directed her to the room they were keeping Zsasz in.

Oswald looked almost offended by all this, but after exchanging a quick look with Jim, he got a grip on himself, straightening his back, and he followed too.

When they walked in, Zsasz barely reacted, but then, suddenly, when Jim walked in, his eyes fixated on him and he tensed up. He looked like shit, admittedly. He had deep dark reddish circles under his eyes and he looked a lot paler.

«I thought there wasn't a cure.» Oswald commented.

«I had to try. It seems to work on rats, but I have no idea if it will be just as effective on people, and I have no way to predict what effect it might have on the psyche either.» she paused, then noticed everyone was still staring at her, so she added, «It's hard to monitor rat brains, they don't show any sign of unusual behavior for rats, but... they are rats.»

Lee opened her purse and extracted a box with the syringe inside. When she took that out, finally Zsasz's eyes moved from Jim to Lee, he stopped staring at him like he was a delicious piece of ham, and focused on the long needle instead. He looked alarmed, to say the least.

Lee stepped closer and rolled up Zsasz's sleeve, then injected him. Everyone watched silently, then she stepped back, and everyone continued to stare for several seconds.

«So?» Oswald asked, impatiently.

«It's not immediate. It might take a day or two to kick in.» Lee explained, much to Oswald's disappointment. He rolled his eyes and shrugged. Zsasz was now back to staring at Jim, breathing heavily through his teeth, until he licked his lips, and that was the signal for Jim and Lee to decide to get out of that room. Oswald and Ed agreed and followed them outside, locking the door behind them, just as a safety measure.

«Let us know if anything changes.» Jim's plea sounded more like an order, which Oswald didn't appreciate. He pressed his lips tightly together into a forced smile and nodded, then, once the other two were outside, he closed the door and took a deep breath, before turning to Ed.

Both of them had a lot going through their minds, a lot to share, but it was tough even deciding where to start. Needless to say, neither of them was expecting something like this any time soon, if ever.

«So... a cure.» Oswald started, tentatively. Edward nodded absently. «Do you realize what this mean? We could be human again. I never thought that would ever be an option...» Oswald continued, ending with a quiet chuckle. He glanced nervously at Ed.

«I don't want to be human again.»

That surprised Oswald, his jaw dropped and he was speechless, so he just waited for Ed to elaborate.

«Think about everything we have had to deal with since this started. I'd say it got us closer. Also, I like the way we are now, the way I am, and the way you are. I don't want to go back. This is who we are, so, accepting a cure, that's denying a part of ourselves, and I don't want that. I don't want to renounce any part of me, and I don't want to renounce any part of you, either.»

Oswald listened intently, then he walked closer and put his hands in the sides of Ed's face.

«I'm glad we feel the same way.»

Edward smiled. He exhaled, relieved, as if he hadn't even realized how tense he had been until then, and he let Oswald kiss him.

 

Yulia finally managed to peel herself off the floor, still struggling to stand, and having to grab onto the counter to steady herself. After a few tentative steps, she reached the suitcase. Her head was pounding, and she felt as if her insides were burning. She coughed and reached for it, but when the turned it around, it was empty. She clenched her jaw and gnashed her teeth. She grabbed the suitcase and she threw it against the opposite wall in a burst of rage, making a framed picture fall off. She breathed heavily and then had to lean on the counter again, still feeling a little dizzy. She felt so much rage flowing through her veins, she could have burst into flames and burn the whole place down. Then, she remembered her resolution to make someone pay, and remembered how some of her employees were in such a rush to get to the serum first that they almost stepped on her, as she laid agonizing on the floor. None of them tried to help her either. She turned around and pushed past the curtain. Sudden silence fell in the room, as everyone froze and looked at her, not doubting her intentions even for a second, and fully realizing their mistake. She looked around, until her eyes fell on the man whose foot had gotten dangerously close to her head – even from her odd perspective from the floor, she recognized him – she walked closer to him. He dropped everything, he had been in the process of flattening a piece of meat, there was blood all over his apron. She got closer, with slow, calculated steps, and stopped just a couple feet away.

«Did it work? How does it feel, good?» she asked in an amicable tone with a small smile.

The man looked like he wasn't sure if he could feel relieved yet and he nodded hesitantly.

«Good, good, so it works, then?»

He nodded again and attempted a smile. Her smile grew larger in response.

«We don't waste time here, I'll let you get back to work.»

He turned to continue his previous work but when he reached for the tenderizer, he did a double take, realizing it wasn't where he had left it. If took him a second too long to realize what was happening, and by the time he turned to face Yulia, with a partially shocked, partially terrified expression on his face, it was too late. She was holding it in her hand, and she swung at his head, hitting him from behind. There was a loud noise, undoubtedly the sound of a skull cracking, and the man wobbled forward, then fell backwards. He was barely conscious, the put his arms up in an attempt to defend himself, but Yulia calmly put the tenderizer down on the table, so he calmed down a little, still shocked and confused. She walked closer to him and leaned down a little, to make sure he could see her face clearly.

«Next time, watch your step.»

Before he could react, she lifted a foot and violently stomped down on his head. Another loud crack. Black good splattered all over the floor. She looked up, and she saw some of her employees staring in a mixture of awe and disgust, while others had looked away, and refused to look back. She clapped her hands.

«Chop chop! Back to work. Someone clean up this mess.»

Everyone sprung into action, as she started to walk away, retiring into her office in the back.

This had made her feel marginally better, but it couldn't take the sting away from the disastrous, humiliating defeat from earlier, at the hands of Oswald Cobblepot. She was going to get her hands on that serum, one way or another, and she would make him pay. And she might just know how. It might take a while to move all pieces into place, but she knew exactly what to do.

 

Lee finished taking Zsasz's blood pressure and she sighed. Oswald was waiting impatiently for an answer, following her every movement with his eyes.

«His vitals are back to normal, he is human.»

For some reason, she didn't sound happy about this.

«That's great! It worked!» Oswald exclaimed excitedly.

«Will someone answer my question, please? How did I get here, what's happening?»

They all turned to stare at Zsasz, who looked somewhere in between confused and just tired. Lee pressed her lips together tightly. That's what was bothering her.

Sure, Zsasz was human again, but he seemed to have lost his memory. At least he seemed to remember who he was – he knew his name was Victor Zsasz and he knew he was an assassin, and he remembered Don Falcone, but that was pretty much it. Not really what Lee was hoping for.

«I'm gonna get back to work and see what I can do...» she sounded so defeated, Ed almost felt bad for her. But when it came down to it, he really didn't care about a cure, he didn't want one, and he couldn't care less if others did. So Zsasz had lost his memory, so what? He was human at least, that counted as some progress, in his opinion.

Oswald's mindset was close to Edward's, except for the fact that he had already found a way to use this to his advantage. He smiled, watching Zsasz look around, looking lost and annoyed.

Lee left and Ed walked her to the door. When he came back into the room, Oswald was grinning.

«What?»

«This is the best possible outcome. No memory, no grudge against us, we can use him again!»

Oswald explained excitedly. Edward couldn't help but let himself be infected by the other's mood and he smiled.

«You're right. He's a blank slate.»

«Exactly!»

Both men looked at Zsasz, pleased with how things had turned out.

 

After quickly debriefing him on the undead situation, Zsasz turned out to be perfectly amicable towards them. Of course, they omitted a few tiny, crucial details, such as the unfortunate downfall of Alvarez, among other things, but this version of Zsasz seemed to barely acknowledge the detective ever existed, so they called themselves lucky for not having to make up an excuse for his disappearance. Everything was going swimmingly. The money from the butcher shop was starting to come in, they occasionally used the delivery service when they were in the mood for something fancy, and over all, everything seemed to be going in the right direction, for once. Plus, now they were finally able to enjoy their undead life together as a couple, in peace, without anything to stop them, or get in the way, or anyone trying to arrest them or kill them, which was definitely optimal, if you asked them.

 

One morning, about a week and a half later, Oswald was getting ready to leave, fixing his tie in front of a mirror, when Edward caught him.

«Going somewhere?»

«Yulia called, apparently she wants to make amends.»

«Should I come too?»

Oswald could feel the concern in Ed's voice and he smiled, turning around and placing a quick kiss on his lips.

«No need. I'll be taking Zsasz with me, as a safety measure.»

So, Oswald went to the place Yulia had indicated. It was a restaurant. Of course, they couldn't eat anything off the menu, but it didn't matter, that wasn't the point. The point was, of course, meeting in a public place, where other people were present, so neither of them could make a scene and they would be forced to maintain cordial tones, and hopefully no bullets would fly.

Just to be sure, Oswald sent in Zsasz first, to take a look at the place and make sure it was safe. Zsasz came out a few minutes later.

«Nothing out of the ordinary.»

Oswald nodded and finally walked in, followed by Zsasz. He quickly spotted Yulia sitting at a small table, alone. He walked over to her and she stood up when she saw him, inviting him to take a seat. Zsasz remained behind him, standing over them, overseeing the situation.

«Thank you for coming.» she begun, then glanced at Zsasz, «What's the deal with him?»

Oswald nervously cleared his throat.

«Brainwashing. Quite effective.» he explained – lied – with a small smile. She seemed to buy it and she nodded.

«I see. Good job, he doesn't even recognize me.» she smiled, «Anyway, to get to the point...»

A waiter approached the table, interrupting her. She remained calm and smiled politely, asking for a single bottle of water for now.

Oswald watched the waiter walk away and disappear into the kitchen. She continued.

«I deeply regret how things started off between us, and I really want us to be friends. I was hoping we could bury the hatchet and start anew, as business partners. I am really sorry about this... misunderstanding.»

Oswald noticed her careful choice of words. He knew exactly what she was doing, he wasn't new to this game, he had been in her place, and he would have probably said the same things too. If he had been her, though, he would have also very easily been plotting something else, behind it all, and putting on this facade only to fool his adversary, so he was wary of her niceties. He knew, or he suspected, there had to be something under all of this, although he didn't know what yet. But he hadn't gotten where he was by underestimating his enemies. He needed to be honest and admit other people had the capability to be as smart and cunning as he was. He still wasn't entirely sure about Yulia, but if she had been able to set up a business that had so easily taken off in just a few weeks, he had to assume she was capable of much more, and thus, he didn't trust her one bit.

So, when she said “I want us to be friends” he heard “I want to fool you into a false sense of security”, when she said “I'm hoping to bury the hatchet”, he heard “I'm plotting revenge”, and when she said “I'm really sorry”, he heard “I'm not sorry at all and I will stab you in the back at the first chance I get”.

He smiled to himself, as the waiter arrived with the bottle of water.

«You really think I can't see right through you?» he chuckled, «Normally I would play along, play the long game to see what you really are up to, but I have no time of patience for these games. Cut the bullshit.»

Yulia's expression changed. She held up a mask of surprise and confusion for just a moment longer, but then dropped it, and Oswald's smile widened.

«There she is.» he commented, finally getting to see her true colors. There was fire and hate in her eyes, burning so deeply that she looked like if she could, she would have set him on fire with her gaze. This is what he was talking about. None of that fake cutesy crap.

«You want to know the truth, the real reason I brought you here? You want to know what I really want?» as she spoke, her fingers wrapped around the handle of the knife next to her plate. Oswald leaned back, then, without any need for him to speak, Zsasz pulled out his gun and aimed it at her head.

She looked at the assassin, then calmly let go of the knife, instead, she grabbed the bottle and poured herself a glass of water, taking a sip, before lifting her other hand and gesturing with it up in the air.

«Bring him in.»

When she finished speaking, the door to the kitchen opened, and to Oswald's surprise, Selina walked out. To his even bigger surprise, she was pushing forward someone else, who Oswald recognized almost immediately. Sure, he was a bit taller and looked a bit older, but he was still a child and a frightened one, at that.

«Martin?»

His voice was barely above a whisper. He was in shock. He hadn't seen the boy in about two years and a half and he had been sure he was safe where he had sent him, but he now realized he hadn't sent him far enough. He didn't even know how Yulia knew about him, but his only guess was that Zsasz must have told her while they were working together.

 

«I don't know what you think you are doing, but I suggest you stop immediately. If you touch one single hair on his head, you-»

«What are you gonna do? Kill me?» she interrupted the mounting rage in his voice to laugh at him, which only served to piss him off even more.

«All it takes is a single bullet. I can run your business just fine on my own, I don't need you, so I suggest you reconsider your position, because I assure you, it's not a good one to be in.»

He was leaning forward and baring his teeth as he spoke, the rage in him was apparent from every little detail, from his tone, to his words, so his posture, to his expression.

She continued to look at him in the eyes. His snarl twisted itself into a smile. He felt like he had the upper hand, Zsasz' gun was still pointed at her head and at his signal, he would shoot.

And yet, all she had to do was raise her hand again, and snap her fingers.

The smug smile on Oswald's face dropped, and it turned into an expression of shock and confusion, as he saw everyone in the restaurant, whether they were customers or servers, drop everything they were doing and pull out a gun, some taking theirs from under the table, some from behind the counter, and in a few seconds, the entirety of the restaurant had turned against him, ready to riddle him with bullets. Whether any of them would aim for, or even be able to get him in the head, was hard to say, but the experience definitely wouldn't be pleasant either way, so he froze, his mouth still hanging open.

Yulia put down her glass and casually crossed her legs, leaning back in her chair.

Oswald knew to expect some form of retaliation, and now he felt stupid for falling for this. It wasn't exactly a new trick, he definitely wasn't new to this either, and yet he had fallen for it. Maybe he had underestimated her, after all. He cursed himself and his arrogance, telling himself he should have known this would happen, but he remained as calm as he could, glancing at the terrified boy held tightly in Selina's arms.

Yulia smiled, taking note of the expression on Oswald's face. That fear, that doubt, that helplessness, that's exactly what she was aiming for.

«Come on, don't be shy. Come say hello.»

Selina pushed Martin forward, until they reached the table. It didn't escape Oswald's attention that she was avoiding his eyes. He focused briefly on the child.

«I will get you out of here, you'll be safe.» he tried to reassure him, but then, Yulia gestured to Selina, and she wrapped her arm around the boy's shoulders to keep him in place – which was even easier to do, since as an undead woman, Selina was stronger than the average human – and used her other arm to uncover his arm, pulling up his sleeve, and presenting the bare skin to Yulia.

Oswald's eyes went wide.

«Don't! Don't you dare! If you hurt him-»

«Why, don't you want an undead child? I thought you'd appreciate the gesture, as an olive branch.»

Oswald wasn't even sure what else to say. All he cared about was keeping Martin safe, by any means necessary. He looked at Selina again.

«How can you be okay with this? And what are you even doing here?!»

Selina shrugged.

«Selina! I thought we were friends.»

«I don't need friends! I don't need you, or _Ivy_ , or anyone!» as he said this, her hold on the boy tightened.

«Now, are you ready to hear my requests?» Yulia asked, getting all the attention back to her. Oswald hesitated but then nodded. He had no other choice but to go along with this.

«Good. You'll get me the serum and the formula to make more. Oh, and I want that poison too. You know, the one you were so kind to let me try first-hand? That's a useful weapon, thank you for showing it to me.»

Oswald took his phone out of his pocked and dialed the number for the apartment. Edward answered.

«Hello? Oswald?»

«I need you to bring what's left of the serum, and the formula for it. And the anti-serum as well.»

Edward could immediately tell by the shaky tone of Oswald's voice that something was wrong.

«Oswald... what's going on? Are you in danger?»

He felt his stomach tighten as he breathlessly waited for the answer, which he was afraid he already knew.

«She has Martin. Please, come quick.»

Oswald hanged up. Yulia looked satisfied.

 

After an interminable wait, Edward finally entered the restaurant, carrying a suitcase. He looked around and he quickly found the table at which Oswald and Yulia were still sitting. Zsasz was still standing right behind Oswald, while Selina was standing next to Yulia, and in her arms – he immediately recognized him – was the boy. Another man was standing behind Yulia with a gun in his hand. Everyone else was sitting around, waiting, but they were all armed.

Edward swallowed nervously and he walked to the table, placing the suitcase on it.

Yulia shot him a look and she opened the suitcase, studying the contents, then glancing up at him again. In it were many test tubes, properly labeled, and a few syringes. She took one, and looked at it.

«Is this the real stuff?»

«Of course.»

She didn't trust Edward, so she called the man behind her, telling him to step closer, and without warning she stabbed the syringe in his arm. The man was startled, but didn't have any other reaction to the injection other than that. She waited for a few more seconds, just to be sure, but when nothing happened, she seemed satisfied.

She took another and she injected herself in her arm. Oswald watched, as tense as ever, nervously glancing at Martin, who looked completely lost.

«You did good. You are free to go.» as Yulia said this, she grabbed Martin by the arm to get his attention, forcing Oswald to hold his breath for a moment, «Welcome back to Gotham, city of the Undead.» she said, before letting him go.

« _We_ are free to go? What about the boy?» Oswald asked while Edward went to stand by his side, glaring at Yulia too.

«He stays with me. What, you didn't think I'd let you walk away with my leverage, did you?» she laughed, and Oswald felt his black blood boil.

«I will come back for you. I promise.» he said, making eye contact with Martin, to make sure he understood he meant this. Then, the three men walked out of the restaurant, not without carefully checking their surroundings as they went, but they were able to exit without any problems, and reach the car.

Yulia watched them walk away through the front window, a smile still on her face. This had been a complete victory. She took another look at the contents of the suitcase before closing it.

«I really thought you were gonna bite him for a second.» Selina commented.

Yulia glanced at her and looked her up and down.

«It wasn't really necessary, it was simply a scare tactic.»

Selina nodded, then looked down at the boy she was still holding still. She could feel him shaking. She needed to make this better, she thought, and she frowned.

 

As soon as they got into the car, Oswald broke down into Edward's arms. He wrapped his arms around his neck and buried his face into his shoulder. Edward was taken aback for a moment, but then placed his hands on his back, trying to soothe him by massaging in small circles, but after a moment, he could feel Oswald shake and sob.

He wasn't sad, that's not why he was crying. He was furious. He was filled with so much rage that he didn't know what to do with it and his body could barely contain it, so it had to come out in some way.

It was true that he was distraught. He thought Martin would be safe enough, but apparently not. He had also been sure until about a couple hours earlier, that he would have never seen him again, and maybe that would have been for the better, and if he ever thought about meeting him again some day, he surely hadn't imagined it like this. Now, all he could think about, besides having him safe into his arms again, was how much fun he would have slowly peeling the skin off Yulia's body, listening to her plead for her life.

 

When they got back to their apartment, Lee immediately ran to them, and Oswald was shocked to see her there, wondering what the hell she was doing in their house – actually she was there when Oswald called, she and Ed were working together.

«Is everything alright?» she asked, looking around, «Where's the kid?»

She looked in between all three men, waiting for an answer. Oswald glared at her, slightly pouting, Edward avoided her gaze, and Zsasz simply stared blankly.

«Yulia still has him.» Ed finally answered.

«Oh, no... that's awful, that poor child, dragged into all of this...»

«Yeah. This _is_ awful.» Oswald said, as he started to walk away, «And it's all my fault.» he added, more quietly, before walking into the bedroom and shutting the door behind him.

The other three stood there, watching him leave, and then staring at the closed door for a moment, before Lee looked back at Ed, with an interrogative look.

«Is he going to be okay?»

«He blames himself for this.»

Lee nodded.

«What happened?»

«Yulia ambushed him, threatened to bite Martin. Giving her the formula was the only way to protect him, and to get us out of there alive. Now she has Martin, she has the formula to make as much serum she wants, and she has a few doses of anti-serum too.»

Ed walked over to the couch and dropped in it, pushing his glasses over his head and pressing his fingers on his eyelids to massage them. Lee watched him sadly, then her attention moved to Zsasz, who in the meantime had walked to the kitchen and was browsing the fridge, grimacing at most of the contents. She walked over to him and decided this would be a good moment to visit him again, so she did.

His vitals were still fine, and his memory was still in the same state as before, nothing had changed. She pitifully patted Edward on the back before leaving.

Once she had left, and Zsasz had retired to what had now become his room, Edward walked up to the bedroom door. He knocked before entering, but didn't wait for a response. When he got in, he found Oswald laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

He hesitated, but he went and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching for Oswald's hand and holding it in his. Oswald finally looked at him. His blue eyes were still lightly watery and red, and there were tears clearly drying up around them.

«We had everything, now we have nothing. And every move we make, could dictate the end of Martin.» he said, unclear if he was really talking to Edward, or simply expressing a thought out loud.

«We have been there before, _you_ have been there before, you always rise up.»

«But this time it's different! I never have to respond for anyone else but me... Even you, you are an adult, and as much as I love you and I can worry about you, I know you can handle yourself. But Martin... if something happens to him, it's all on me. I did this. I should have never have approached him in the first place, he would have been better off not knowing me at all. You were right... love is a weakness. That why I sent him away in the first place...»

Edward laid down next to Oswald and he gently took his face and turned it so that the other would have to look at him in the eyes.

«Don't say that. You know it's not true.»

«Do I?» the scorn was audible and bitter in Oswald's voice.

«Yes, you do. Because if you didn't love him, you wouldn't be willing to do everything to get him back, and that's a type of strength too. We will save him, Oswald. I promise you that.»

Oswald stared at him with wide hopeful eyes.

«It's not like you to say something like that.»

Edward was surprised by that remark, but then smiled.

«Haven't I told you before? I believe in you, even when you don't believe in yourself. Nothing has changed.»

Oswald turned on his side and he prompted himself up on one elbow to look at Edward's face from above.

«Thank you. That's exactly what I needed to hear right now.»

He leaned down and connected their lips.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, startling both of them, and making them sit up instinctively. Admittedly, they were both still a little on edge since the events from earlier.

They exchanged a look as if to ask the other if he was expecting someone, then, both got off the bed and went to answer the door. Neither of them had any idea who it could be, although, it seemed like multiple people had taken the habit of showing up unannounced at their doorstep, so they shouldn't be surprised either way.

They walked past the couch, finding Zsasz had moved there and he was currently watching something on tv. Oswald shot him a glare, about to ask him why he didn't open the door, since he was the one closest to it, but then he thought better of it. Maybe it was better if Zsasz didn't feel comfortable just letting anyone in – they might allow him to live there, since they employed him in the first place, but that didn't mean that was his house.

Edward opened the door, Oswald right besides him, and Daryl walked in before they could even say anything.

«Hey, guys. Haven't seen you in a while, thought I'd stop by and say hello.»

«Well, you said it now, so, if you don't mind-»

«Woah!» Daryl suddenly exclaimed, pushing them both out of the way and reaching for his gun hidden in the back of his jeans, and aiming it at Zsasz.

Both Oswald and Ed rushed to stop him before he could pull the trigger, gaining a very confused look from him.

«He's not undead anymore!» Oswald shouted, finally getting him to relax and lower his weapon, his frown getting even deeper.

«He's not? But how?»

Oswald looked at Zsasz, who was still sitting on the couch, staring at them, then he exchanged a quick look with Ed, who subtly nodded. They grabbed Daryl by his arms and pulled him all the way into the bedroom, closing the door behind them. Daryl turned around and stared at them, even more confused than before.

«There's a cure.» Oswald begun.

«A cure?!»

«Yes, but it's not perfect yet, side effects include memory loss.» Edward continued the explanation. Daryl's eyebrows went up as he probably started to understand where they were going with this.

«Which is why we are not worried about having Zsasz hanging out on our couch. He doesn't remember anything, he doesn't hate us anymore.» Oswald smiled and Daryl started to slowly nod.

«Wow... this is incredible! I need to tell the order, as soon as possible!»

Oswald and Ed looked at the suddenly very excited man standing before them, with a mixture of confusion and horror in their expressions.

«Wait, wait. Didn't you hear what we said?»

«Side effects? Memory loss? Not ideal.» Ed added, Oswald nodded along.

«But don't you get it? This is still great news! If I tell the order, knights can finally stop killing the undead, and we can cure them instead!»

Oswald thought about it for a moment. He had to admit Daryl had a point. Being cured was definitely an improvement over being killed, even counting the amnesia, but still, the point still stood that the cure wasn't ready to be distributed, and they weren't ready to share it with the world either way.

«Alright, listen, calm down.» he reprimanded the man who couldn't stop smiling, and for such a big man, had quite the dumb expression on his face, making him look like a complete doofus, «Lee Thompkins has the cure, she is the one who made it, and she's currently working on fixing it.»

«Yes, yes, good. I can't wait to tell the order!»

Oswald took a deep breath, resisting the urge to punch the man in the face, and he forced a smile.

«Can't you wait just a little longer?» he patiently asked – emphasis on how much effort it took him to ask “patiently”.

Daryl's smile faded a bit and he eventually nodded. Satisfied with having finally reached an agreement, Oswald smiled and looked at Ed, who turned around and opened the door.

As soon as he did, he was surprised to find Zsasz standing right there, with the expression of someone who was trying to act nonchalant, casually looking at some trinket on a shelf like he had never seen it before. Ed was suspicious, but Oswald and Daryl walked right past him, attracting his attention again.

«Thank you for your visit, see you some other time.»

Oswald stretched his lips into a large smile and stared at a clueless Daryl until he got the hint.

«Oh. Yes, I was leaving, uh... Good to see you, guys.»

«Yeah, very good, goodbye!» Oswald said as he ushered Daryl out of the apartment, closing the door behind him.

When he turned around, he found Ed intently observing Zsasz, who in the meantime had returned to his spot on the couch, eyes fixated on the tv. Oswald didn't pay attention to this, and continued talking.

«Too many people know about this place. I swear, if someone else shows up uninvited, I'm gonna shoot them before I open the door.» he paused, «What if I bite Daryl, then inject him with the cure? Then he'd forget were we live, hopefully.»

Edward's head snapped in his direction, directing a mildly concerned frown at him before he could finish chuckling to himself.

«...I was kidding!» he couldn't believe he had to specify that. He saw Ed relax and return his attention to the assassin. Oswald frowned.

«Are you hungry?» he asked, trying to get his attention again.

«Yeah.» Ed replied distractedly.

«...Okay...» Oswald said, more to himself than to the other, and he grabbed his hand, pulling him along towards the kitchen. Ed let himself be pulled and finally teared his eyes away from Zsasz.

He wasn't sure why, but suddenly, he didn't trust him anymore. He would wait to have some evidence before bringing this up to Oswald though. He wouldn't just go out on a limb follow a feeling.

He watched as Oswald opened the fridge and started pouring some pieces of meat into two bowls. He could see his expression was kind of lost like he wasn't really looking at what he was doing, so he walked closer to him, and wrapped one arm around his waist. He knew Oswald had a lot going through his mind at the moment, namely, above all, how to save Martin.

«Are you okay?»

«Mmh-mh.»

He saw Oswald quickly direct a smile at him, before returning his attention to the meal. He leaned down and placed a kiss on his head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof! That's a lot of stuff happening in one chapter, huh? This was so much fun to write. Not to be like that, but i like writing Yulia, she is terrible djfgkdjfgkj
> 
> So, Martin is back! Who missed him? Bet you weren't expecting him to pop up in this fic too. Surprise! Poor boy... really can't catch a break. Oh, and Selina showed up too. We hadn't seen her in a while :)
> 
> Anyway, as you could see from the last chapter already, the influence of Izombie is clear, but now I'm starting to add a bunch of stuff i simply made up on my own (after all, Santa Clarita Diet was cancelled, so we'll never know how it was supposed to end).  
> So, on top of mixing the two, I'm making stuff up as i go. To simplify things, here's a list of all the substances that exist now
> 
> \- the cure: made by Lee by modifying the original serum.  
> \- the serum: taken from SCD canon.  
> \- the anti-serum: this one is made up. made by Ed, it basically accelerates some symptoms and it's very painful and possibly dangerous if not deadly.  
> \- the sedative: made by Ed and Lee, it's a sedative that works on zombies, since normal substances don't affect them.
> 
> there you go, easy! lmao
> 
> Also, another note 'cos i can't stop thinking about this shit and it's gonna kill me if i don't, even if as a writer of fan works i have no reason to feel like i have to justify my choices, but my brain will explode, so there.  
> Yeah, for a fic that started out only exploring Ed and Oswald's points of view, it sure expanded to many other characters now, but here's the thing. At first, it was only about their relationship, so i left out stuff that didn't matter or that i could easily explain as having happened off page, but now that they are together, there's less drama tied to that, since that conflict is pretty much solved, and there's a lot more drama coming from the actions of other characters! Plus, it's a lot of fun to write.  
> Oh, and another thing. I'm growing increasingly more paranoid about the fact that i'm afraid Edward is going slightly OOC?? in my defense, the man is filled with contradictions even in canon, so. But also... man, i wish i could have him be all super smart and shit all the time, but i'm not as smart as him so it's hard sjfjdghj every time i have this same problem. As for riddles, do you have any idea how hard they are so find? i wish he were telling more riddles, but like, MAN it's tough, oof! So, sorry about that.
> 
> As always, i enjoyed the process and i'd say i'm satisfied with the result, so, i hope you liked this chapter as much as i do :)


	18. Let's show Yulia who's in charge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, yes, it is I, i am not dead. Surprised? This one is a bit short, but at least it's a chapter i guess! I don't want to take any more time from you, see ya at the end lol

Oswald kept tossing around in bed, he couldn't turn off his brain and stop thinking. Every time he closed his eyes, some terrible scenario involving Martin would play out before his eyes, and he would huff and turn around. Goes without saying that this way Edward was having trouble sleeping too.

Ed rolled over to face him.

«Are you alright?»

Oswald was surprised to hear Edward's voice, but then realized that of course, how could the other be sleeping, with him not staying still for two consecutive minutes? He sighed and dragged his hand down his face.

«Yeah, I'm just-... I can't sleep.»

«Thinking about Martin?»

Oswald nodded. Edward could barely see him in the darkness, but he didn't need to. He knew. Ed scooted closer and let Oswald turn the other way before making their bodies adhere to each other and wrapping one arm around him, hoping to be of some comfort. He felt Oswald relax a little bit in his arms.

«We'll fix this. I promise.»

 

When Oswald woke up, the sun was already up. He blinked a few times, squinting at way too much light for his liking and he turned to give his back to the window, grabbing a pillow and placing it over his head. He hadn't slept much, so he felt tired and he wished he could continue to sleep, but he realized that Edward was already out of bed, so he sat up, then, with a resigned sigh, he got up too.

He walked to the kitchen and went straight for the fridge. These were the cases in which he actively missed coffee. He wondered if Lee or Ed could make some sort of substitute that worked for the undead, or alternatively, he could try to straight up inject himself with pure caffeine. At worst, it would probably do nothing.

It took him a moment longer to realize something, or rather someone, was missing. As he sat in silence, eating his bowl of flesh, it hit him that Edward was nowhere to be seen. He turned around and didn't see Zsasz either. So he stood up and walked to Zsasz's door to knock on it.

The assassin opened the door just enough to poke his head out and looked at Oswald with an interrogative expression.

«Where's Edward?»

Zsasz shrugged.

«Left early. Tough to say.»

Oswald didn't like this, but Zsasz didn't seem to be able to give him any more information that this, so he just returned to his breakfast, forcing himself not to assume the worst and wait patiently.

He didn't have to wait long, because moments later after he was finished eating, the door to the apartment opened. He immediately turned, expecting to see Edward, ready to scold him and ask him where he had been, but he was too surprised to speak, so he let his mouth hang open as he watched two other people walk in right behind Ed.

He walked closer, suspiciously eyeing Jim and Daryl.

«What's the meaning of this?»

Edward smiled.

«I put together a little team.»

That's when Oswald noticed Daryl was holding a huge bag, which he proceeded to set on the table and open, revealing a vast assortment of weapons.

«A team... for what?»

He still looked bewildered and Edward grew a little impatient at him.

«To save the kid.» said Jim. Oswald looked at him wide-eyed. Jim didn't look like he liked this situation much, but at least there was determination in his expression, «This isn't how I would normally go about this. A child kidnapping is police business, but this is a special circumstance.»

Oswald looked at Daryl, waiting for him to chime in.

«Edward told us your story.» he looked very touched, almost emotional, as he reached to place a comforting hand on Oswald's shoulder, which he was surprised by – and actually fought the urge to flinch away – «We are gonna get your son back, buddy.»

Oswald's brain got caught in between saying “I'm not your buddy.” and “He's not technically my son.”, and so he just stared back with his mouth open, moving his eyes between him and Jim, before focusing on Edward. He finally closed his mouth and he attempted a smile.

«I don't know what to say, I wasn't expecting this.»

Edward smiled back.

«You are not alone, Oswald.»

Oswald wrestled with the emotions swirling and clashing in his chest, struggling to remain composed and dignified. This was good, actually. They might have a chance, the five of them – Zsasz would obviously made to tag along as well.

He reached into the bag and took a look at the weapons, ending up picking up a rifle.

«Let's show Yulia who's in charge.»

Jim scowled at Oswald's remark, but he didn't have much to say to it.

 

Saying that Yulia wasn't expecting this is saying too little. She was in the back, in her office, when the ruckus begun. She heard glass shattering and bullets flying. She poked her head out of the room to see what was happening, just in time to see many of her employees run for the back exit, while the few remaining went to pick up whichever weapon they had within reach.

Selina was in the office too, with Martin. The boy looked startled, looking around with wide eyes. Selina noticed and walked over to reassure him, but the boy quickly scribbled something on his pad, before ripping the page off and hastily handing it to her, looking rather hopeful. It read “They are coming for me!”. Selina frowned at it, already suspecting she knew what the boy was talking about, and suspecting he might be right too.

«Come here.» she said, inviting him to get closer to him so she could protect him, just in case it was necessary, as she reached for the whip at her side.

Yulia came back in, face contorted into a focused grimace, stretching her arm forward to reach for the boy.

«Here!»

It was all she said, in a tone that left little to no alternative but to follow, and Martin hesitated, but then Selina gently pushed him. He looked back at her and saw that she was trying to look reassuring, so he obeyed. He didn't have much choice in the matter.

 

Oswald pushed past the curtain, reduced to a rag full of holes, and walked into the back of the shop, shooting everything that moved on sight, riddling all of Yulia's remaining employees with bullets. He knew that would do nothing to them, but he didn't care. He saw the shock, mixed with fear and rage, in their eyes, and that was enough. Jim, Zsasz and Daryl were a bit more precise, and they aimed for their heads, managing to kill a couple who weren't able to duck in time. Edward shoot at them as well, aiming for their heads, but barely missing the target – he had never been an especially good shooter.

Oswald pressed forward, followed by the others, going around the work tables and shooting whoever they encountered. He wasn't able to dodge a bullet, which hit him right in the chest, causing him to gasp – good thing he was undead – and he responded by shooting the last man left standing in the head, having effectively killed all of Yulia's employees – of those who hadn't decided to jump ship and flee, that is.

That's when Oswald saw her, standing on the door of her office. He threw his empty rifle away and he took out his gun, aiming it at her head, grinning, ready to end this once and for all, but then, Yulia grabbed Martin, carrying him out of the room and crouching behind him, effectively using him as a shield. Oswald's eyes went wide and he lowered his gun a little. He could never shoot in Martin's direction.

The other men did the same. None of them would ever risk hurting the child they had come to save.

Yulia grinned, knowing she had the upper hand once again.

«Give me the poison.» she ordered Selina, who stood there and did nothing.

Yulia pushed Martin forward, forcing him to move, hoping to get to the exit, meanwhile still waiting for Selina to comply, but the girl simply stood in the doorway and stared at her with a frown.

«What do you need it for?» she asked.

Yulia shot her a hateful look.

«What the fuck do you think I need it for?»

Oswald didn't know what was happening and he didn't care, he just wanted to to stop.

«Let him go.» he ordered.

Yulia was now closer to the exit than to the office door. Martin tried to struggle, but the was holding tightly onto him, and she wouldn't let go. Oswald once again felt powerless. There he was, his boy, and he could do nothing to save him. He only felt even more helpless when he understood Yulia's intentions. She uncovered the boy's neck, ready to bite into it.

«What are you doing!?» Selina shouted at her.

«If I bite him, he will be susceptible to the poison. You wouldn't want your dear boy to suffer, wouldn't you?» she directed the last part at Oswald, who tightened his grip on his gun, and yet hesitated. He still couldn't shoot. What could he do?

Suddenly, Yulia felt Martin being pulled away from her grip, and she wasn't sure how or why, until she realized that Selina had swiftly wrapped her whip around the boy's wrist, and she had pulled him towards herself. Yulia leaped to get the boy back, but Selina rushed to pull him into her arms to keep him safe.

«Give me back the boy, you little bitch!» she screeched at Selina, but she pushed Martin away in time. She waved her wrist to use her whip again, but Yulia reached her before she could and attacked her. The five men looked helplessly as the scuffle continued, but luckily, at least Martin was now out of the line of fire.

«Come here! Martin, here!» Oswald called for him, and the boy hesitated, but then build up the courage and ran across the room to him.

In the meantime, Yulia managed to reach inside Selina's jacket, where she knew she was hiding a dose of what she called poison – Selina thought she had been smart to sneak one away just in case, but Yulia wasn't stupid and she had noticed one was missing.

As they struggled, Yulia used her teeth to remove the cap from the syringe, and then, not without any effort, she finally managed to plant the needle in her neck, and she pushed down. Selina snarled at her, and she was able to grab the syringe and throw it away before the entirety of its contents could be poured into her system, but then thin black veins started surfacing on her face, and her eyes went wide. A moment later, Selina had stopped struggling and she dropped to the floor, convulsing violently.

Yulia stood up triumphantly, but the next moment, a bullet entered her skull, and she dropped on the floor right next to Selina.

Oswald, still holding Martin in his arms, couldn't peel his eyes away from Yulia's now lifeless body for a moment longer, then he turned around to see Jim still holding the gun that had just been fired. The two men exchanged a look of understanding, gratitude coming from Oswald, and finally they were all able to partially relax, knowing it was over.

Although, not yet, because one problem remained.

Selina had stopped convulsing now, and she was trying to stand up, failing at it. At least she managed to sit up, and she reached for her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut. Her head was pounding and she felt her insides burn. It wasn't a pleasant sensation.

Oswald dared to walk a little closer to try to check on her, but stopped when he realized the way Selina was suddenly looking at Martin. As Selina once again tried to stand – and once again failed, ending up crawling across the floor instead – Oswald grabbed Martin and pushed him behind himself to protect him. Jim and Daryl both raised their guns again, ready to shoot, but Oswald raised his arm to stop them.

«No!» he shouted, they listened. «Selina, stop!» he continued, and the girl actually appeared to listen, if anything, because suddenly she begun coughing, becoming unable to move, and she spat out some black goo. She stared at the black splotch on the white floor, with the very distinctive feeling that this couldn't be good.

Oswald let go of Martin, leaving him by Edward's side, and he crouched next to Selina, trying to help her stand up.

«Are you alright?» he asked.

«Do I look like-» she begun sarcastically, but she was interrupted when she felt the sudden urge to vomit, letting more black goo fall from her mouth. Oswald frowned, equally worried and disgusted.

«I saw you tried to protect Martin. Thank you.»

«No problem.» as she said this, attempting to smile, she looked like she was about to puke again, but she just coughed instead.

«What's wrong with her?» Jim asked.

«She was injected with just enough anti-serum to make her sick. Not enough to kill her, luckily, but that version was particularly potent.» Edward explained.

«We have to do something.» Oswald said as he looked in between the others, hoping to find a solution.

«Maybe Lee will be able to help.»

Jim nodded, agreeing with Ed's idea, and walked over to try to help Selina. She looked at him very intensely, before shaking her head.

«Nope. Not a good idea.» she mumbled, «Keep humans away from me. I just can't right now.»

Jim looked surprised. He exchanged a look with Oswald, who was currently the only one holding the girl up, and Jim understood and stepped back. Edward instead walked over and let Selina put her arm around his shoulder. Martin was left alone for a moment, and Jim walked over to him, kneeling down to meet him at face level.

«Are you okay?»

Martin hesitated, but then nodded. He was looking worriedly at Selina. He grabbed his pen and quickly wrote down on his pad hanging from his neck.

«Will she be okay?»

Jim glanced at her, as Oswald and Ed walked past them towards the front entrance.

«Sure. My wife is a doctor, she will know what to do.» he said with a smile, trying his best to be convincing – not because he didn't believe in his wife's capability, but because judging by Selina's state the situation was dire to say the least.

 

When they arrived at Jim and Lee's apartment, Lee was already there, waiting for them – Jim had called her to warn her they were coming and they needed her help.

She opened the door for them and helped them inside, telling Oswald and Ed to lay Selina on the couch.

«Do you still have some of the cure?» Ed asked.

Lee looked surprised for a moment, but then understanding downed on her and she nodded, rushing to get a syringe ready.

«What are you doing!?» asked Oswald, nervously standing next to the couch, watching Selina come and go, in and out of consciousness, getting paler by the minute.

«The anti-serum only works on her because she's undead. If we cure her, the symptoms should disappear.» Ed quickly explained, while Lee came back and sat next to Selina, ready to proceed. She and Ed exchanged a look and he nodded, so she inserted the needle in the unconscious girl's arm.

Oswald felt himself hold his breath but he was unable to do much else. Despite the temporary betrayal, he still cared for Selina, and he knew that deep down she cared too, as proved by the way she had fought to protect Martin. Not only this, but he still felt responsible for her, he was the one who had turned her, and she had been the first one he had turned too. It might feel like it was forever ago, but they had once decided they were part of a team, and they had to look out for one another.

Selina tensed up, then her body relaxed and it was clear he was knocked out once and for all.

«What now?» Oswald anxiously asked.

«We wait and see. There isn't much else I can do for her.»

Oswald listened to Lee's words, but he was still focused on Selina. Ed instead had moved his attention to Oswald and he dared to smile a little. He was pretty sure Selina would be alright at this point, so he wasn't worried anymore. What made him smile was realizing how much Oswald cared. He had come a long way since back-stabbing and lying to his face, he really was a different person. Ed would have regretted trying to convince Oswald that he could never love anyone properly, if it wasn't that everything they had said and done and led them there, and so he wouldn't change a thing, not even the worst parts. But that feeling remained. Although at the time he truly believed it – but it's understandable, he was deeply hurt – he knew now that it was a lie. Oswald was very much capable of loving, even if in his own way.

The two men watched Lee spot Martin and walk over to him. Martin retreated at first, looking at Oswald for reassurance, but the man smiled, so Martin relaxed and let the doctor get closer. Lee quickly checked on him to make sure he was alright, gently smiling at him to try to reassure him that he was safe now. Even if physically he was fine, she couldn't just as quickly assess his mental state, after all, the kid had been through a lot, but for now, she told herself she would have to trust that Oswald and Ed would be good to this child and let him recover in his own way. This was Gotham, after all. Everyone had some deep seated trauma they picked up here and there along the way. To be fair, probably not the best place to raise a child, and yet it's what they were doing too, so they couldn't judge. She knew from experience that all a parent can do is their very best.

After this situation was more or less solved, at least for the time being, Oswald took Martin's hand and let him to the door. Edward walked with them, watching them interact still with a small smile on his face. Lee focused on Edward for a moment. She would have told him to admit this, but she didn't want to stir up the waters by bringing this up, that the reason things hadn't worked between them was because she insisted that he was someone while he insisted that he was someone else and that he didn't want to change, but looking at him now, picking up on the gentle way he looked at Oswald and even at this child that he had no relation to, it was obvious to her who Edward really was. Still, it wasn't her place to say “I told you so”, so she kept it to herself, but she smiled warmly at that scene.

Jim wasn't of the same idea, and hadn't it been for the extent of the absurdity of the whole situation, he wouldn't have let those two insane criminals get anywhere near that child. But, for one thing, Martin seemed the most at ease only when in proximity to Oswald. Secondly, they all already had way too many irons in the fire to worry about this too, right now. For example, they had a passed out, almost dead, slowly recovering girl on their couch. And if he wasn't mistaken, he was pretty sure she might not even remember anything when she would wake up, which was a whole other can or worms for them to deal with. He knew Selina wasn't one to trust easily, and if she happened not to remember who they were, or even just how she had gotten there, he was afraid that would make dealing with her even harder than it already tended to be on a regular basis.

 

Several hours later, Selina started to regain consciousness and it took her only a couple seconds after opening her eyes, to realize that something was wrong.

First of all, she was in some place she couldn't recognize. Secondly, she tried to move and without any effort at all, she was able to sit up, which was the most shocking part of it all. She stared down at her legs, which had moved without her having to put really any thought into it, and she started patting them down, to make sure this was real.

Lee noticed she had waken up and she walked over to check up on her. Selina was startled when she realized someone was coming closer and she curled up defensively, save for relaxing ever so slightly when she saw it was the doctor.

«What's happening? How did I get here from the hospital? Where is Bruce!?» she asked in an increasingly agitated manner.

Lee took a deep breath and smiled as reassuringly as she could. She had quite a lot to explain and most of it would be tough to believe, so she braced herself up for the worst.

 

When the phone rang, Oswald rushed to answer it before it could wake Martin up.

«Hello??»

«It's me. Selina woke up, she is fine, but as expected, part of her memory is missing.»

Oswald raised his eyebrows.

«Part of it? How much is part of it?»

He heard Lee sigh.

«She doesn't remember anything since she was paralyzed in a hospital bed. Needless to say, she didn't take any of the news very well, although, she was euphoric about not being paralyzed anymore, which was why as soon as she could she used her legs to escape through a window.»

«She escaped!?»

«Well, I wasn't keeping her prisoner! She could have left through the door, but in her current state I really wish she hadn't left at all...»

Oswald sighed and he passed one hand over his face.

«Alright. Thank you for letting me know.»

Edward had just come back in with some groceries, he walked by and stopped next to the phone.

«Is everything alright?»

Oswald let his shoulders drop and rolled his eyes.

«No. Selina is out there somewhere with no memories. I really hope she doesn't get into trouble.»

«I'm sure she'll be fine. She is a resourceful girl.»

«I guess you are right...»

While they spoke, Zsasz walked past them, straight for the door.

«Where are you going?» Ed asked.

«Mmh, running some errands. I'll be back later, don't wait up for me.» he finished his sentence with a cheeky smile.

Oswald nodded. Edward frowned as he watched the assassin leave. He adjusted the paper bag in his arms and he used his now free hand to fix his glasses.

«I don't trust this.»

«What are you talking about?»

Oswald wasn't ready to deal with whatever this was going to be, but he was going to listen anyway. It was Edward, after all. Everything he said was worth listening to, except for when he told one too many riddles, maybe.

«Zsasz. He must be faking it. He is always around us, he knows everything, I don't trust him. He is just pretending, I know it.»

Oswald blinked a few times, then closed his eyes and opened his mouth, but nothing came out, so he tried again, he opened his eyes and raised his eyebrows.

«My dear, did you hit your head?» Ed frowned at that remark, «Selina lost her memory too, it's an effect of the cure, how could he possibly be faking it!?»

Edward mulled it over and pouted, deciding to walk over to the kitchen table to set the groceries on it.

«I guess you are right, all evidence leads to the contrary... but he's acting suspicious, I know he's hiding something.»

Oswald waved his hand in the air dismissively.

«He isn't acting any weirder than usual, he's just a weirdo.»

Edward had to admit Oswald had a point, so he conceded that one and he set up to prepare some normal human food for Martin. He had been forced to go grocery shopping, since there was nothing edible they could feed the child, unless they wanted to introduce him to cannibalism – which, as fucked up as everything was, even for them, was still a big no-no. As long as the kid would remain human, and they wanted him to remain that way, he would live the most normal human life possible, or at least as much as the situation allowed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long pause! Gotta be honest, every once in a while i lose all motivation to do literally anything. So. Yeah.  
> But the main reason for this was that I've been working on a personal project (I'm writing the script for a comic i've wanted to make for years) so most of my energy went into that, and my ADD brain doesn't allow me to focus properly on more than one big thing at the time, otherwise i just run in circles and accomplish nothing.
> 
> Anyway, i'm back. I don't know if i said this before, but this story is coming to an end. There's only like, maybe three more chapters left? I guess? Who knows, anyway. I couldn't just leave this story like this, not when we are so close to it's conclusion!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who kept reading and leaving kudos and comments even while i was on my break. It means so much to me and i wouldn't have found the motivation to get back if it wasn't for you, bless.
> 
> I hope this isn't full of typos, but i don't think so? Let me know if you spot any! Also, this chapter was meant to be longer but i decided to split it up because thematically it made more sense.
> 
> Oh, and, uhh, RIP Yulia, she will be missed (by me, i mean, i will miss her, she was a bitch and i loved her so much asjfhjdgjh).
> 
> Edit: i gotta say this because it's been bothering me. guys, i don't know when i will be able to write again tbh, i've been really busy and i will continue to be, but as things are now i don't mean to drop this story, so i don't know when but the next few chapter will come! this story has a special place in my heart and i mean to finish it, but i have other stuff to work on, and also, you know, life gets in the way, so... big sorry :(

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Gotham City Diet fanart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19396924) by [coppercowries](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coppercowries/pseuds/coppercowries)




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